figureitout23 Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 Agree with Kat after 6 weeks it’s just not worth the mental gymnastics. Link to comment
peggystano Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 It might be a bit difficult for you to do but the best for you in the long run would be to let him be and see if he is going to ever reinitiate things. That way, you know his true intentions and where you stand. If you really need to confirm if he has moved on or not and find out what he is really up to then gaining remote access to his phone using "incfidelibus" is your best bet!! Link to comment
milly007 Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 I know you are right bluecastel, I need to text him if I want an answer. But I'm actually trying to figure out if I want it. My heart says yes but..my mind says it might be a bad idea. Thinking back, there were a few possible (?) Red flags. Once he ignored my text and when I caught him on it, he said" treat them mean, keep them keen". When I told him im going away he said " oh we are gonna be strangers soon then". The night before I left he said" see you in 2 weeks, or maybe you wont find me anymore". Of course when I get angry, he laughs and says "I'm joking silly! I just like to wind you up". And I believed him because despite saying those things, he never flaked and seemed consistent behavior wise. That is, till now. We agreed we'd keep in touch, but he didn't keep his promises. These comments he made are jerky and, to me, reveal a lot about his personality. He’s basically admitting to playing games and potentially disappearing on you. Not funny, at all. Sounds like an ars* to me (and like an angry person in general). Maybe because you were on vacation he didn’t want to text you every day. I’ve done this before. A guy who I was communicating with went on vacation and I just told him to enjoy his time away (texting every day wasn’t necessary and I didn’t want him to be tied to his phone while he was trying to enjoy some down time). You can always reach out to him, let him know you’re back, and ask him how he’s doing, but honestly, why would you want to bother? Those comments he made are such a turn-off. I’d move on. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 Those comments are unkind, period. They suggest to me traits about him that make him an undesirable match, in any event. It is such a drag when people reveal themselves and we realize the more we know, the less we like. Link to comment
danielle1973 Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 He mentioned his dad is rather irresponsible, and he hopes to not be the same. But maybe it's in the DNA. Earlier today I suddenly thought that if he lost his phone and is waiting for me to contact him lol, but I didn't. It's not in the DNA. It's a learned behavior. Learned behavior CAN be unlearned, but it's not your job, responsibility, or expectation to help him unlearn it. Unless this is the kind of relationship you want to be in, I'd move on. Link to comment
h0000 Posted February 3, 2019 Author Share Posted February 3, 2019 h0000, don't be surprised if he pops up again, next week, month, year telling you he did not know you were back and blaming you for not letting him know. So you've been warned, and re his father, as they say the apple often doesn't fall too far from the tree. Hope you feel better soon. Wouldn't it be hilarious that he pops up a year later asking "hey, you back?" Haha. No, as I said, if I don't hear him this week, I wont ever look back. I never go back to exs. And on the off chance that I do hear from him soon, i'll post his excuses here before I rush to make any decisions lol. I will admit though it's disheartening to think im gonna be single for years again till I can find my next bf. I think I'm rather picky so I don't date many men. And once i'm with someone I tend to stick with them. So with him, although those jokes are off putting, I said to myself i'll give him the benefit of the doubt because his actions were rather sweet in general. Maybe he just has a bad sense of humor. And I really wanted this to work out. What can I say, I am very disappointed at him. Lol Link to comment
bluecastle Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 Deep breaths. This is not the path to years of spinsterdom. It was six weeks. A blip. Sucks when people turn out to, you know, suck. And the more you write I can’t help but think you had doubts about him before this trip. Otherwise you wouldn’t be thinking so much. You’d be excited to give him the benift of doubt, and would be texting him to see what’s what, ready to move past some radio silence. Listen to your gut. It knows. I’m sorry for all this. Been in your shoes. It can be rough out there—but also, don’t forget, a lot of fun. His loss. Link to comment
milly007 Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 Wouldn't it be hilarious that he pops up a year later asking "hey, you back?" Haha. No, as I said, if I don't hear him this week, I wont ever look back. I never go back to exs. And on the off chance that I do hear from him soon, i'll post his excuses here before I rush to make any decisions lol. I will admit though it's disheartening to think im gonna be single for years again till I can find my next bf. I think I'm rather picky so I don't date many men. And once i'm with someone I tend to stick with them. So with him, although those jokes are off putting, I said to myself i'll give him the benefit of the doubt because his actions were rather sweet in general. Maybe he just has a bad sense of humor. And I really wanted this to work out. What can I say, I am very disappointed at him. Lol This isn’t a case of him having a “bad sense of humour”. These comments reveal a lot about his character and are indicative of how he treats people. So they really weren’t jokes, but revelations of who he is as a person. He just tried to downplay what he said after you reacted by referring to them as jokes. I also can’t help but wonder if he was testing you; to see if you’d still stick around after he made these comments and showed you his true colours. I know guys like this...they like to manipulate and belittle; it makes them feel in control and better about themselves. But they always try and justify their comments by referring to them as “jokes”, even though what they said was clearly not a joke and offensive. Guys like this are bad news, imo. You’re better off without this dude. Link to comment
