Confused... The comedy

[confused70]

I posted this..

 

and this..

 

and finally this..

 

 

She's been locked up for a week, now. She'll probably get out tomorrow. Going to visit her has been enlightening.

 

When I visited her on day 2, there was a guy that would give me dirty looks. He was probably 23 or 24. And.. he would stare at her.. I told her that I thought he liked her.

 

The next day when I came to visit her, she was sitting with him coloring when I got there.

 

The next day, his hair was in pig tails, which is her trade mark. While I was visiting her, she told me that she had done that. She said he is bi-polar and scares her. I told her that she should probably not get too close, then.

 

The next day, when i came to visit her, she said that he and her were the last ones up the prior night. An orderly came into the room where they were watching tv, and said, "this ain't no hotel". She told me she was confused and had, "no idea", why they would say that.

 

The next day (last night), when I came to visit her, this guy was gone. I asked her where he was. She said he was moved to a different floor for "hugging" one of the female patients. I said, "was it you?" she said, "no."

 

She told me that she "made out" with one of the female patients. She said they couldn't do much more because the medication made her "spot." I said, she should be doing much less. Messing with these people is a very bad idea.

 

So... tonight, I came to visit her. She was wearing a simple ring, an arm band, and her hair had blue and black streaks (she has blonde hair). I asked her what that was all about. SHe said they were from the lady she was "making out" with. I said, "wow.. she's marking you, huh?" She said, "yeah, I think so." I said, "well, I think you are making a big mistake, and if you have any plans on maintaining contact with her when you get out, you are as crazy as she is." She said, "oh... she's a good person."

 

About this time, the girl was standing in the hall (I had my back to her). My wife was concentrating on the hall. I turned around to see her standing there mouthing something. She came to a dead stop when I turned around. So, I said, "what did she say?" My wife said, "the guy upstairs called for me again." I said, "again?" She said, "yeah, he called 4 or 5 times today."

 

Then, she said, "today in group therapy, she sat next to me, and they brought the guy down from the other floor and he sat accross from me. I leaned over and the woman accused me of trying to look at the guy. She got up and stormed off, leaving her seat empty. When she was half way out of the group, I invited that guy over to take her seat because it was empty. This made her very upset."

 

I was pretty shocked at this. I told her that I couldn't believe she was playing mind games for attention with the people in the psychiatric ward. She was really biting off more than she could chew here.

 

Then her "girlfriend" came and told me visiting time was over with a big smile. I told her that she certainly wasn't the one in charge of telling visitors when it was time to leave. The orderly came in about 5 minutes later reiterating her message.

 

Before, I left, tells me again she loves me and wants to work things out and asks what I think about "us." I told her that I thought the guy got sent upstairs for making out with her, and I dont nor will I ever trust her as far as I can throw her.

 

This has gone from mean to bizarre to crazy to... I guess comical.. I don't even know how else to describe it. Jerry Springer meets the Farrelly Brothers.

 

Any thoughts?

[Beec]

No real thoughts. I cannot tell if your wife has something going wrong mentally or only morally, but she seems to have nothing that restrains her from playing with peoples feelings and affections. Unless she had some type of compass, some bit of restraint, to me, she's not worth considering as a partner with regard to anything. She seems to want peoples affections, so long as they are right there, and when they are not, someone else will do. Well, that may do for a few people, but I don't see how you have any type of relationship with a person like this.

 

Good luck.

[AwdreeHpburn]

confused - sorry for the circus you find yourself in but i can assure you that if she's not doing these things for her own entertainment, she is having just as hard of a time with all of this as you are.

 

I'm not saying a break from visiting woul dbe a bad thing, cos maybe it wouldn't, but more time for ALL of this to digest is really still needed. Don't ya think?

[caro33]

Sorry but I can only reiterate that it sounds like she is in the right place. Truly.

 

Have you spoken to her doctor? Are we really just talking depression here? This attention seeking behaviour, which just builds on the past abhorrent behaviour, sounds so much like she's had a major break with reality, some kind of more serious personality disorder.

 

I'm no mental health professional of course.

[confused70]

No.. I've called her psychologist no less than 12 times.. He hasn't returned a phone call nor made himself available to me.

