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Thread: I'm jealous of my boyfriends dog!

  1. #1
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    Angry I'm jealous of my boyfriends dog!

    Okay, So this is going to be long, and I apologize in advance.
    My boyfriend and I have been together almost two years. I have a daughter from my ex-husband and a little less than a year ago we decided to get her a puppy because hers was hit by a car. Everything was great until this cute, fluffy, puppy (She's a lab/rottie mutt mix) turned into a huge, smelly, slobbery dog. & before I get the smarty pants reply, yes I was fully aware she would be a big dog. Well my daughter has lost interest in the dog and she belongs 100% to my boyfriend now. Problem is, He treats this dog like a queen! I understand he is a dog person and maybe I just don't get it because I don't like dogs very much, but I thought maybe that would be different if I raised one from a baby. Nope. I still hate dogs. She sheds, she stinks, she jumps all over you, and has no grace to her what so ever. I don't like her sleeping in the bed with us and he gets mad at me if I make her get down. I don't want her on the furniture because she sheds and there's black hair everywhere! He brings her everywhere he goes, and I just feel second. He will completely ignore me and love on the dog, yet when I hug him, he wont even put his arms around me! He was never a real "lovey dovey" guy to begin with, but he has NO problem kissing all over this dog, and loving all over her, He has even told me before that if it ever came down to me and the dog, he'd take the dog!! It feels like it takes an act of congress for him to break his attention span from her and spend time with me. Am I crazy? Then I thought, "Well maybe I need a pet too." So I got myself a kitten. Which is fine except now, my boyfriend gets mad at me for paying attention to the "Damn cat" as he says and not to the dog, Or the fact that I mention something along the lines of getting the kitten flea treated, he legit said to me, "That's so f***ed up, you're willing to spend money on this cat but you wont get flea stuff for our dog?!" Okay A: The price for frontline differs GREATLY between a 95lb dog and a 0.5lb kitten! and B: The dog has already been treated! Right now we are in a huge fight because of the other night we were drinking and I guess the dog done something to piss me off and I let him know about it. I'm not proud of what I said, however I'm sure everyone can relate to saying something that they don't mean while drunk at least once in their life.... Well... unfortunately I said something pretty hurtful in the heat of the moment. I said if I had to I'd take the f***ing dog to the pound and I hoped they killed her. That I hated them both, and never wanted to see them again. . .(Keep in mind I was drunk at the time, I don't hate him and I don't wish death on the stupid dog) So now he's all mad and wont talk to me because I'm cold hearted and what not. I don't know what to do. I love him, I just feel like this dog is a huge problem and I need to either get past it somehow or check into a psych ward because seriously?! Who's jealous of a dog? That's not normal. Right?? I'm sorry this is so long, if you made it this far, well thanks for reading. I needed to vent I guess.

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    First off...line breaks and paragraphs do wonders to keep me interested in reading...I did read it though...just for future reference.

    To your post- I think you have every right to maturely bring this up while you're both sober, and come up with an adult compromise on how to handle this situation. Obviously there is a lot of tension in the relationship because of the dog, or your lack of tolerance for the dog. Whatevr the case may be, you'll BOTH have to come up with some sort of agreement, like maybe he promises to be mindful of how much affection he shows towards you vs the dog. Maybe you'll promise to be mindful of how you may or may not over react to the dogs behavior.

    Jealousy is a hell of an emotion, and the best thing to do about it is address it within yourself, instead of chasing the person whom you think is responsible for causing it. Treat it like a fire...when a house catches on fire, the firemen don't start looking for the man who started it...they put it out. If, instead, they decide to chase the culprit first, the fire would quickly get out of control, and cause a lot more damage than needed.

    Be patient, and bring it up to him maturely and calmly. If he refuses to fold, then I'd bring it up as an ultimatum because you will continue to resent the dog if he completely refuses to be flexible on this.

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Well....this really isn't about the dog is it? It's really about the fact that your bf doesn't meet your needs. Let's face it, if he did, if he treated you the way you crave to be treated, then the dog would not even be a blip on your radar. You are just displacing your frustrations with what's lacking in your relationship by focusing on the dog. The dog isn't the problem here. The human relationship is what you need to be giving an honest look at. Alcohol is a great truth serum, btw, so maybe don't dismiss so easily what you said about wanting them both out of your life. You have some issues with your bf that need to be addressed and resolved and if they can't be, then perhaps parting company is the best you can do for yourself.

