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TMinCali last won the day on October 24 2007

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  1. Actually, let me correct my last post... I loved Jxxx more than life itself. I waited forever for him to come around. I got ME back and stumbled many times, but eventually, when I truly was doing my own thing... he came back. By then, I was in a new relationship and happy. I was able to see the old relationship objectively and realized the real reasons we broke up. (believe me, as soon as you can be objective, they'll show you) Whether it be neglect, selfishness, abuse, addiction, etc... you'll be reminded. I don't want to make light of the strong and hurt feelings many of you are feeling on here. Believe me, I know exactly what you're going through. It's the worst feeling ever. Just be patient and "nature" (or if you believe in God) will show you what is meant to be.
  2. Bumping this to help the newbies. I got my ex back but he came back too late. I had moved on and realized there was a reason we broke up. Granted, he still wants to be friends.. ugh. I think most of the time, the reason we want our ex's back is because it's a shock to our system when they dump us and naturally, we always want what we can't have. Good luck, ENA-ers. xoxo
  3. I'm bumping this because I think it could help some of you. Since my ex came back, I fell off the wagon. Basically, I didn't take my own advice and things are really screwed up. Read it. Learn it. Live it. Good luck everyone.
  4. radiation, I appreciate your feedback and your insight. It's definitely another perspective that many people share on this site. Just remember, NC is not to get your ex back. NC is to get yourself back which might lead to getting your ex back. When you're in NC, you can't say anything that will keep driving the ex away. As for improving yourself for the ex... I would never suggest that. By improving your life (mentally and physically) you will build your confidence, which also gives you a better chance at getting your ex back, and/or perhap allow you to realize that you deserve better than them. It's a win-win IMHO. What I have recommended is not a "strategy". It's a way of changing your perspective and self-empowerment. J-man, as for always ending the convos first... yeah, this is where I get very close to the "game-playing" line, but by ending the convo first, you are controlling the pace and the conversations (self-empowerment). It also prevents you from rambling on about meaningless stuff that could bore your ex and make them gunshy about talking to you again. But yes, it does seem like a game, but if you look at it in the perspective of regaining control over yourself, you'll understand why it's important.
  5. Selkie, I agree to a point, regarding the dating profiles. I actually put an add up and while I was searching, I found my ex. I looked at his and he looked at mine. I kept mine up for awhile knowing that he would realize that I'd for sure be dating others. After awhile, I realized that the longer my profile was up, the longer it looked like I was still looking for love. In a way, I felt a bit pathetic. Now he's the one that is still looking (6 months later), while mine is no longer on there. I guess in the beginning it can be a good thing to do, but after awhile of being on there, it might have an adverse effect. I'm at the point where I want nature to show me "the one". I know it sounds silly, but I do believe in destiny. p.s. This is why my friends tell me I'm the "Charlotte" of all of our friends. lol
  6. Yes, the relief is pleasant, isn't it? Talking to an ex without anxiety and uncertainty is probably one of the best feelings. There's a caring feeling that you have for a good friend. Add attraction on top of that, and .... well, can you say "sparks"?? The flame has been re-ignited. Just keep doing what you've been doing. You're extremely attractive, so once you get your inner goddess under control, you'll be good to go Also, you mentioned that you have a match profile up. I'd advise to make it invisible so he can't see it, or block him so you don't show up in his searches. My personal opinion is that it makes us look desperate in their eyes. I mean, we're hot mamas...we don't need that because we have guys falling all over us everywhere we go And if you're doing the steps to get your value/appeal back, this will be true.
  7. Haha.. no worries. I pretty much just ignored it. My opinion is this... you either get it or you don't. What I've posted is based on human nature and the laws of attraction. It's quite simple actually, but when we're hurting we make it more than it really is and tend to over-analyze ourselves and our ex's. We also expect too much in too short of time. But when/if I have a success story to share, you'll be the first to know
  8. love4life, I wouldn't invite him. I know it seems like the right thing to do, but it's not. All of your contact with him at this point should be short and about random stuff you guys had in common. He knows he hurt you and he needs to feel comfortable enough to talk to you again without the guilt. Baby steps If he's seeing someone else, I'd make the contact very very limited. Again, one-liner emails that you'd send to a buddy. Questions is... are you ready for contact with him? Can you honestly say that if you had contact, you wouldn't be counting the days since he's called or contacted you again? Will you start wondering where it's going? I've been apart from my ex for quite awhile and it has been only recently that I've gotten to this point. I think the baby steps are necessary before you can start inviting him to meet up or to see your show. You don't want to do ANYTHING that will make him feel pressured or guilty if he has to tell you "no". You also don't want to make him feel as if you're an obligation. He has to know that talking to you is an enjoyable experience. No pressure, no guilt, no bitterness and no egos.
  9. Zorba, you and I are totally on the same page! Great post!
  10. That's just it, I don't want it to be soon, and I don't expect it to be either. I'm getting to know him all over again and he's getting to know me all over again as well. It's great. We're friends. We're comfortable talking to each other. For once, I don't have any expectations and it feels like such a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I almost feel like I'm talking to a guy that I know finds me attractive and cool, and although I'm attracted to him as well, I'm still getting to know him and aren't sure if I want to date him. I have completely changed my mindset about things. It's about what I want and deciding if he's worthy of my time. Not a game....it's truly how I feel. I believe this is what others talk about when they say to treat reconciliation as a NEW relationship. Starting from scratch means getting to know someone all over again. Being friends first and THEN lovers. You can't force it, it just has to be that way. Relax, be yourself, be enjoyable to talk to, and be confident. If you don't do the things I listed in my original post, it WILL come off as fake. That's why if you do the steps and you reach a point of reconciliation, you'll be natural again. Why do you think most successful reconciliations that end in marriage usually happen many months or even years after the break up? It takes time to get ourselves back and it takes time for our ex's to get to the point where they want to "check in". It's magical when you are BOTH in a good place mentally/physically and you have contact again.
