KoopaTroopa Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 annalise - if you have it in you to do it, BLOCK HIM. It sounds to me like he doesn't want *you*, he just wants you to validate him. You didn't, so he got PO'ed, and resorted to verbal abuse, then email harassment just because you didn't tell him what he wanted to hear. If you can bring yourself to do it, block the guy. You don't deserve that crap. Link to comment
annalise23 Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Im not opening up anymore emails now. I have never in my life felt so upset and angry, im physically shaking. I am not a nasty person, i am calm i am all for a quiet life. I am gobsmacked at what he is saying. The last thing i read but logging out was how he was going to go to a nightclub to 'fu**' other girls. Its not upsetting me, its making me mad and realise what a loser he is. I guess he thinks he is hurting me. Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Day 12 of NC, day 5 of challenge. My mom is wonderful and I am SO so lucky to have parents who have been so understanding through this whole mess. I ended up pretty much just crying to her for 45 solid minutes, which is probably kind of pathetic, but it made me feel a ton better to just be able to get it out. AMEN TO THAT!!! your not the only one!! through out my whole crisis, my mom was there to support me to the MAX!!!!! and i thank her for that. my mom has been there with me in the beginning and till the end. she's one of those people i can seek to for anything..it's good to here your using your mother as support. Link to comment
annalise23 Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Koopa trouper, its good you have your family to turn too, luckily i have that too. Its certainly a real help! Sometimes a good cry can really help! Of course your ex will be thinking of you, its natural. You will start to move on slowly, keep busy and as they say time is a healer! It isn't easy and the pain you go through, I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy! But keep your chin up, talk to your mom and post on here whenever you are feeling sad. It really does help!! Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 KoopaTroopa, I think it's great you have family to support you. I'm sorry to hear today was hard. Hang tough. Annalise, He sounds immature and vengeful. You seem like a caring, expressive person. Some guys appreciate that. Some take advantage. Don't let him contact you because it's causing so much pain. Turn to family, friends, and flatterers--three better 'f's than the one he's after. Link to comment
annalise23 Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Thanks Ive gone from anger to upset now. Ill remember that 3 f's!! can you believe he is 10years older than me? Very mature...! Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Annalise: I'm not a gambling gal, but I'd bet you're going to be the one who comes out of this break-up with a greater understanding of yourself and what you want out of life. Solutions that are helping me with the sadness (not that I recommend them): drinking with friends, sleeping whenever the mood hits (not often), writing out how I'm feeling to myself and for myself, crying, going out in public (to force myself to stay pulled together), acts of decadence (like buying a cute new top or dark chocolate), writing handwritten letters to friends about all of the positives in my life right now, travel. Link to comment
annalise23 Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Shaker: I hope so. I had gone almost a week NC and annoyed at myself for answering his call. He had been texting me as well and I hadnt replied. So i felt a little mean just ignoring him. I have seen his true colors, I am still amazed at the language and the things he said. WOW!! If anything I will be able to move on a lot quicker than expected!! Thank you, so glad someone else is up at this hour!! Link to comment
Reluctant Rebuilder Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Day four Yeah this day was much better than Monday. Had some real progress at work, managed to teach the new guys some tricks and finish a lot of things that were piling up on my desk. Not feeling like I miss anyone too much today, but tomorrow will be hellish because my freaking ex gf whom I'm mad at is going to be at my damn class. groan :S Link to comment
annalise23 Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 thanks for your words, im glad im not the only one up so late! and to think i wanted an early night..! Its been a long week but after tonight im sure it will just help me to move on. I wish i could post all the emails i just received!! Quite a shock i must say! Link to comment
Tshwane Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Day 3, started the day thinking of her, im at wrk now i know it will get easier. Link to comment
slayer44 Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Well...it's been about a month since the original break up happened. We had been together for a year...and he pretty much told me he didn't love me anymore out of the blue. We lived together...and had marriage plans. He told his brother he "didn't know what he'd do without me" a couple weeks before we broke up. I really don't know what went wrong...he was so sweet, and caring. And we were very close. He ignored my calls for about 3 weeks, and I finally wrote him a 6 page letter explaning how I confused and hurt I was that he was treating me this way. He sent me a message over myspace saying that he feels horrible that I feel horrible, and he didn't contact me because he wants "space." He said he doesn't know why the love just "turned off" I think it has somethign to do with all the new girls he's talking to. He FINALLY gave me my stuff back tonight. Looking at all my clothes on the floor..I realised it's finally over. I should have had my stuff back a month ago, and I could have already been into the healing process. But in my head, I was in a sort of denial. Thinking he kept my stuff to keep a part of me. When in reality, he was just lazy. I had pretty much not talked to him for weeks (other than the letter) but I had to go so low as to call him once an hour every hour today. Simply because he wouldn't give my stuff back...or call me and say when he could bring it by. Now he can say I'm some "crazy ex" Sigh... So because of my immature, selfish ex. Who has been over it since the "I UNLOVE you." I get to start my grieving process now. And it's long past due. I think this NC thing is a great idea...because I have been facebook and myspace stalking him..and all it really does is make me cry. Glutton for punishment I guess... Anyway, challenge accepted. See you tomorrow. Link to comment
