Looks matter, Discussion (quite long, but bear with it).

[onlineguy]

In the following I will use the term person to indicate men and women.

 

 

Guys as on observation I have noticed that people always want something that is of value. If it is not of value then it is not wanted.

 

Now in the arena of attraction (subconsious emotional, instintual reactions)

 

Contorversial bit ! For discussion.

 

Everyone of us is attracted to the Very good looking people. Men to supermodels and women to hunks. Now there have been countless studies done that verify that poeple responce totally different to attractive people as opposed to unatractive poeple. (harsh but true)

 

Each one of us would if we had the chance date a supermodel or hunk ! (if you think of your ideal person, who you really fancy it will not be an unatractive person... that proves that point).

 

So I would say from observation and discussions that starting from the bottom up, so to speak.

 

A bad looking person will be very responcive to the emotional interest of a very good looking person. Good looking man gets bad looking girl to bed easily. Good looking girl get bad looking man running after her.

 

Same applies for a medium looking person and a good looking person.

 

Now in reality a bad looking person appears to be of no value to a very good looking person, or to a good looking person, or a medium looking person. But these people are of value to a bad looking person.

 

A medium looking person has no value for a bad looking person but has value for a good looking person and greater value for a very good looking person.

 

And so on for a good looking person.

 

======

 

Now since we alwasy want something that is of value to us, a bad looking person is looking for a medium looking person, a medium looking person is looking for a good looking person and a good looking person is looking for a very good looking person.

 

Another convtoversial bit for discussion.

 

Now women will always be of slightly higher value than men because they have what men want sexually and dont need it as much as men. (they obviously want it as much as men).

 

So take a bad looking guy, trying to connect with a very good looking girl. He is of no value to her and because he is very far down her acceptable value scale she will reject him in a harsh way ! as will a good looking girl and a medium girl, but they will not reject him in such a cold or harsh way as they will appreciate the interest as shown.

 

Simaraly take a bad looking girl, trying to connec witha very good looking guy. She is of no value to her and because she is very far down his acceptable value scale he will reject her in a harsh way ! as will a good looking guy and a medium guy, but they again will not be as harsh as they will appreciate the interest shown. (Note also that the guys may use the interest of the girl for sex. It is still rejection just a harsher way).

 

This is why Very good looking people are total * * * * *es / bas....d to less good looking people (opposet sex or not, as the same principle aplies to social conections as well as emotional, romantic connection)

 

====

 

Now if a medium guy tries to connect with a bad looking girl, he will quite often be able to sleep with her (hense the view unatractive girl are easier to bed). Because he is of value to her, as he is higher on her value scale.

 

But if he tries to connect with a medium attractive girl, she will instictivly be looking for good looking guy. But will not disreacard the medium guy totally because he is near her value scale. So for him to connect with her, he then has to demonstrate personality and value that will raise his value and his atractfullness to her to a point where she sees him as good looking.

 

Now if a medium girl tries to connect with a bad looking guy, she will quite easily get of with him because she is of value to him, she is higher up his value scale.

 

But if she tries to connect with medium looking guy, he will be instinctivly looking for a good looking girl. But he will not disreagard the medium girl totally because she is near his value scale. So for him to connect to her, she then has to demonstrate perosnality and value (sexual or not) so that will raise her value and her atractfullnes to the point where she sees him as good looking.

 

-=-=-=-

 

So a woman will only instinctivly iniate an emotional connection (relationship) with someone who is of value to her. She will only respond emotionaly and be receptive to the emotional interest of someone who is of value to her. Better looking on her value scale, or equal in looks, but high degree of personality demonstrated.

 

The same applieas to a guy.

 

-=-=---=-=

 

 

So if a guy aproaches a girl and she does not consider him of value. Ie up her emotional value scale then she will not entertain his emotional interest in him. The greater the gap the harsher the rejection.

 

A very good looking girl will fain disgust at a medium looking guys aroach, but not at a good looking guys aproach. But a medium looking girl will not fain disgust at a medium guys aproach. A bad looking girl will be open to a medium guys aproach.

 

Hense good looking people, whilst not necisarily better in relationship, have more opertunities for partners than do less atractive people.

