Forward or Red Flag Creepy

[Sportster2005]

I told him I don't want to meet as we're not a good match and he disregarded my wishes not to take a call at that time. He responded that he didn't disregard it and we should still meet up 🙄 blocked him on there and my phone. Can't figure out how to do so on my apps so hopefully he won't try that way lol

 

Hopefully that's the last of that. You showed more than enough patience with this foolishness.

[Batya33]

Agree w Ian.

 

Anyone who considers meeting and dating a chore, is not ready or even desirous of dating right now.

 

thornz, do yourself and these men a favor, and continue introspecting, working on yourself. Figuring yourself out.

 

There is nothing wrong w not wanting to date, believing it to be a "chore" but own it.

 

Stop dating and take steps to determine why you feel that way.

 

With such a negative mindset, there is no way on god's green earth anything positive will result from it anyway.

 

The opposite actually. It will cause you to become bitter, resentful and annoyed.

 

Just as you're feeling now.

 

I agree. I found it to be like a part time job at times but not the actual meeting of people -the online process - Very very well put.

[Gary Snyder]

I found the words she chose to a stranger to be sarcastic and uncalled for.

 

- well, her words were true!

 

In fact, she's helping him by asking him to call next week. It's not as if she were blowing him off.

 

One of the biggest problems in dating is guys moving too fast. Welcome to the jungle!

 

This is how stalkers are born.

 

 

 

 

On another topic - should you give out your number? It seems like half the people give out their number - the other half don't give out their number and set up a first meet on the dating site chat/email system. I ask for a number for 3 reasons:

 

1) I get just as many first meets by asking for the phone number as I do by setting up a meet on site.

 

2) It's easier to negotiate a date over the phone.

 

3) If we have any chemistry at all, I'm hilarious over the phone and can make a very good impression - and that's why my wing woman recommends it for me, lol. If the call goes well, at the end, I ask to meet.

 

But I can understand some women not wanting to give out their number - those stalkers can be hard to get rid of!

 

Try me at 555-1212 (it's a joke! It's the directory assistance number )

[thornz]

thornz, this has not been mentioned, but I gotta ask -- are you ready and actually wanting to meet and date right now?

 

Reason I ask is back when you first started chatting w him, you had a few nice chats w him on line. He asked to meet over the weekend, but you're "busy"? All weekend?

 

A first meet is a 15-30 minute coffee. Were you so busy you couldn't squeeze that in? 15 minutes?

 

I am not judging cause I used to do the same thing, when I wasn't yet ready to date.

 

I thought I was, but whenever a man seemed interested and asked me out (I wasn't doing on line at the time), there was always some lame reason I created in my head to not go,

 

Being "busy" seemed the simplist so went w that.

 

It took awhile, but I finally figured it out, I was just not ready to date!!

 

Now here's the thing w some guys. The more resistant I was, the more excuses I had, the more interested they became! Pushy like this guy.

 

This was a red flag regardless of my elusive behavior.

 

So I would block him.

 

So yeah, ditch this guy BUT think about whether you're really ready to get out there.

 

I'm finding it hard to believe that anyone could be so busy during the entire weekend that they can't spare 15 min to meet someone they've been chatting w for coffee. Assumimg they're actually ready and wanting to meet and date.

 

As for this guy, that's a next.

 

Best of luck thornz.

 

I wasn't just busy, I was knackered after working pretty much 6am til 9pm most days for almost 3 weeks.

 

I already had 2 "dates" planned that weekend plus I had loads of important paperwork and housework to catch up on after working my butt off to meet my uni project deadline and doing overtime at work after completing the uni stuff to catch up on the week I had off work. I had to clean my car for said dates as it was a mess and I'd have been embarrassed to drop anyone off in it (Neither of my intended dates had a car) I worked until 9:30pm Friday and had to cancel my plans to play badminton because of this. I also had a picnic and swim planned which depending on the weather could have lasted until late.

 

One of my dates fell through but I was so tired I was quite glad because the other date I felt I wasn't very bubbly due to being tired.

 

This was my level of exhaustion yesterday, I went to the petrol station to pump up my tyres and was trying to fill up the tyre with the water nozzle and only realised when someone pointed it out. Context: I have worked on cars for over a decade. Should have been able to do it blindfold. I decided not to swim due to this and got home from the picnic around 6:30pm because I felt my body was telling me to relax or I would make myself sick.

 

I am quite an active busy person, if I say I am busy over the weekend then that usually means I have plans from end of work Friday until bed time Sunday. Another reason I prefer to arrange a call properly via text beforehand cos I tend to have plans most of the time.

