What's wrong with sending your ex flowers on Valentines Day?

Motguy here,

New to this eNotAlone site and I plan to send my ex flowers this Valentines Day. A little about my situation: We were a long distance couple for about 5 months and then I got to pushy/needy/smothering for her and she broke it off before Xmas. I begged and pleaded but to not avail. Tried NC for about 1 month and then made email/phone contact and told her we should get together sometime.

She said that we would. Got impatient this past week and emailed her and asked when she would like to get together. Her response was that she wouldn't have time to anytime soon. She is extremely busy with both school and now her job responsibilites also. I in return emailed back a stupid ultimatum saying that I would just like to know where I stand w/her and for her to contact me when she wanted to get together again.

I later emailied and apologiized for such an impatient/frustrating message to her.

I guess I have really screwed up if you listen to most of the experts that sell their strategies online. I however, am very stubborn and go against so called wisdom of others and do my own thing.

I am planning on sending her flowers on Valentines Day and saying something on the card like " hope this brightens your day"!

Any constructive feedback will be appreciated!

Motguy

I think that would be overdoing it since she already feels overwhelmed in a bad way by your neediness/attention/ultimatum.

But since you say you like to do your own thing, why ask the question in the first place?

I would just like to know where I stand w/her

It's not clear to me. From what you have posted it seems obvious where you stand. What is it you are not clear about?

I however, am very stubborn and go against so called wisdom of others and do my own thing.

It's Ok to pursue something you want but not to the extent that you are intruding on the rights of others. Are you sure she wants to be hearing from you right now?

I definitely wouldn't send the flowers...

She already thinks you're clingy/overbearing so sending flowers would just irritate her, I think...

Leave her alone.

Her signals are pretty clear, she's not interested.

It's up to you and you'll probably do your own thing anyway.I think from reading your post your ex is trying to gently let you down.If somebody is too busy to be with you,then chances are they don't want you.I don't see how a bunch of roses is going to change the situation.In Hollywood this may work,but not in real life.I don't mean to be negative and I hope I'm wrong,but this is how I see it.I say don't send them and move on.If she wants you ,let her come for you.

Seeing how she said you are way too pushy and clingy I think the flowers is the worst possible thing you can do. You will push her away more. She needs some space. Whether you consciously realize it or not, you wanting to send these flowers is another pushy/clingy tactic.

Right, so you split up because you're too clingy, and you're going to buy her flowers on VD after she dumped you?! Don't do it, mate.

I too am too clingy for my ex apparently. I was considering buying something for my ex in an atempt to win back his heart. And you know what...at some angels it's sill very temptng. But then I snap back into reality, and realise this isn't The Notebook. What would this do to get my ex back, who already thinks I'm too needy/clingy? I'd say it'd just proves to him that I AM...and he doesn't want that!

I did however, go into town with a girl friend yesterday and saw something for men, it's a little mini weight for the penis to enlarge it apparently. And I am SO SO tempted to send him that for the big day.

Ahahahhaa. I would be in stitched of laughter...not too sure he would though

But getting back to you. Seriously mate, don't do it

I'm with the others, I don't think sending her flowers is the best idea. As others have pointed out, you broke up because of "clingy" behaviour. Sending flowers (after the onslaught of emails) would be viewed as a very pushy action right now.

Constructively, move on and leave her alone. get yourself something nice for valentine's day instead.

I am with the other posters...if you send those flowers, you are not getting the message and it would almost seem stalkerish. She is sending you clear messages that she doesn't like your clingy, needy behaviour...you keep doing it despite what she says. You are not listening to her, you are not considering her at all...you are only considering your needs...sending the flowers would not be about her...it would still be all about you and your desperation to feel connected to her. Take a good, long look at your actions...not cool...sending the flowers would likely make her feel very very uncomfortable...is that what you want?

Your actions are that of an obsessive, unhinged stalker. Keep persisting when she already told you no and watch if she doesn't put a restraining order against you.

Keep your money.

Better for everyone's sake if you let this one go: especially yours.

Send her the flowers and then get yourself acquainted with the "Healing After A Breakup" thread, because the "Getting Back Together" thread will be of no use for you.

In other words, send the flowers and your chances of getting back together are pretty much zero.

You need to do the exact opposite of what she's accusing you of. Sending flowers is not that.