 

-=-=

 

Summ: I hope I have not offended anyone with these obeservations, or my spelling..lol.

 

I believe that the process of attraction is an instinctual emotional responce and that women and men both go for looks, even thought they may not think it, simply because they have not stopped to think about it.

 

Now of course other factors do matter ! status, personality, abuse, weath etc. the list goes on.

 

But if all other factors were excluded and a guy aproaches a girl or a girl aproaches a guy then the value of appearance is the overiding factor.

 

 

-=-=-

 

Questions: What makes a husband run of with a younger model ... Looks.

 

What makes a girl humiliate a geek but go for a hunk who will sleep with her friends.... Looks.

 

What makes a guy think ugler girls are an easy lay.... Looks.

 

Why are good looking people used to sell products !! A product is a product, your being asked to buy the product not the good looking person, so why is a good looking person used.

 

Why as phycologal epxeriments have show do we offer aid to good looking people but not to bad looking people.

 

-=-=-=

 

So I put it to all of you, that we all instinctivly go for looks above personality and we are only open to personality once the looks are acceptable.

 

*** Point to note: this changes as people get older and their own looks naturaly deteriate, so they view others on personality rather than looks. But we all should view others on perosnality not looks.

 

Perhaps this is natural selection in progress ! But for a person to say looks are not considered or are not more important than personality in selecting a mate, i believe they are lying to themselves.

 

( From my own personal experience, I would say I am medium looking, good looking women snub me, meduim looking women will fall for me, but with an effort from me and bad looking women will hit on me ). If looks do not play apart then all these women should view me near enough the same, I should be able to aproach a supermodel or an unatractive girl and get near enough simialar responces, since we are all human ! But none of us do ....Why..Looks matter !

[CarnelianButterfly]

Your hypothesis is flawed in the idea that all people are shallow and don't value the substance of what really makes a relationship last, the personality and compatibility of the individuals.

[RogerRamjet]

yeah I agree... just that it seems most good looking men have really nice personalities too, that is, if you ask a woman

[CarnelianButterfly]

yeah I agree... just that it seems most good looking men have really nice personalities too, that is, if you ask a woman

I don't think that's true either. You can't judge a person by their looks, a handsome guy can as easily be a monster as a plain guy. Its all a matter of taking the time to to really see the person and not just look at them.

[Jetta]

Now since we alwasy want something that is of value to us, a bad looking person is looking for a medium looking person, a medium looking person is looking for a good looking person and a good looking person is looking for a very good looking person.

 

Not true. I've seen attractive people with not so attractive people. Hmm wonder what they saw in the person? Your missing a large aspect of attraction; personality, fermones, whatever it is, there's more to it than looks.

[Batya33]

I skimmed your post since it is very similar to other posts you have had here. For me I stopped when I saw that you presume that people are attracted to people of the opposite sex who look like models. I am not. I might notice that they have attractive features but I am not attracted to them - meaning - seeing them doesn't inspire interest in me in dating them, meeting them or being with them in any romantic sense. I think I would have been as a teenager but not when was past my early 20s.

 

I have no interest in dating someone who looks like a supermodel or a hunk. I have a strong interest in dating someone who I find attractive, who is a good person with solid values and who is super-bright with an awesome sense of humor and banter - the super-bright/banter qualities mean far far more to me than looks and are a strong factor in my attraction level.

[onlineguy]

Thank you for the replies, the point is, is that if a person views another as unatractive they are less open emotionaly to form a connection / attachement / relationship.

 

If they view the person as attractive then they are more open to a connection.

 

Remember I said this was on an instinctual emotional level, not a consious level .

 

It is said it takes seconds for a person to know if they find a person atractive or not, it is not a consious decision ! I believe the same aplies in the sense that we respond differently to a person we instinctivly find atractive as oposed to unatractive.

 

Your more open to a relationship with someone you fancy than with someone you dont. Yes once you get to know someones personality this may change, but initally on someone aproaching someone else this takes place, instinctivly and in second. Without consious knowledge.

