Does he love me?

Hi- I feel so lost and I dont know where else to turn for help. I am with my boyfriend now for 2 1/2 years. We are both divorced, both have kids and are over 40. During our 2 1/2 years together, we did have a break up of about 8 months. We reconciled because I truly do love him and he said he loved me, and we both wanted to be together. The first couple of months back together were great- better than I could imagine. As the weeks went by, I noticed small changes starting. He stopped prioritizing spending time with me- less and less as the days went by (a major issue which contributed to our break up), our once amazing sex life gradually became less and less-that is a new issue. He says hes very very attracted to me, yet we never are intimate anymore. We used to not be able to keep our hands off each other, and as of right now, its been 2 months since we've been intimate. We barely kiss- he has a heavy beard which gives me a rash on my face. He used to always shave but never does anymore because he "hates" shaving. So if we kiss, I literally break out in a rash. So we dont anymore and I almost feel he doesnt want to and the beard is an "out" so he doesnt have to. Although we text often, I just felt things starting to slip back into the old ways. I dont want a pen pal, I want a boyfriend. I am a person that needs affection I have to beg to see him. We literally have fights because 6-8 weeks go by, and he never makes time for us. I try to match my childcare schedule with his, so we can have couple time together- and he changes it constantly and never talks with me about it. I asked what his schedule was and planned a surprise weekend away for us, because we havent been alone together in 2months, and at the last minute, he tells me his ex wife wanted to switch days and he did. I had to cancel everything and now it will be another 3 weeks until theres a day to be together. He lives about 20 mins away, so its not a long distance relationship- but I feel like it is.

I asked him why our romantic life changed, and he said he didnt see a problem, but hes been under stress and gained some weight and he doesnt feel at his best.

But our love life has been off way longer than his current stressful situation has been an issue and I dont see nor do I care about any difference in his weight.

I tried everything- changed perfumes, clothes, hairstyles- he never noticed. I also have stress in my life, but I want to be with him and be romantic and feel like a woman- not a mom, or worker, or daughter or all the other daily roles in life I have- i want to be with his man and feel loved. He tells me he loves me but if you love me, why dont you come be with me- kiss me? This has destroyed my self-esteem. I know it shouldnt, but it has.

He has hit some hard times recently, and a few days ago, he mentioned his rent is as much as my mortgage and his lease is up soon and why pay 2 payments when we can pay 1, so after the holidays- we need to discuss what were doing. First of all, we both have kids and I dont condone living together and blending children unless theres a marriage. But 2nd of all, thats why you want to live with me- To save on rent? Not because you love me and want to be with me and make a life and family together?

I just dont know what to do- He is an extremely sweet man and I love him very much. Life hasnt been the easiest for him and I know he is not as emotional as me, but does he even love me, or am I just convenient and benefit him. I am so very hurt and lost.

How do you even say all of this to him without hurting him- I would never want to hurt him But I need to know what his feelings truly are- What do I do? Ugh Thank you all for listening!

Nothing you can do. Always follow actions. He is showing you through lack of action that he is not the man for you. This is who he is.

This is a recurring issue. You need to end the relationship and find someone who can give you what you need. He is not it!

DO NOT marry or live with him. You will be miserable.

thank u holly

I read your history, unfortunately, you have never been a priority . You deserve much better than this, and so do your kids.

thank you so much i am struggling so hard with all of this because, when we decided to get back together- the first few months back, he was so amazing. i know what he can be like and what our relationship can be, and i dont understand why he changes. i do love him- thats what kills me. thank you for taking the time to read everything and your unbiased advice i truly appreciate it.

I always say if you feel the need to ask if someone loves you, you already know that answer.

Your confusion is just a mixture of your own emotion and the deep-seeded knowledge that this man isn't who you want to be with.

