alexcorretja

hi i thought i might be able to help you a little in this regard coz i'm in a similar situation with a girl i'm in love. well.. if she doesn't seem to be all that talkative, you just have to admit that it is her! it's a really bad idea to confront her with this.. it's only going to make her feel uncomfortable. so i suggest you lead the conversations... you should also remember that in a relationship with a guy and a girl.. there's always someone who's leading and someone who's being led... in your case, don't feel afraid to be in charge and lead whatever conversation you wanna talk about. be the dominant!

hi, i will try to give you the best picture of my situation so that you can understand what i've gone through and hopefully, i can get some good feedbacks on coping with my confusing emotions. i'm currently in first year university. as soon as school started, i made many new friends, one of whom was this girl that i'm really in love with now. i was first introduced to her by a close friend of mine. at first, i thought of her as just an average-looking cute shy girl, but i never thought of myself falling in love with her for the first four weeks that i had known her. one day, with a group of friends, we went to a dinner and movies together, of course she and i were there. and the strangest feeling hit my heart. i suddenly started to look at her as if she was the most beautiful thing in the world. that was already 2 months ago, and since then, i've always felt that i'm in love with her. obviously, i gave her subtle signs that would show her i'm interested in her, and she seemed to be playing games with me; maybe she was playing hard-to-get.. and she would stare into my eyes on one day and look at me as if she was seducing me.. but the next day.. she would look totally uninterested in me... everytime she did that.. i fell in love more and more.. and i became depressed and saddened.. and even obsessed with her. so i decided to turn the table upside down. i started playing hard-to-get back against her, and it seemed to work. she showed me signs of interests and asked me to take better care of her (she called me on my cell for the first time! after one week of silence)... although we are not yet in gf bf relationship. i had nights of endless unrest and so many thoughts going thru my mind.. thoughts of her and all romantic imaginations.. you know ^^ and i kept liking her for two months.... and now we are at a point where we both like each other.. i call her almost everyday and ask her what she's been up to etc... and i can tell that the "look of love is in her eyes"... we are still not going out with each other yet though... however.. this is where my concern comes in... because of the intense romantic emotions i go through, i think i sometimes get burned out by myself... sometimes.. when i don't see her for a few days or dont' talk to her... she seems to be the most lovely thing in the world... i miss her so much! but after i call her and we talk, that excitement seems to vanish.. as if my love for her vanishes in some way... and that worries me sooo much.. because i went through so much emotional ups and downs to get to the point where i am.. so my desire is to love her unconditionally so that my love wouldn't die out... simply put, after having gotten to this point, i wish i could love her a lot more than i do now... is there any way to sort of stabilize my romantic emotions? how can i grow my love for her? it almost makes me feel guilty for those sudden ups and downs of my emotions... i don't know how to deal with it...' please help~~~

dear perseus what dave..yep..dave said is absolutely untrue and downright rude. just completely ignore his comment. Because, after all, girls aren't into the guys looks as much as we (guys) are into the girls' looks (at least at our age - assuming you are a teenager or young adult). and especially as girls mature by growing up, they will be more interested in your subtle personality and content of your character rather than pure looks. i'm not saying that you are in anyway unattractive, of course i don't even know what you look like. what i'm implying is that the "game" is more important than the "package". it's simple, just look at the lovely couples on the street and school! how many times have you seen that an ugly unattractive guys are holding hands of a sexy hottie or a bomb! the answer is definitely many times! girls would be more interested in a guy who has a sense of humor, who is sensitive to their feelings, and can support and understand them, - than a simple surfer type blonde with six packs. and if girls do at this point of your life, it is because they are either not mature enough or superficial. you will also be surprised how many good looking guys are single because they are "all-looks-no-game" type. anyways, the bottom line is, in my opinion, guys' looks would be about 20% significant in getting chicks, while the other 80% comes from your character

well, i'm not much of an experienced guy at all. but one thing i can tell you for sure is that girls DIG FOR GUYS IN UNIFORM! Hehe! How do i know? Coz i'm a paratrooper in the canadian army. I've been in the forces for about a year. And you will notice that you will get a lot more attention by the girls when they know you belong to such an organization. Good to hear that you joined the army. Good luck on the basic training! keke, the trenches should be REAL fun!