 

Good looking guys turn womens heads and they will more consider a relationship with him than a beer bellied man. Evan though the beer bellied man may be so much a nicer person. (V good looking girls in general will not give him the chance).

 

Good looking girls turn guys head and they will more condisder a relationship with her than an ugly woman. Evan though the ugly woman may be so much a nicer person. (Very good looking men in general will not give her the chance).

 

 

I also mentioned that this differs with age !

 

Please think back to your dating times of youth, did this apply. If so then perhaps its a selection process in action

 

(( Again no offence is intended to anyone, or their views. I am mearly trying to establish the truth of the matter, in regards to the nature of human attraction)).

[Jayar]

Your philosophy is fine in that a good looking person (male or female) has a LARGER SELECTION of potential mates, and thereforeeee can be pickier. That's natural selection. Seriously.

 

What your philosophy does NOT account for is subjectivity, and the fact that one person's idea of "good looking" is very different from many other peoples' idea of "good looking" and vice versa.

 

You also did not account for the fact that there are different personalities. SOME personalities value material goods over all else, and this is why you hear of beautiful girls that marry ugly, rich men. Other personalities would take a SUPER NICE partner who is only average, even below-average looking in their eyes (but he becomes higher on her value scale because of his personality). This is the category I fall into myself.

 

Only a PERCENTAGE of the population fits your personality mold; the personality that values looks over everything else.

 

I agree that I will not date someone who is grossly repulsive, regardless of how nice he is. But I can 100% say that I'd take an average, even below-average looking guy if he treated me like his queen, over a great looking guy that treated me like it was my privilege to be with him.

[RogerRamjet]

Why is high intelligence so important ?

[Dako]

I agree 100% with your phrase, (quite long, but bear with it).

 

The rest of it is totally misguided, since it reduces your premise to the simplistic notion that people are all about appearances.

I've run into so many exceptions to your beliefs I don't know where to start. Maybe you're all about appearances, and this works for you.

Good luck with it.

 

Voice, manners, wit, humor , experience, intelligence, grace under pressure, modesty, integrity, honesty, creativity, generosity and other traits have a big influence on attraction. Not everyone meets by scoping each other out at a bar. You may fall for a co-worker you never found so attractive until one day you connect emotionally and she becomes a vision.

[Jayar]

Good looking guys turn womens heads and they will more consider a relationship with him than a beer bellied man. Evan though the beer bellied man may be so much a nicer person. (V good looking girls in general will not give him the chance).

 

See now you bring in another instinctual variable; the suitability of a partner's genes for your offspring. In general, obese people are not seen as possessing suitable genes, people with bad skin or hair are not seen as possessing suitable genes, and people who show the effects of harmful drug/alcohol habits are GENERALLY not seen as possessing suitable genes. Makes TOTAL 100% sense if you look at it from an animal perspective (and set aside for a moment the whole love-your-body schpeals that abound in discussions of weight and appearance). This is about HEALTH of future generations (instinctually, not consciously) and has nothing to do with general attraction/unattraction.

 

I BET you 100% that a well-groomed man, who looks and smells clean and appealing, even if he is below-average looking will attract MORE women than a great-looking guy who doesn't take care of himself. Whether that means a beer belly or something else.

[CarnelianButterfly]

(( Again no offence is intended to anyone, or their views. I am mearly trying to establish the truth of the matter, in regards to the nature of human attraction)).

What is your model for your scale, how can you quantify attractiveness, its a subjective idea? You have no data and no analysis, you only work with speculation, no where near the truth.

[RogerRamjet]

Stop worrying about what women want. You should be concerned about yourself. Then let the women decide if they like you.

[Robert Smith]

I think that what the poster is saying is that .. it is first a matter of attraction that needs to happen "before" anything else can progress. If there is not some what of an attaction factor the couple will never get to discover who each other really is. Does that make sense? Now there are some cases where looks are not that important, but you must admit, you want to be attracted to the person your with at some level, at the fist level is physical.

[JoeWho]

You completely ignored the fact that attraction is defined differently by each person.

[Dako]

Here's the first statement of the OP's post.

 

Guys as on observation I have noticed that people always want something that is of value. If it is not of value then it is not wanted.

