My God, when does this end?

Long story short, fiance cheated on me, I found out last Thursday, he left me pregnant with a child HE really wanted, and now he's with the other woman. I have access to his email (he left it open on my Ipad) so I saw a picture of the two of them and wanted to die. He contacted me today via email to ask about how my dr's appt went. I'm not responding.

I have good and bad days. Today is a BAD day, perhaps because it's Friday and i have the weekend ahead of me. How long does this take to get over the hardest hurdle? I feel like I'll never get over this. I would NEVER EVER take him back, but this hurts like hell. Any advice? Suggestions? I feel so lost

Do you still want to have his child?

What an asshat. It will take some time. Concentrate on your health and the baby's health.

It's none of his business eclecticsw, DO NOT let anything he says or asks have any bearing on your decision. It's all about what's best for you and your five-year-old.

What a blockhead. I'm so sorry. The weekends are so hard when you are trying to recover from a blow like this. At least work is a distraction. I don't know what your social calendar looks like, but anything you can do to avoid being alone might be good at this point.

Glad you aren't even considering taking him back. Being pregnant complicates things and could tie you to this jerk for 18+ years. Ugh. How far along are you?

Some important things to remember:

1) You are the same person you were last Wednesday, with the same worth and value. His knucklehead behavior is about HIM, not you. Self-blame and damaged self-esteem are common in a situation like this. Be sure to put the accountability squarely where it belongs.

2) Your pain will be acute for a while, but it will diminish. You may hurt for a long time, but your pain will change and become something more controllable. Just remember it won't always feel this way.

3) Logout of that iPad email account and limit contact with him to the essentials. Continued interaction, especially seeing pics of him and his girlfriend, will slow or stop the healing process. As you know. And he lost the right to casually converse with you about doctors visits, etc. the moment he betrayed you.

I'm sorry you are in this situation. I'm sorry for your pain. I know there are a lot of decisions ahead and a lot to work through, but don't let it overwhelm you. For now, just focus on getting through the weekend.

There's a special place downstairs for guys like him ...

What did he ask you? Is he influencing you...or trying to?

He contacted me today via email to ask about how my dr's appt went. I'm not responding

I'd suggest not looking at his email any more, it will only keep you infuriated... If he uses Gmail, there is a way he can see that you are snooping, as well... and he could log all sessions out... but not sure how tech-savvy he is. It will be tough to stop checking it, but it will help you heal quicker.

I'm sorry to hear about all of this!

Go after him for child support. I'm sorry this happened

Look, I'm going to play contrarian here. Couples have come back from worst problems. It would be interesting to know more details

Look, I'm going to play contrarian here. Couples have come back from worst problems. It would be interesting to know more details

Hard to come back from this 520213&p=6625212&viewfull=1#post6625212"] ]

 

Ups sorry!

My advice, try to work on a decent co-parenting arrangement. After you leave the fog you are in right now.

Thank you everyone. I'm not going through with the pregnancy. I don't want any links to him whatsoever. He's clearly moved on, it's time for me to do the same. He forfeited any rights to my decisions about the child when he started another relationship. Tomorrow I'm going to clean my condo, get my hair done at the stylist, and then at night stay at my aunt's house. Night time is the absolute worst. I wish the light at the end of the tunnel would come sooner than later. This is absolutely horrific. Thank you for the support.

Excellent decision, for the very reasons you mention. Good you are taking care of yourself.

I'm not going through with the pregnancy. I don't want any links to him whatsoever. He forfeited any rights to my decisions about the child when he started another relationship. Tomorrow I'm going to clean my condo, get my hair done at the stylist, and then at night stay at my aunt's house.

And.....he's not computer savvy at all but I'm going to stop since it's only hurting me. He deleted all my emails, i just saw that so he's completely checked out. A very irrational part of me thinks 'maybe what he did wasn't wrong ' but thats my grief and sorrow talking

Wiseman2 you've been so wonderful and wise with your comments. For that I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart

A very irrational part of me thinks 'maybe what he did wasn't wrong ' but thats my grief and sorrow talking

Actually, what he did was VERY wrong. (Just giving you fuel to keep that irrational part of you in its proper place )

gebaird, thank you. I need to hear that because my thoughts do cloud my judgement sometimes. Mind you, I'm a therapist. Well, I don't practice therapy anymore, but one would think I could dispel these thoughts with my training. Uh uh, no way. Not when you're on the other side. All the training goes out the window.

Last thing because I don't want to drive you guys nuts, but the thought of him finding happiness with someone else is very hard to swallow. I keep thinking 'will he marry her? Have kids with her? Be faithful to her?' The anger in me doesn't wish him any happiness. I actually hope she puts him through the wringer. The tragedy in all of this is that he thought he couldn't have children. He's 36 and this would've been his first child. How do you throw that away like that? I don't understand.

1. Maybe

2. Maybe

3. Definitely not.

1. will he marry her?

2. Have kids with her?

3. Be faithful to her?

According to his family, he DOES NOT have a history of cheating, but they didn't live with him during his relationships. Besides, he comes crom a third world communist country where the technology is not advanced. It could be that his cheating was more....rudimentary without the convenience of texts, email, etc...I just want this to end. Today I felt I was at the end of my rope, completely. I wanted God to just take me. I want this pain, uncertainty, and doubt to go away already

I logged out of the email. That felt good, actually

I logged out of the email. That felt good, actually

Glad that felt good -- I know it must have been tough! I don't see how reading anything on there would actually bring you any good -- only harm.

And, even though I'm sad that you're going through this... I'm very happy that you didn't have to go through this after a pregnancy and have to go through a divorce from this guy. It is very sh##ty for this guy to do and I'm glad you are looking out for yourself.

Consider putting the baby up for adoption. You do not want this man's involvement in your life any longer.

My 1st husband behaved similarly. Had I cut ties entirely rather trying. Well consider adoption. You can cut and run. Blessing in disguise.

Adoption or abortion will haunt you for the rest of your life (unless you have no morals, in which case Nevermind)

But raising a child is a joy like no other. Yes you will be reminded of him, but the hurt *will* fade over time and you will have a wonderful child to raise as you see fit.

Just don't make the decision while you are in the throes of grief and hurting.

Guys please don't judge my decision. I have morals, i have values. I told him that I'd want to put the baby up for adoption to this couple i know that has been trying to adopt for years, and he said absolutely not. It's not a matter of morality, please try to understand.