Consumed

Rather than seek advice as to what us men should do to make the sparks fly, I'm going to approach this differently. When you ladies masterbate, what is it you do to yourselves? Aside from the mental stimulations which obviously we can't imitate, what do you do PHYSICALLY when masturbating that makes you orgasm? I understand with women there is a lot more to it than the physical, i ask this because all men know we need to do far more than just the good old intercourse, but how long do you want us to stimulate the clitoris, how much pressure do you want, where do you 'imagine' being kissed when you masterbate, how fast do you want us to penetrate. Essentially what do you IMAGINE a man is doing to you when you masterbate, so we can actually do this in reality?

Nice guys finish last. Plenty of us around, but from my experiences alot of women have a knack of being attracted to 'bad boys', who of course will treat them like dirt, then the woman comes crying back to us questioning why all men are b*stards, why we don't treat them right...because you choose to date the idiot who will treat you like a sex object and nothing else. This is not an attack on all women, of course not, but malicious posts like these are too tempting for myself to ignore (I'm pretty sure I'm not the only male thinking this). This being said, life is one big experience, you have highs and lows, one day you'll meet the right man and you'll look back and laugh about past experiences and question why you even let these men upset you. All the best

Sorry to hear about your situation, perhaps there's a little reassurance in the fact it's not too uncommon. The same happened to me, with a girl long-term, the latter months became a bit of a soap opera (we'd split-up, she'd have a bit of fun, come back, split-up again etc etc). The final straw was similar to your experiences, one night a few days after another of our splits (what in hindsight became the 'final' split) I heard from a friend she'd met some random guy at a party and immedietely gone upstairs and slept with him... ...I was distraught, inconsolable. You feel as though your world has ended and question why and how someone you looked after so well (at least in your oppinion) could do something like that to you. Like annie said, perhaps she has alot of maturing and growing up to do. I hated her so much for that, I spent weeks not eating properly, not doing anything remotely sociable (in fact I was a real pain in the a*se for my flatmates) but sheltered away in my bedroom chain smoking and drinking like a fish. One day I'd had enough, i'd lost my dignity and self-respect and decided things had to change. I know this is a cliche and everyone suggests it, but honestly going to the gym and 'bettering' yourself is the best thing you can do. I went on the rebound....guess what is does nothing (I slept with a girl and hated every second of it), you may feel you HAVE to sleep with someone to prove to others you're 'over' her, all it does is prove you're not (something I think your ex doesn't understand, it seems as though she now feels theres some sort of 'competition' with you, it is very immature of her to email you saying she's 'moved on', again it just proves she hasn't, if she had she'd not email you in the first place). I know this is a pretty long reply and in some respects is disjointed and offers little advice, but from my past experience of your situation the old cliche of time being the greatest healer is what you have to rely on. 3 years down the line I am on friendly terms with this girl, however deep in the back of my mind I still resent what she did to me. Perhaps I will never completely forgive her, but as the months and years go by you meet new people who make you question why in the world you spent all those weeks lying inconsolable in your bedroom when there was so much people could offer you outside those walls! Anyway, best of luck, we're all rooting for you (feel free to PM me if you want)......

You took the words right out of my mouth! I'm in exactly the same situation, I don't know her name, to me she is just 'gym girl', it's what I tell my family and friends! I'm in the same rut as you, I convinced and promised myself that the next time I saw her, I was going to ask her out for a coffee. That was 2 weeks ago! I've been most days since, she's never there. Always the same time, I don't think my body can take much more!!! You've got to take the chance. The worst that can happen is she says no. Big deal, okay it may be a little embarrassing, you may lose a little face, but jesus in the scheme of things it's certainly a risk to take on the chance she may well say yes! We've just got to go for it big man....no fear....you're the daddy, tell yourself that! Oh yeah, in answer to your question, perhaps wait until she has finished her exercise (if it's a treadmill, cross trainer or something you may be in for a wait....more time to phsyche yourself up!). But don't let the opportunity go, I may well have done that and I'm ruing the fact!

Thanks for the advice all, a shame I didn't come talk to you guys yesterday, could have made a great start with this girl! I suspect I've blown this one. Oh well, keep the chin up, shall take all this on board and GO GET 'EM. Thanks

Hi, thanks for the replies. Of course, the photo caught my initial interest, however I read her profile and she sounds equally intelligent and interesting, certainly someone I'd like to get to know. Perhaps I just approached it wrong, as I said i'm new to it all however I thought complimenting her physical appearance to be a good start, yet I also mentioned she sounded intelligent and good fun (did I go wrong somewhere)?

