TEMPATION and AVOIDING IT!! PLEASE!

[izra]

Everybody, Please help me!! I have this situation...

 

I'm with this girl, which I love. I've been with her for almost 2 years and shes my everything. Yet, I feel when I'm in or around a certein other girl, temptation beats me and I begin to flirt. I know that sometimes my flirts go a little over and afterwards I feel really guilty and nervous. I've gotten to the point of kissing this other girl. It was a little peck. I feel super bad for my girlfriend. I don't want to lose her. I really need help on a way of beating the temptation or the moment, you know. I know I could avoid her by being somewhere else and when I set my mind to not go near, I don't do it. How can I avoid that. I feel if I can get some motivation I can do it. I always fall though. When I'm at home and I'm chatting with the 'other' chick, we talk in cute little words like "baby" and "honey" and stuff like that, and that just leads to me feeling really guilty in the end.

 

What do you guys suggest I do, to not ever do that again? Should I stop communication with her totally before rumors start or the truth comes out and I end up regreting it???? HELP!! I don't know what to do!!!

 

I REALLY APPRICIATE IT!!

THANKS SO MUCH!

[Daligal83]

I know I could avoid her by being somewhere else and when I set my mind to not go near, I don't do it. How can I avoid that. I feel if I can get some motivation I can do it.

 

Motivation can be the possibility of losing your girlfriend. It can be the fact that she trusts you and you are betraying that trust.

 

Stop talking to this girl. Avoid situations where you know you'll be around her. If she tries to contact you, tell her that you have a girlfriend and cannot talk to her. Concentrate on your relationship with your girlfriend and make sure it's a good one and that you're being the best boyfriend you can be.

 

I think you know what you have to do, but that you don't want to lose the attention from this other girl.

[HellFrost666]

Show a little discipline. When you devide to not go near her, don't go near her. You say you feel bad for your girlfriend, well think how your girlfriend would react if she was in the room and could see you.

 

And another thing, if you have kissed the other girl, that is beyond flirtation. Some people would say you have already cheated.

[HurleyBabe6917]

Stop seeing this other girl.

Also, even though it'll be hard, you really need to tell your GF about the kiss.

Who cares if it was a peck, it's wrong, and she needs to know.

You wouldn't like it if she ddi that to you, would you?

[Caterina]

And another thing, if you have kissed the other girl, that is beyond flirtation. Some people would say you have already cheated.

 

I agree.

 

People who love their SO don't need to distract themselves with temptations because they're happy making someone else happy. Getting tempted by these women shows not only a lack of discipline but also a lack of love because if you loved her you wouldn't betray her. You need to learn what love is and how to truly love someone.

[HurleyBabe6917]

I wouldn't say that he doesnt love her, because I loved my ex and had a hard time with temptations.

 

I think you should watch the movie The Last Kiss.

It's a wonderful movie and all about temptation.

[Caterina]

I disagree. And I hated that movie. They downplayed some of the guy's crucial decision making to be a destructive person. It was a disgusting movie...the only good that one could possibly derive from it was the idea that (what an original thought!), there are consequences for causing such a horrible, painful betrayal as cheating on a supposed "loved one".

[BeStrongBeHappy]

the road to hell is paved with 'honey's' and 'baby's...'

 

NO WAY should you be calling someone who is NOT your girlfriend those pet names... that's not a flirtation, that's an invitation to trouble and a whole lot of misunderstandings...

 

the other girl may already think you are dating, and that you are just working up to the big event and dumping your girlfriend... what if she tells someone else, who tells your girlfriend that you are 'dating' another girl?

 

and if you texting other girls, your girlfriend might get ahold of those messages, and check your phone and see how many times you're calling some other girl... happens ALL the time... and lots of breakups happen this way... read some of the Breakup threads, and you'll see how many people get busted and dumped over that.

 

if you really value your girlfriend, think about how she'd feel if she heard you talking to this girl that way, or read the texts. then imagine her reaction. then imagine yourself dumped and never seeing/speaking to your girlfriend again. and imagine her talking to other GUYS like you talk to these girls. if that doesn't stop you, then maybe you aren't ready to be a committed relationship, no matter how nice your current girlfriend is.

 

Practical tips: send that other girl a text saying you have a girlfriend, and though you enjoy talking to her, you want to be faithful to your girlfriend so need to stop. Then delete her number, and block her calls and emails. Also delete any other girl whose number you have that might be a problem. and block their calls and emails.

