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Thread: Keeping the friendship or Backing off ? Relationship with a Girl

  1. #1

    Keeping the friendship or Backing off ? Relationship with a Girl

    Hello everyone.

    This year is my first year at college. At the beginning of the year, there is this female classmate who seemed interested ine me, she asked for my phone number, asked me to hang out and when she needs help with something, i'm the first one she comes to. I thought she was a very nice girl and i started to like her back. We walked home together, laughed, flirted and studied together, and we enjoyed each other company. I made sure to give her room, as i have other things to do until the day i saw her with her boyfriend.

    He came to see her in our faculty and i got pissed, so i didn't go near them. I didn't ask her or anyone if he was really her boyfriend or not, but by the way they were behaving, anyone can tell and i confirmed it when i checked their interactions on social media. She never brought him up in the past so it was a chock for me.

    The next week, she left me to do a pair work we are supposed to do together all by myself.

    She turned down an offer to go out to have some dinner together.

    I realised that i was either friendzoned or just being used to fill the gap of her boyfriend only when he is not around, as he doesn't study with us. So i decided to focus on more important things and stop giving her too much attention or time, i am still helping her when she needs something, and i walk her home sometimes, but we are not the same as before.

    I can't help but think about her, a part of me says that i was played and i have to be cold and stop giving her attention because she played me, but another part of myself says that i'm being childish and immature by acting that way around a girl that may just be friendly and it might be my fault for misunderstanding friendship for attraction.

    Am i doing the right thing ? What should i do ?

    Thank you

  2. #2
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Sorry bud, but this is completely on you. You developed an attraction for her and made a lot of assumptions without ever actually verifying that she is single.

    Lesson learned. Next time you think a girl is into you or you are into her, ask if she is single or not right off the bat. It will save you a lot grief and hurt feelings.

    As for this girl, she didn't use you or do anything to you. If you want to be her friend and genuinely can put your attraction to her aside, then carry on. If you can't be her pal, then just stop. Whatever you do, don't be that guy who orbits around a woman hoping that some day she'll be single and you can pounce her. That never works out the way you hope and leads to more bitterness and resentments.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It would be best to back away from her and start hanging out with/dating other girls.

  4. #4
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    yeah you got played.
    yes she used you.
    time to learn and move on.
    time to stop doing "nice things" for her - she's using you (to even do her homework/projects for her for school! perhaps she acted nice to you for that purpose - knowing you might do her homework for her).

    it wasn't clear to me what you were doing about it in yoru post (to answer "are you doing the right thing") - but the right thing to do is to not cover for her, do anythign for her, or like her, or think about her anymore. Keep doing for yourself.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
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    You developed an attraction for her and made a lot of assumptions without ever actually verifying that she is single.

    Lesson learned. Next time you think a girl is into you or you are into her, ask if she is single or not right off the bat. It will save you a lot grief and hurt feelings.

    As for this girl, she didn't use you or do anything to you.
    Not if she was flirting and spending excessive alone time with him. She should of spoken up and drew the line, but instead she also gave the OP mixed messages that would easily cause him to presume that she was single.

    Even if you like the attention, itís not appropriate to flirt with others while in a relationship.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I'd back off, and I'd certainly stop 'helping' her with things.

  8. #7
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    It completely sounds like she can feel how you feel towards her, and she is taking advantage. What you said about her filling the gap of her boyfriend also sounds completely logical.

    She is most likely just using you to help her with her studies, feed her, take her out, laugh with her, but then she goes back to her boyfriend. To make matters worse, she didn't even tell you about him. She doesn't care if you are interested, although I'm sure she knows. She's most likely ignorant of that fact, but it seems so much that she is doing this on purpose, due to the mixed messages she's been giving you.

    Man.. back off, change your attitude, don't be naive and don't let her manipulate you into giving your free time, expressing your soul to her, and falling more for her while she just leaves a couple of breadcrumbs on the ground after her. Just threat her as any other person, or just don't talk to her at all until you feel better. If talking to her makes you feel sad because of all those facts, just cut the ties.

    Use this time to work on you.
    Use this time to study for YOU.
    Use this time to improve YOU, for YOU to have fun, for YOU to gain advantage, for YOU to progress and prosper.

    People like her, they are all over the place. The just come to eat the "Good Person" cake you have been baking and want to share, but after they eat it, they will leave and they will leave you without any more cake...

  9. #8
    That's what i thought. Right now we have 2 weeks vacations so we won't see each other in a while. But when we do
    No more excessive help, no more hanging out, no more flirting, i'll use my time fully for my own profit ... Whether it was my fault or hers, i'm not interested in her anymore, this is ALL about me and how i handled things. My mistake was being too helpful, but i will make sure this never happens again.

    I'm not intending to ignore her because that is not in my nature, that will make me feel like a jerk. But i will be more intimidating and threatening because i want my pride back.

  10. #9
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    "Intimidating and threatening"?

    Threatening toward the young woman? How and why?

    Do you really mean to use those words?

  11. #10
    I meant it in a way where she forgets the " very nice personnality ", and thinks twice before she ever thinks about using me. I don't mean any harm or offense towards her, this is for the best for both of us, i'll keep the friendship and i still care about her in a way, she is a girl after all, i don't hate her or anything don't get me wrong.

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