I’m just so unlucky in love.

Met a new guy. We met through a mutual friend. This was 6 months ago.

At first I was super skeptical. But then I warmed up to him, started liking him a lot.

We have been going on dates and talking for the last 6 months and I didn’t have an indication of what his intentions were. So I asked him. He said he hadn’t made his mind up yet. He told me he liked me a lot but was still figuring out what he wanted

I was okay with that. We kept going, being okay, for 2 weeks. And then... he ghosted. Nothing happened, we didn’t argue, nothing awkward, I just called him on a Wednesday night, he never answered, I text him the next day, he read the message and never answered and I have not heard from him since. It’s been 4 days. Some might say I’m being dramatic/ impatient. We haven’t gone a day without talking/ seeing each other until now.

I don’t think I have a question. Just needing to vent.

I’ve been single 4 years and it just looks like there is literally no guy out there for me.

Here's the issue as I see it. If you want a long term relationship your choice in continuing to date someone for 6 months without knowing his intentions wasn't the best one. Why didn't you ask earlier? And what do you mean by "talking"? How long were you dating and why were you skeptical? My sense is maybe he didn't think you were so interested for quite awhile and so by the time you came around he wasn't going to invest much in you. I'd need to know more about timing. Once he said he wasn't sure about things after 6 months did you have an internal sense of how much longer you were going to keep dating him while he considered whether there was long term potential?

How else do you go about meeting people?

6 months

He said he hadn’t made his mind up yet.

If you're dating someone for 6 months, and they still "don't know" what they want, it's time to cut him loose.

Rather than wait around for him to text, for him to want to see you, it's time for you to make a decision.

This is possibly why it seems there is "no one" out there for you....because you hold on too long, waiting for him to decide. Why don't you decide? Don't you want a guy who clearly, at 6 months, knows he wants to be with you and build on something?

Unfortunately, I believe he's been spending time with you because it's been easy, not because he wants to build. Let him go with peace, and start looking for a new guy, one who won't give you the stomach flips this one is giving you.

You should have asked three months in. If I had gotten the answer you did, I would have moved on. If he did not know how he felt in three months months, it wasn't going to go further.

You are not unlucky, you simply choose and STAY with the wrong people. Be a better dater and expect more.

People who are into short term relationships bail when the point comes when the next level should be naturally happening, or their partner brings up the subject. Most couples know by the 3rd or 4th month if they are compatible in all of the major ways, and if so, usually decide on exclusivity. Beyond that, why keep giving the gift of your body and your precious time to someone who isn't crazy enough about you by this time to want you all to himself?

And it doesn't matter how wonderful and pretty you are when it comes to a guy who is too lazy or shallow to want to put in the daily effort a longterm relationship takes. It's usually a good idea to ask a guy you're dating what the longest relationship he's ever had. If he's in his 30s and he says 4 months, you can expect the pattern to continue.

I wouldn't say you're unlucky in love. You have to make finding a longterm companion a serious goal, and go about it the right way. After my divorce, I had to go on dates with about 30 men over a 2 and a half year period before meeting my future husband. Because it's more rare to meet someone who you have chemistry with and meets all of your main needs, and he feels the same, so you normally have to date a boatload of men. I'd suggest starting with Meetup.com, and if you want to take on the often frustrating and upsetting OLD, you might consider it. I did meet my husband on OLD, but it was like sifting through a lot of sand before finding the treasure. I only found out about, and attended a few meetups before I met him, but found meetups to be less stressful.

I also recommend the book The Key by Rhonda Byrne. It helped me learn to speak to myself more positively and how use my thoughts to create actions to achieve my goals. Good luck.

Had he said he loved you? Just wondering.

you should move on. just let him go if he loves you he will be back to you

Unfortunately he was never that interested. try not to waste time on or chase lukewarm situations like this. Get on some dating apps with a well written profile and good recent pics and start browsing and messaging and meeting men for a low-key coffee. Some will be one-and-done and some will be interesting. Only follow up on those where there is mutual interest.

