TEMPATION and AVOIDING IT!! PLEASE!

[puppeteer]

yes but the lie is the self destructive path....

 

i guess that was my point.

 

 

ahhh well....to each his own.

[doyathink]

A relationship is supposed to be built on trust and respect.

When you start the lying and covering up...or just flat leaving out important information...you are tearing at the very heart of this foundation!

 

This 'kiss' and the heavy flirting already shows lack of good judgment and integrity....why further the problem and continue to hide it? If she finds out from some other source....then you have two indiscretions to explain.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

What's better?

 

To learn from it, never do it again, not tell them, and commit to working on the rship and saving them the pain over what was essentially a couple of seconds of physical contact??

 

Or telling them, causing them pain, and causing perhaps so much conflict you cant salvage the relationship anyway??

 

It seems c ommon sense

[puppeteer]

hmmm...

 

i guess the question is this...what led you to those few seconds of contact?

 

and are a few seconds of contact worth lying and pretending it never happened for the rest of the relationship?

 

it seems a bigger price to pay than a clean slate with someone you are truly faithful to...

 

just a thought.

[Northalius]

A relationship is supposed to be built on trust and respect.

When you start the lying and covering up...or just flat leaving out important information...you are tearing at the very heart of this foundation!

 

This 'kiss' and the heavy flirting already shows lack of good judgment and integrity....why further the problem and continue to hide it? If she finds out from some other source....then you have two indiscretions to explain.

 

Right doya.

 

In true love, is: respect, honesty, faithfulness, and integrity.

 

If the person is not honest with their partner, they shouldn't ever bother saying they actually love their partner, then. If you love someone, be honest with them about your relationship, or else it's all one big waste of time.

[Northalius]

What's better?

 

To learn from it, never do it again, not tell them, and commit to working on the rship and saving them the pain over what was essentially a couple of seconds of physical contact??

 

Or telling them, causing them pain, and causing perhaps so much conflict you cant salvage the relationship anyway??

 

It seems c ommon sense

 

 

If you love them, you'll tell them the truth about cheating on them. As I said above, in love is honesty, respect, integrity and faithfulness.

 

You're not respecting your partner by giving them the choice to stay with you in light of your cheating, if you keep it to yourself. This is not right, and it's not love. The truth hurts sometimes, but it's important to know either way. I'd rather be hurt knowing the truth, rather than live a lie; it eats at my stomach just imagining being lied to and never finding out the truth.

 

She can be hurt, but it's up to her by how much; he should've thought of that before he cheated on her! And it's her right to make a decision on whether to stay with him in light of this. It's selfish to keep it to himself, and everyone knows it. No excuses.

 

I put my foot down on this one!

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Well, I still disagree.

 

Maybe I have a rather different morality and idea of love to most people - I cannot agree.

[Northalius]

Here's another reason why it's not good to hold in the guilt:

 

I'm one of them and I know how easy it is to become attracted to the point of an affair.

 

How?

 

Well, it happened to me about 9 years ago. I ended it before it became a full - blown affair with sexual intercourse, but I never told my wife about it. I just carried the guilt around with me. It made me feel I wasn't worthy of my marriage and caused me to become withdrawn and probably contributed to the reasons she went out and had an affair herself.

 

This was taken from this thread:

 

So, holding it in, is not only morally wrong, but can also effect the relationship as a whole, on a large scale. Communication is seriously needed on all issues, if you expect the relationship to work, or else it's just a total waste of time.

[renaissancewoman101]

But then telling someone of ONE indiscretion that you are DEEPLY and TRULY sorry for, could destroy that relationship right now. She could just dump him because of a mistake he made in the heat of the moment.

 

People make mistakes and some are TRULY sorry for them. Doesnt mean that their mistake defines them and WHO they are.

[puppeteer]

i agree it doesn't define them.

 

the point is that you have to let that other person make the choice to forgive and forget or to dump you for your indiscretion...

 

you have to give them that respect. how they deal with your mistake is not for you to control. it is up to them. that is honest. that is true.

 

antilove...we are all entitled to our differing opinions...we care about you just the same. no judgments...just frank discussion. that is how we learn and grow.

 

for an 18 year old...you have a wisdom and a sadness that i appreciate...you will love your late twenties...that's when it all really starts to click together...

 

but be aware...your views on life and morality, ethics, good/bad behavior, politics etc...all change over time...best advice i can give: LET IT CHANGE.

 

change is good.