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Boyfriend Likes Questionable Pictures on Instagram– Should I Be Worried?


Ophelia13

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Long story short, he's been liking some questionable pictures that this other woman (whom he knows irl) posts. In one of the pictures he liked, she's basically naked (certain "areas" are covered by her arms, etc.). I should probably include that she's an artist, like myself (in fact, I only found her page because a while back she started following my public account, where I only post photos of my artwork. I don't know if she's aware of whose girlfriend I am), and the naked photograph she took of herself was a photographic self-portrait piece, but still. Another picture he liked was one of her wearing shorts that barely even covered her ass and sitting on the edge of a desk with her legs crossed and her hip pointed toward the camera. He's also liked pictures of her artwork where she depicts herself naked. To make matters worse, I have reason to believe that she might be an ex of his with whom he's "still friends". Last night I saw that she posted a picture of herself POLE DANCING. ing pole dancing! And my boyfriend liked it. He only likes her pictures that are of this nature. And none of his friends know that he's in a relationship, let alone with me. , they probably don't even know that I exist. He never posts pictures of me (though I post plenty of him), or any pictures of anything that were taken while we were spending time together.

 

I don't have a problem with him liking other womens' pictures. I like other guys' harmless pictures all the time. But if he likes another woman's particularly "sexy" pictures, it makes me feel insecure. He constantly tells me that I'm beautiful, and I already have a difficult time believing him as it is.

 

I know a lot of people insist that all guys are "still attracted to other people" while in a committed relationship, but I refuse to believe that. Not all men are pigs. He's shown me nothing but love, and I have never connected so well with anyone else in my entire life. I've never met any man as respectful as he is, either. When we're out together in public, he isn't looking at anyone else but me, and when we're together at home, he doesn't get his phone out and start texting people.

 

That's why it's so difficult to understand why he would do this to me. I can't talk to him about it, because I don't want to be controlling. It's making my anxiety a lot worse to the point where I feel physically ill. What should I do?

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What more needs to be said Ophelia:

 

"And none of his friends know that he's in a relationship, let alone with me. , they probably don't even know that I exist. He never posts pictures of me (though I post plenty of him), or any pictures of anything that were taken while we were spending time together. "

 

The very fact that you have a level of anxiety that is making you physically ill is a strong enough message that something is seriously wrong here.

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And none of his friends know that he's in a relationship, let alone with me. , they probably don't even know that I exist.

 

This is your real problem ^^^. A relationship which needs to be hidden is one you shouldn't be in. This is not a "committed relationship". And if he's hiding it because he wants to perv, overtly, at other women without everyone writing him off as a creep, that's even more worrying.

 

Although he's "respectful" to you when you're together, it's rather sad that you think someone not staring at others, or texting other people when he's with you is a sign of something out of the ordinary. It's just common courtesy.

 

I get that you don't want to be controlling, but there's a difference between telling other people what they should and shouldn't be doing, and having boundaries. The latter is about how you allow people to treat you. By all means, tell him how you feel - and then let go the outcome. That's not being controlling, it's being assertive. He may not have thought about it, or even considered that it might affect you. However, your anxiety levels and the fact you're feeling physically ill about all this is a very clear message to yourself that he's trampling all over your boundaries.

 

Talk to him about it, tell him how you feel - and the way he responds will tell you everything you need to know.

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I don't think it's the picture liking that's the real problem here. It's the fact that no one knows you two are in a relationship, let alone he is no longer single. And the friendship with a possible ex. How about you ask him if she is his ex, then state your boundaries (i.e. you are uncomfortable with your bf still communicating in some way with an ex). Ask him to expose you to his friends, family, anyone. Then see what his response would be. If it doesn't match up with your values, you may have to reassess your relationship and tell him this is enough to warrant it.

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He should be telling people that you are together and not be hiding it. He should be proud that he's with you and everyone should know that he's not single.

 

As for liking this woman's pics, they aren't pics he should be liking. And yes, he probably is attracted to some degree. But the fact that he is flaunting it by liking her pics, is not okay. And it's disrespectful to you.

 

You need to speak to him about both of these things.

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. And none of his friends know that he's in a relationship, let alone with me. , they probably don't even know that I exist.

 

The other woman's sexy pics are not the problem. The above ^^^^ THAT'S a problem. Why are you a secret and why are you letting yourself be a secret.

There's your problem.

 

You shouldn't be agreeing to be anyone's secret. He doesn't sound like he's willing to commit fully to a mature relationship. This sounds like a guy still on the prowl who doesn't want a girlfriend around to stop him from chasing other women. But it's up to you to decide whether or not you want such a person in your life.