h0000 Posted February 4, 2019 Author Share Posted February 4, 2019 Otherwise you wouldn’t be thinking so much. You’d be excited to give him the benift of doubt, and would be texting him to see what’s what, ready to move past some radio silence. Listen to your gut. It knows.. I hate my gut lol it always tells me" this is going to be bad, just like last time." I've lost all my optimism in dating cuz the result is always disappointing. So I learnt to think the worst. that's what's always happening anyway. I desperately hope Im wrong once. Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 I hate my gut lol it always tells me" this is going to be bad, just like last time." I've lost all my optimism in dating cuz the result is always disappointing. So I learnt to think the worst. that's what's always happening anyway. I desperately hope Im wrong once. Have you ever heard of a self fulfilling prophecy? Many have made comments about your vibe what you put out is what you draw in. I wonder if you aren’t drawing in bad partners. I’m being serious, hear me out, your picker must be off if you say you're picky but you decided to stick with this guy after those comments. Makes no logical sense, so either you’re not as picky as you perceive yourself or you maybe focus more on physical vs personality or you’re drawn to the bad matches. You aren’t destined to be single for years to come. Work on yourself, figure out what’s off and do some tweaking and the go back out with guns blazing, I’m sure it’ll work out. Link to comment
h0000 Posted February 4, 2019 Author Share Posted February 4, 2019 Yep my picker must be off. My friend says im picky because on tinder I swipe right on maybe 1-2 guys in every 50 guys or so. It doesn't mean I go for the hottest ones though. I mostly chose average/ above average ones. I probably just don't know what traits I should tolerate and what I should not? I honestly believed him when he said they were jokes. Because he didn't DO anything bad. I mean if he blew hot and cold, or stood me up, or pulled away, I definately wouldn't stay. But he was really consistent.. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 But he did "pull away" and stopped being consistent. But yet, you were considering still dating him. In fact, you said earlier you give him a week and depending on what he says would consider still dating him! What excuse could he possibly give at this point? He was abducted by aliens? Fell unconscious and lying in a gutter? Learn to choose wisely from the get go, pay attention, and this type of crap won't happen. Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 I hear you believe me I do because I have had and I know many who have the same mindset. Often the reality is staring us right in the face. There’s a poster here who has very very strict dating rules she followed and while I don’t agree with them all at its core I learned from it. Dating especially online dating ESPECIALLY tinder can be a lions den, why would you enter it without armor? Sit down with a piece of paper and write down your expectations and boundaries. You’ll be surprised at how much you’ll have to think about it because truthfully I don’t think it’s something we really think about. Once you do stick to them, when something isn’t meshing with your dating rules you walk away, it’s not going to be easy, I stumble still, but you will be surprised at the quality of men you encounter once you enter dating with the confidence of knowing you have expectations as much as your date does and it’s not about proving yourself but rather seeking compatibility. I’m not judging you about having standards looks wise we all do but I think there’s been a ton of research on the pitfalls of the swipe right swipe mentality. We all do it so it is what it is, maybe try not to get so caught up in the physical potential that youre missing when someone doesn’t have the potential to meet your emotional, this guy proved time and again he would never have met your emotional needs. Finding someone who meets both needs can be hard, but it’s doable. Link to comment
h0000 Posted February 4, 2019 Author Share Posted February 4, 2019 Dont know what excuses he can use. Didn't get my text? Didn't think he need to contact during my vacay? Lost his phone? Or dude is dead. Well it's unlikely i'll meet someone else this week anyway, and I may use this time to heal and forget. Link to comment
h0000 Posted February 4, 2019 Author Share Posted February 4, 2019 I’m not judging you about having standards looks wise we all do but I think there’s been a ton of research on the pitfalls of the swipe right swipe mentality. We all do it so it is what it is, maybe try not to get so caught up in the physical potential that youre missing when someone doesn’t have the potential to meet your emotional, this guy proved time and again he would never have met your emotional needs. Finding someone who meets both needs can be hard, but it’s doable. Maybe I have a wrong idea where I stand look wise. Maybe I'm aiming too high? That's why I got ghosted? Or dumped. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 Why do you think this? This has nothing to do with him. Also don't settle for aholes just for that reason. Being with snotty on/off jerks is not 'being too picky". In fact the sooner you move forward and start dating more acceptable guys, the sooner you'll have bf again. I will admit though it's disheartening to think im gonna be single for years again till I can find my next bf. Link to comment
h0000 Posted February 4, 2019 Author Share Posted February 4, 2019 No it has nothing do to with him. It's just my past experience: takes me years to find someone longterm. Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 Maybe I have a wrong idea where I stand look wise. Maybe I'm aiming too high? That's why I got ghosted? Or dumped. No no I’m not saying that when I’m saying is that you have to focus on both physical and emotional. Again you say you were picky but how can you be picky when this man showed you the type of person that he was? I can only assume that you mean picky as in he was attractive. So what I’m saying is make sure they meet both standards. Not that you’re aiming too high I’m sure you’re a very pretty and nice girl Link to comment
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