 

I was chockablock the full weekend but ended up cancelling plans due to needing down time. All the more reason not to chat to someone when you're drained. I am defo interested in dating. If I had been free that weekend I likely would have met him for a walk but given his behaviour I'm very glad I didn't!

[thornz]

Wait. Are you dating females as well?

 

I'm bi and will meet females as well, though not necessarily for dates. Met one of my good friends via Tinder lol.

[thornz]

Imo this is less about this one particular guy (I would leave it with him by the way for what it's worth) but more your overall mindset to online dating.

 

The thing that really jumps out at me reading this thread, OP, is how negative you sound about online dating and the men on it! You sound as though, rather than having fun enjoying chatting to and meeting people, you see the whole thing as a chore and you regard the vast majority of the men on the sites as weirdos to be screened out! Yeah of course there are some weird guys (just the same as there are some weird women) - the problem is though that a very negative attitude puts off the decent guys - it's kind of like a vicious circle!

 

I agree I may be coming accross negative, I would put that down to being exhausted and finding this particular guy a chore. I find that kind of behaviour extremely draining. I love meeting new people and have met some lovely people online but when it comes to dating sites experience has taught me you do need to do A LOT of weeding out of weirdos, because it's full of them.

 

I had a "date" already that weekend and enjoyed it. There is a guy I just gave my number who I'm very much looking forward to hearing from and meeting. I find the weeding a chore more than the dating but overall I seem to be attracting more sane people than previously. I was recently very not into it and took a break to focus on myself. In a much better place for dating right now. Maybe I could do with more work. Who knows. Need to test the water again I think to figure that out.

[Batya33]

When you "focus on yourself" what do you do specifically to have that focus help you in interacting when it comes to dating? Why can't the two happen at the same time?

[mustlovedogs]

When you "focus on yourself" what do you do specifically to have that focus help you in interacting when it comes to dating? Why can't the two happen at the same time?

 

Why can’t she just find dating exhausting and want a break? I feel it, people all over this forum feel it.

 

She doesn’t need any good reason to not go out with a guy. She wasn’t feeling him - any reason is valid - so she didn’t. She’s clearly still lined up other dates

[Batya33]

Why can’t she just find dating exhausting and want a break? I feel it, people all over this forum feel it.

 

She doesn’t need any good reason to not go out with a guy. She wasn’t feeling him - any reason is valid - so she didn’t. She’s clearly still lined up other dates

 

Of course she can. I was just asking what "focus on myself" means and why that particular focus means no dating. I see "focus on myself" quite a lot and most of the time it's a throwaway expression with no substance. I have seen instances where people focus on self-improvement in specific ways and those ways take priority over dating -like a friend of mine who is volunteering in Ethiopia right now, someone who is getting over a personal crisis or going through a huge transition for work/school/geography and needs to get his bearing without the distraction of having to be there for someone else, etc. I had to focus entirely on myself for approximately 45 minute this morning so I could make breakfast and sit for the first time in hours and enjoy breakfast. I was focused on myself and would have declined any opportunity to interact with anyone else.

 

If she'd written "I am going to stop dating for now, it's exhausting" - well, sure, her perogative, and I can relate!

[figureitout23]

So with all the above said thornz, why didn’t you just answer the guys call?

 

You gave him your number and said to call you next week!? Then why not wait to give your number until next week?

You did give him the impression that you were in fact NOT busy , his at home eating dinner and chilling.

In my mind and probably his, that’s the perfect time to get a phone call in and work out when to meet.

 

What cues does he need in order to call you?

For you to say I’m at home , not eating and not chilling. Just doing absolutely nothing?

 

What about respect for his personal time?

You want to tell him to text you first and IF it suits YOU then he can call? Or YOU will tell him when does suit YOU?

Had you any intention of asking him when it suits HIM?

 

Why are you playing games?

Why are you not meeting him halfway and making an effort to have a quick 5 min chat on the phone when essentially you were NOT busy?

 

He is not wasting your time, you are wasting his.

 

Whether I was busy or not is irrelevant, I made it clear I didn't want to chat that evening. FYI I am knackered and the last thing I was interested in was chatting to a stranger.

