Sex with an ex

[Orange]

So, as the subject says, what do you guys think of sex with an ex? My boyfriend broke up with me six weeks ago, but ever since then, I've really missed the physical aspects of our relationship. And I just found out today that he has missed it to. He has, however, no intention of getting back together in a relationship. Would casual sex with him be wrong?

[addictedblue]

not a good idea. get a boyfriend who is willing to invest in you for a relationship and then do him. eventually either you or your ex will fall for someone else, and if it happens to be him first, for you it'll feel like breaking up all over again. (believe me, i've done this. dated a guy for 4 months, we realized the relationship wasn't working but we were both hot for each other, and still got together strictly to fool around. not a happy ending)

[BeStrongBeHappy]

what do you mean 'wrong'? since you are an adult, you can do what you want, but i think you have to look at it as potentially heartbreaking for you.

 

do you want to get back with him? and how will you feel if you sleep with him, then he ignores you, or you see him on a date with someone else, or hear him talking about wanting to date someone else or be with someone else.

 

you might be doing it out of feelings and a desire to get back together, but he is just looking at it as easy free sex until he finds another girlfriend, then he will cut you off.

 

so make sure you understand your own motivation before you get involved in sex with an ex.

[shikashika]

not a good idea. get a boyfriend who is willing to invest in you for a relationship and then do him. eventually either you or your ex will fall for someone else, and if it happens to be him first, for you it'll feel like breaking up all over again. (believe me, i've done this. dated a guy for 4 months, we realized the relationship wasn't working but we were both hot for each other, and still got together strictly to fool around. not a happy ending)

 

maybe not a good idea for YOU.. but from her post.. it sounds like BOTH of them want the same thing!

 

I have been in situations where it was purely sexual and it was fine.

 

to the OP... if you are missing that physical aspect of your relationship then I say go for it... and enjoy it!

 

i think sex in a commited relationship can be incredible... but sometimes you just need a quick fix as well... and if both partners want the same thing.. then no one is getting hurt.

 

When one person wants more and the other doesn't.. THEN there can be problems..

 

Nothing is black and white anyway..there are problems in relationships, there are problems with casual arrangements as well.. THere are also good things in both!

[EvaGina]

When one person wants more and the other doesn't.. THEN there can be problems..

 

That is the only thing I would worry about... that and sti's

[Batya33]

Of course it's not wrong, but it might be wrong for you. It depends how honest you are with yourself about whether you expect more than just sex.

[shikashika]

That is the only thing I would worry about... that and sti's

 

one would hope that someone one is sleeping with is at least using condoms...

[renaissancewoman101]

if you can keep your emotions out of it and just keep it purely sexual, then I would say go for it, because sometimes you just need to scratch that itch and toys dont always help.

[MrCrazy2u]

Like some of the other posters have said, it's fine when both people want the same thing... but I've had ex's that say they just want sex and then when the session starts getting intense they start throwing out the 'L' word and start asking me to say it back as well. Seeing as though it's in the heat of the moment I go along with it, and after everything's said and done they start wondering if we're gonna get back together... And that's when I look like the @$$hole for going along with it

[Batya33]

Yes, but it doesn't need to be with an ex if that has a high risk of causing emotional attachment.

[shikashika]

if you can keep your emotions out of it and just keep it purely sexual, then I would say go for it, because sometimes you just need to scratch that itch and toys dont always help.

 

ha ha!! I like that...'scratch the itch'

 

(although I have to say a 'toy' has NEVER let me down )

 

what about boy toys ?

[renaissancewoman101]

Shika, toys are great, but sometimes, it doesnt cut it, esp when you want the touch and feel of a guy and the cuddliness and the comfort of a guy. Toys are so sterile. Sometimes, I miss being able to sleep in a guy's arms, cuddle with him, and do the foreplay, that you CAN'T get with a sex toy.

[SexySadie7]

Yeah, sex toys sure won't give you a long lasting kiss!

I don't know.. if you are sure you are over your ex... it might be fine physically.

Me, I'd worry about the emotional aspects of it.... I'd be afraid of getting my heart broken. But only you know yourself and how you may or may not react to casual sex with the ex.

If you are really over him emotionally and know he's not been with anyone else and use protection, I don't see the harm.

But if you even have an inkling of wanting to get back together with him, my advice would be, to think this over carefully.

It would be an emotional minefield for me if I wasn't over the ex.

