Finding Out Somethings I Shouldn't Have

Almost three months into the relationship and I have speculations that my boyfriend has been seeing other people behind my back. I've seen text messages that cause me to think like this. That latest thing I've seen, although not the most recent, is from May and he gave money to someone to see them. Do what? Idk, but I'm sure have sex. He actually coughed up money to see somebody else!!!! Right by where I live too! The most recent messages that I've seen indicate that my bf met up with some dude at one of our chill spots and did something. Ole dude replied that he was sorry if "it was bad". So, basically, I'm stuck. Because when I saw the most recent messages, I slightly confronted him about it, basically gave him the okay to tell me everything and be open with me. He lied, and now that I'm seeing those messages from May, I feel even MORE betrayed and don't know what to do. I want to bring it up soo bad, but how do I let him know that I snooped through his phone and found some without sounding like a snooping that looks through people's phones while they sleep? That's my real question and either of my friends have given me a good solution. They say just do it, but my anxiety will not allow me. So I'm open to suggestions on how I should go about this.. thank you in advance.

If you feel the need to snoop through a partner's phone, it's usually a pretty good indication the relationship isn't healthy. On top of this, though, you found evidence that he cheated on you! Why did you stay in the relationship with him? He didn't even come clean about his actions. I'm unsurprised that you felt the need to snoop again, and that he has continued to cheat. There were no consequences for his actions the first time. You've communicated to this man that he can do as he pleases and you won't leave him, even if he totally disregards your relationship boundaries.

Respect yourself. If you don't want to continue the cycle, dump this chump. He's not going to stop sleeping with other people, and you're not going to stop feeling bad about him doing so.

I didn't feel the need to, ig. There wasn't an urge or a voice telling me, "I know he's hiding !" Not the first time. Out of curiosity, I had his phone and he wasn't around.. but I hear you. But like, how do I go about addressing to him that I know about these things? That's what I'm stuck on!

While I don't think you should be snooping his phone, were the messages explicit about being cash for sex? Could he be buying drugs or similar?

He asked to see this person and "G" as he has it saved in his phone said that they'll need more money this time. More than $40. And he got sent an address and everything and all that . And he doesn't sell anymore so if she(or he) wanted bud, he'd say no but the messages ain't look like that so yeah. And I shouldn't have but I did! I feel bad about it, that's why I've been holding back on telling him that I looked and know some but at the same time, idk what's going through his head but he might think that he's playing me. But idk, relationship is good outside of his ing phone. He treats me well, feeds me, pampers me, helps around a lot and even bought me a new phone when mine was ing up. So, he claims and acts like such a angel, like, that's really my baby, but me seeing his phone and just has my heart in my stomach.

Ok. So you feel guilty. Because of the snooping and how he treats you.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't talk to him or that he is allowed to do whatever he wants. Be mature. Have this conversation. I don't know how long this is but it is already on shaky ground.

Could anyone tell me how? How do I bring this up? "Hey, babe, while I was looking through your phone and found out some you've been doing" I feel like that's such a bad approach

$40 to "see someone?" I mean, not to claim to be an expert of any kind, but assuming there were a prostitute who so compelled me it was worth it to risk my relationship, I don't think $40 would quite cut it for her.

I know a half-ass coded weed transaction when I see it. This one's pretty obvious. But if you still want to confront him, there's no real way to other than to divulge you were snooping because, well... that's how you found out and it's the only plausible way you would have. Generally speaking, neither dealers nor prostitutes provide receipts for you to coincidentally stumble upon and present to him with your suspicions. If you're not going to confront him or at least act with your feet on whatever you think the evidence you found is, I really don't get the point. That's just invading someone's privacy for the sake of it.

No one was buying weed and like I said, "more than 40". She said 40 isn't enough anymore! Duh. Plus HE would be selling the weed, not buying it. He has two dudes for that and neither of them are called "G'. They're both named Mike so half ass weed transaction isn't what it was, clearly. I smoke the and have been for awhile now, so if it was, I'd know it too bro.

