Dating is exhausting to say the least! What do I do now???

Good morning All!

I've been dating a guy for 2 and a half months. He calls me a few times a day and we text all day long. We have been seeing each other about once a week usually on Friday or Saturday as we live an hour apart. I thought things were going well. He calls me this morning and tells me he has family plans for this Friday and that he is going out with a guy friend Saturday night so he won't be seeing me this week-end. He did invite me to a family barbacue next Sunday and we have plans for football on a couple Sundays and a trip to London in October.

I believe his actions have placed a total halt to our relationship. I'm I being too needy? Is he losing interest? He has a history of relationships lasting one or two months and has not had a long term relationship in years. We are not exclusive.

I've set up a date with another guy for lunch today and some dates with other men for this weekend as I have a lot of guys interested in me so I'm thinking I better move on and keep my options open to keep my head clear. lol

The question is? Do I just act like nothing bothers me and move forward with life? Do I ask him where we stand? (hate this btw as it seems needy) Or...do I break this off and say we should just be friends.

Exhausting to say the least!

Him: Has the audacity not to see you for a single weekend

You: Settling up several dates with other men

... yet he's the one "placing a total halt?" I'm trying really hard to wrap my mind around this one.

I'm not saying you can't date other guys if you and this one aren't exclusive, but I think given your respective actions, you've got no place pointing the finger at him for acting questionably with regard to where you two stand. Dating is exhausting for you because rather than ask a simple question to alleviate your concerns, you're impulsively arranging several dates in a single week.

You're in contact all day every day and you see each other every weekend, but he made plans without you for one weekend? Whoa. Call the dating police.

You're being overbearing and way too needy. Calm your jets.

Him: Has the audacity not to see you for a single weekend

You: Settling up several dates with other men

 

... yet he's the one "placing a total halt?" I'm trying really hard to wrap my mind around this one.

 

I'm not saying you can't date other guys if you and this one aren't exclusive, but I think given your respective actions, you've got no place pointing the finger at him for acting questionably with regard to where you two stand.

What's a woman to do? If he wants to see me one day in the next two weeks I feel like he may just be losing interest. I hate acting needy as men hate that at all cost! Am I supposed to just sit around and wait for him to get more interested. Ugh!

What's a woman to do? If he wants to see me one day in the next two weeks I feel like he may just be losing interest. I hate acting needy as men hate that at all cost! Am I supposed to just sit around and wait for him to get more interested. Ugh!

You live your own life. You life does not revolve around one person. He's not losing interest. He's telling you that he already had plans made. Go out with your girlfriends that weekend instead. This'll give you a chance to miss each other.

How much more interested should he get? I don't understand because you two have plans together for London and seeing his family. Just because it's been one weekend doesn't mean he dropped off the face of the earth. I question why you need every day to be filled up with a date?

Lisa

You won't talk to him about it so you just set up several dates with other men? If you're ok with moving on then why not just ask him and have clarity about the situation? You've now sabotaged the relationship.

You're really overreacting. He chose to spend 1 single weekend with his friends and family and you react by going out with other men?? Makes no sense at all.

You're being passive aggressive and not communicating. That is not good if you want a real relationship with this man.

What you call needy I call assertive and getting what you want. It's not needy to ask where the relationship is going and what his level of interest is. It's call being a doormat if you act a certain way because men won't like it. Who cares if he doesn't like it?

I feel like we are at that period where we should be talking exclusivity. Him not wanting to see me much for the next few weeks tells me he is losing interest and I should back off. He knows I enjoy seeing him on weekends. I almost feel like its a test to gauge my reaction.

New dates will keep my mind and focus off him. If he is not interested there are others who are. He should be stepping up to the plate. I guess I am harsh or I just been through too much bs from men! lol

I feel like we are at that period where we should be talking exclusivity. Him not wanting to see me much for the next few weeks tells me he is losing interest and I should back off. He knows I enjoy seeing him on weekends. I almost feel like its a test to gauge my reaction.

 

New dates will keep my mind and focus off him. If he is not interested there are others who are. He should be stepping up to the plate. I guess I am harsh or I just been through too much bs from men! lol

Abit.