 

Next week was only a day away hardly a long time to wait to make arrangements. If I messaged him the next day and said text me this week so we can make arrangements to meet up, what difference does that make? The fact is he asked if I wanted to chat, I made it clear I didn't yet he still rang me anyway. What I expect is the basic courtesy I would give him which is to arrange a time to call or meet that is convenient for both. What's the emergency? Why ring when I told you not to? When I arrange a call I ask if they would like to chat by phone, IF they say yes I ask when suits them, if that doesn't suit me I ask if another time works. Basic manners. I don't ask and then ring anyway on the occasions they say no or just ring randomly if they say yes. It's just not cool. Was chatting to a woman off Tinder last week. I asked if she was OK with a call on more than one occasion, both times she said no, both times I respected that and we instead met up for food and had a good time. Not difficult.

 

Imo this is less about this one particular guy (I would leave it with him by the way for what it's worth) but more your overall mindset to online dating.

 

The thing that really jumps out at me reading this thread, OP, is how negative you sound about online dating and the men on it! You sound as though, rather than having fun enjoying chatting to and meeting people, you see the whole thing as a chore and you regard the vast majority of the men on the sites as weirdos to be screened out! Yeah of course there are some weird guys (just the same as there are some weird women) - the problem is though that a very negative attitude puts off the decent guys - it's kind of like a vicious circle!

 

I agree with these, Im actually surprised this post went 6 pages to get to this conclusion...

 

We dont give mental space to things that are irrelevant.

 

Ignoring, blocking, deleting someone who we dont vibe with is something that under normal circumstances is simply not thought about...

 

Theres obviously so much going on here

 

Like another poster mentioned, who the hell gives out their number and proclaims, "dont call me till next week?" What kind of controlling mind game is that? Especially with online dating, a dude gives me his number and doesnt allow me to call him for 7 days, odds are Im gonna forget him anyhow as most people are communicating with multiple individuals, swiping right left, texting a hello, making plans, all these things take mere minutes, to not have time, yet youre on the site and communicating as if you do....2+2 is not equaling 4 here...

[figureitout23]

Why can’t she just find dating exhausting and want a break? I feel it, people all over this forum feel it.

 

She doesn’t need any good reason to not go out with a guy. She wasn’t feeling him - any reason is valid - so she didn’t. She’s clearly still lined up other dates

 

When someone proclaims that they find it exhausting and they want a break... they typically take a break... they dont badger men who are doing what you do on a dating site...communicate and attempt to plan a date...

[Batya33]

When someone proclaims that they find it exhausting and they want a break... they typically take a break... they dont badger men who are doing what you do on a dating site...communicate and attempt to plan a date...

 

interesting and great point -never thought of it that way. Reminds me also of the truism that people who are happy in their relationships most often don't shout it from the rooftops (or on Facebook?) -they're typically just sort of content/quiet and happy to "gush" to their partner or very close loved ones, not in an attention-seeking way. I agree there is some insecurity here and wanting male/romantic attention for the sake of getting it but not really wanting to follow through then coming up with excuses to push away. Now he was being quite pushy but I dealt with a number of men like that and simply cut things off right away -they were strangers and it was a screening process. Same if I met a man while out and he was too much too soon. I remember feeling nauseous when someone I met at a singles event called me two days later (which is great) but said "how was your day, honey?" first thing (not great, repulsive). I did see him one time and found him just as clingy/insta-relationships as the "honey" comment.

[katrina1980]

 

I agree there is some insecurity here and wanting male/romantic attention for the sake of getting it but not really wanting to follow through then coming up with excuses to push away.

 

Batya, you are so smart!! Not sure if you read my earlier post that I used to do same thing as thornz until I realized I was emotionally exhausted and not ready to date, but what you posted above was my mindset -- like exactly!

 

Not proud to admit that, because it was ego-driven and selfish but it was true nonetheless.

[thornz]

When you "focus on yourself" what do you do specifically to have that focus help you in interacting when it comes to dating? Why can't the two happen at the same time?

 

Last time I was on dating sites I was so exhausted and stressed by juggling dating, working, studying, exercising and socialising I would come home from work and just cry, I would have studies to do and just cry and I had date after date after date with no connection and just cry. Something had to give to make room for more self care and it wasn't going to be my career or health. Got no study commitments until next year so might be able to date without having an emotional meltdown every 5 minutes this time lol.

[thornz]

I agree with these, Im actually surprised this post went 6 pages to get to this conclusion...

 

We dont give mental space to things that are irrelevant.

 

Ignoring, blocking, deleting someone who we dont vibe with is something that under normal circumstances is simply not thought about...