[Batya33]

Yes, but my guess is that you are not just talking about physical satisfaction - bet you wouldn't feel great if all that happened, and then in the morning he hopped out of bad, put his pants on and said "see ya" and disappeared.

[EvaGina]

Yes, but it doesn't need to be with an ex if that has a high risk of causing emotional attachment.

 

true, but they may have a sexual connection that she wants, without having to sleep around to find

[renaissancewoman101]

Batya, I really don't advocated having sex with the ex, because I would have a hard time doing it, since my emotions cloud a lot of my judgements. But, I was just trying to point out to the OP that is she can keep the emotions and attachments out of the equation and just keep it sexual, then yeah, it's a great way to relieve an itch. Maybe she can. I know I can't.

[Batya33]

I understand but think it is too risky to choose the ex if all she wants is no strings attached sex.

[lady00]

I think it's dangerous territory. I mean, even if you think right now that you will be fine emotionally, you never know...your feelings might change after you guys hook up.

[sophie274]

If you have even the tiniest suspicion or doubt that you're not over him, definitely don't do it.

 

Honestly, I think that even if you are over him, you shouldn't. Just seems like it will too much of a reminder of the relationship you were in with him, and I could easily imagine how you would re-develop feelings for him.

 

No matter what you do, please be careful with your body and use proper protection - condoms. If you are not in a relationship with him you don't know who else he is sleeping with, or who else he has slept with since the break-up.

[shikashika]

Shika, toys are great, but sometimes, it doesnt cut it, esp when you want the touch and feel of a guy and the cuddliness and the comfort of a guy. Toys are so sterile. Sometimes, I miss being able to sleep in a guy's arms, cuddle with him, and do the foreplay, that you CAN'T get with a sex toy.

 

I agree.. I love the weight of a man on top of me..

 

 

but if one is looking for sweet loving tenderness, cuddling and comfort.. then that sounds like that person wants more than just a casual arrangment.

[Orange]

Thanks for all your input guys. I am really confused over this. On the one hand, I really just want sex (but it does have to include kissing - I'd have to ask him about that). But on the other hand I can't help but be a little scared that all my feelings for him will come back if I go through with it.

 

To give a few more details on the story - we hadn't actually slept together during our relationship. We were together two months and we did almost everything sexual except intercourse. We had a strong sexual connection, and it's kind of like it was just left hanging when we broke up. We both know, and acknowledge, that if we had've stayed together sex would've followed shortly after. He sees it as a way to get it out of our systems. Both of us miss it and can't stop thinking about it. And neither of us has slept with anyone else since we broke up.

 

I've also had such strong urges and fantasies about him and us lately. Even though he brought this up first today, I was actually thinking of asking him the same thing (his opinions on casual sex) - which was ironic. I just heard two girls have a conversation about sex the other day and it made me realize just how badly I wanted it.

 

If you have anything else to add, it'd be appreciated. Thanks again!

[MrCrazy2u]

Yes, but my guess is that you are not just talking about physical satisfaction - bet you wouldn't feel great if all that happened, and then in the morning he hopped out of bad, put his pants on and said "see ya" and disappeared.

 

 

guilty... except I didn't even wait until morning... If one of my ex's asked me to come over for sex, that's what I would go over there for. I'm a guy, if you want more than what you're asking for I usually have to be informed ahead of time

[Batya33]

what does the "I'm a guy" have to do with it? My boyfriend now and my last serious boyfriend, as well as several of my male friends, would not have casual sex - would be inconsistent with their values - so, not sure where your generalization about "guys" comes from.

[annie24]

So, as the subject says, what do you guys think of sex with an ex? My boyfriend broke up with me six weeks ago, but ever since then, I've really missed the physical aspects of our relationship. And I just found out today that he has missed it to. He has, however, no intention of getting back together in a relationship. Would casual sex with him be wrong?

 

It depends. Do you want him back? even a little? what if he met a new girl and cut off the sex? how would you feel? If your answers are no you don't want him back, and you would be happy for him if he met someone new, then go for it. but if there are still emotions there, I think that sex with an ex will only cause you to get burned. besides, the breakup is still way too fresh. If you miss sex, you can hook up with a male friend, or meet a guy somewhere. But having sex with an ex can cause real damage to your heart if you still care for him.

[Batya33]

I would NOT make your first time with him now, when you are broken up.