"So- I was seeing a man for about a year. Truthfully, he did a lot of things that hurt me or made me unhappy-it was selfish stuff, he took advantage a lot and ignored me a lot. idk if he realized it- hes kinda reserved and colder- i am more warm and fuzzy- But all in all, he was good man. We are both divorced w kids. We shared deep intimate things about our lives- He had a lot of hurt in his life (so have I) I truly thought God brought us together and he was my soulmate. I deeply deeply loved him (still do)

So anyway, our relationship started breaking down over the last 3-4 months- he likes drinking and bars and partying when he didnt have his kids. He often chose to do that over seeing me. I was never included- it was hurtful?"

You need to be done with this. For good.

End it. Then block and delete.

thank you so much i am struggling so hard with all of this because, when we decided to get back together- the first few months back, he was so amazing. i know what he can be like and what our relationship can be, and i dont understand why he changes. i do love him- thats what kills me. thank you for taking the time to read everything and your unbiased advice i truly appreciate it.

He couldn't keep it up, as the first few months were not the real him.

Hon, you need to love yourself. You also need to focus on how this can affect the kids.

Yup. He's back to his old ways. Was this why he broke up with his ex? He may just be repeating the same pattern. DON'T LET HIM MOVE IN WITH YOU. You will be more unhappy with him than without him.

It is beyond time to call it a day on this relationship.

Set yourself free so you can find a man who is interested in you and wants to build a life with you. This one is barely glancing in your direction anymore.

Why did you break up the first time? Are you exclusive or is he still seeing his ex or other women? Stop chasing him. He's not interested.

we did have a break up of about 8 months. we never are intimate anymore. We literally have fights because 6-8 weeks go by, and he never makes time for us.I tried everything- changed perfumes, clothes, hairstyles- he never noticed.

Doesn’t sound like you’re in a relationship. It sounds like you barely see each other and you barely are intimate, sounds like he’s always finding excuses to not see you but he keeps stringing you along with these texts. You sure that you’re in a relationship at all? I’m sorry but he just doesn’t sound interested.

And you broke up for eight months? In a 2 1/2 year relationship, breaking up for eight months is kind of a long time.

On again, off again relationships never work because if you were compatible and loved each other enough to work through problems, there never would have been a break up. He doesn't share your same level of libido. Dealbreaker. He cares more about what his ex wife wants than what you want. You should have broken up with him again when he pulled that.

I know what it's like to not be a priority and to be with someone with a low libido. I was in a one-year relationship with someone like that, and I kept waiting for him to change back to the person he'd been in the first few months of the relationship, which I now know was a fantasy that would never happen. Do you know what happened 8 months after that relationship ended? I met my future husband, who makes me a priority and has the same sex drive as me. I appreciate him so much more after my past experience of being in a crappy relationship.

Of course most people have some good qualities, but when a partner doesn't meet all of your major needs, you need to cut him loose for your own good. Be single so you will be free to date and find the man who ticks all your boxes. It worked for me. Take care.

He sounds like a very lazy, selfish man. I truly am amazed that he is THAT lazy that he won't shave in order to give you proper kisses without the rugburn and that it's been 2 months since he was intimate with you.

He does not appreciate you and he does not value you. But you are allowing it. YOU are the one who determines what your worth is depending on what you will and will not take.

It might be different if it were issues that still needed working on, fights about money or communication, etc. BUT, he is being incredibly lazy on the most basic things.

He can't even be bothered to make efforts for you anymore or prioritize you.

That's when you know it's a lost cause.

You have told him the problem, there is no change. He has now reverted back to being lazy and careless. You can't fix this.

Put yourself first, tell him he's not enough and you are leaving him once and for all.

You don't need to waste your life waiting for someone to love your properly or treat you as you should be treated.

He had his chance, he blew it and he does not deserve anymore chances.

During our 2 1/2 years together, we did have a break up of about 8 months. We reconciled because

How far into the relationship was this breakup? Who initiated it, and why? Who reached out to reconcile?

How much of your current problem is a repeat of the first go-round?