 

Theres obviously so much going on here

 

Like another poster mentioned, who the hell gives out their number and proclaims, "dont call me till next week?" What kind of controlling mind game is that? Especially with online dating, a dude gives me his number and doesnt allow me to call him for 7 days, odds are Im gonna forget him anyhow as most people are communicating with multiple individuals, swiping right left, texting a hello, making plans, all these things take mere minutes, to not have time, yet youre on the site and communicating as if you do....2+2 is not equaling 4 here...

 

Where are you getting 7 days from? It was Sunday, next week is the next day. If it's such a big mistake to give your number out before the exact point you want to make arrangements then clearly I'm doomed to being a spinster 😂

[thornz]

When someone proclaims that they find it exhausting and they want a break... they typically take a break... they dont badger men who are doing what you do on a dating site...communicate and attempt to plan a date...

 

I took a break for about 3 months.

[thornz]

Batya, you are so smart!! Not sure if you read my earlier post that I used to do same thing as thornz until I realized I was emotionally exhausted and not ready to date, but what you posted above was my mindset -- like exactly!

 

Not proud to admit that, because it was ego-driven and selfish but it was true nonetheless.

 

Excuse me, that's not what's going on here. I have been "following through" with dates. Quite happy to date people who don't make me feel uncomfortable with their behaviour and the reason I asked for advice is because I was second guessing whether to still meet him since we had so much in common. After the advice I thought I wasn't being too paranoid after all and to move on from him.

[SherrySher]

I don't think you were being paranoid, Thornz, I would have felt that he was being pushy and annoying and that's not attractive.

 

Got nothing to do with you not being ready to date, etc.

 

You were right, in my opinion. He was being rude by continuing to text when you had already told him you'd speak to him next week.

[Batya33]

Last time I was on dating sites I was so exhausted and stressed by juggling dating, working, studying, exercising and socialising I would come home from work and just cry, I would have studies to do and just cry and I had date after date after date with no connection and just cry. Something had to give to make room for more self care and it wasn't going to be my career or health. Got no study commitments until next year so might be able to date without having an emotional meltdown every 5 minutes this time lol.

 

Right - I understand and was asking a different question. To me "self-care" isn't the same as "focusing on myself" because the latter -the way you described it as meaning that you can't also date while "focusing on yourself" seems like self-absorption that -from what you said -can't happen if you are also dating -that was my question -what were you doing to "focus" on yourself specifically -that precluded the social interactions that come from dating. Also having emotional meltdowns from dating to me doesn't mean you should focus on yourself more - not necessarily -it might mean not dating at all but not dating doesn't have to mean you "focus on yourself" - you can focus on tons of things that are not "yourself" AND not date.

 

If you meant "self-care" - I get that - and self-care to me doesn't have to mean "focusing on yourself" in that sense -I know of self-care that involves volunteering (it's one way I do self-care), or talking to a friend, or of course doing something self-focused.

 

I think what you were trying to say was that dating exhausted you to a point of emotional meltdowns and therefore you needed to take a break from it. I was confused at your term "focus on yourself" as if a person cannot do things to focus on herself AND also date/socialize, whatever. That's why I asked originally what precisely you do to focus on yourself that somehow impedes dating or looking to date. Certainly if you don't feel like dating, you don't want to spend the time it takes, then the simple answer is don't -why bother? it's not a necessity in the least - and maybe you'll spend that extra time doing "self-care" or "focusing on yourself" or not.

[Ian4996]

Stop dating and take steps to determine why you feel that way.

 

With such a negative mindset, there is no way on god's green earth anything positive will result from it anyway.

 

The opposite actually. It will cause you to become bitter, resentful and annoyed.

 

Just as you're feeling now.

 

This.

 

This definitely isn't just an issue with this particular guy (pushy though he was). I had a little look back at the last thread you started about dating and these quotes jumped out at me from the very first post:

 

I loathe it!

 

I would often cry because it was so exhausting

 

Many times I had a breakdown

 

After I told the last guy I didnt think it would go anywhere I cried more than when I was dumped by my ex

 

it just feels like an absolute chore

 

Online dating is obviously making you thoroughly miserable. So why do it?! Bluecastle gave you the following advice in your last thread, which I would totally agree with:

 

I think that if you date because being single—for a day, a month, a year, a lifetime—sounds awful then odds are dating is going to be pretty awful too. It's just an extraordinary amount of pressure to put on it all—to swipe, match, meet, and so on hoping that you'll find the thing that eliminates singledom. Makes anything less than perfect a catastrophe, basically.

