Is it taboo to reach out to the guy after a first date?

I text him few minutes after to say I enjoyed myself. He gave regular response which was fine. I tried being little flirty, and give him a nudge so he would possibly ask me out on a second date but his response was aloof so then I felt embarrassed, frustrated. Guess I misinterpreted the connection I thought we had. Would have been better if he didn’t kiss me goodnight, or at least just on the cheek. Dating in today’s world is terrible! I was a first date guinea pig for him :(

Well, you did nothing wrong. This is what first dates are all about. I will say that it takes guys a couple of days to process how they felt about the date, so if he wants to go on a second date, you should hear from him in 5 to 7 days. If he doesn't, then don't worry about it and move on. Dating is a numbers game and you will find someone you like and who likes you back.

Yup, dating is a minefield these days for both sides. Sometimes you connect and they don't, sometimes they connect and you don't. You just have to take it in your stride and move on to the next opportunity.

I don't agree with having to wait 5-7 days, but I would have thought he would have made a suggestion for another date, on the first date, if he was interested. Shrug and move on, you can't let it get to you.

So sorry to here that.

Essentially it is what first dates are all about.

I've been on many first dates that I have no intention of going on a second date with them.

As I genuinely have to feel a connection with them to want to continue that.

Guess what they come across as great dates. I wouldn't let the poor guys know I'm having a rotten time. I make the most of the situation I am in and try and embrace it and give it a shot.

They would essentially message and guage how I found the date. At which point I would be polite and decline the second date. They'll move on and I'll move on.

Not to stereotype as many girls do this to. But when it comes to men in particular. They will not do what I did and just let it fizzle.

Like DanZee said give it a few days he may reach back out again. I've had friends who's dates have scheduled a second date like 10 dates after the first one. That said they were having decent texting convo backwards and forwards.

Use this time to guage how this guy is. Let him initaite the next conversation.

You did absolutely nothing wrong with reaching out after a date. If I haven't heard from a first date by time I've reached home. I would still message "thank you for a lovely date" or something. Just out of politness.

Remember you have to kiss a lot of frogs! Good luck

Unfortunately there is a lot more one-and-done dates than real connections, even if it seemingly went well. Nothing wrong with texting that you had a nice time. In fact that is the polite thing to do (but keep it to having a nice time rather than flirting or fishing for dates). It sounds like he's simply not that interested at this time. Let it go.

Try to improve your attitude toward dating, even though your live-in bf just moved out a few months ago. You don't have to jump into an instant relationship. Don't get that over-invested.

Just keep meeting men and dating until something comes along where there is mutual interest and attraction. Keeping in mind that many are one-and-done situations.

I text him few minutes after to say I enjoyed myself. I tried being little flirty, and give him a nudge so he would possibly ask me out on a second date but his response was aloof so then I felt embarrassed.

Unfortunately there is a lot more one-and-done dates than real connections, even if it seemingly went well. Nothing wrong with texting that you had a nice time. In fact that is the polite thing to do (but keep it to having a nice time rather than flirting or fishing for dates). It sounds like he's simply not that interested at this time. Let it go.

 

Try to improve your attitude toward dating, even though your live-in bf just moved out a few months ago. You don't have to jump into an instant relationship. Don't get that over-invested.

 

Just keep meeting men and dating until something comes along where there is mutual interest and attraction. Keeping in mind that many are one-and-done situations.

Guys don't date in accordance with romance movies. They are not going to show up with a rose in their teeth, a box of chocolates and order in French.

They may be as nervous as you are. Expect a real live human being with date jitters and perhaps a less than smooth slick approach. Be yourself, relax, don't interpret every nuance.

durubg our “date” he kept looking in the direction of the door which I thought was kind of rude. He was focused on me most of the time but I found that very strange imo

What exactly was your "nudge?"

In any case, no, it's not taboo. Perhaps for some women it is, but if a man is interested in a second date with you, he's not going to stop being interested if you hint for a second one or, even better, full on ask to see him again. If you're looking for a partnership, you should be reciprocating the other's effort anyhow. It appears in this situation, he simply wasn't interested. And that's fine. You're going to have dates that go pretty well but which end at that. Speaking personally, if I found myself on a date with a woman I knew I wasn't really digging, I still tried to make the best of it during that coffee or drink. No sense in actively being or appearing miserable.

Granted, I'm no grandpa to compare and contrast dating generations, but my experience in this one has been just fine. Try not to think too much.

I text him few minutes after to say I enjoyed myself. He gave regular response which was fine. I tried being little flirty, and give him a nudge so he would possibly ask me out on a second date but his response was aloof so then I felt embarrassed, frustrated. Guess I misinterpreted the connection I thought we had. Would have been better if he didn’t kiss me goodnight, or at least just on the cheek. Dating in today’s world is terrible! I was a first date guinea pig for him :(

Guinea pig?

Tell your ego to stand down.

This is what dating is. There are no guarantees, your date either likes you and wants to continue or they don’t.

You’ve never been on a date and decided the person wasn’t a good fit for you?