Aerozeppelin Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 slayer44, I can relate to what you just posted on so many levels. I felt your pain reading that because I know what it feels like when you lived with a man you loved and who said he loved you and now he says he no longer does and your wedding dreams are down the drain. I have 5 years of memories to deal with and I struggle with the agonizing thoughts and emotions every minute of the day. How have you been coping with all this? Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 He keeps contacting me...it starts off with a text 'have you found an apartment yet?' which makes me think he is just asking because he wants the rest of my things out etc. So I responded and said 'yes and I will arrange a time to pick up my things'. He then send messages back like, you sound excited about it, how are you? etc so I ignore these... To be honest I will be glad when I have signed for my apartment and I have all of my things then there will be no excuse to contact me and I will have no reason to respond. Don't get me wrong my heart flutters when I see message arrive, but unless it say's I love you, let's try again, come home then it's not going to say anything I want to hear. I am sorely tempted to just buy all new things and tell him to throw everything else away! x Link to comment
Melis Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Ok so my NC challenge lasted a whole 3 hours. He texted me a midnight saying "I think we need to have a BIG talk"...my mistake, I replied. I said "About?"....he said "Us, you and me." What is left to say? I thought I said everything there was to be said last night. So confused and so torn...I wont contact him, but I know he will contact me again....what do i do? Link to comment
LLammas Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Melis- stay strong! I gave in to talking with the ex after a day of NC and it just left me feeling empty and depressed. Your situation is probably different, but if he loves you and he's looking for a reconciliation, he can wait just a little while. Even if it's just long enough for you to collect your thoughts and show him that you won't be there every time he wants to talk. ;-) Link to comment
Biffy Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 I saw my ex when I came into work this morning, as soon as she saw me she turned her head away and put on this fake laugh like her colleague had said something REALLY funny... The colleague had a very bemused look on her face. I kind of feel quilty for ignoring her attempts to contact me but I've made it very clear when she can and can't contact me i.e. If she wants to try again, she may contact, if not, she may not. Link to comment
Melis Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Thanks LL! I for sure dont want to have a "BIG talk" and end up coming out hurt again. Last night I told him he needed to date other people, and I needed to do the same. He needed to see if the grass was greener. He just said ok, and that was that. He said "I love you and I miss you, but I wont chase you." If you remember my other posts, this is the guy who cheated on me over a year ago, and still denies it, but there so much proof that he did it. Even the girl tells me what happened, along with all his friends. Anyway I tried to move past it, but have always had it in my back of my mind, I constantly stress if hes lying to me..etc. We technically broke up last week, because he said he couldn't stand living under a microscope. He said he wanted to date other people, and hence his words "see if the grass is greener on the other side." I got really upset, and did the worst thing possible i begged. Yuck! We kinda fell back into our old habits this last week, calling all the time, hanging out etc...until last night, I asked him if he kissed this girl at midnight on new years. And he said yeah he did, but it was nothing. I think that was enough to push me over the edge. I told him that I couldn't do it anymore, and I wanted to date other people, and I wanted him to go out and be with other people as well. I gave him everything he wanted...I said I dont want to talk, I want to get away from this, and be happy again with someone new. He said ok, but then text me 3 hours later, saying that thing about having a BIG talk! What could he have left to say? Im giving him exactly what he asked for a week ago! Link to comment
LLammas Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Melis- I'm sorry, that's a tough situation...but if he wants to be with you he'll figure it out and straighten up. It sounds a little like he's starting to reconsider, but if you can't trust him yet it's probably best to let him do the footwork until you can. Best of luck with the situation, no matter how it turns out. Link to comment
thescrubby1 Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 So after finally figuring that I'm only hurting myself by staying in touch with the ex, I've decided to do NC. Today is day #1. I'm on break at work right now so it shouldn't be to bad, but it is hard when I'm home or off. Link to comment
AllTornUp Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Start of Day 3 of the Challenge Slept great last night. Was in a pretty good mood this morning. Consciously steered my thoughts from her to me during my commute, so I'm doing pretty good this morning. Link to comment
kickedin Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 still going....i di d text her brother who is my friend to drop aline and say hellow after 2 weeks nc.....its not his fault...hes in middle i miss her still Link to comment
andreap Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Another day! Today will be day 6 of the challenge for me, but day 22 since I actually started NC. The ex broke NC a few times very early on but I haven't replied. Today will mark one week since he followed me into the parking lot to talk to me. Part of me is starting to get VERY curious as to why he hasn't tried to reach me again since then. Was I toooooo harsh when he approached me last week to make "small talk" w/ me? I tried NOT to appear angry....just firm. Afterall, this has been going on for over a YEAR!! He knows where I stand in all of this. Need to make it through another day.....ugggg! Link to comment
meantime Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Day 5, it is not a good day. I put him back on my IM then took him off, then put him on and took him off. Leaving him off. Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Beginning of Day Three: Feel awful even though I slept through the night. Still hate that I was left for a stranger. She has the advantage of mystery and a clean slate, but I have the advantage of history? I made a hefty list last night of what I should be doing today. Lots of work to get done, so I'm going to try to plow through. Don't want to contact my ex this morning, but nights are the hardest because that's when we usually talk. Link to comment
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