 

Speaking only for myself, I generally enjoy dating—and generally find myself getting into relationships—when I'm genuinely thrilled and content being single. Hopes get raised, hopes get dashed, emotions get twisted—yeah, that's the game. But it doesn't drain the same way because, well, you're good wherever it goes. And with that attitude there's just less scrutiny about it all—less sizing people up after a few minutes, more space to get to know them, see what's what.

 

Bear in mind too that there's other ways to meet people than online dating. Personally I love Meetup (for the social side as well as meeting the opposite sex) and am seeing a girl at the moment that I met at an event. Good luck!

[thornz]

I don't think you were being paranoid, Thornz, I would have felt that he was being pushy and annoying and that's not attractive.

 

Got nothing to do with you not being ready to date, etc.

 

You were right, in my opinion. He was being rude by continuing to text when you had already told him you'd speak to him next week.

 

Unfortunately I have a hard time figuring these things out so I'm very glad this forum exists for a 2nd, 3rd and 23rd opinion lol. I have got better at trusting my gut but still sometimes I'm uncertain, particularly regarding issues I am sensitive about, the relative ones in this instance being invasion of my space, respect of my boundaries and my ability (or lack) to assert myself when I feel uncomfortable with someone's behaviour. Given my sensitivity I wanted to check I wasn't going to knee jerk a guy out of a chance because I wrongly interpreted his behaviour as inappropriate. After the responses I'm very satisfied my gut feeling was reasonable. I suppose at the end of it, even if he didn't act inappropriately, I felt uncomfortable so we were not a good match. I ought to have come to that conclusion pretty quickly on my own but we live and learn lol

[thornz]

This.

 

This definitely isn't just an issue with this particular guy (pushy though he was). I had a little look back at the last thread you started about dating and these quotes jumped out at me from the very first post:

 

I loathe it!

 

I would often cry because it was so exhausting

 

Many times I had a breakdown

 

After I told the last guy I didnt think it would go anywhere I cried more than when I was dumped by my ex

 

it just feels like an absolute chore

 

Online dating is obviously making you thoroughly miserable. So why do it?! Bluecastle gave you the following advice in your last thread, which I would totally agree with:

 

I think that if you date because being single—for a day, a month, a year, a lifetime—sounds awful then odds are dating is going to be pretty awful too. It's just an extraordinary amount of pressure to put on it all—to swipe, match, meet, and so on hoping that you'll find the thing that eliminates singledom. Makes anything less than perfect a catastrophe, basically.

 

Speaking only for myself, I generally enjoy dating—and generally find myself getting into relationships—when I'm genuinely thrilled and content being single. Hopes get raised, hopes get dashed, emotions get twisted—yeah, that's the game. But it doesn't drain the same way because, well, you're good wherever it goes. And with that attitude there's just less scrutiny about it all—less sizing people up after a few minutes, more space to get to know them, see what's what.

 

Bear in mind too that there's other ways to meet people than online dating. Personally I love Meetup (for the social side as well as meeting the opposite sex) and am seeing a girl at the moment that I met at an event. Good luck!

 

I didn't see that post!

 

I think the conclusion to that thread was that I should take a break from dating and generally try and be more positive. I took a break, feel more positive overall and decided I would try dating again when I had less on my plate. Unfortunately I'm a person who likes a lot on my plate so I need to work on that since doing a hundred things plus dating is not sustainable.

 

I find relationships (of any kind) generally can take a lot out of me, social skills take a lot of effort etc. I don't pick up on social cues like others seem to. I was actually discussing this with my doctor this morning. That coupled with my habit of loading myself up to the point of exhaustion means I often feel I don't have the energy for dating those who need a lot of attention or who need to be in touch all the time. I promised myself as soon as I finished my last uni deadline I would take time out to relax and recuperate but I haven't. Think that's exactly what I need to do and then I will have the energy it takes to date.

 

Yes meetup is great! I used to run my own group on there but gave up when I started my last uni module. I'm active on loads of groups on meetup and other places. I would prefer to meet someone in real life but so far the few I've been interested in did not reciprocate and tbh they turned out to not be suitable anyway.

[thornz]

Right - I understand and was asking a different question. To me "self-care" isn't the same as "focusing on myself" because the latter -the way you described it as meaning that you can't also date while "focusing on yourself" seems like self-absorption that -from what you said -can't happen if you are also dating -that was my question -what were you doing to "focus" on yourself specifically -that precluded the social interactions that come from dating. Also having emotional meltdowns from dating to me doesn't mean you should focus on yourself more - not necessarily -it might mean not dating at all but not dating doesn't have to mean you "focus on yourself" - you can focus on tons of things that are not "yourself" AND not date.

