Slothler

We broke up last night. I confronted him about what I found and he swore up and down that nothing physical had happened and that he would change and ignore his urges for me. I refused that. I brought up that right now it might just be porn or making accounts, but what would happen later down the line when the curiosity and needs would overpower any love that he has for me? I don’t think either of us would be able to emotionally come back from an injury that deep. We both cried for hours talking about how grateful we both are for this beautiful relationship we’ve had. He told me he’ll look into going to therapy and I really hope he does. He has so much guilt and shame built up that he needs learn to come to terms with himself and his identity. I forgave him for the hurt that his actions inflicted and I hope he can forgive himself. We have agreed to do monthly check ins with each other because there is still so much love between us and all we want is the best for each other. We came up with a story to tell our friends and families about why we broke up. To them it will be our upcoming long distance period and trying to find who we are a single people and adults since we started dating when we were both teenagers. I am terrified for this new chapter of my life. I have a great support system and I’m trying to give myself time to grieve and heal. Does anyone have any recommendations for books to read to help me? I’m thinking about reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius but I also want to read a contemporary book about relationships and healing.

We’ve been dating for 5 years. We both are in college together right now and I have made it an effort to make sure we don’t live together before we are done with school, so that is a plus. I agree with what you say. It’s just so crazy for me to think that he has acted on this because I see him almost everyday and we also have sex almost every time we’re together. I am also struggling with the idea of just packing up and leaving him because I don’t want to potentially out him. We have had a great relationship and I am very close with his family and friends as he is with mine. I know this must be scary for him (it doesn’t make what he’s done okay) and will probably be blindsided by this.

I don’t know what to do. I have had issues with my boyfriend in the beginning of our relationship about using porn too much and even receiving and sending out nudes to online girls. It took everything in me to get past that with him, but maybe that was my first mistake. A couple years later, I found videos of him using a d*ldo for back action and even performing oral on it. I was shocked. I approached him about it and he said that he is not interested in guys AT ALL but was curious about the back action thing. I was suspicious about the not being into guys thing but I wanted to give him space to figure out his curiosity. We have done some experimenting back there but nothing full on as I don’t know if I’m comfortable with performing that. He swore that he was just curious about the feeling of it and said it wouldn’t be anything more than that. He has not tried to get me involved with any of his experimentation, and I was under the influence that it had ended. However, BIG SURPRISE, I went through his phone again tonight (yes I have trust issues) and found more videos of him using a d*ldo. After more digging, I found a secret email linked to a gay hookup site. It’s specifically for finding local people and video chats. From what I saw he has not chatted with anyone or put out any videos so far. I'm heart broken. I can accept him being bi and experimenting with him but I feel like my trust is broken beyond repair. I am so in love with this man and he is my best friend. I know I need to break up with him but I just don’t feel like I can live without him. The selfish part of me wants to ignore it and stay with him. We have made plans to travel the world, get married, and grow old together. Someone please help. What do I do?