rfd1283

Thank you everyone for the great responses. I'm glad I found this site. It seems very helpful. Now I have come follow-up comments and questions: 1. Fixing her. It seems like most here think I shouldn't suggest she sees a doctor. Fair enough. But the first time I couldn't perform, she was trying to basically convey that it's ok. And she said, "don't worry about it. If it's an issue, we will do something about it, like a lot of other people." So, in other word, I could see a doctor. So from that standpoints, I could suggest she see a doctor too. Right 2. E.D. I did get treatment for it. But I don't think that's the issue and neither did my doctor. As I seem to work well with her predecessor and others. I don't think E.D. is selective - meaning you struggle to have sex and sometimes you don't. If you struggle with one woman and not another, I don't that's E.D. Although, I will admit, treatment is awesome. Because even if it's "working" to begin with, treatment makes it work even better. 3. Somebody asked her age. 57. But I don't think age is relevant, because she claims she has "never" liked sex, so it's not a recent thing. 4. Somebody pointed out that I knew something was off even before she told me she didn't like sex. So subliminally, I could tell she was interested in sex and therefore I myself wasn't into it, subconsciously? 5. Capacity for love. Somebody brought that up and I think it's right on. Is that what she means by replying to "I love you" by saying "I'm a *** show."? 6. But she does seem to like my touch. She likes to kiss, cuddle, etc. WIthout getting overly graphic, she does enjoy when I do other things to her. And I know that because of her physical reaction/bodily reaction. Is that odd? She likes some things, but not actual sex? 7. I let it go when she did not respond to "I love you", because it was early on and alcholol was involved. To be honest, I don't know if I felt that way at that point. Drunk talk? Sex talk? Not sure. But I know I haven't repeated it.

My gf of two years has very low sex drive. We rarely have sex. For a long time I blamed the circumstances. We live two hours apart and she is a single mom with four kids. One is in college, but lives at home. The other two are in high school and the other is in middle school. So she can’t just ditch the kids and come to my place and I can’t sleep over by her. So the opportunities to be alone together a slim. Hotel rooms are out because she says she’s not getting a hotel just for sex. When she first told me that, I thought nothing of it. I didn’t’ think it was a reflection on me. I just felt that its how she felt. Now it turns out there’s more to it. She recently told me that she “doesn’t like to have sex and never has.” She adds that it has nothing to do with me. I do believe that as she’s alluded to previous issues with her ex-husband and ex bf. I just figured she wasn’t ever with the right guy. She added that she does like intimacy and being romantic. She likes kissing and cuddling etc. But she doesn’t like sex. So when we do have sex, I guess, she’s doing it for meI have been dwelling on this a lot lately. Its bothering me. I come here with questions. I hear this is a good site for advice. Hoping for some input. 1. My performance. Early on in our relationship I struggled to get an erection and/or sustain an erection. That’s never really happened before. At least not to this extent. But this was long before she told me she didn’t like sex. So why was I struggling? Could I somehow tell she wasn’t into it, even though she hadn’t said that at that point? 2. We haven’t had sex since she told me that. But I wonder if I could possibly enjoy it myself during sex with her now? I mean, I guess we like sex, in large-part, because of the way it make us feel physically. But don’t we enjoy knowing or at least believing that the other person is enjoying it? So if one person admits they’re not enjoying it, wouldn’t that take the enjoyment away from the other person? 3. Can low-sex drive/low libido be treated medically? Would I be out of bounds suggesting she talk to a gynecologist about it? However, low libido, I believe means “decreased interest in sex.” She said she “never has” liked sex. So it can't really decrease, right? Could it be she’s asexual? I read up on that topic and it says “despite lacking sexual attraction, some asexuals engage in purely romantic relationships." 4. If neither of us are turning each other on then it could be headed for “purely romantic”, or platonic. Would I be off base if I didn’t want to continue along those lines? 5. Also, while she insists she likes kissing and cuddling and being romantic she doesn’t seem to be affectionate toward me in the slightest. Even before she told me she didn’t like sex, I suspected that she likes having a bf – double dates, going out with a group of couples, going our with her sisters and their husbands, going to weddings together. I think she likes me personally. I think we have a lot in common. And I think I fit with her friends. But I feel like I am merely a companion. Sound like it? Not all bad. I like the social part of it too. But the other stuff is getting to me. 6. Finally, one time I told her I “loved” her. Her response was “I’m a ***-show.” I didn’t ask her to elaborate. Should I? I obviously never said it again