Hi! I'm a 19 year-old single guy who has yet to go on a real date in my life. I consider myself very friendly, easy-to-approach, and easygoing. But the problem is i'm such a typical nice guy. It almost depresses me when i think that my niceguy image is ruining my chances of going on dates and just being around girls. A lot of people complimented on my looks and told me i'm handsome, cute, and sexy. However, my biggest fear is my communication skills, personality, being comfortable around girls, and having the ability to make girls laugh (sense of humor). I think those personal areas are where i definitely lack some skills. I In fact, i'm not shy at all! I'm very outgoing and extrovertive. However, when it comes down to the stage where you pretty much have to reveal yourself to the girl, it seems to me as if i just run out of topics or don't really know what to say. I don't have problems approaching girls and getting to know each other better by asking questions and talking to them. But i haven't gone a step further from there to ask a girl out on a date! I feel totally comfortable talking with guys and my close buddies, but it's a totally different story with girls. Actually i've noticed that a lot of girls have been giving me their eyes; the only problem is all of them have just not been my type. And when it comes down to the girls that i really like, i always seem to make some kind of mistake during the conversation. I guess i'm still in the learning process in the art of seduction. An intimate relationship is supposed to be based on total understanding of each other, mutual acceptance, transparency, communication, and openess which lead to vulnerability. My problem is that i shut myself down in conveying what i truly am when talking to girls, and that way, i run out of conversation topics or just feel very uncomfortable and awkward when i'm around them. Should i change my whole personality, normal conversation topics, and sense of humor in order to be more successful with girls that i like? How is it possible to lead an ongoing smooth and comfortable conversation with girls when my normal conversation topics (guy talks) aren't really applicable in creating an intimate atmosphere? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading my post. Ciao!

well, as you well know, flirting is a big step towards developing mutual intimacy, romance, and comfort. If all you have done so far is handshake with her, which is not really considered any intimate touch, (it's a rather too formal way for you to send her a message that you are interested in her as more than a friend), you've got to do some more. Ask her out on a date, preferably if you live in Wien and you are culturally cultivated, go to the cafe up the hill of the Schonbrunn Palace. I've been there, and it's one of the most romantic places i've ever been to. On the date, touch her at least five times! Make eye contacts with her/gaze into her eye. And touch her hand briefly as if you are making a point or agreeing with her notion. As far as cheek-kissing is concerned, i think just going straight from handshaking to cheek-kissing is a bit too drastic for a change. How about giving her a nice big hug the next time you see her? Do that several times whenever you meet her, and when you feel it is the right moment, while hugging her, quickly give her a kiss on her cheek as a cute gesture. I think it will work, and especially the hugging will work as a bridge between the gap from handshaking to cheek-kissing.

Well, from reading your post, i don't think anybody would disagree with a notion that your fiancee has got some REAL SERIOUS ISSUES! i don't wanna offend you or put you down in anyway, but this is something very serious at this point, and it may very well likely grow into something even more serious, catastrophic, and disasterous once your marriage life unfolds. And you know what i'm talking about. If this thing is just a playful, very unrealistic way for him to have fun , it is still very disgusting and unacceptable, but if this is anything more than that, how could you trust him as a husband? In the back of your mind, there will always remain that doubt, second thought and guessing, and if i were in your situation, the marriage won't be romance, it will be suspence and psychological torture. Intimacy grows when there is total trust, transparency, and acceptance of each other. But i doubt your current relationship has such potential elements. Another thing is, your fiancee has cheated on you by lying after the promise that he won't do it again! If you can accept his behavior as purely an eccentric habit, then there must be ways of dealing with this. For that, get some therapy from psychiatrist or something coz i don't know. There is a saying that goes something like "Love blinds our eyes" you may cling on to him now coz you are so madly in love with him, but after years of tears and wears in a relationship, the same loveable honey will look like a grizzly bear at some point in your life. It's either you take him to therapy and sort him out, or you are taking a huge risk that will determine your life. i wish you good luck. ps. i'm nowhere being an adviser or critique in this regard, so don't take this seriously, i may be absolutely off track. this is purely my personal opinion.