 

Don't go to bars or other places where you might hook up with girls alone. Only go to those places you might flirt with your girlfriend, or people you know you won't be tempted to pick up girls with... so if your buddies are partners in crime, then stop going to bars with them alone... tough, but necessary if you want to keep your girlfriend.

 

and re: cheating, partners ALWAYS find out, sooner or later, so decide whether you want a steady girlfriend or not, and act accordingly.

[izra]

Thank You Guys So Much For All The Advice, I'm Recieving..it All Makes Alot Of Sense And You Guys Are Right, I Am Cheating..it Might Not Be Sleeping With The Other Girl But That Can Eventually Happen If I Dont Do Something About It Now That Im Starting It..i Took The Advice And Delted Numbers And Blocked Messenger Addresses..hopefully This Will Help, Thanks Sooo Much!

[Northalius]

You say you love your girlfriend, but your actions speak differently. You're not disciplining yourself to stop flirting with this girl. Prove your own word right with the action of love, not just the word.

 

Love isn't just feeling all mooshy gushy inside for someone. No. It's deep care for them, with discipline, understanding, honesty on top.

 

Practice these things on your own, entirely break it off with this other girl you're flirting with, and then come back and say you love your girlfriend. Then it'll be true.

 

Love isn't just a word, but an action. So act, don't just speak.

[Northalius]

Ah. I didn't read your last post.

 

I'm glad you acted on it! Good job. Now when you say you love your girl, it'll feel true and right.

 

 

[FCTex]

Yeah, just avoid the situation.

 

As far as telling your gf about what took place. I'd advise against it. Regardless of what people say, if you can live with it and get over it and you stopped it dead in the tracks, then keep it quiet.

 

Something that simple, and so isolated isn't going to do anything but cause problems in a relationship that you want to better.

 

Sleeping with a girl, I would tell.

 

Giving one a peck, as a one time deal, I would not.

 

I've slept with another girl(my ex) while "broken up" with my current girlfriend. This was over a year ago. We broke up for about a month or so because I was shady about what I wanted.

 

I never told her, and never plan too; ever. That doesn't make you a bad person.

[starlight]

OMG FCTex,

I hope your gf can't access your posts. Don't forget to log out.

[Rabican]

You have 3 choices:

 

Dump your gf, as it seems you may not truly be ready to settle down with her, or she is not 'the one' at least in the sense that she isnt 'the one' enough for you to stop your flirting ways.

 

End all contact with the other chick, as you have pretty much proven that you have no willpower, or respect towards your gf when it comes to this girl.

 

Or, Have a talk to the other girl, and tell her that you have decided that your friendship needs to take a quick change to the plutonic side of things. IE no more flirting, no baby this, no sexy that, no kisses, no sex talk etc.

 

I vote you go for option #2. If at that point you still continue flirting with girls, and walking on thin ice as far as your behavior towards other women goes... then break up with your girl and just be a man * * * * until its out of your system.

[yeawutever]

How about keeping a photo of your g/f in a locket and whenever you get tempted to cheat, look at it so you can see who you are going to hurt if you do. By the way you did cheated kissing the other girl. It seems that you confused love for infatuation or maybe you're happy with the idea of thinking you're in love.

Don't get yourself in those situation where you find yourself flirting with other women, try staying away from them. Also start thinking why would you need to seek pleasure somewhere else when you have a g/f?

[chocojay]

I dnt think its someting that u CANT stop doing, its something u WONT stop doing. Its a choice. If u really love your girlfriend u would stop doing this at once. I have a very flirtatious boyfriend and i tell you now that its thee most terrible thing to have, its disrespectful and hurtful. stop this behaviour at once or i promise u, ur GF will be out the door. U may thnk its cute, but its painful, selfish and disrespectful.

[Caterina]

Yeah, just avoid the situation.

 

As far as telling your gf about what took place. I'd advise against it. Regardless of what people say, if you can live with it and get over it and you stopped it dead in the tracks, then keep it quiet.

 

Something that simple, and so isolated isn't going to do anything but cause problems in a relationship that you want to better.

 

Sleeping with a girl, I would tell.

 

Giving one a peck, as a one time deal, I would not.

 

I've slept with another girl(my ex) while "broken up" with my current girlfriend. This was over a year ago. We broke up for about a month or so because I was shady about what I wanted.