 

Then he goes on to state men are attracted to supermodels.

In my case, I can tell you this is bunkum. Those women are about as attractive to me as a stepladder.

Back to his first statement about being attracted to something of value.

Who's values? I go by my own.

 

Maybe the effects of peer pressure, commercial hype and conformity fade with age.

Yipee!

[JoeWho]

I'm with you on this one Dako.

[shes2smart]

Maybe the effects of peer pressure, commercial hype and conformity fade with age.

Yipee!

 

I'm starting to suspect that as well.

 

However, they seem to get replaced with an overwhelming desire to say things like, "When I was your age..." and "You young people today..."

 

I fight those tendancies on a daily basis, but will indulge one now:

 

The things you think are important have a way of obscuring the things that are really important over time.

[Batya33]

Why is high intelligence so important ?

 

It's important to me in a potential spouse. Why? Because it is one of the qualities that, along with other qualities, make a person interesting to talk to, share with and be around - to me that is - maybe not to anyone else. Whether it's important to anyone else I do not know and is irrelevant to me other than I would want my potential spouse to value intelligence too.

[ghost69]

there is not standard 'hot' or 'fine' woman to any guy or girl. it is what they personally believe is attractive. everybody is different. just because they guy is hot, doesn't mean he will end up with a 'what the world believes' to be a stereotypical model. it might not even be his preference. or a medium attractive guy can hook up with an uglier chick. what does that mean? that doesn't mean the 'uglier' chick just sleeps around just because the 'medium' attractive guy is on a higher level than her. this is all generalization. you can generalize about human nature, but you can't generalize people.

[Honey Pumpkin]

I dislike your description of 'bad looking' and 'good looking'. It supposes that we all agree on what is attractive. We don't. I'm with Batya and Dako and others - I have NEVER been attracted to 'model' type people. The men that I find attractive - well it varies hugely. But it's never bland, good looking types.

 

I like men who are: tolerant, funny, have integrity, intelligent, are quirky, and are interesting. Their looks? Pah, not really. I can find 'bad looking' people utterly gorgeous, because of who they are.

 

I'm not gorgeous, but (without bragging) men who like me, they *really* like me. It's not universal, but who wants to be some bland identikit construct of what hollywood has to offer? I really don't.

 

Have you ever known someone who isn't that gorgeous when you first meet them, and then you find out that they have the most fantastic smile? I know people like that - their smile lights up the room. Or their personality is so warm and interesting that everyone is drawn to them like a magnet?

 

You posted a similar thread earlier - I'm sorry that you are analysing looks to such a degree. Sure, looks count, but only in that everyone is attractive to someone. Some men like fat girls, thin girls, tall girls, short girls, long hair, short hair etc etc. Women like different types too.

 

I honestly believe that everyone can be gorgeous in their own way - the key is not in genetic looks, but in so much more. So your post, I don't know, it just seems a little bit immature with your emphasis on 'bad' and 'good' looks - a very young way of seeing the world. Life is a zillion times more weird and complicated thant hat.

[Dako]

Depends on who has the zabos.

 

Scents do it for me too. I once knew a woman who smelled of vinegar.

Decades later, I still unfairly associate that smell with redheads.

No offense intended to redheads.

[EvaGina]

I think my bf is gorgeous... but that is becuase I love him.

I have been out with better looking guys... but I didnt see them as being more physically attractive.

If I dont like someone, no matter HOW good looking they are, I will find faults with them.

 

I agree with the scent thing... Oh god -crosses legs-

[ghost69]

*cough*

 

looks do matter. to a certain extent. for the most part a woman or a man that has a lot of surgery done to their body for their looks to be perfect and beautiful, etc. usually have an extremely low self esteem and are pretty much mental. watch out.

[treefrogkate]

I agree, Eva

 

I find my boyfriend to be the most attractive man I have ever seen (and I'm really not exagerating), and I know that is due in large part to his wonderful personality (he's smart, funny, caring, sweet, witty, etc. I could go on for hours). He might not fit into everyone else's idea of "hunk" (and yes, he does have a beer belly), but I wouldn't trade him for anyone.