mhonkieys

should you forgive? yes, always, not for him, but for yourself, *if* you're able to, then by all means, do. however forgiving does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean that you should expect anything but lies and abuse from this bloke, he sounds like he has many issues that he needs to deal with, and my question is, why in gods name are you still there? why are you still around? why do you know whats happening with him? if i had someone do what he did to you, to me, i'd of run for the hills. the truth is, anything can be forgiven, and if you can forgive someone (anyone) who has wronged you, then you seriously should, imho, forgivness is not the act of wipping the slate clean, but settling the guilt, hate, sorrow and general distate in yourself, its not telling someone they're right, or what they did was wrong, just releasing it from you.. IMHO: forgive and forget him.

whoa dude, you sound like a very good friend of mine, he gets these long time obessions, i'll give you the same advice, which he hates and disguards. lay off, you sound like you're a total reck for this girl, and she sounds like she hardly cares. perhaps its simply the way i read what you said, but i see three things, 1 you're in love/lust 2 she isn't with you 3 you've focused so much on her that you haven't focused on yourself, others. lets take this thing apart, what makes her so special? what does she give/have that you can't get elsewhere? are you focusing on her out of chemistry or out of lust? desperation? are you simply lonely? one thing to think about is the reason we do things, not just the situations which fall into place, perhaps shes not your type of girl (if you honestly think she is going to "hang out" and then some with this 'kid') and in the end, it doesn't seem any of your business, not from her end at least, from yours i'm sure it very much does, you have a vested interest in her, you have focused emotions on this girl, but you've got to remember until otherwise confirmed, those are purly your emotions. as such, its not your place to give her the morals lecture. in short pull back, and look at things from a different angle, try to understand all sides. and mostly, stop projecting your feelings/thoughts/hopes onto other people, its only good for driving people away

thanks for the rely (this is quite some time later) with advice from many people, i did not move in with her, in fact i later found out she was having sex with a married man, her ex boyfriend, and her best friend while we were together, so much for that eh? lol Life goes on, just an odd follow up.

i've personally been on the other end of the stick, an ex girlfriend of mine completely hurt me, abused my trust etc. to this day she still trys to be "friends" with me, i've resorted to begging her to leave me be by now, for some people, putting your trust into someone is much harder then normal, and when that trust is broken, its Extremly hard to fix. your best recourse imo, is to let him have his space, chances are by talking to him, you're only going to continually remind him of what happened, let time sort things, as it does so well with everything.

ok guys, i know i asked about my girlfriend and i was given good advice, but the fact remains i love the girl and i am willing to work things out with her, now i have a major problem though, she got drunk *yet again* and went to her family members birthday party, there she was told alot of pretty sad, mean things, in third party relation to her mother "she said well now she is heart broken, and says she is going, as in just leaving taking off. well she doesnt mind the fact that all of these people hate her mother with a passion and such but aside from that, i have talked her into waiting until i can find a way to support us enough to move in together, my problem is, i do love this girl. and being that i love her, i want to do things right for both of us. it seems like a happy novel idea to live together, but i know how it brings stress. i know it is not always the best step especialy seeing as we've had alot of troubles before. needless to say, im a man, in love, so i will probably do it, but since i have no one of an elder position to query about this i would ask that you could give me some advice, if we do move together whats the best way to handle it, should i? etc. i thank you very much in advance

thats good advice but also beware of falling into the friendly lovers trap, he may still want you sexually and maybe even emotional but he is afraid of women or relationships, i have seen many of my friends do this and it most often leads to the best friend you sleep with, which isnt all that bad if thats what you want. just make sure you both want the same thing.

you know in your heart what he is worth and if he is a liar or not, it's not he told lies over something so petty it's the fact that he told them with such ease. my best advice is be blunt and up front. tell him it turned you off how he lied, and if i were you i would ask him to say sorry to all involved. it may be harsh but if he loved you he would do it in a classy mannor. but thats just my two cents.

although at some point i agree, at large i disagree with a good bit of the advice, i as a guy do not like girls who "front" otherwise, i will like you for who you are or not at all. would you expect this guy to be all over you if you had huge breast and were 5'10" with a tiny waist? if so then your looking in the wrong spot, because you already know your answer. if you think thats the only way he will be with you, then your likely right. but just dont want to admit it to your self. look back and read his body language, does he lean towards you? does he speak gently? does he repeat the same phrase often or nod alot? (last two are deadly signs that you bore him or are of little intrest) i find that if you think you are listening, you are only waiting for a break in what the person is saying so you can speak. best thing you can do is tell him something that is important to you that would be obviously impotant to anyone but not dramatically (dont lie, be honest about something) a week later ask him about a related topic, try to see if he remembers what you said. if he does then he listens to you and you may wish to try going out with him, if not get over it and accept him as a casual friend who isnt very attentive

the best advice i could give you man, be bluntly honest, share the bad days with her and tell her what she means in bold and unhidden words. if after that she does not want to try, then it is time for you to move on and accept that chapter of your life as a beautiful and painful memory that you will never forget, we all grow and we all make foolish mistakes, it is those things and the ability to learn from them that make us human.

it doesnt sound like you need him per se, but anyone. you are focusing your life on a man who has done wrong to you which points to other issues, i think you would do best to sit back a while and gain a sense of yourself and what you want, what are you goals in life? what does he have that you want? sex? money? there are many nice guys, and most of them didnt go to jail. i think you have made a picture of this guy in your head that hasnt really been true to life. maybe you should be honest with yourself and think about what he means to you as aposed to what you mean to him. i cant say because i dont know you, but just from what it sounds like.. you are obsessed with a man who used you, and you are just asking to be abused again. when you ask the devil who he is, he never answers "the devil"

as someone who finds it very hard to trust anyone especially people i am in a relationship with i will tell you you need to make it very clear to him exactly what you want and what you feel, dont play games with it, be direct. tell him "i am sory for doing something that has made you not trust me" and make sure he is fully aware that you will never do "it" again it being whatever his fear is, repeat your self. if you say it once you may think he is aware of it, but i am sure he is having second thoughts about what you say and what you really mean. so let him know without a doubt. also, is it *all* males he does not want you to be around or a select group that he has said.. are you being totally honest with yourself, do this guys look at you as only a friend or are they wanting more? often times i see many girls (girls more so then women) who say "he is just a friend" yet the either are in denial or dont see that half of their male friends want them, sexually or for more. dont debate the issue with him in a manor that will make him think you feel you *need* to be around these guys, make it clear that you miss their friendship and that even if it's a bitter pill for him to swallow you dont want anything with or from them, and tell him that if you at any time sense they want more from you, you will stop seeing them. and stick with it. i hope my untrusting insights have helped you.. pease Always talk it out

i'm a 19 year old male. and i have had quite a few sexual encounters.. all have left me with a total lack of pleasure.. to be honest.. its even hard for me to get an erection now as time goes by.. i've had sex with all diffrent sizes and shapes of girls.. and difrent positions and fetishes.. it doesnt help.. in fact the only time i can stay erect is when i receive oral sex.. i'm pretty sure it's because the vigina can not produce enough pressure to stimulate my penis.. is there something i can do to become more sensitive, if not what advice you you guy's give to a young man who seems to be becoming impotent. p.s. if i can get erect with a young lady, i cannot climax, i have never been able to.