Then insert whatever drug he doesn't have in supply for himself. If you legit think he's paying a lady $40 for services, then this one is easy. Go out and find the neighborhood toothless crack fiend who would be the only one having to charge Walmart prices and ask her yourself. Shouldn't be too hard to find.

No one was buying weed and like I said, "more than 40". She said 40 isn't enough anymore! Duh. Plus HE would be selling the weed, not buying it. He has two dudes for that and neither of them are called "G'. They're both named Mike so half ass weed transaction isn't what it was, clearly. I smoke the and have been for awhile now, so if it was, I'd know it too bro.

How old are you two?

40 wasn't enough.. saying this three times now... More than 40!! More than 40 bro. More. Than. Anyway, I know what it is and what it isn't. Youre not of very much help but thanks anyway ig for your input..?

Of age. He's five years older than me. What's that matter tho?

You've only known this dude for 3 months? Why even bother with all this drama and confrontations - dump him and find a better guy for yourself.

I mean if he is cheating, like what do you expect? A tearful confession? Cheaters don't operate that way and if he is paying prostitutes......even worse. All your confrontation will do is teach him to hide things better from you. Know when you respect yourself and simply walk away. This is one of those where you haven't even been dating long enough to need any lengthy break up explanations. A simple "hey not interested anymore" would suffice here.

find the neighborhood toothless crack fiend who would be the only one having to charge Walmart prices

Toothless Hahahahaha lol

40 wasn't enough.. saying this three times now... More than 40!! More than 40 bro. More. Than. Anyway, I know what it is and what it isn't. Youre not of very much help but thanks anyway ig for your input..?

You want our help but you aren't willing to help yourself. Whether he's paying $40 for an STD or a harder drug, I'm not seeing the point in trying to reconcile the issue with pointless confrontations. Make better decisions for yourself.

Yeah, after reading the initial post again, I agree that it could easily be drugs and not sex, but it sounds like you would take issue with that as well.

I stand by what I said about snooping through a partner's phone. If he can't trust you to stay out of his private messages and you can't trust him in general after only three months, it's time to get out.

You can't trust him because of the messages you saw. He can't trust you because you invade his privacy.

This relationship has zero chance of succeeding.

This relationship is already dead in the water.

He's lying about something, be it sex or drugs. The point is that you cannot trust him. So what is there to bring up with him? Why do you want to try to salvage this?

Then insert whatever drug he doesn't have in supply for himself. If you legit think he's paying a lady $40 for services, then this one is easy. Go out and find the neighborhood toothless crack fiend who would be the only one having to charge Walmart prices and ask her yourself. Shouldn't be too hard to find.

Bahahaha indeed. Personally I think buying drugs would be the lesser of two evils but that's just me.

At the end of the day, you did snoop in his phone and come across these messages... after 3 months of being together, you don't even owe him a conversation about this. And as a side note, and as I am sure you are realizing, just cause a man buys you s&^%$ doesn't make him a good person.

Drop the attitude and the boyfriend.

Don't date losers!

40 wasn't enough.. saying this three times now... More than 40!! More than 40 bro. More. Than. Anyway, I know what it is and what it isn't. Youre not of very much help but thanks anyway ig for your input..?

...

Uh...

Ok, cars cost more than $40... but that doesn’t mean the statement would make sense when discussing a car.

Sex acts are worth a lot more than $40, so your point is lost.

Agreed, you’re in denial and being quite snippy. I don’t get why you’re allowing yourself to get worked up over a new relationship.

Could anyone tell me how? How do I bring this up? "Hey, babe, while I was looking through your phone and found out some you've been doing" I feel like that's such a bad approach

In answer to your question, just tell him that the two of you are not a good match. No need to go into details (it's only a 3 month relationship). Then move on. If you don't feel comfortable telling him in person, then send an email, or text.

Could anyone tell me how? How do I bring this up? "Hey, babe, while I was looking through your phone and found out some you've been doing" I feel like that's such a bad approach

It is a bad approach. Unfortunately there is no right way to bring it up. You were wrong for snooping.

The question is did you have a reason to be suspicious or is he paying the price for your exes past sins.

You seem convinced hes cheating, whats the point in confronting him? So he can convince you he isn't?