Good luck

And the most obvious reason this is a bad idea is she is an "ex".

Why would you spend money and TIME on someone you're not even involved with anymore? Now, if there is actually a chance of you two rekindling the relationship, then go for it! However, if it's just one of those "nice gestures" than you will be wasting your time, because he/she probably already moved on.

stop right there man lol.

i did the exact same thing (being to clingy), and it didn't better my friendship/relationship/watever you call it with my ex.

what she sounds like she needs is time/space. for the love of god, dont send those damn flowers! stop emailing her, stop messagin her, stop txting her, ignore her and accept the fact that you two are broken up. things might change in the future, but for now thats the cookie and you need to eat it.

i garentee she will have alot more respect for you if you just dont talk to her and wait for her to talk to you (believe me, she will).

Save your money and self-respect.

A guy i dated a few years back was like this. After our break up he gave me a gold chain on my birthday. It made me uncomfortable and then even very upset because I had been trying so hard to tell him it was over.

This is the same principle.

It suggests that you are very hardheaded and that not only is frustrating but will make a person angry.

i would not send her the flowers - this is why ....

back in high school, i had a boyfriend who i was crazy in love with, and he treated me like crap for months. eventually, i couldn't take it anymore, and despite the fact i loved him, i couldn't be in a one-sided relationship anymore. fast forward a few years, he contacts me out of the blue, told me that losing me was the worst thing ever, that he really wanted a second chance, etc.... i told him maybe, i would need time to think. he would call and email me 2x a day, it was too much. i told him he needed to back off, give me some space to think. on valentine's day, he sent me flowers, and that just PISSED ME OFF. he was being so clingy, even after i needed some time, that i told him the next day never to call or contact me again, it was over!!!

i didn't take the flowers kindly at all, i just thought that it was a bunch of crap, and i didn't like that he didn't listen to me and respect my need for space.

if she is asking for space, you should give it to her. don't send the flowers.

Yeah. I also think that if we want an ex back, we need to look at it as, you never know what they are thinking. They could be thinking about what they want, and trying to make a decision. If the reason for splitting up is clingyness, and we are giving them gifts, emailing them, etc. they may just be pushed way back again and say to hell with it. I know NC isn't for getting the ex back, or it shouldn't be, but that is why most people do it - like it or not. And if you're looking at NC from the point of view of getting them back - I think this is a valid point. Basicaly, give her space and time to think. It really is best to let them come to us [if they are going to] as hard as it is. Then we will know it's becuase they WANT to, not because we pushed them.

Sending her flowers will come accross like you're trying to buy her affection. In turn, she'll want nothing at all to do with the gesture, and she's likely to be pretty put off by it because she knows that if she doesn't respond positively that you'll be pissed, or worse yet, hurt. She doesn't want to be responsible for your feelings. No flowers from you I'm afraid. Send a short email instead.

Happy VDay,

xo,

me

It's as simple as that.

He is so right, I did the same stuff, it didnt work, only made it worse, listen to experience

Send her the flowers and then get yourself acquainted with the "Healing After A Breakup" thread, because the "Getting Back Together" thread will be of no use for you.

 

In other words, send the flowers and your chances of getting back together are pretty much zero.

 

You need to do the exact opposite of what she's accusing you of. Sending flowers is not that.

 

Good luck

Been there, done that. Short story shorter, it did nothing at all. Actually, maybe it did do something; something negative, that is.

Listen to me, when you think about getting her flowers, you daydream of an ideal situation where your ex is touched by it and starts thinking of you again. If she doesn't have those feelings for you, it's not going to happen, and I truly believe she doesn't have those feelings for you. Sorry to sound harsh, but I am really trying to get the reality accross so that you may stop digging yourself a deeper hole by being stubborn.

who are you talking to?

Been there, done that. Short story shorter, it did nothing at all. Actually, maybe it did do something; something negative, that is.

 

Listen to me, when you think about getting her flowers, you daydream of an ideal situation where your ex is touched by it and starts thinking of you again. If she doesn't have those feelings for you, it's not going to happen, and I truly believe she doesn't have those feelings for you. Sorry to sound harsh, but I am really trying to get the reality accross so that you may stop digging yourself a deeper hole by being stubborn.

The thread starter.