Your story is a very interesting to look at as it is very complicated. I've been in a similar situation where this girl i liked was a friend of this girl that liked me. I can totally understand how you feel, but to the best of my knowledge, i think there' is nothing wrong with what've you done so far, or how you feel, but everything wrong with the guy you have a crush on, unfortunately. i mean, if you and this guy have been in a romantic relationship for a number of months as you described, and goes on to date your own cousin, he definitely knows, for sure, that his act would hurt your feelings and make you sad, angry, and jealous. Guys in general are pretty dumb and dull, but in this situation, there's no way that he has no idea what the consequences of his action would bring to the relationship between you and himself. I think, in my opinion, he has become disinterested in you as a lover, and just wants to remain as a friend, since it's impossible just to say goodbye oneday, for the reason that he no more has feelings for you. i'm sure you know of possible solutions to your crisis better than i do, but this is basically how i look at your situation.

first of all, your story was extremely interesting to look at. you said you both come from a very traditional cultural background? may i ask if it's either japanese or korean? well, i think the story for you is quite different from most teenage crush. i mean, i'm a lot younger than you, and i'm not experienced either, but what i find is that girls i've been interested in so far, are just too young and not ready for relationships like that. if she striked a conversation with you at a bus stop, when you are a total stranger to her, and if you two spent the next two hours together in a bus ride, that definitely tells something about her. she's definitely interested in you! otherwise, why would a beautiful woman who has a very traditional cultural background ever bother to talk and flirt with a total stranger? i don't think it's necessarily a bad idea that you wrote her an email, but just don't look too desperate. i learned a lesson by being too available and selling myself cheap. it would be a good idea to refer to the article post, USE ABsense TO INCREASE DESIRE AND RESPECT by grneyedscotsman anyways, good luck and ciao!

There is this girl at my school whom i've been interested in. I first didn't think of her as anyone more than just a plain ordinary girl for the first few months, but at some point, i started liking her, and it got to a point where i definitely felt i was in love with her. So i asked her for her phone number, msn contact, and email adress. We talked mostly on msn, and i have called her twice by phone. The problem here is that, apparently, i think i sold myself too cheap by looking "desperate" although i'm really not. I took every opportunity to talk to her, and made myself available all the time. You see... i'm not that experienced around seducing and impressing girls. After reading the excellent and helpful article called, "USE ABsense TO INCREASE DESIRE AND RESPECT" by grneyedscotsman, i can clearly see what happened. The girl, who used to be really interested and admired by me in the beginning, started to show signs of disinterest, and there was no more of that sparkle between the two of us when we talked. There is another concern i have which is the possibility that i might have scared her off by being too romantic, because i gave her an xmas present with a letter basically saying how i'm admired by her beauty and her character etc. Remember, she is very shy and also inexperienced. So i decided to stop talking to her, which was mostly on msn anyways. And it's been almost 2 weeks since the last time we talked. I honestly don't know what to do at this point. Since then, she must have thought about me. When i asked her out to a concert at the beginning of our conversation, she agreed to it rather enthusiastically, but now she seems unavailable almost. What should i do to win back the heart of this girl? Is it even possible to make her interested in me again?

i recently found out that this girl whom i have three classes with at school has liked me all along. the problem is i thought she was way too hot for me, so i didn't approach her due to my insecure nature. we had an intimate conversation together one night, and she looked very interested in me. she called me "sweetheart", "sexy" etc so i asked her out and she said yes, except that we didn't really set up the place, time or even the activity i called her the next day to see how she was doing, coz she was supposed to come see me play tennis in action (she was the one who asked me that), but she was really sick she said she would give me a call when she gets better, but that was already 5 days ago, and i dont wanna call her coz i'm gonna give her an impression that i'm desperate over her. i wanna be the captain of my ship and i wanna be in charge. so i'm wondering, should i wait or give her a second call? how would you analyze the situation?