I second what the others have said here.

People should not live in each other's pockets (aka exclusivity).

And you say you "text all day long".!!! Now that sure is exhausting.

What age are you? lol

What on earth to you find to say in the texts.

You ask:

"I'm I being too needy?"

What do YOU think?

This sounds confusing "We are not exclusive" and "Do I ask him where we stand?". Agree that does sound exhausting...all the games and strategies.

You have plans with him the following weeks. So not sure what this means: "I believe his actions have placed a total halt to our relationship". As if his calling to say he has plans this weekend is a deal-breaker?

It sounds like you are setting up other dates as a preemptive strike because his being busy one weekend is the harbinger of death to this? set up a date with another guy for lunch today and some dates with other men for this weekend as I have a lot of guys interested in me so I'm thinking I better move on and keep my options open to keep my head clear.

He did invite me to a family barbacue next Sunday and we have plans for football on a couple Sundays and a trip to London in October.

Holy cow! I guess you're the type of girl who drops all her friends and family when you're dating someone?

Go make plans with friends and family, or do something fun with yourself. NO ONE is in charge of your happiness. That's up to you.

You're meeting his family next Sunday - I don't see how that's halting the relationship.

Abit.

 

I second what the others have said here.

 

People should not live in each other's pockets (aka exclusivity).

 

And you say you "text all day long".!!! Now that sure is exhausting.

What age are you? lol

What on earth to you find to say in the texts.

 

 

You ask:

 

"I'm I being too needy?"

 

What do YOU think?

"This has been an automated message. If you'd like to stop receiving these, please reply with STOP."

It's brought a whole new level of entertainment and now I love texting.

I feel like we are at that period where we should be talking exclusivity. Him not wanting to see me much for the next few weeks tells me he is losing interest and I should back off. He knows I enjoy seeing him on weekends. I almost feel like its a test to gauge my reaction.

 

New dates will keep my mind and focus off him. If he is not interested there are others who are. He should be stepping up to the plate. I guess I am harsh or I just been through too much bs from men!

First of all you are ASSUMING a lot without even actually talking to him. There is no possible way to know what he is thinking or feeling without asking him. You cannot assume based on the behavior of others in the past. In fact that is totally unfair. You're not communicating and are playing games, no wonder you've had problems in the past. You assume the worst and then react without even speaking to them about your concerns.

If you feel it's the time to have the exclusivity talk then why haven't you brought it up? Do you just sit there passively waiting for the man to direct the relationship? Grow up. Take control this is your life too.

What is he to assume from you going out with other guys? It shows total disinterest in him and will have the opposite affect that you want it to. You cannot have a good relationship without communication.

Since you refuse to learn how to communicate properly without resorting to childish tactics then yeah you're never going to have a good relationship. You're going to continue to blame it on men when the reality is its your fault this is falling apart. All because you're too scared to open your mouth.

Amen to that, Iggy.

"Since you refuse to learn how to communicate properly without resorting to childish tactics then yeah you're never going to have a good relationship. "

Well, while after 2 months of dating I too would like to know where I stood (and by then I would have definitely expected us to at least be exclusive), him not spending one weekend with you doesn't warrant you asking him the question because it would sound extremely needy and as if he cannot plan anything with anyone else without you feeling as if the not-yet-relationship is in jeopardy. Not a good time to have that conversation!

For now, you are doing the right thing by scheduling dates with other guys. For one, you two are not an item therefore you need to also keep your options open, the way he is, and on the other hand going out with multiple guys will help you focus less on this one guy, so if he ends up ending things you won't be as disappointed.

I'd say, for now do nothing. Keep dating others and watch his actions. To be honest he does sound interested to me, his actions so far indicate interest, so I see no point in ending it only based on one weekend he's not spending with you. Although I do see where you're coming from, I would feel slighted too if we had so little time to spend together as it is, and I would see him easily pass on one of the already rare chances to see me. It's just too premature to act in any way at this point. Now if you see this is becoming a pattern and he starts skipping dates regularly, then yeah, I would just cut contact at that point.

You sure you're not overreacting just slightly?