I do agree about the kiss though if I don’t like you you’re getting nothing but a handshake still it doesn’t guarantee you a second date

I text him few minutes after to say I enjoyed myself. He gave regular response which was fine. I tried being little flirty, and give him a nudge so he would possibly ask me out on a second date but his response was aloof so then I felt embarrassed, frustrated. Guess I misinterpreted the connection I thought we had. Would have been better if he didn’t kiss me goodnight, or at least just on the cheek. Dating in today’s world is terrible! I was a first date guinea pig for him :(

Say thank you and express interest while on the date and avoid the temptation to text right after with a transparent thank you text. It doesn't give a nudge and if it does it will be one in the opposite direction. If you forget to say thank you then sure text and apologize and say thank you. I wouldn't try to interpret a connection on a first date - if he doesn't ask you out again for a second date or if he doesn't accept your offer for a second date assume there will never be another date - and then if in the future he asks you out -or you ask him out and he accepts he can go back on your radar. Once the date is over, enjoy the memories of how it was fun then move on unless there is another date planned. One date at a time, no analysis needed.

Edited to add -I probably would not - if it were me0 ask a man out for a second date but there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. If you do want to contact him after a first date that's fine and I would do so only if the purpose is to ask him out for another date.

Idk bc durubg our “date”

What country is this language spoken?

I do not believe it's "taboo" to reach out after a first date to express a thank you and I had a great time, and even go a step further and state "I really enjoyed meeting you and I hope to see you again." There is no shame or desperation in expressing your feelings. These guys are every bit as nervous and as anxious as you are...toss them a bone...let them know how you feel and that you feel the same as they do. I think after that date, you get a good feel or vibe that they were equally enthralled with you. Maybe they weren't, and that's the confusing part, but you can go to bed at night knowing you tried and not fretting over "what if."

I think waiting around for some guy to contact you after 5-7 days is too long. If he likes you, he'll be in touch much sooner. Anything less than that is either game playing or he has nothing better on the table...think booty call. I don't have the time or the energy to dance around a guy playing this "cool" game, let alone investing myself in someone who gets around to me maybe a week later...maybe. If I haven't heard from him within 24 hours, I've already moved on. Oh sure, I might go out on another date, just to see if there's more, but my investment is guarded.

Kissing and affection on the first date...I want innocent affection and a good kiss...or two...or three. No kiss, I worry. I also know that men don't want to be too pushy or too forward, so you see what happens next...if there's a next. Someone has to say something for there to be a next.

 

There is no shame or desperation in expressing your feelings.

Amen! And just posted something similar in another thread.

Plus, let's face it, some men need and appreciate "nudges," there is nothing needy or cringeworthy about that at all.

If he's into you, he will take you up on your nudge and plan a second date!

If you go on a date that a guy asked you out to, you SHOULD text or call him to tell him you had a nice time.

The whole "wait for a guy to call you" doesn't mesh with me.

Because how many threads do we have from guys saying "i thought the date went welll...how do i know she is interested??"

So tell him you had a nice time, a fun evening, whatever. Then sit back and let him ask you out again or maybe even ask HIM out - to reciprocate.

But if you follow up = not with inane contact, but short and to the point --- it let's him know that the date was a success and it makes it clear that you want to do something again.

Amen! And just posted something similar in another thread.

 

Plus, let's face it, some men need and appreciate "nudges," there is nothing needy or cringeworthy about that at all.

 

If he's into you, he will take you up on your nudge and plan a second date!

If the nudge is "oh -- you were talking about that new chai place that just opened. I never had chai before.... ?"

YES.

if the nudge us "well...here i am....all alone in just a bathrobe...the door is unlocked " NOPE

or "i really like guys to ask me out and not the other way" NOPE

What country is this language spoken?

the proper question is : What Planet?

If you go on a date that a guy asked you out to, you SHOULD text or call him to tell him you had a nice time.

The whole "wait for a guy to call you" doesn't mesh with me.

Agree abit, and to clarify that was my "nudge." Texting him next day letting him know you had a nice time.

Let's him know you're interested, even if you thanked him while on the date, which many people do just out of politeness, not actual interest.

It's just a little added "something something" that let's him know you're interested and makes it easier for him to ask you out again, assuming he is interested.

Nothing needy or desperate about that imo.

Agree abit, and to clarify that was my "nudge." Texting him next day letting him know you had a nice time.

 

Let's him know you're interested, even if you thanked him while on the date, which many people do just out of politeness, not actual interest.

 

It's just a little added "something something" that let's him know you're interested and makes it easier for him to ask you out again, assuming he is interested.

 

Nothing needy or desperate about that imo.

I think doing that on the date is essential and after is too pushy/transparent unless the person forgot. JMHO. I don't think you have to let the guy know you are interested after the date via a text especially since it says loud and clear "please please ask me out again!!!!" - I once called a guy after we drove home from a weekend retreat (a group retreat) because his car broke down on the way home and I wanted to check up on him and see if his car was ok/he was ok and to thank him for going the extra mile so to speak. And sure of course because I wanted a date. Those exceptions sure -where someone has a crisis like that or a mini crisis and you want to make sure they're ok but otherwise I wouldn't want to give the "please ask me out!!" impression or come off insecure if I'd said thank you in a genuine way on the date. Obviously if the woman wants the man to know she is over the moon about him and really thinks he is that insecure that's fine -everyone gets turned on differently but to me that would be a really rare exception.