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Thread: NC during my vacation,should I contact him now that I'm back?

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by h0000
    So right from the beginning he wanted to use me as a fling? That's really mean isnt it... the whole time he was lying then? He could have just told me " im not looking for anything serious"
    I don't think he was "using" you h0000, just as you were not using him.

    Did you tell him you were looking for serious? Did he tell you he was looking for something serious? With you?

    If he did, then yes that was cruel, to intentionally mislead you. If he did not, then he was just a guy dating, navigating the scene, same as you.

    Or perhaps he simply changed his mind, after you left he had time and space to process it and realized you weren't the right fit. It could be anything!

    Dating is a risk, and can be harsh.

    We don't know people until we spend more time and develop trust, until then best to keep expectations low. Sex doesn't change that.

    All that said, I don't know I'm just speculating. But given my examples with my friend and my own brother, some men do use vacays as a way to fade out. Some women do too!

    It happens, I'm sorry. Ghosting is cowardly, and hurts its happenrd to me too!

    Text him if you want to be sure, I could be wrong!

    In fact I hope I am!!

    I just think if he were still interested, you would have heard from him, that's all.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 02-02-2019 at 07:48 PM.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Deep breaths. I think you're spinning yourself around a bit.

    I can't speak for this guy, and neither can anyone else here. Still, I highly doubt that right from the beginning he had one idea (fling) but proceeded to trick you into thinking he had other intentions, bigger feelings.

    People say a lot of things in the early days of dating, and they generally mean them—in the moment. The point of dating is to see how much those things stick, whether they can expand, whether those moments can add up to something real—or not.

    There is one hard fact here: that he did not respond to a text message you sent. Which was, yes, inconsiderate. Which hurt your feelings and left you confused.

    You can decide that alone is reason for YOU to disengage, to be done, because you don't want to date a dude who doesn't respond to a text message. You can decide YOU want to see if there's been some misunderstanding, if he's still interested, because YOU still are—and so you text him, see what's what.

    If he doesn't respond he's a ghost, a fool, his loss—done. If he does you get information rather than concocting catastrophic stories based on the words of internet strangers and your mother's interpretation of what it means that he didn't pick you up from the airport.

    Either of those, I think, is better than what you're doing now.

  3. #23
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    Edit to my last post: And not to refute bluecastle's post, but I highly doubt he could deny that when interested in a woman he had been dating and having sex with for six weeks prior to her vacay, he would have responded and sent a few of his own.

    And on the off chance he had not received her message, he would be contacting her.

    Assuming he was still interested.

    But as he and others said, if you are not afraid of possible further rejection, go ahead and reach out.

    You never know!

    I did when my bf did not respond to a text, he responded to my second, and we've been dating 10 months.

    But we had not even met yet, let alone dating and having sex.

    Best of luck whatever happens!

  4. #24
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    I know you are right bluecastel, I need to text him if I want an answer. But I'm actually trying to figure out if I want it. My heart says yes but..my mind says it might be a bad idea.
    Thinking back, there were a few possible (?) Red flags. Once he ignored my text and when I caught him on it, he said" treat them mean, keep them keen". When I told him im going away he said " oh we are gonna be strangers soon then". The night before I left he said" see you in 2 weeks, or maybe you wont find me anymore".
    Of course when I get angry, he laughs and says "I'm joking silly! I just like to wind you up". And I believed him because despite saying those things, he never flaked and seemed consistent behavior wise. That is, till now. We agreed we'd keep in touch, but he didn't keep his promises.

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  6. #25
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    Those types of "jokes" are never really jokes.

    They are disguised as jokes, but there was a reality there, something lurking, and now you're seeing it.

    I think he had a hidden agenda which he kept to himself, hidden from you.

    And yes it was mean.

    Again I'm sorry best to let it go imo.

  7. #26
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    If he had an agenda from the beginning then he entered this with a mind of playing me, it's appalling and unbelievable to be honest. Isnt he afraid Im crazy and would knock on his door or worse, call his work??

  8. #27
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Can I ask how old you guys are?

  9. #28
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    In our 30s

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by h0000
    If he had an agenda from the beginning then he entered this with a mind of playing me, it's appalling and unbelievable to be honest. Isnt he afraid Im crazy and would knock on his door or worse, call his work??
    Who knows but if you did, I highly doubt it would be the first time a woman did that.

    In fact when a man ghosts like this, regardless of whether or not he was intentionally playing you, that is the chance he takes..

    I would not advise it, but guys like this can drive even the sanest girl absolutely nuts.

  11. #30
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    When he ignored my text I said to him "if you aren't keen anymore just let me know, all good" but he quickly said I was silly and he was keen. At that time I thought I was overthinking. Now I feel he probably just doesn't like rejection, he prefers to reject me. It explains his ghosting act now. So If that's the case I don't feel like sending him another text.
    Also he knows when Im back. I guess if he is interested, he can text me. It's his turn now after all 🤣

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