LLammas

You know, I wasn't keen on this relationship in the beginning. You talked me through some horrible times in my life. You were always there for me when I needed you, and you pursued me relentlessly. When I came around, and we got together, I thought this would be the best thing for me. I grew to love you, much like you said you loved me. When you told me I was the best thing that ever happened to you, I actually believed you. Now do you see why I'm confused about your trying to get back together with your ex? It came out of nowhere. Seriously, * * * , J?

Week Two He called last night, and I answered. I violated the NC by picking up, but I honestly didn't know it was him (I had taken his number out of my phone). We talked...for about five hours. We talked about how hard the last two weeks have been and how much we miss each other. There were tears, but it ended on a good note. I had asked him previously and explained again that I didn't want the two of us in touch unless he was really ready for commitment (which is why we broke up to begin with), so I was surprised when he called again the next day. I tried explaining again that I couldn't keep in touch with him right now, and that's when he blurted out: "I can't let that be our last conversation for who knows how long. I miss you. Miss talking to you. I want to know how I can fix this. I want an us again." So...I failed the NC challenge (shame on me), but I'm unbelievably happy right now. The short time we were on NC apparently drove both of us crazy. There you have it. NC isn't a tool to get your ex back, but sometimes, it really does make them realize how much they miss you.

Day 8 He's still on my mind, but I find that the more I have to do, the less I think about him. I try to keep busy. I've been focusing a great deal on my work, my appearance, and music. Whenever I have a free moment, I think of him. I still hope that he thinks of me, even though I don't see a future with him.

Days 4, 5, 6, and 7 Work has kept me incredibly busy this week. He creeps into my thoughts often. I had a sex dream about him last night. That was terrible. Oddly, today I find myself missing his friendship. I want to call him and tell him how my day went, but I know that that conversation could only end badly. This is more difficult than it was previously. While our break up wasn't explosive, we had been friends for a very long time. He was the person I could talk to when something strange or funny happened. We leaned on each other for support and looked to each other for guidance. I feel like I've lost part of my "foundation." I miss him. I miss him horribly.

Days 2 and 3 I've been feeling really down in the dumps. Went to the parents house to hide from the world for a while. I tried going to the gym, tanning, and shopping. It was a distraction, but now, at the end of day 3, I'm still feeling empty. I talked to my folks a little bit about how I am, and how I've been feeling depressed. I brought up all the things I'm unhappy about except the ex. I didn't want to get into a big conversation over him. They tried cheering me up and suggesting ways to improve, but it feels pointless. I'm dreading tomorrow, but I know I have to go through the motions.

Day 3 In short, this has been the hardest day for me yet. I went out with a friend last night and had too much to drink, and, unfortunately, I found his number in my phone and texted him that I was "ready to talk." I had forgotten all about it until he texted me back today, apologizing for taking so long in getting back to me and telling me he wasn't feeling well. I didn't respond, but I feel like I've lost a lot of control in the situation. Definitely no more drinking until I'm out of this depression. So....back to day 1.

Day 2 I've been struggling all day. Many of our acquaintances don't know of the break up yet, and I was asked how he was doing today. I fought back tears and explained that we aren't together any more, and I'm not really sure what happened, but thanks for asking. I heard his favorite song on the radio. I wish I were at the point I could disassociate him with all the music we listened to together. It seems like I have too much time on my hands. It's time to find myself something to fill that time and work on all that "self love" that SuperDave talks about.

Alright, count me in for this one. Day 1 I hate that he hasn't called or texted me to beg for forgiveness or tell me he changed his mind. At the same time, I realized contacting him would only be a mistake. I almost looked at his facebook page, but I'm afraid of what I would see. I'm glad I didn't hit enter after I typed in the address. I don't think he's coming back. No matter how much wishing and praying I do, it rests on his shoulders. I dream of being with him, of perfect contentment in his arms.

I recommend giving it time. If she really is interested in getting back together with you, she'll try to contact you again. Just make sure she isn't running to you as a security blanket because she's been left by the other two guys.