 

If a relationship makes you feel insecure and unhappy then it's just not much of a relationship, no matter what you tell yourself or let them tell you. Think about it.

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I don't think they're up to anything, because she lives far away now and is in a new relationship (and has been for a while). I put it in quotes because I don't think they even speak to one another anymore. My biggest fear is that he isn't over her, and is just using me to fill a void.

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Why is the " still friends" in quotes? You think they are up to something?

 

I don't think they're up to anything, because she lives far away now and is in a new relationship (and has been for a while). I put it in quotes because I don't think they even speak to one another anymore. My biggest fear is that he isn't over her, and is just using me to fill a void.

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The other woman's sexy pics are not the problem. The above ^^^^ THAT'S a problem. Why are you a secret and why are you letting yourself be a secret.

There's your problem.

 

You shouldn't be agreeing to be anyone's secret. He doesn't sound like he's willing to commit fully to a mature relationship. This sounds like a guy still on the prowl who doesn't want a girlfriend around to stop him from chasing other women. But it's up to you to decide whether or not you want such a person in your life.

 

If a relationship makes you feel insecure and unhappy then it's just not much of a relationship, no matter what you tell yourself or let them tell you. Think about it.

 

He's not really chasing other women, though. He just keeps liking his (i'm pretty sure) ex's "sexy" pictures. He'll show plenty of innocent PDA (putting his arm around me, holding my hand, occaisionally kissing my hair) when we're out in public, but he doesn't like even small amounts of online/social media PDA. Maybe because he doesn't want to be "THAT type of couple" who's always advertising their relationship. It could also be because I'm 22 and he's 27, so maybe he's shy about the age difference or afraid of being seen as a "creep". I mean, I hesitate to tell people how old my boyfriend is, because I think they might judge me, so I can understand how it might be similar for him. I'm not at all afraid that he's being unfaithful, though. His last ex (not the one who posts those pictures, but the one after her) cheated on him, so he knows how that feels. I'm just uncomfortable by the fact that he likes those pictures. I don't know why he's doing that to me, since he makes me the happiest I've ever been in all other respects.

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Well my questions got ducked, so I'll ask them again:

 

1. How long have you two actually been dating? If we're only talking a couple months, I think it's completely fine to hold off on introductions.

2. Even more concerning given your focused gripe about keeping PDA off social media (something I refrain from as well), is this a matter of you feeling like you're a secret because you're not facebook official / posting couples selfies? Have you ever met any of his friends?

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What does not liking PDA have to do with keeping you a secret? It's only a 5 year age difference. He doesn't want anyone to know he's seeing you. The question is, why is he presenting himself as single?

 

He's not really "presenting himself as single". For all I know, he might have casually mentioned "his girlfriend" (me) in conversation when speaking with a friend/coworker of his in person. I don't know.

 

not to mention, he never hesitates to show a little PDA out in public, he's just a bit wary when it comes to showing PDA on social media. I guess it's just a matter of professionalism, since he does work at a company.

 

I know for a fact he isn't seeing anyone else behind my back, so he doesn't really have a reason to pretend to be single.

 

Also we've only been together for 4 months, so neither of us are in any way "obligated" to introduce the other to our respective friends.

 

And I know that five years may not seem like a lot, but to a lot of people (due to the fact that we're in different stages in our lives) there is a huge difference between our ages in terms of maturity and such.

 

All in all though, I've realized that my main problem here is my own inability to communicate. I'm going to force myself to talk to him about things from now on, instead of bottling it all in.

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Well my questions got ducked, so I'll ask them again:

 

1. How long have you two actually been dating? If we're only talking a couple months, I think it's completely fine to hold off on introductions.

2. Even more concerning given your focused gripe about keeping PDA off social media (something I refrain from as well), is this a matter of you feeling like you're a secret because you're not facebook official / posting couples selfies? Have you ever met any of his friends?

 

We've only been together for four months, so neither of us feel ready to start introducing each other's friends and things like that. And we aren't "facebook official" yet, because his parents can be really difficult about that, which is the case with my parents as well.

 

I'm not really that worried that he keeps PDA off of social media. He works for a company, so professionalism is important to him. It's just the extent to which he avoids it sometimes seems a bit overkill. I know he's not a bad person, though.

 

I've realized that my real problem is I have a difficult time communicating. I want to try and talk to him from now on if I feel concerned about something he does instead of bottling it all in and speculating the hell out of every little thing.

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