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Thread: Am I jealous or really unfair to my side being lied bout evrything?

  1. #1

    Am I jealous or really unfair to my side being lied bout evrything?

    Good day! Please gimme some advice or opinions.
    Am working abroad, I left my 2yrs old son wth the father ( weren't married yet) in my home country. I'm saving mostly of my income for the house we both planned to build. Somehow am giving monthly for additional family allowance.
    He's working also nd taking in charge of daily allowances.
    My problem are:
    *He went out of town for company team building ( I knew only when he never answered my calls nd when I asked someone to check the house, I was worried myb he didn't woke up or somthin had happened coz unusual he ddnt msg me- everyday we talk) wherein I asked him yesterday if he have work or no - he said YES
    * Lately , He let his colleague borrowed his money without asking my consent - huge amount actually( am asking him everyday how much money he has on hand coz we're planning to buy gadget nd we just need add ons on next salary- he ignored only till I forgot) till 1day, perfect timing came nd I asked again- he replied , someone borrowed it. I asked evidence if true or lies again - he sent atm card of borrower but the first name was edited/ blurred. He said, fr security reasons. Ok.
    Came one day another arguements, he sent me his work time sheet wherein I saw there the full name of borrower ( same username nd length of blurred first name was exactly the same nd it was a Girl. I've searched online nd was a single lady- how come she's borrowing money from committed person with a child?
    I kept asking but his answers were bounced back to me because blah blah blah , I don't trust him, if I think like that then that's fine.....
    I ddnt get any reasonable answers.

    Also, in my email( back up email)am receiving online purchases via his online accnt) He said, coz its sale nd his colleague asked him if he can purchase it but the person will b paying fr it. And I received another email nd it showed that the item was female watch.

    Am sorry guys , anyone's opinions will b appreciated. Thank you.

    Rose

  2. #2
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    OP, please do us a favour and type using proper words in the future. Text-speak is a headache to read.

    I admit that your story is a little confusing but it sounds to me like he's got himself another girlfriend and that's who he's spending money on. I highly doubt she's just a colleague if she's borrowing large amounts of money and receiving gifts from him.

    The problem is, what can you really do about it? You're far from home and he's looking after your child, you're sending him money to help care for the little one - even if it appears he's spending it in other ways, sadly. Your hands are rather tied at the moment, in terms of finding out more or ending things cold turkey. Did you have plans to move back home, or were he and your son going to join you abroad? Do you have a trusted family member you can send at least some of that money to, who can be sure the money is allotted to childcare and not Dad's new girlfriend?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Keep ALL your finances separate until you are legally married, co-own a home and live in the same place. Only send money for your child. Are you worried he is squandering money? Lying about spending money in joint accounts? Cheating? How long will you be on location and when will you go home to Asia?

    Unmarried people having a joint account is foolish for this reason. Both people can withdraw whatever they want without consulting each other and you are not legally or financially a family unit. Change all your passwords. Stop all joint credit cards and accounts. Contact your bank and carefully look at all deposits, withdrawals, checks, activity, etc in the account. If it is his money, he can spend it on whatever he wants including bad decisions such as lending money, buying gifts for other women, etc.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Keep ALL your finances separate until you are legally married, co-own a home and live in the same place. Only send money for your child. Are you worried he is squandering money? Lying about spending money in joint accounts? Cheating? How long will you be on location and when will you go home to Asia?

    Unmarried people having a joint account is foolish for this reason. Both people can withdraw whatever they want without consulting each other and you are not legally or financially a family unit. Change all your passwords. Stop all joint credit cards and accounts. Contact your bank and carefully look at all deposits, withdrawals, checks, activity, etc in the account. If it is his money, he can spend it on whatever he wants including bad decisions such as lending money, buying gifts for other women, etc.
    Please listen to this! Don't share accounts with him and make sure your money goes directly to the child.

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  6. #5
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    Yes. Stop using text speak, you are not chatting to friends on the phone. Annoying.

    Who was taking care of the kid while he was away? It sounds like he is giving his girlfriend money. I would open up a separate money -in your name - for that money.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    My opinion is that whether he has cheated or not, he is having an inappropriate relationship with this woman. If he chooses to continue that relationship then you may want to consider what your next steps will be. Nagging him clearly isn't working.

  8. #7
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    Your hard-earned money is going toward this woman, not your future and child.

    Be done with this guy.

  9. #8
    Member Silentiosa's Avatar
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    You should understand two things.

    First, he's a liar.

    Second, there is no point in such close relationship, if people are not ready to be together officially. Afraid of responsibility? Not sure? Then come back, when you are ready, but having a child in such circumstances is pure madness. You may reply, that official marriage is not that important nowadays and I'm going to reply that the absence of such serious intentions is never a good sign.


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