Hey rsxguy, glad to hear you made it out of a bad situation to be happy. It's pretty amazing how crummy we can make ourselves feel because another person has mistreated us. What's that about, anyway? And here I was, thinking I would get a series of lectures for my immature behavior (I really didn't need to donate his things to charity, but he did leave them at my parents house for 7 months, so I'm not feeling guilty about it).

Thanks for the support guys! SuperDave-your posts are a huge inspiration. I just want to personally thank you for everything you do here, it really did help me (even though I didn't make it through the thirty day challenge). And thank you, too, Awdree- I'm definitely happier and healthier now that I have real closure. Much as I hate to compare it, it's a bit like that scene in About Schmidt: he mourned the loss of his wife until he discovered she was cheating on him and their entire relationship was false. Once he found out, he just reveled in his independence. Yeah, it's kind of like that for me now.

Hi all. I was a fairly active ENAer for a few weeks after my boyfriend of 4 years broke my heart. I participated in SuperDave's NC Challenge for a bit, but gave up in a fit of despair a week or so ago. If you'd like to know my story, I laid it out here: My last post here was an "I give up, I hurt so much" in the NC Challenge forum. It's been almost three weeks since he told me he wants to be with the other woman, and I could not have felt worse. I cried, I screamed into my pillow, I thought endlessly about the two of them together. In short, I made myself physically ill with worry and depression. Afterall, this was the man who told me shortly before that he wanted to marry me. Now, here's where it gets interesting: a few days ago, I was still feeling hopelessly down. I went through some of his things that I still have and came upon something shocking. What appeared to be a love note from a former coworker of his last year (when we were very much together). I went through the full range of emotions: I screamed, I cried, I swore, I composed (and sent) a very nasty series of IMs to him. I told him he was scum, he was unworthy of me, he was dead to me, and he would be a miserable peon for the rest of his miserable life, which, god willing, wouldn't last long. Yes, very nasty (hey, I had my heart broken here!). When I woke up the next day, it was, if you pardon the cheesy wording, like waking up younger, happier, and more driven than I felt in years. I spent so much time picking apart our relationship and blaming myself that I had never even considered the possibility that the guy is just an immature creep. The best part? The feeling has lasted. In realizing he was not true to me to begin with (I also found a diary he had stolen from his ex before me, detailing even worse behavior on his part- and as you can see from my previous post, he is definitely not faithful to his new gf), I finally got it through my head that I didn't do anything wrong and that this relationship ending was probably the best thing that's happened to me since I met him. It's amazing how many of his lies suddenly became transparent once I felt stronger (he also did an amazing job of destroying my self-confidence in the time that we were together). In any case, I ultimately decided to come back to the forum and post this in the hopes that someone will be able to look at their relationship with the ex from the perspective of having been wronged- not having done something wrong to deserve the break up. I know there are a lot of you here with hopes for reconciliation, but to those of you who've been cheated on, lied to, and used: this is the best thing that's ever happened to you! If anyone's read this whole thing, then thank you (I didn't intend to make the post the length of a Russian novel). I really wanted to let it out, but I'm wary of blogging on my myspace page lest he still be watching. I'll be around on the forums still; let's just hope the next relationship I wind up in doesn't end so badly. Oh, and if you're wondering what I did with his things....he can pick them up at Goodwill if he really wants them. I even became charitable in my new mood.

Day 12. I'm sick to my stomach. It doesn't really matter anymore because he won't answer if I do try to contact him. And an old friendship just crashed and burned to top it off. Yeah, I give up. Seems like no one wants my company anyway.

I know, I'm at least giving myself until monday so I can think it over first. I just feel cheated out of closure. Like things might not really be over. I don't know what's going on with him.

Llammas- Day 10 completed. I'm going through a really bad patch, though, and I don't know what exactly started it. I'm miserable and I miss him all the time. I'm starting to seriously think about breaking NC, just to ask whether or not he misses me, or if I should be shopping around for a lease without him. I know, I know. I'm pathetic.