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Thread: Forward or Red Flag Creepy

  1. #1
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    Forward or Red Flag Creepy

    So chatted to a guy on POF briefly a while ago before I came off it because I was finding dating a chore. We had a lot of shared interests and he lives locally. It's been roughly 4 months since then and I went back on there.

    He messaged me straight away 3 days ago, expressing surprise that I was still on there. I explained I logged off and then came back. He said he was disappointed he didn't get to meet me and would like to do so. We exchanged a few messages, he asked if I had plans this weekend which I did. He asked if he could add me on FB, I said no. Today He said he would prefer to meet than chat on there, was I busy today? I said I had just got home was going to eat and chill but I agree we should meet. Gave him my number and told him to text me next week (it's Sunday) to arrange something. He replies to say fancy a chat? I respond what now? Eager aren't you? Two minutes later he's ringing me. I don't answer because I am going to eat and chill like I just told him. He then messages me to say ring ring

    Thoughts

    I know what I'm thinking but I'm tired and grumpy so wanted some second opinions before I decide if to block him or tell him to get a grip and ring me Tuesday when I'm not so exhausted. My thoughts are that he is a bunny boiler or the type who has no respect for boundaries and tries to just steamroll you into doing what he wants but maybe I'm being dramatic 🤔

  2. #2
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    I am not sure why you typed a rude message to him - if you wanted to criticize his approach maybe at least do that by phone so you don't come across as so snarky/passive.

    I do think he's acting in an overwhelming way and it sounds like back then you didn't meet him mostly because you weren't interested enough - meeting someone for coffee often becomes not as much of a chore if someone piques your interest enough where you think it might be fun just to meet-as in "why not". It's kind of how my husband and I reconnected.

    I think it's great that he was eager to meet in person -shows he has real intentions of dating in real life. I would stop typing snarky messages to him and just be straight up "I am available to chat on ___ and at that time let's make a plan"

  3. #3
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    This is exactly why I'm very hesitant to give away my number so easily on these dating apps.
    I guard my phone number as much as I guard my social security card number.
    Not all, but some of the men on dating apps can get to be a bit of a nuisance if you're not moving at the fast pace of meeting as they want.
    That's why if there is a guy I'm interested in , & he begans asking for my number, I'll give him a phone burner number first.
    Just a second line number downloaded from Google Play Store.

  4. #4
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    When I met men through online dating sites I wanted to talk by phone ASAP and took the person's number and called him. I saw that as a good sign that he wasn't just looking for a chat buddy. If our phone call went ok we made plans to meet within the week for coffee. I also googled as needed and was very good at screening out inappropriate men or men who were lying about basic stuff. If he didn't want to meet ASAP or talk by phone ASAP I assumed he was married or just looking for a chat buddy. I met over 100 men in person and very few behaved inappropriately. Two were unstable and one other was unstable and a pathological liar. A few were too touchy/feely/forward on the first meet.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
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    I think you should follow your instinct on this one. Your comment clearly showed that you didn't want to chat and he disregarded it completely.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    When I met men through online dating sites I wanted to talk by phone ASAP and took the person's number and called him. I saw that as a good sign that he wasn't just looking for a chat buddy. If our phone call went ok we made plans to meet within the week for coffee. I also googled as needed and was very good at screening out inappropriate men or men who were lying about basic stuff. If he didn't want to meet ASAP or talk by phone ASAP I assumed he was married or just looking for a chat buddy. I met over 100 men in person and very few behaved inappropriately. Two were unstable and one other was unstable and a pathological liar. A few were too touchy/feely/forward on the first meet.
    I wasn't interested the first time round because when I asked how long he was single he told me 3 weeks and I was not interested in being a rebound. It has been 4 months now and this time he made a point to tell me they were only dating 6 months so in that context 3 weeks doesn't seem like such a short period to start dating again. I was very interested but this kind of thing puts me off.

    I think it's great if a guy wants to meet within a week and is straight forward enough to say so. If I tell you twice in the course of our short conversation I am busy this weekend but give you my number and tell you to get in touch next week so we can arrange to meet but you instead ring me within five minutes that feels very pushy. I told him I was going to eat and chill. This kind of behaviour just feels like hard work. What is so desperate that he needs to ring me now and not next week aka tomorrow like I said?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    Hey, I'm with you. That behavior would scare me off too. Some people are go, go, go, and want constant communication/reassurance on dating websites. I consider it a red flag and pass generally.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by PuffyParakee
    This is exactly why I'm very hesitant to give away my number so easily on these dating apps.
    I guard my phone number as much as I guard my social security card number.
    Not all, but some of the men on dating apps can get to be a bit of a nuisance if you're not moving at the fast pace of meeting as they want.
    That's why if there is a guy I'm interested in , & he begans asking for my number, I'll give him a phone burner number first.
    Just a second line number downloaded from Google Play Store.
    For me it's usually a case of they don't move at a fast enough pace for me lol. I'm quite happy to give out my number as I can just block the weirdos (of which there are lots lol). I just feel like he would be hard work to keep in check with me having to constantly reinforce my boundaries as he tries to overstep.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    I think he just wanted to get off just being online and wanted to talk on the phone/set up a meet up. But, obviously it rubbed you the wrong way, so I think you should go with your instincts.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by SGH
    Hey, I'm with you. That behavior would scare me off too. Some people are go, go, go, and want constant communication/reassurance on dating websites. I consider it a red flag and pass generally.
    I don't mind go go go, so long as it's respectful of each others boundaries and personal space. I am typically happy to give out my number within 5/6 screening messages and talk on the phone within a day or two of that. I hate texting all the time but if you ask if you can call me, I don't agree but you call me anyway, what is that all about? 🤔

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