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Reluctant Rebuilder

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Everything posted by Reluctant Rebuilder

  1. I agree with you. Guys like that wouldn't understand why you are (very rightly) disgusted with them, so there is no need to explain yourself to him. I wouldn't be so keen on keeping it from your family and fiends though, I would think that public humiliation would have a dramatic effects on weirdos like that. Plus the more people who know this guy is a pig the better.
  2. Hey I wouldn't want to go against anyone's pie chart or scientific Internet web site quote, but I stand behind the spirit of my previous post. If you find yourself friend zoned and can't handle it, grow up a bit. Not all attractive guys who get dates are jerks, and the fault (if there is any) is not with the woman's choice.
  3. You are going to break up with someone only because he has attained things that you haven't yet? Are you in some kind of life competition with him? Sorry I don't mean to come accross as flippant but if someone I was dating told me that she wanted to split because I was too successful I'd find that incredibly insulting.
  4. I'm really getting bored with this stupid "nice guys have it so tough" BS. Just because a woman likes you or sees something redeeming in you does not mean she has to develop romantic feelings for you. If you find yourself in the friend zone and you aren't mature enough to handle it, get out. A woman isn't a prize to be won, a challenge to meet, or a quest to take on. She's a real life human being with her own tastes and opinions, some of which may place you as someone she wants in her life as a friend *only*. If you want to throw something valuable like that away because your little ego is hurt and you are sore because she sees something in a guy you can't, please shut up about it. It's nothing but sour grapes. And why is it that some of these self proclaimed nice guys bleed and whine for unattainable girls, yet won't bother to chase after girls in their own league? Drop the arrogant attitude like you know what's best for the object of your affection better than she does, it stinks.
  5. When I was in a LDR, what got me out of feeling sad was having very regular contact with my girl. It made it easier somehow to know that she was feeling the same way. And something to look forward to, like a vacation together or a visit. I understand how you feel, the distance can be really frustrating.
  6. Maybe he likes the feeling of being in a couple-like situation with you but the freedom to come and go as he wants. Seriously if he has no one else in his life, why not lavish attention and love on someone that you really care about but don't see a future with. It's all very logical to me.
  7. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Dreams are meaningless. Your brain is asking for info from your sensory organs, and since they are resting you get noise and nonsense sent back. Brain tries to fit that nonsense into something coherent and you "see" that in your mind, sometimes tied in with themes or events that you might be mulling over. There's nothing intrinsic or mystical or even meaningful about it.
  8. I can't believe no one suggested something by Sade yet
  9. In Canada we have that too, but I'm sure the meaning here is different. Here, boggan is short form for toboggan, a sled without skis. Loads of fun and the leading cause or sore behinds from bumps along the hills you ride them down.
  10. For me this wouldn't work: if I was still interested it would be slow torture to have her dangling in front of me just out of my reach. Depends on how serious your crush is, if it's still running strong you are putting yourself in the path of a whole lot of hurting. I don't think NC is about being mature in that sense, it's about protecting yourself and your emotional state.
  11. The vegemite eating kangaroo riding combie driving beer chundering cultured? Must be a Southern hemisphere thing.....
  12. All you can do is be up front, honest and no games. No amount of willing or wanting is going to change someone's mind. Best you can hope for is that they want the same thing and go from there.
  13. Stop believing it. Of course he says that, and he probably means it right now. Five ten years from now, a lot will change in both of your lives, why be tied down. At 17 he's way way way way way too young to understand what that kind of commitment means. I think you should put more effort into your hobbies. Spend more time with your friends and family and people that you enjoy being with. Don't break plans or keep nights open to be with him, just in case. Go out, have fun! I'll let you in on a little secret, if you start reducing the amount of attention you give him, and focus on things that you like, chances are he will start following you around. It's classic peruser/evader behaviour, just change your role to be the evader.
  14. Call, yes, but groveling? No, if that were me, I'd assume that you did something that you regretted and were sucking up for it. Defiant is out too, since his feelings are hurt. How about a simple straight forward and factual, "look I understand that you might be upset that my gay ex stayed over, but really nothing happened. Things were great between us, and from my perspective they still are great. Call me when you feel better." Or something along those lines. I'm crappy when it comes to that stuff.
  15. I don't know about jealousy, but could understand being hurt. Gay or not, the dude is from your past and him staying over would really bother me if I were him. You guys have history after all. I'm sure if will pass over, but based on what you said here, I can understand your current bf being hurt by you hosting your ex. my 2 cents.
  16. Single. I wouldn't say I'm happy about it, but I'm not miserable either. Both sides have pluses and minuses. For example, right now I'm free to do what ever I want, a luxury denied to me for almost seven years. Recently, I went to China on a whim, I plan on seeing Amsterdam in the spring or early summer. I have only one schedule to coordinate, my own. Still, I miss the simple things a relationship offers, like the good feelings waking up beside someone, making breakfast together, etc. Sometimes I ache for that connection you get with someone who knows you inside and out. Funny: I just realized that the positives are all practical things and the negatives (what I'm missing out on) are all subjective, touchy feely things.
  17. ^^ that's not true at all. My friend Russel (we call him Killer) is not overly handsome but not dog- * * * * ugly either. Just a normal looking guy with a shock of red hair.
  18. I broke NC about a week and a half ago with someone I should have avoided. At the time I said, "to not reply would be juvenile". Of course she replies to me, I reply to her, and I'm back at square one recovery-wise. My advice: don't reply. If you are anything like me, it will set wheels in motion in your mind that will just damage you. Curious: why NC if you are trying to get her back? Think playing hard to get is going to lure her back?
  19. I think that's pretty insensitive of you b/f. Why is it so important to him that you meet this girl? Like, is he parading her in front of you as some kind of waning? "Shape up, baby or this is going to be your replacement". I don't get it. He should be able to understand that telling you in the midst of all your arguing that he's found someone "better" would leave a big wound. And even if things are OK now, and he's retracted some of his statements that this is a bad idea.
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