  11. LFG, it's not a game if you are truly living your own life. I agree, many relationships end because one of the partners fell out of love. Why is that? WHY did they cheat? WHY did they lose interest? People don't fall out of love for no reason at all. Sorry, doesn't happen. That is why it is up to US to be that person they fell in love with to begin with. If that means you need to work out, get a life, get a job, stop playing video games, stop drinking/doing drugs or simply show appreciation of the other person.. than do it! Perhaps there was something you did that annoyed the other person. Find out what that is and do something about it. ANYONE can get their ex back. It's all about attraction and creating value. I don't care if they say they don't love you anymore. If they are attracted to you and think you are a prize to be had, they'll want you. Period. Don't fake it... be it. For those that have ex's that are currently dating someone else.. it's alot harder. You pretty much have to let their new relationship run its course, while at the same time, work on yourself and be that stud or goddess. And when I say "stud" or "goddess", I'm not just talking physically.. I'm talking about being a fun, confident, happy person. You know.. the person you were in the first month of your relationship with your ex. When the ex comes sniffing around in your direction again, they'll see someone they are attracted to. If you don't want you ex back, that's your decision, but this is the getting back together thread, so I am trying to help those that do want them back. I strongly believe what I posted is the key to doing this.
  12. Crows.. you need to read between the lines. Why do you think she told you about an ex the wanted to have coffee with her? To me, it's not brain surgery, but I seriously want to know what you think about that comment? Also, did you go out with your buddies often? If so, what things did you do with her that were special and endearings? Be honest and do some serious soul searching before answering that.
  13. I think the point I"m trying to make is that when/if our ex's make contact with us, we need to be sure we are in the right place for reconciliation. It's at that point that the reconciliation fails or succeeds, so yes, it is up to US to make that happen. Ex's don't fish because they are bored. I know alot of people will say this on this forum, but I seriously don't believe that. They're looking for a reason to have second thoughts. If we blow it, it's done. They'll be satisfied with their decision to break up. The victims on this forum will see that as evil and callous. And it's unfortunate that their response to their ex's "fishing" caused the reconciliation process to hault. It's absolutely up to us to remind our ex's that we are the fabulous people they fell in love with. Who else's responsibility would it be?? If you blow it, it's on you. Don't blame your ex's for not returning your call. You obviously gave them a reason not to. What I see most in this forum is that when guys that were dumped have their ex's contact them, they act like they don't care. Let me clue you in on something... Almost ALWAYS.. women leave men when they feel taken for granted or unappretiated. This is why many women will be in a new relationship almost immediately after a breakup. There was already a guy in the wings that was sweeping them off their feet and doing all of the things that you were FAILING to do. When they come fishing again, it's because they really do LOVE you and are hoping that you'll show them that you CAN be the guy to give them that appreciation. When you act standoffish and cold when they "fish", they make their decision to be with the guy that is giving them the attention they were lacking in your relationship. It's a sad reality, but unfortunately, it IS reality. Women want to feel loved and appreciated.... keep doing your games of wanting them to pursue you and the game is over. It just doesn't happen. Women are not wired that way. I know I'll catch crap for saying this, but it's really time to take responsibility for WHY our ex's left us and to do something about it. Stay a victim and you'll become a "Gold Member" on this site. Good luck all.
  14. Like I said, I don't want to jinx anything by writing it in this forum. Most importantly, it has gotten ME back. I'm the sh*t and anyone that I meet will be lucky to have me. If/when the ex comes back, he/she will see the person they originally fell in love with. People on this forum are very hurt, bitter and cautious. This is probably good to give them the perspective to truly see the relationship they were in, but if they are looking for reconciliation, they seriously need to find themselves again. At one time, they were fabulous and on top of the world. When we get insecure in a relationship, we become someone our ex's didn't know existed. They start to second guess if we're worthy of being with them. We now need to turn the tables and not only let them know that we are worthy, but THEY are worthy of US. We have so much power (mostly women). We had something that made our ex's falll head over heals for us. We lost that. It's up to us to find that again and be that prize. I know alot of people won't agree with what I say. I believe these are the people that still feel like victims. Just remember.. WE did something that changed our minds about our ex's. We are very much as responsible for the demise our our relationships as our ex's. We now need to get them to the point where they feel we are someone they simply cannot live without. We are awesome, valuable and we have a standard for person that gets to have us. For those that want to still remain negative and cautious.. I do wish you the best. As long as you are a victim, you will always wait for someone to prove to you that you are worthy. If you already feel that way without them, then naturally they will be drawn to you. Ex or not... you will attract people that will WANT to be with you because they want to experience your awesome life. Stop being a victim.. stop being suspicious, and open your mind. Understand WHY our ex's "fish". Understand WHY they ask to be friends. They're not toying with us.... they obviously are thinking about us and seeing if we're still the same nutballs they left to being with. Act like a nutball and you chances are gone for good. Act like an uncaring, bitter ex and their fishing days are done. They've got their answer... you really never cared.
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