If dating is exhausting, just stop. And if you're so wound up about it that a guy can't get a break for the weekend to see his family without you saying he's placed a total halt on your brand new relationship with him, I think you definitely are in need of some time away from the dating scene. You know? I'm not trying to be insensitive, but you write in there yourself - he canceled because of family plans (this is, in my book, always a valid excuse) and even made future plans with you AND invited you to a family bar-b-q for next weekend. In what way does that indicate that the relationship is halting?? What?!

And in what world does that give you permission to go and date other dudes behind his back? Lol. I am missing something here because if you've been dating 2 1/2 months, maybe you should have that exclusivity talk now. You CLEARLY need it. But look - if you want to date other people, you may want to just talk to him/ end things with him first. And make sure you're doing it for reasons that are genuine deal breakers for you, and not just "He had plans with his family for a couple of days so he couldn't see me."

Just gonna say it: If I were in his shoes and someone reacted this severely to my wanting to spend a couple of days with my family, even if I invited him to the next time, I'd start moving on fast. That just feels like way too much work. What else should he have done? Canceled with his loved ones for you? Are you going to be possessive of him for the whole relationship, or is this stemming from insecurity over the lack of exclusivity?

And in what world does that give you permission to go and date other dudes behind his back?

She said in her post that they are not exclusive, so she has every right to date others.

Abit.

 

I second what the others have said here.

 

People should not live in each other's pockets (aka exclusivity).

 

And you say you "text all day long".!!! Now that sure is exhausting.

What age are you? lol

What on earth to you find to say in the texts.

 

 

You ask:

 

"I'm I being too needy?"

 

What do YOU think?

Ok...I'll take a step back and re-group. Maybe my expectations are too high at 2 and a half months of dating and daily conversations. He knows we are both able to date others. He is calling the shots here for the most part. My belief is him basically wanting to see me one day in a 3 week span is not good. I need to see someone at least once a week or I will lose interest and I certanly am not demading his time. Maybe I should bring it up to him in the next few weeks that I need more one on one time to make a relationship work. It's just me!

Yep, Greta - I edited my post after I saw that. Hadn't had time to read the entire chain just yet, my bad. Oversight, sorry!

Abit. We may not have quite understood your OP.

"He calls me this morning and tells me he has family plans for this Friday and that he is going out with a guy friend Saturday night so he won't be seeing me this week-end. He did invite me to a family barbacue next Sunday and we have plans for football on a couple Sundays and a trip to London in October. "

That sounds like only one week-end, but you tell us he'll now only see you once in three weeks.

Anyhow, see how it goes, and be upfront with him.

Ok...I'll take a step back and re-group. Maybe my expectations are too high at 2 and a half months of dating and daily conversations. He knows we are both able to date others. He is calling the shots here for the most part. My belief is him basically wanting to see me one day in a 3 week span is not good. I need to see someone at least once a week or I will lose interest and I certanly am not demading his time. Maybe I should bring it up to him in the next few weeks that I need more one on one time to make a relationship work. It's just me!

He is calling the shots - this is the problem. It should be both of you on the same page. If you are unhappy with how things are, then you have to bring it up and talk about it with him. If you want exclusivity and full-on attention 24/7, and he cannot do that for you, then you are asking too much of him and need to decide if you'll be happy with less than that. If not, you move on to someone looking for the same type of relationship.

This is actually the most curious part of this after 2.5 mos. weekly dates and daily communication.

He knows we are both able to date others.

The fact that he's calling the shots, and you aren't happy with the situation is a huge red flag at 2.5 months.

If I wasn't interested in someone, I most certainly wouldn't plan to introduce them to my family or plan a trip with them, let alone text them all day long.

If you two aren't exclusive, and you want to go on dates, go ahead. Nothing wrong with that, but it sounds like you're doing it passive aggressively to get back at him for not spending time with you as much as you want.

After 2.5 months of dating you two should be starting the honeymoon phase of the relationship. If you don't know what your relationship status is at this point, it's not serious and probably never will be.

Not only should you be dating new men, you should cancel the date and trip with Mr. Going Nowhere Fast.