lostandhurt

It was 15 bucks, not jewellery for goodness sake. An old friend sent you a gift that is all this is. If it was a woman sending you this gift would we be discussing this? No we wouldn't. Your bf is a child that threw a tantrum. Are you sure you want to date a child? You didn't do anything wrong so stop taking the blame for your boyfriends insecurities, jealousy and control issues. Lost

You asked her to meet outside the gym and she clearly let you know she is dating someone so hands off. So far she sees you as a good guy that took his time to get to know her and yes I know it sucks knowing now that if you hadn't taken so long she would have went out with you but you did and she is now taken. Stay friendly but respectful of her new relationship and see what happens. Who knows she may have a cute friend that is single. Just don't be that guy that tries to snake some other guys girl. Even if you did manage to steal her away then you end up with a girl that easily walks away for the newest shiny object, how long before it happens to you? Lost

You nailed it right there!!! We all could use more balance in our lives, some more than others. Just like any bad habit or addiction the first step is identifying it and accepting that you have it. Solving it or working on it takes time, sometimes a lot of time. Please remember you took years to find yourself where you are at so it will take some time to find the balance you seek. You can see the issue and accept it is a real problem which is a huge first step. I have lost sight of what is really important in my life many times but I always seem to find my way back. We only have so many days on this earth to live a happy life and I do not want to waste any of it on something that is pretty low on my importance list. Lost PS Do you feel like you can fix this yourself or need a skilled therapist?

This is about control. In your work environment you are in control while your non work environment you don't feel the same or no control. It is a form of escape that gives you comfort and a sense of safety. This is not uncommon and not specific to alcoholics/recovering alcoholics but many do use it as a crutch to keep them from drinking. What is it you fear? Certainly the world will not stop spinning or your company will not implode if you do not do all these work related stuff on your off hours so what is it that you fear? Lost

I am not so sure he was ever your boyfriend. He was just some guy that put in just enough effort to keep you around. Look back with eyes wide open, that will be your closure. You don't have to bite into a lemon to know it is tart, you just know by seeing what it is. Same goes here. Lost

Lat's leave the money thing aside for a moment. He just very recently was dumped by his gf and he freely admits it was because he plays video games to much and dotes over his truck instead of the relationship. This right here is reason enough to run for the hills. Then add in he is broke as a joke AND living with mommy and daddy and you have a recipe for disaster. Thank goodness he was broke and that was your deal breaker because you were about to become his next victim. This is not the guy for you, heck he isn't the guy for anyone at the moment. Most solid people would be taking time to heal from a recent break up, getting back on their feet financially, getting their own place and then start thinking about dating. Lost PS How can he be so broke if he is living with his parents rent free? Bullet Dodged for sure!!!

I don't think you have anything to worry about. I would bet she feels like a lucky woman to have you in her life. Have you made out at all? If so or in the future when you get there and things are hot and heavy on the couch simply guide her hand down there and say something like "I want you to know I am not big all over" or words to that affect so later when clothes come off you will feel more relaxed and her expectations will be tempered. She is a big girl so imagine what she will be thinking undressing in front of a guy that is in great physical shape. I am sure she is worried about being rejected as well. I recently started dating a wonderful woman and we have been intimate a few times but my issue is the opposite of yours. When she told me I am a lot bigger than any guy she has ever been with you would think I would feel good about it but I didn't because I was concerned about hurting her. It swings both ways and we cannot change those body parts by dieting or working out. It need not be awkward so keep it light and fun when the time comes. She sounds like she is into and since you have been friends for so long she obviously accepts you for who you are. Best of luck Lost

She will not make it past the first interview trust me. I worked for an agency for over 30 years and even our lowest employee was run through the department of justice. To be in law enforcement in any place that is not corrupt they take new hires really seriously and check them carefully. We had one guy that is all he did, even as far as flying all over the country to talk to friends, ex spouses, ex employers and the like. You need to let go of this Lost

I agree, what good will come from meeting one on one? Nothing but grief for you and stress for your fiance. This sounds like more of the same from your ex, her way or the highway. Just tell her if she wants to meet for lunch just the 3 of you it would be nice but you see no good reason for a one on one meeting. Make this a statement, no a question or compromise. Then leave it. After all she cannot force anyone to meet her one on one. If she brings it up again simply ignore it. In time your boy will bond with you more and more so stay on the high road, be honest with him and he will see who you really are despite what his mother may say or do. Lost

Step back and let her come to you. If she does don't think the friendship will be like the old days because it clearly isn't. Things change, people grow and evolve and relationships/friendships need to as well. Interestingly enough something similar happened to me. Good friend almost like a brother and we hung out all the time. Then we lived in the same place and hardly hung out like before. Counter intuitive isn't it? Lost

Home was wrecked long before you came along. Let it go but learn from this. Look at yourself when you started dating. Did you have all your stuff worked out and healed from the last relationship? Was your ex for sure out of your life? Since they never truly left each other it was never real to either of them was it? Try and date men that have finished with their past before trying to start a future with them. Tough spot but you did the right thing. Lost

You did what you felt was right and were extremely polite about it all so if you feel better for ending it this way then that is what you should do. As a guy I can tell you this: He treated you really well at first but his comment about not being ready for a commitment meant he wanted at best a friends with benefits thing and at worst a hook up. Next time if a guy tells you that and you want a commitment no mater how cute they are, how nice they are or how many flowers they bring you cut them loose right then and there. Many women hear that and think "He just needs to get to know me and he will fall for me and want what I want" My best advice is to believe what he says and don't try and twist it into what you want to happen. When your friends that fixed you up ask what happened, take the high road and just tell them you wanted different things and leave it at that. After all it is the truth. Lost

You are way stronger than you think you are. I can tell because you did an incredibly difficult thing and handled it extremely well. Good on you! This is a good thing and you actually did him a huge favor by breaking up with him. He can now release the guilt of lying to you and having to hide his other lifestyle. He has some self discovery to do for sure but so do you. Like you said you got together as teenagers and now you are a young adult. Neither of you are who you were when you started dating. Stay single, figure out who you are as a single young woman and really forge your own path without accommodating someone else in your life. Then when you are centered and feel good about your life you can start thinking about adding someone to it. Take time to care for yourself and see just what you are made of all on your own. I think you will like the adventure ahead. Best wishes Lost

Look at his first thread. Zero humility, huge ego. Lost

This is why couples counseling is so important. There is no way of avoiding anything sitting in that room talking with a professional. It gets real super fast for both of you. Many times on this site we see someone like you that is in a relationship that is not doing well and then they meet someone and a spark is ignited. Is it real or is it just you have been starved for that feeling for so long? Then they decide they never really loved their partner or some other justification for what they are doing. Like I said the first lie a cheater tells is to themselves. Put in the effort with an open mind. It may only last 3 or 4 sessions before you both realize the marriage is over or if it is worth saving but at least you BOTH will be involved in the discussion. Every time you pick up your kid for your visitation and then drop them off again you can at least look them in the eye and know you tried your best before you broke the family apart. You might see it as a waste of time but if your wife sees what you see in counseling then the chances of a non adversarial divorce are a lot higher. She gets blindsided and who knows how this could go... Lost