Also make sure your life is balanced and interesting, including social opportunities to meet people such as classes, courses, groups, clubs, volunteering etc. Don't rely on friends to set you up. Get on dating apps and get out there in real life. Also lose the 'poor me I'm still single' attitude. It's very palpable to men on dates and comes across as desperate and therefore undesirable.

He told me he liked me a lot but was still figuring out what he wanted. I’ve been single 4 years and it just looks like there is literally no guy out there for me.

Avoid dating from the "I Don't Know" pool.

Once you're clear that a relationship with the right guy is something you want, work backwards from that. This means avoiding the adolescent pseudo-relationship stuff like 'talking to' or 'hanging out with' or 'FWB' or anything that avoids putting your clarity on the table about What You Want for yourself--up front.

A simple convo raising that you consider yourself to be relationship material and asking whether he views himself that way establishes where you each stand with yourselves. Anyone who answers that he doesn't know isn't automatically a villain, but he's also not dating material for someone who DOES know. If such a guy asks for your number or asks to see you again, let him know that you really enjoyed meeting him, and if he ever gets clear that dating to pursue a relationship is something he wants for himself, then he can give you a call.

Hovering around any guy who's so fabulous that you're too afraid to rock the boat with a clear discussion about What You Want for your own future puts your real Self on hold while you cater and manipulate to a storybook fantasy that Mr. Charming will fall in love and turn into your prince. That's magical thinking, and it avoids screening out wrong matches, so you end up wasting your time on those--and it breaks your heart.

Skip that messy kid stuff. Decide first, What You Want, and then be curious and brave enough to state it up front, stand by it, and refuse to settle for anything with anyone who doesn't clearly envision the same for himself.

Head high.

Avoid dating from the "I Don't Know" pool.

 

Once you're clear that a relationship with the right guy is something you want, work backwards from that. This means avoiding the adolescent pseudo-relationship stuff like 'talking to' or 'hanging out with' or 'FWB' or anything that avoids putting your clarity on the table about What You Want for yourself--up front.

 

A simple convo raising that you consider yourself to be relationship material and asking whether he views himself that way establishes where you each stand with yourselves. Anyone who answers that he doesn't know isn't automatically a villain, but he's also not dating material for someone who DOES know. If such a guy asks for your number or asks to see you again, let him know that you really enjoyed meeting him, and if he ever gets clear that dating to pursue a relationship is something he wants for himself, then he can give you a call.

 

Hovering around any guy who's so fabulous that you're too afraid to rock the boat with a clear discussion about What You Want for your own future puts your real Self on hold while you cater and manipulate to a storybook fantasy that Mr. Charming will fall in love and turn into your prince. That's magical thinking, and it avoids screening out wrong matches, so you end up wasting your time on those--and it breaks your heart.

 

Skip that messy kid stuff. Decide first, What You Want, and then be curious and brave enough to state it up front, stand by it, and refuse to settle for anything with anyone who doesn't clearly envision the same for himself.

 

Head high.

Thank you for this! I needed the reminder that this is my life and I need to be very clear about what I want, and stand by it.

Thank you for this! I needed the reminder that this is my life and I need to be very clear about what I want, and stand by it.

Sure, this needn't be aggressive, just practical. If you're matter of fact about What You Want being the most natural thing in the world for you, then you won't position yourself to skulk 'around' it as though it's some shameful thing you're supposed to keep hidden while secretly hoping for it.

That's for kids who find 'liking' another kid in class to be humiliating. Skip that. Define exactly WHY you're in any given dating pool, so you can screen out anyone who doesn't share your motives and your vision. There will be perfectly great people who do not, so it's up to you to identify them and welcome them to contact you IF they ever find themselves sharing your dating goals.

Sorry to hear.

I think if you know he has seen you text and can't be bothered to reply, then he is not the guy for you. It takes two seconds to reply, so he is either not bothered or no longer interested.

Luckily though, the world has millions of other men in it.

Ghosting after six months is pretty cowardly. At the end of the day, you probably dodged a bullet.