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    Platinum Member mhowe's Avatar
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    I don't see you guys as compatible. Or very mature.
    You don't like dogs, but you bought a large dog for your little girl.
    The dog is clearly not trained, which is part of the issue.
    Your non-demonstrative bf has clearly no problem showing affection to the dog and has told you he would pick the dog over you (I would have left after that)

    You, in a drunken rage, tell him you would kill the dog if you could.
    And buy a cat in order to compete...for what...I don't know.

    I suggest separate houses and being single with your respective pets.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Victoria66's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DancingFool View Post
    Well....this really isn't about the dog is it? It's really about the fact that your bf doesn't meet your needs. Let's face it, if he did, if he treated you the way you crave to be treated, then the dog would not even be a blip on your radar. You are just displacing your frustrations with what's lacking in your relationship by focusing on the dog. The dog isn't the problem here. The human relationship is what you need to be giving an honest look at. Alcohol is a great truth serum, btw, so maybe don't dismiss so easily what you said about wanting them both out of your life. You have some issues with your bf that need to be addressed and resolved and if they can't be, then perhaps parting company is the best you can do for yourself.
    This. And just to add this is not about dogs and cats but the severe lack of respect that you guys have for each other.
    Sept 23/2014 Asperger's diagnosis for my son. " in a box not a bottle"

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    I think you should break up and leave your boyfriend and his dog alone. I can imagine that if you have such cruel thoughts about the dog, the boyfriend is not putting his arm around you because you are bitter and hateful and not because he loves the dog more. The dog is compassionate and caring towards him all the time. And you say hateful things when drunk and have unreasonable expectations about the dog. Ninety percent of dogs shed and large dogs -- well,, many of them slobber and you act so put upon by it.

    Also, you are trying for your boyfriend to be someone he is not. I am not very affectionate towards people. I am a little socially awkward too. But I am totally at ease around animals and can totally see myself giving a hug to a dog before people. That is how I am.

    And no, I do not think the dog is ill trained for being on the furniture. Some people are okay with pets on furniture and the dog is trained in other ways - walking on a leash and commands.

    Please do not get any more pets. The pets suffer when people buy them to "fix" things - teaching your daughter that pets are disposable by immediately getting a new puppy and getting a kitten to compete against the dog. I am glad that your boyfriend loves the dog.

    Sorry for the rant, but I hate when someone takes things out on animals

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
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    I'd kick anyone to the curb in a heartbeat if they ever opened their mouths about wanting to kill my dog. That is messed up.

    I agree with mhowe. I fail to comprehend why you went out and got a cat.
    No relationship is ever a waste of time. If it didn't bring you what you want, it taught you what you DON'T want.

    Give but do not allow yourself to be used. Love but do not allow your heart to be abused. Trust but don't be naive. Listen to others, but don't lose your own voice.

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    Platinum Member IThinkICan's Avatar
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    When I was married, I was jealous of our cat. Which I identified as ridiculous. Nonetheless, the cat got more affection than I.

    Our marriage ended. He kept the cat.

    The rest is just unnecessary detail.
    It's not having what you want / It's wanting what you've got - "Soak Up the Sun" by Sheryl Crow
    I am viscerally turned off by men who want to limit my options as a way of assuring theirs. - Me

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    Okay, I thank you all. First of all I want to make it clear that I have NEVER hurt the dog, I would NEVER hurt the dog & that is the one and ONLY time I have ever said anything of that nature. I was drunk and pissed off. I didn't get the cat to compete, I thought if I had a pet to give my affection too then I would focus less on the dog.
    (btw my cat is amazing, well looked after, and loved)
    We have talked it over tonight (sober) and I told him how I felt and how sorry I was for saying those hurtful things in the heat of the moment.
    All is well for the moment.
    Thanks for the advice.

  11. #10
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    And NO I do not have unrealistic expectations about the dog. Dogs do not belong on the furniture. Period. She can have a big bed in the floor. She is a dog. Not a person.

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