 

If you meant "self-care" - I get that - and self-care to me doesn't have to mean "focusing on yourself" in that sense -I know of self-care that involves volunteering (it's one way I do self-care), or talking to a friend, or of course doing something self-focused.

 

I think what you were trying to say was that dating exhausted you to a point of emotional meltdowns and therefore you needed to take a break from it. I was confused at your term "focus on yourself" as if a person cannot do things to focus on herself AND also date/socialize, whatever. That's why I asked originally what precisely you do to focus on yourself that somehow impedes dating or looking to date. Certainly if you don't feel like dating, you don't want to spend the time it takes, then the simple answer is don't -why bother? it's not a necessity in the least - and maybe you'll spend that extra time doing "self-care" or "focusing on yourself" or not.

 

I think I follow and you are interpreting focus on myself literally. By focus on myself I mean reducing any activities that I feel require energy (such as social interaction with people I am not bonded to, and some I am that are a bit higher maintenance) and increasing any activities that make me feel recovered, energised, happy and may include activities that require literally focusing on myself such as introspection and certain types of meditation and activities that include focusing externally such as badminton, swimming, socialising. By focus on myself I mean put my needs first as much as is practical.

 

I often miss the cues that I am overdoing it until things get pretty drastic which then requires a period of reflection and recuperation. By focus on myself I mean take time to regenerate by excluding a few things, one of which was dating. Maybe if I had excluded other things I might have had energy for dating. I did consider stopping my studies instead so I could continue dating and later considered stopping my studies anyway but I think I would have regretted that. I even came of Enotalone for a while.

 

I need to figure out a balance. It's hard. Even now my commitments have reduced I find myself piling up more things to do. Will work through it tonight. Really consider what exactly boosts me and what drains me any why I choose to pursue so much stuff that is depleting. I just can't sit still and do not a lot unless I'm absolutely exhausted and then I can't do anything but. It's almost like I have to keep going until I've got nothing left. Stop until I feel better then off I go again!

[Ian4996]

It's good that you're being reflective enough to look at yourself generally, rather than micro-analysing the behaviour of this one particular guy.

 

I think the important thing when meeting people (whether by online dating or whatever means) is to find a means where YOU enjoy the process. For some people, that is online dating. Other people really enjoy chatting up strangers in bars or going to speed dating. For me, I do genuinely enjoy Meetups. If I go to an event (whether that be a drinks night, a hike or whatever), I might chat socially to maybe 10 guys and 10 women through the course of the event. And even if none of the women are my type, I enjoy the event. I don't come away frustrated or upset or crying like you say you have with online dating.

 

But it's a personal thing - what's important is to find what works for you

[Batya33]

I think I follow and you are interpreting focus on myself literally. By focus on myself I mean reducing any activities that I feel require energy (such as social interaction with people I am not bonded to, and some I am that are a bit higher maintenance) and increasing any activities that make me feel recovered, energised, happy and may include activities that require literally focusing on myself such as introspection and certain types of meditation and activities that include focusing externally such as badminton, swimming, socialising. By focus on myself I mean put my needs first as much as is practical.

 

I often miss the cues that I am overdoing it until things get pretty drastic which then requires a period of reflection and recuperation. By focus on myself I mean take time to regenerate by excluding a few things, one of which was dating. Maybe if I had excluded other things I might have had energy for dating. I did consider stopping my studies instead so I could continue dating and later considered stopping my studies anyway but I think I would have regretted that. I even came of Enotalone for a while.

 

I need to figure out a balance. It's hard. Even now my commitments have reduced I find myself piling up more things to do. Will work through it tonight. Really consider what exactly boosts me and what drains me any why I choose to pursue so much stuff that is depleting. I just can't sit still and do not a lot unless I'm absolutely exhausted and then I can't do anything but. It's almost like I have to keep going until I've got nothing left. Stop until I feel better then off I go again!

 

Yes, I understand totally what you mean -just a word/definition issue. It is hard to find a balance and hard to express it with patience -even to oneself! I have to watch myself very carefully not to overdo it and get resentful/overly cranky etc - sometimes I misjudge and when I do it's unfair to subject others (i.e. son, husband, the woman who checked us in to camp this morning, etc lol) to my resulting mood. Yes I get it. . I think it's a VERY good approach to continuously evaluate -without getting obsessive of course - what your triggers are, what your needs are from day to day or hour to hour if it is that kind of day.