OrangeCoke

I wouldn't worry unless she misses her period. My wife and I have tried for a few months to get pregnant, including lots of full-on unprotected sex. It's actually surprisingly difficult to get pregnant for some people. You will probably be ok. No promises I guess, but I think odds are in your favor.

Your ex sounds like a jerk to me. He left you due to a small scar on your belly? Even 3-5 inches isn't that bad in the grand scheme of things. A girl I dated for 7 years had a 7 inch scar all the way up her outer thigh from a skiing accident - it looked like an earthworm. Didn't phase me one bit. When you love someone, you see right past those flaws. I do recommend telling guys about the scar before you get intimate so it doesn't come as a surprise, but other than that it's almost a blessing - you can use it to filter out all the shallow people! OC

I think all your points are totally valid, Mahlina. I think we are considering counselling to figure out "what's missing" in the marriage, although part of me wonders if anything necessarily has to be missing for me to have these feelings towards someone else? I know telling her is a mistake in the long run, I just have to suffer in silence until these feelings go away (bet you anything it will take literally months, I know myself). Argh. I hate the feeling.

It means sharing life with and loving someone, and caring for their well being. I guess I just didn't anticipate these kinds of feelings happening towards someone new so strongly....

- I don't think she feels the same way (or at least, I doubt it) - I don't think she knows how I'm feeling. - She chats with me a lot and we have a lot of laughs, but I don't think she is intentionally sending any signals or encouraging me. Thing is, I don't want to act on the feelings (have a relationship with her), it's just that some part of me wants her to know how I feel and maybe her knowing it will make it go away fast because I'll know that she knows, if that makes any sense lol.

I've actually been attracted to many women during our relationship (we've been together 10 years, married for 3). Attraction is of course a natural part of being human. But those were just "on the surface" attractions (nice looking women etc), whereas this is the first time I've felt that emotional "click" with someone other than my wife. It's really disheartening. With those other attractions, it was always "in the moment" and disappeared when they were not around, whereas I find this person hard to get out of my head for most of the day (even away from work or on weekends) and it's a feeling of wanting to spend more time with the person and talk, hang out with that person. I need an internal switch I can just turn off to make it go away, it's very destructive and distracting.

Probably lousy. But so far I feel lousy about the whole thing anyway, so it seems to be a lose-lose no matter what.

Hey folks, Situation in a nutshell: - Im married, 31 - crush is an employee of mine, 22 - has a boyfriend of a few months - I love my wife - I love my job - I am tortured by strong attraction to this new person - both physically and on an intellectual/personality basis. There's a "click" - wife knows about the crush but we are "working on it" - I'm trying to strengthen my marriage relationship But I feel like I'm not being true to how I really feel. Does being married basically mean denying my own feelings? Somehow that feels like self-betrayal in a way. Pretending to be something you aren't. Is life supposed to feel like that? This has been going on for almost 2 months and shows no signs of slowing down. NC rule isn't an option (at work). Should I tell the person, but stress that there's no intention of acting on this? Would it help these feelings go away, if they were just "out there"? This totally, totally sucks. It's tearing me up.

I'm a total nerd, and I've had a girlfriend for most of the years since age 14 (I'm 31) and have had a healthy sex life most of that time as well. I like fantasy and sci-fi, movies, hate sports, I paint and sell fantasy miniatures. I'm a big geek! BUT That doesn't let me (or any nerd) 'off the hook' as far as what makes you attractive. Meaning: to be attractive, you still need self-confidence, good hygeine (can't stress that enough!), and a sense of humor. If you have those things, your personal interests should not be enough to keep girls away. Basically, most people think nerds don't get chicks because nerds are often stereotypically gross, bad hygeine social misfits. If you act like a normal member of society, girls are not going to mind that you collect comics and play D&D on Sunday nights. My 2 cents.

Thanks, muneca ! I will definitely pick that book up - as you say, I am a big reader and that includes non-fiction. I was also reading "stupid things people do to mess up their relationships" lol Don't worry, I don't plan to be "creepy breathing on your neck boss guy" to this girl. I'm quite fearful of coming accross that way.

Hi folks, Glad I stumbled onto this site, there's a wealth of insight and advice here! Now I'm hoping for some directly applicable to my problem.... I'm 31 years old. My wife and I have been married for 3 years, and together for about 8 or 9 years. Our relationship has always been a little turbulent. In the beginning years it was more my fault than hers - I was a horribly jealous boyfriend. Thankfully I outgrew that nasty stage of life. Looking back, I was a real putz. On her part, she has always had a very strong negative streak to her personality - always complaining about job/life/weight, rarely looking for solutions, often snapping at me or making negative comments towards things I say or do. It caused us to nearly break up a few times while we were dating. These days things are better. She is trying very hard to make our marriage a happy one. She started taking Nardil which has made her much, MUCH more positive and pleasant to be around. She cooks me meals, bakes for me, we have good (although somewhat infrequent) sex, she's tolerant of my somewhat "loner" personality (I like to read a lot, etc). For my part, I try to be supportive, positive, affectionate, appreciative. By rights, we *should* have a very happy and loving marriage. And intellectually speaking, I realize this. But I feel somewhat empty inside. I feel unfulfilled. Things came to a head recently when I hired a girl who is 9 years younger than me - I was totally NOT attracted to her in the interview and that's no word of a lie. I hired her 100% based on qualifications, and didn't give her a second thought in terms of attractiveness etc. But for some reason when she started work she "knocked me out of the park", so to speak. She's smart, laughs at my jokes (always a plus!), is really beautiful and in great shape, and we have good chemistry when chatting about things other than work. It's one of those things where you just "click" with someone. It is, of course, one-sided on my part I think. I basically have a huge crush on her. She has had a boyfriend for a couple of months and I'm fairly sure is not thinking of me that way. She's just starting out on a new career. What worries me is that this is not the first crush I've had while dating my wife. Is that normal?? I seem to have a personality where I develop crushes on people. I should have outgrown that, but I haven't. So then I wonder if it's because I'm with the wrong person? There are so many reasons to stay with my wife and to NOT pursue anything with this new girl (not least of which is the desire to NOT be sued for sexual harassment!). All the reasons are, I find, "smart" reasons rather than emotional. So my fear is: - I'm a selfish and emotionally immature person. - I am going to ruin something that few people are lucky enough to have (a generally good marriage) because I think the "grass is greener" - if I STAY in the marriage, am I "settling"? Will I ever truly feel happy and fulfilled? WHY am I not happy? Will I horribly regret throwing it away over a few crushes? (probably lol) - I feel trapped in a way, because I feel like I don't want to hurt people (my wife, this girl, my own career, our families) yet I worry that I'm not being true to myself or my own feelings, and that if I have to live life being someone I'm not...well, that leads to feelings of suicide to be perfectly honest. I've always had a problem with that too Basically I just want to appreciate my marriage, feel happy and fulfilled, and NOT feel these strong crushes on other people. But each day I wake up and that isn't the reality. I feel "contented" and also feel like I want to experience new things and new people. It's awful. I don't want to cheat on my wife (and won't). I want to be a good person, and happy. How the heck do I GET THERE? Before suggesting anti-depressants: already on them lol. PS we don't have kids, although someday - assuming things work out between us - we were planning to.