Well, I've signed up on a site and posted a profile with pic. Saw a girl I liked straight away, messaged her jokingly saying she was in the wrong place (she is very attractive) and asked if she fancied a coffee (again, jokingly). She replied pretty promptly asking what it is I do, to which I replied earlier today (masters student) However, I have had no reply since she read it this morning (the site tells you if your messages have been read). I'm abit taken aback due to the promptness of her first reply (she saw my profile picture immedietely so I hope I passed that test!), generally thinking she'd reply straight away to this one. I guess what I'm asking is "is this what it's like"? Do new people like myself generally get their hopes up too early? Amazingly within 5 mins of signing up on this site I found her (I'm EXTREMELY sceptical about such things, also I feel their is still a strong stigma attached to them however I thought 'why not, a bit of fun'). I'm quite picky when it comes to girls (I see no shallowness in saying I must find them attractive) and unfortunately apart from her there are no others (though some sound interesting and intelligent they havn't posted photos). So I guess, having spammed these boards with drivel and no real questions, all i'm asking is "Is it a long and winding road" Thanks peeps

Is this not the girl who's family threatened to kill you? It's 2006 mate, leave her well alone, today can be the first day of the rest of your life, forget this woman, she's nasty trouble and you seem far too good for her. One day you'll look back and laugh at all this, until then, you've got our support, please follow it, the advice people gave you should be adhered to, the objective viewpoint is what you need. Good luck, happy new year

Hey, in some respects I can relate to your situation, it's been said millions of times but in finding this site you really have made the first giant step to recovering from this and coming out stronger than you imagined you could. It dawned on me today, we are in control of our lives. I have no friends, no money, no girlfriend...no life. I too will be spending New Year's Eve on my own, checking my email in the vain attempt someone, somewhere will have sent me something. They never do. Then I thought whilst reading another post here, I do so much for so many people, yet this is never reciprocated. I realised at the end of the day these people are not worth having as friends, they are your 'friend' when it suits them. To get to my point, yes, i am doing nothing this new year's eve, I have no friends or money, and again I shall check emails which never come....but, 2006 can and will be different. I'm sick of waiting on people, striving to please others who couldn't care less for myself. I am who I am, 2006 will be the start of the rest of my life, I suggest you make it yours too. It's also just dawned on me that my post has no bearing on what help you initially sought, but as long as you know you really arn't on your own, there are others in the same 'shoes' as you, then it's got to help. Besides, there is too much pressure that you MUST enjoy yourself on New Year's, no one ever does, so let's count ourselves lucky not to be in that position. Now, must check my emails

Thanks for all your replies, you're advice is what i need to hear. it's all common sense, but i'm sure everyone agrees that is something we lack in situations like this! it just seems so hard, i mean we have been apart longer than we were together (2 yrs together, over 2 yrs split-up), guess i disprove the theory it takes half the time your with someone to get over them then! as they say, time is the only way i'll get through this. still, not alone hey! merry christmas all!

Hey guys, i'm new here, bear with me cus I don't really know what i'm asking for, i just came accross this site and i've got to get this off my chest, i've never been able to talk to anyone about it. I split with my g/f a few years back, we were only together two years but i guess i'm just not over her. she has everything, she's incredibly intelligent, is going to be a great doctor, has been offered positions already (we are only in our early 20's) and will be extremely well-off in life and has men throw themselves over her. I feel like i have nothing in comparison ( certainly not such a promising future). despite her intelligence, she seems to find all guys attractive, and sleeps with all of them. I'm sure she'd sleep with someone just to further her career. I don't undertsand why she does this, she never used to be like this, and yes we're not together but, as the title suggests, I'm consumed day in day out with these thoughts of failure and her subsequent success. clearly, i'm not over her, despite what i may tell ppl, but i just don't understand her attitude to relationships. does she feel she has to get as many ppl as possible now before it's too late? i just don't understand. we live in the same town and i see her with a new guy all the time. of course, their are two sides to every story, i'm sure i make her sound like a beast, but that's the thing, she's not, she wasn't like this. i should be pleased for her, but i'm not, i hate her success, how life seems to favor her in everything. i guess, to cut a long story short, i am blatantly not over her, and am after advice as to ways in which I can stop being this sad guy who curses the success and fortune of others when i should be happy for them. tnx for looking, god bless