 

I never told her, and never plan too; ever. That doesn't make you a bad person.

 

So what does it make you? A good one?

[treefrogkate]

Hi Izra,

 

I haven't read the replies (at work, not enough time!), so I apologize if it's been said.

 

If you really want to be with your girlfriend and strengthen your relationship with her, the best way to act then is to not do or say anything behind your SO's back that you wouldn't do or say right in front of them.

 

When you're tempted to chat with the girl, think of whether you would chat with her if your girlfriend were sitting next to you watching what you are typing. Would you call her honey or baby if your girlfriend was reading it?

 

If you are at a party, would you kiss this girl if your girlfriend were there holding your hand?

 

You need to hold yourself to a higher standard than you have been. You need to make a conscious decision to be noble, respectful, and loving to your girlfriend, even when she is not there to see you. The complete lack of guilt, and the knowledge that you are being a great boyfriend to the girl you love, will be enough reward, even if you can't come out and say "Hey, I didn't kiss that girl this time!" to your girlfriend.

[FCTex]

So what does it make you? A good one?

 

I don't know. I don't think what took place was good, or deems me a bad person, or good person. Thats up to the person who needs to judge the situation.

 

I wasn't with my girlfriend. We were separated and had only dated for 2-3 months prior. Does it make it right? Certainly not in my opinion. But I didn't continue to do it, and I was "technically" single. A relationship is full of tons of technicalities, and they really aren't means to make mistakes..

 

My point was that something small, that was a mistake I don't believe should be revealed if you truly know your wrong and don't do it again.. A simple meaningless kiss that never went any farther, that you know was wrong, isn't a reason to destroy a relationship you want to keep going.

 

We all have skeletons in our closets; don't judge the ones big enough to admit them.

[Daligal83]

I'm talking about the OP here when I say this because his situation is different from yours, he is still in a relationship. To me, kissing someone else IS a big deal. When you are in an exclusive relationship, you are trusting your partner not to do that. If they do, that trust is broken. I would want to know if my boyfriend kissed someone else. Yea there's a chance he'd get dumped...but those are the consequences to cheating.

[FCTex]

Understandable.. As I've said, many people find different things "cheating". Sure it might not all be completely honest and right, but some might find it permissive.

 

I personally don't think kissing someone just once, is justifiable for a break up. Sure, a rather large fight and threats for, but I think it breaks down a relationship that otherwise would carry on just fine without the hiccup. Trust me, I've been on the recieving end, I had a girl who kissed a guy, and told me. I was pissed, and threatened, but I knew deep down that wasn't a reason to end something I thought was worth keeping.

[Daligal83]

I'm not saying it's necessarily worth breaking up over...it depends on the circumstances and the people involved. But aren't you glad that you knew the stituation instead of it happening and you never finding out? I think the OP has to tell his girlfriend what happened if he wants to have a decent relationship with her. I think just HIM knowing what happened would affect the relationship, even if she wasn't told. It's better that she has all the information and knows what he is doing and then they can decide what is the best move for them.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Don't tell your GF about that kiss.

 

NOT worth it. Just learnt to keep it to yourself!

[puppeteer]

anti love...why do that?

 

is a dishonest relationship a better thing to have?

 

honesty sucks...i know it does...but i'd rather have it than not. i hate being in the dark about things, and i think most people feel the same way.

 

a relationship without honesty is just a lie. and lies always end in pain.

 

just my two cents.....not making any judgements.

[FCTex]

I agree with Anti-Love.

 

Do I wish my ex girlfriend hadn't told me she kissed that guy when she was drunk?

 

I certainly do. I think it put a tremendous strain on our relationship while it was in the early stages. Sure we loved each other enough to work through it, but it compounded my exisiting condition of being paranoid of things happening.

 

It's a personal thing though. If you feel guilt about this, tell her, because you'll end up eating yourself away. If you don't think it's a big deal, and you learned from this, keep it to yourself. Lock it up in your memory bank, and eventually you'll forget it and nothing will cause friction..

 

 

I guess I'm a different breed of person. If my girlfriend kissed a guy accidentally, or something happened other than sex, I'd rather let it pass. No need to piss me off, and cause the relationship to crumble, because it's a self destructive path once it's started. A kiss is not a boulder that needs to be tossed down the hill.