Just until the last month, i was heartbroken after not getting a response from this girl i had a huge crush on. It took me a while to get over her and get out of this stupid cycle of depression and infatuation. Funny thing is, i kinda of started liking this new girl who's three years younger thane me. I'm 18 and she's 15. So i approached her, called her every night, we had some deep conversations together, and gave her a christmas letter and present just a few days ago. She's really shy and inexperienced. So she kind of freezes when she sees me at school, and it's quite uncomfortable talking to her in real person since she doesn't know how to develop a conversation face to face. The thing is, there is this other girl that i have three classes with. She's real hot and she's been giving me the eye for the last few weeks. But i was insecure about myself, and thought too high of her, so i didn't approach her. But then we had a little chat over msn the other night, and it turns out that she really likes me. She's one of those hot popular girls in school, and i asked her out but i'm not so sure if i can handle comfortably without making a fool out of myself. The problem is that now, I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHOM I SHOULD GO FOR. I FEEL GUILTY ESPECIALLY FOR THE YOUNGER GIRL, COZ I REALLY DO LOVE HER. As far as the other one, i'm kinda interested in her, but i think it's too early to say that i'm in love with her. Can anyone give me some advice? What should i do? Should i go out with just one of them and forget the other, or sell my conscientious heart?

well, i'm not too experienced at this, but by the looks of it, it seems to me that she really is interested in you, but maybe she's just a little shy. she's shy and she expects you to make the first move. because if a girl is interested in you, they really make overt signs that signal that they are interested in you, such as flirting, asking you questions, following you around etc. if you happen to live in Wien, take her to the Schonbrunn, and walk up the hill, there's a quite a romantic cafe up the hill, which looks like a greek temple from the outside, they sell cakes and coffees and drinks. it's the most spectacular view, looking down into the Viennese district. I thought that spot was the most romantic place to be, at least from all the places i've been.

I have a huge crush on this girl from my school. She is definitely single, and very shy. I've talked to my friends about her, and they all seem to think that she's unattractive, plain-looking, and too pale. She is actually kinda geeky. She wears the same clothes to school everyday, and doesn't wear any make ups. She is simply the type of girl that doesn't put out to guys. Nevertheless, she is the most beautiful girl i have ever seen in my life. I would honestly rather go out with her than Britney Spears if i had such a choice. So i'm really curious as to if she would ever be interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with a guy. I consider myself decent enough or good enough for her, but i'm worried that she's not ready for a boyfriend. Then, IS IT IN ALL SINGLE WOMEN'S NATURE TO BE LOVED BY SOMEBODY? Do you think she would be surprised and glad to find out that there is actually someone out there who's seriously in love with her?... although she may have low self-esteem, and has never been asked out by any guy?

I have a dilemma to deal with at school. I have a huge crush on this girl, and i've been totally infatuated with her for the last two weeks. I finally broke the ice by going up to her and introducing myself. A couple days later, I was really depressed, because I wasn't sure if she was ever interested in me or not. But like a scene in a movie, it was a late afternoon at school, when everyone had gone home. I felt depressed and miserable, just dreading over how pathetic the day would be without talking to her. Then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, she showed up, smiled at me and even approached me. So I thought it was God who helped me or something and seized the opportunity. I asked her where she lives and told her that I was going in the same direction (subway). What i had realized was that she was so shy and doesn't really know how to develop a conversation. She would just smile at me and don't say much. I ended up walking her home and exchanged e-mail addresses. At least that day, she really looked like she was interested in me. After getting home all pumped up and happy, i called up a friend who went to the same school with her the previous year. He said that she wasn't the type that puts out and that she was very shy. So that led me to question whether or not she was ready for the kind of relationship that i had in mind (BF-GF). The next day, i approached her again at her locker, and to my surprise and shock, she had become a totally different person. She was cold and looked as if she was running away from me, or trying to avoid me. I ended up walking with her all the way around the school, until she found this ugly little grade 10 kid, who is no where being attractive or being her BF, then in front of me, she flirts with him, and all this time, i was watching her from behind. Then she looks back, smiles at me, then they two happily walk away. That was the shittest day in my life. I've never felt so shitty in my life. A week had passed, and i reexamined what had happened over and over again. I finally decided to write her an e-mail basically saying that i think she's a very interesting person to be around and that i would like to keep in touch with her. The problem is that i don't have any class with her in school, so the only way i can be friends with her is by making the first move. Plus, her friends are none of my friends and it's kind of awkward because she's always with her younger brother at school. The first moment i saw her, i totally fell in love and it was a classic love-at-first-sight. I've been infatuated, lost appetite, and no other girls ever come into my mind. I sincerely need to get her. Now, my question is, was she playing a game with me when i approached her the next day? And what can i possibly do to at least get to know her in person to person?