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Everything posted by starlight

  1. Were the messages graphical or emotional. maybe it's bought up some old sounds and the fact that you hadn't deleted them.
  2. Hi everyone, I thought I would do a quick update. I really think I'm on the verge of seperating. DH got home on Friday night and he was acting OK. I deposited some money into his account that I owed him on Thursday before he went away and when he came home on Friday, there was hardly any left. He spent well over $100 for one night. I asked him where all the money went, as I can't give him anymore until I get paid. He told me that he won't answer my question, and that he doesn't need to justify where he spent the money. I didn't ask him anything about who he was with or anything - I thought I'd leave that to another conversation. I should note that I pay all this bills out of my wage, and he is supposed to help me out if the kids need something. Now for the past six months, he has been paying extra off the mortgage, but unfortunately, when the kids need something like new sports shoes, uniforms etc, I have to pay for them. So now, because he won't tell me where the money has gone, I am really cranky and cannot talk to him. He is very much one to tell me that he would rather tell me a fib, then to tell me the truth because of my reaction. He thinks everything I ask him is because I think he's having an affair and thereforeeee won't tell me. All I asked him was to tell me where all the money went. So, at the moment, we aren't talking, he's calling me names and is very highly-strung.
  3. thanks again Caro33, I'll let you know how I go.
  4. Well, I was really cranky on the phone so he knows that I'm not happy. I really don't know how to address it. I feel like I am disengaging because I can't believe what he tells me. Any suggestions on how you would address it?
  5. Yes. He rang at midnight. He said that he had gone out for tea and had some beers with some builders ????? He said that he left his phone in the room and didn't realise. What I'm concerned about is that he never leaves his phone anywhere. He has it constantly on him and if he does forget it, certainly realises it immediately. He could've gone to the pay phone and spend 40 cents to call me like he said he would. I strongly sensed by his nervous voice that he was lying about having beers with the builders also. Remember, he has this ability to 'draw people into him' In the last six months and again recently (only last week) he has told me that he doesn't tell me the whole truth and finds it necessary to fib about what's happened etc because he's worried about how I'll react and blow everything out of proportion. I have never been suspicious. That's the weird thing. It's only been in the last six months when we went to his work dinner and I saw his behaviour that I remembered all the other things that had happened. And when those things did happen all that time ago, although I was annoyed, I didn't think too much about it and just moved on. It's so frustrating. I feel like he is being really dishonest and that he's trying to justify something because I get upset every time something I think is 'suspicious' happens.
  6. I should also add, that he takes his mobile EVERY WHERE.
  7. Well, hubby is away tonight for work. He wasn't going to stay but decided that he would this afternoon. He told me that he would ring when I got home around 8pm tonight. It's now 11.37pm and he didn't ring. I tried to ring his mobile at 8 and it was turned off, and tried it again at 8:30pm and it was turned on but now answer. I rang the motel where he is staying and they put me through to his room but there was not answer. I don't know what's going on.
  8. I didn't think that this was possible but now I just don't know anymore. Although in the back on my mind I'm worried about cheating a little but I worry I'm more concerned about 'why' he flirts with attractive women and I feel that he leads them on and they may think that he wants something while he's married to me. It is disrespectful and very hurtful.
  9. He's not really understanding at all. My feeling really only came to the surface in August 06 after we went to the dinner. Then came back the memories of what had happened years ago and I don't feel as though they've been resolved. He does have this ability to 'draw people in' and takes great pleasure in practicing this. He is very attractive and young girls especially find him attractive. He doesn't think that he's doing anything wrong and say's that my feelings are not valid and i have not basis for saying anything to him??
