cacain119

not really concerned about it. It's one of those things, I've been with the guy long enough to know what he does and what he doesn't do. I think if he suddenly changed like that, then he'd be doing it out of guilt or something. I do these things because I *want* to, not because I have to.

you need time to heal. she should understand that. ..I would even wait on jumping back in the relationship.. that might be picking the scab you know? I'd go no contact 100%. Let her know, then past that, ignore texts. You need this time for yourself.

Been with my bf for 4 years now, and I'm unsure of what to do for him for valentines day. I've always been the "thoughtful" one in our relationship and i've been going down this list of ideas for about a year and a half for his bday, christmas, anniversary.. and now i'm just plain out of ideas. here's what i've done for him in the past, let me know if you all have any new ideas! Bday: a cologne he'd had his eyes on, and a signet ring with his initials engraved Christmas: An espresso machine he'd wanted for years, now that he had a place to put it Anniversary: (we do small things for this bc it falls between Christmas and Vday so we're pressed for cash -- I don't receive a gift normally, but I get a REALLY nice 5 star dinner -- and I normally get him a gift to repay for the expensive night) I got him a new wallet and a couple nice quality beanies because he'd been complaining about the weather and he'd never had one before along with a stylish necklace. I don't know what to do. . .

Yep, previous poster said it best. Take her up on that advice. He seems to be using you until *the next best thing* comes about... And a little distance never hurt anyone... He might just realize how silly he's being.. Good luck

The examples you gave were NOT laughable; that's the reality of abuse, and it's sickening. I agree with some of the other posters, however -- you are clinging to an image.. the person that you originally fell in love with, but he's not coming back and this is what you're left with. You deserve better. I would personally seek help on different levels. First, find a friend or a shelter for battered women -- they will help you to get on your feet. Secondly, find counseling for yourself. Something tells me that the abuse in your home is linked to you finding an abusive man -- abuse is always a sick cycle. There are so many men out there that know how to love someone for who they are and you should not be limited to this jerk. Get help and get it FAST. The frequency doesn't matter -- this should be a *no tolerance* issue with you, and again -- echoing the other posters, it only gets worse.

My boyfriend use to be like this about 3 years ago so I'm assuming you're in bw 15-18 -- it's VERY detrimental to a relationship, so I'm telling you, no matter WHAT your age.. this has GOT to stop. My boyfriend use to freak out about all sorts of things even if it didn't deal with the opposite sex. The only thing you can do in this situation is get hobbies.. go out when she goes out, in separate groups though. Go play sports, go get a bite to eat, go learn something! Go do *something* though -- if you're this protective/jealous all the time, it is going to ultimately push her away, that's EXACTLY what it did to me... We had to work our trust back up afterwards, but he loosened up, learned to trust me, love me, and let me go... And I *always* come running back to him, because ultimately he's the one that makes me laugh, and smile, and has the BEST hugs and the BEST kisses.. You have to know she cares for you. Confidence is a big turn on for girls, so show some. Get your own life and hobbies when she's pursuing hers.

that would be *great* if we had the next day off... Didn't matter if we overslept or had too much, etc... I wish I were better at figuring these things out, thanks so much lost, for helping me out.. your suggestions are GREATLY appreciated.. he told me *plan it, we'll do it* -- he really doesn't care, but feels the need for it as well.. he's been really stressed with work, and I had *one* night back in town tonight so we were more focused on that

He can't have crackers.. but cheese is a good idea! ..I don't know what to make, he's the boy on the restricted diet, but maybe I can put something easy together (but still nice)... I just don't know what to do during the night.. it'd be nice to picnic in the day, and do something in the evening.. but it's early mornings the next day.. yikes. I just don't know. It'll have been nearly 2 weeks since we spent quality time together though (sob story, I know! LOL). I've been in Dallas for the past week, the week before that was just really busy, I'm off for a bachelorette party/wedding the next 2 days.. the 2 days after that we'll be visiting his parents.. And it'd be nice (since the holiday is free anyway..) to do something special *just for us*... Any other ideas?

sometimes it's just being friendly.. like sometimes if you're at a restaurant or a bar, you ask them "so how's the food/drink"... And then go on from there.. Keep the conversation even, and by that I mean to not talk too much about yourself, and don't let her talk too much about herself either. Compliments come off as cheezy -- being too forward. Questions are normally good feelers.. Hello is good, but where do you go from there?

We only get the fourth off, and there have been SO many weddings this summer, it's taking all our paid-time-off! We want to do something just for us and we have the WHOLE day together... (but nothing around it, like we couldn't get that monday off to go somewhere together)... So what should we do? I've thought about having a picnic with some chilled white wine... But I think it's suppose to be VERY hot that day (here anyways!)... What are some of your guys' plans?

then that's your problem. it's hard to come seek advice (and words that you've already told yourself too, obviously) and not be willing to act on it. At the point it's hard to feel sorry for someone -- but at the same time, I know how emotionally sticky these situations can be, and for all of this, I wish you luck.

Then why are you with the guy? "Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around" -Vanilla Sky I just think I'd take control of the situation... It's gonna hurt for awhile, but it's not worth you feeling this way. You DO deserve better...

well, I got a lot of responses from zee womenz.. but that's okay.. you're input is also really appreciated! It's just one of those things that it's happened *a lot* lately (I'm not really in the dating game, I'm in a pretty serious relationship) -- so it seemed to be a flirting tactic. Like *you look like someone I would date* kinda thing... and they weren't saying neg things.. they were all very good things.. I just thought it was a shady way of flirting and I brought up my bubs the first second I could! lol just was wondering about other *typical* ways of flirting... just so I could be on my guard, I know I come accross as a flirt and I've done my best to work on it.

Should it be a huge clue that a guy is flirting with me when he tells me I'm just like his ex gf, etc... I've had this happen to me a few times... I can't really tell when I'm getting hit on and I'm just an overall nice person.. so I'm trying to stop things before they start... What kind of things do you all do to initiate with a girl that you like...

I want him to do it with ME. It's not that it's too much, not at all.. just his focus is off. Keep your papayas