  10. Hi everyone, I was hoping for some advice. I am 31 and have been married to my husband (38)for almost 9 years. We have two children. When my husband and I were engaged we went to his sister's 21st birthday party. While I was talking to some other people, he was sitting opposite a girl and she had her leg in between his legs and was very overt in flirting. I was upset and I said something to them both about this and then I just forgot about it. Looking back 9 years later, I'm not sure if I ever resolved this and found out why he let this happen. Anyway, everything has been going fine for the past 9 years. I trusted him completely and really didn't have any reason not to. That is until last year. We went to a work dinner of his in other town. He's a sales rep. Throughout the night, he totally ignored me and I noticed that he was flirting with a woman. i know that he hadn't met her before but the flirting was really obvious. When we got back to the motel, we fought about it and I was really upset because I didn't think that he was ever like this. He was also talking to another woman outside briefly and when I went to go outside, his friend pulled me back in so that I couldn't go out. His friend was really drunk and can be a little devious when trying to cause rifts between people (apparently). So when we returned home I really struggled with my feelings. I felt as though I didn't know this person who I trusted and loved. Then I realised that throughout our relationship there have been signs. About 3-4 years ago one of his customers rang his mobile at about 11pm one night. He didn't answer but when I realised that there was a message I asked him if I could listen it said "hey sexy, Linda and I are in real need of some male company" (can't remember the rest). All of these things have started to pop into my head and I feel as though I should've known. But I don't really have any proof. He even said to me the other night that I had no basis to think he was cheating. Next week he has to go away for a night and I asked him why does it have to be Thursday night because he usually takes our daughter to basketball. Now he thinks that everytime I ask him something I am second guessing him. He thinks that it's a trap and he's sick of it. I am hoping someone could help me with advice because I really don't know what's going on. Thanks in advance
  11. You aren't in a situtation where if 'evidence may be withheld because of the way it was found'. Stuff him. Don't worry about what he's says. dump him and find a nice man.
  12. I don't have much to add except I TOTALLY AGREE WITH PUPETEER.
  13. OMG FCTex, I hope your gf can't access your posts. Don't forget to log out.
  14. Maybe instead of handcuff's you could use loosely tied ties. At least she can remove them if she get's too uncomfortable. If she's happy with the ties then maybe next time you can try handcuffs.
  15. cranbers, I have known a few people who have been cheated on by their spouse. For a high majority of them, when they confronted their spouses they were told that they were being paranoid, they were sick and needed help. Alot of the people who were cheated on thought that it was just them being ridiculous and going through some little stage, and they ended up visiting a psychologist to fix it, only to find out at a later date (sometimes years) that they were in fact being cheated on in the first place. Most people who are doing the wrong thing will try to make you think that you are sick and paranoid and need to see a counsellor to fix YOU. You start thinking that you are the problem. Please don't think that you are doing anything wrong. You're not. Give her an ultimatum. Me or him buddy. It's as easy as that. Good luck cranbers thinkin' of ya
  16. Hi, Is anyone willing to share a fortnightly budget template which is available on excel? I really don't have the energy to develop a spreadsheet not to mention it wouldn't be any good. Any help would be appreciated. thanks starlight
  17. I have to ask..... If he and his wife don't have any children, why doesn't he want to leave his marriage??? (especially considering you and he will have children). Sorry but it sounds as though he is stringing you along and obviously loves his wife more than you.
  18. I don't think he's having an affair, but I have to wonder why he see's her as his best friend and not you????
  19. Hi 4thelast1, It's great that you are trying to maintain the relationship between your children and their father. I would check out this website. although it's Australian based, there are many international members and you will be able to get the support and advice you need to help you look at things objectively. link removed good luck
  20. Is it a normal thing that I would be the one who's constantly jealous though? I am always thinking that I'm not good enough for him and he will find somebody else?
  21. OMGoodness hosswhispra, I read some articles on that site and that's it. The thing is, he's a sales rep and he's forever writing notes to himself and he's an expert at drawing people to him. He does this with women also, and I've been there to see it. We went to a dinner a couple of weeks ago and he had women coming up to him left, right and centre. I could see that he was drawing them to him. Although he denies it.
  22. If you had a husband who put you down often. My husband is forever calling me low-life, slob, bad mother, immature and other stuff. He has always done this, not everyday but quite often. It has ruined my self esteem so bad that I can't trust him anymore because I think that I'm not good enough for him and that he could find better. He went away for business last week and he told me how this gorgeous, smart woman from overseas came and told him that she really liked the way he moved and that he was attractive. She's from Europe and I guess they're pretty upfront. He came home really confident and when we had sex that night we did something that we haven't done before which worries me. Would you guys have trouble with trust issues if this was happening to you. Especially the first paragraph. I find that I'm like a green eyed monster.
  23. Hi everyone, just a quick question. Do you consider kissing someone cheating?
  24. Female, Go and see a counsellor. Bethany and Hope are right. A counsellor will be able to help you with put some strategies in place so that you can get yourself together and excel at your job.
  25. Yes Female, you did stuff up. You really need to go and see a counsellor. They will be able to help you get it "right in your head." Seriously. You should have access to a free service in your area. Go and see someone before you do something you'll regret.
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