 

Also, out of the blue I went to the website forum of the place for gastric bypass to find out if this was common from weight loss surgery. In the spouse support area, there were quite a few spouses that were upset with the attention seeking that ended in divorce. I was surprised. It caused me to post a message asking why they dont psychiatric post-op..

[caro33]

That's really amazing, both that the doctor has been so slack and/or unavailable, and that this might be common to some degree with people who have has gastric bypass. I never would have imagined. A good point you raised re post-op care.

 

Do you have rights as the husband to speak to her carers? I would have thought so but don't know. Are there other avenues for you to see what's going on? I'm sure you're doing all you can, but this just sounds ridiculous.

[caro33]

Actaully I've just re-read that she probably gets out tomorrow.

 

I had written a bunch of stuff but deleted it because I am not well enough informed about these things and I seemed to end up with a view she should stay locked up because she has no impulse control and seems out of step with reality. But lots of people like that are out there.

 

confused, what do you think about whether she should be released? Is she a danger still to herself and/or the kids?

[Daddy Bear]

that is very, very odd behavior, and must be extremely hard to assimilate. my compliments to you for maintaining enough functionality to be able to write about it here.

 

i haven't read your other threads (as far as i recall), so this observation may be a foul ball, but it almost sounds as though she's using these two people who are paying her attention to prop up a fallen ego. the fact that she keeps tipping you off to what she's doing is telling as well, don't you think? could it be that she's scared you might forget about her, and she's trying to get a jealous reaction from you to reassure herself that you still care?

[confused70]

Actaully I've just re-read that she probably gets out tomorrow.

 

I had written a bunch of stuff but deleted it because I am not well enough informed about these things and I seemed to end up with a view she should stay locked up because she has no impulse control and seems out of step with reality. But lots of people like that are out there.

 

confused, what do you think about whether she should be released? Is she a danger still to herself and/or the kids?

 

Well, I dont think she's a danger to the kids any more. I think she's realized a lot while she was in there.... but....

 

She got out yesterday, I'm exhausted from watching the kids alone all week and running to the hospital after work every day, etc... She came home about 2 PM yesterday, and said that she her stomach hurt, she was tired, and wanted to be well prepared for work. So, she wasn't taking the kids, and was going directly home.

 

My daughter called about 8 PM to tell her good night.. Along about 9, I was wondering if she too her prescription. So, I called and there was no answer. I figured her phone was off and charging. So, I sent a text message so she would get it when she turned it back on. I received a response (meaning the phone got the message, and that it's on).. Well.. her charger still lets it ring and beep if it's charging... So, then I started to worry that she did something stupid.. So, about 10, I hopped in my car and drove to her apartment. I came in, and SHE WASN'T HOME! She was logged into myspace. I didn't really look around her account, but I did look through her history, and I see that she located one of the guys that was in the psychiatric ward with her. (The guy in the post that got put on a different floor.)

 

I sat there kind of dumbfounded for a few minutes and my phone rang. I said, "hello." She said, "hello. what are you doing." "Nothing, what are you doing", I said. She said, "WHERE ARE YOU?" Well, I figured she drove by my house and saw my truck missing. So, I said, "I'm sitting in YOUR LIVING ROOM. WHERE ARE YOU?" Then, the mood changed.. "None of your business." "Who are you with?", I asked. "None of your business!!!" was the response. So, I thought for a second, and said, "What city are you in?" She said she was in the same city as her apartment. So, I said, "Ok.. I'm leaving." I went to the car and moved it so she couldn't see it and waited for about an hour. She never showed up.

 

At this point, I was really upset for telling her I was at her apartment. My senses now are that she would've came back with this guy from the ward, and that would have been final closure on everything. I should've not said anything... Darn it..

 

I called and texted several times. No answer.. Finally, about midnight, she turned her phone off. I had driven up and down the street, looked at the bar parking lots, and the hotel parking lots, no sign of her. She called about 12:45 AM... She said that she had visited her friend and had told her the whole story about what she's done for the last year, and why she wound up in the psychiatric ward. I said, "was that all?" She said, "yeah.." I said, "how was the guy from the psychiatric ward, today?" She said, "What do you mean?" I said, "dont screw with me, I know everything." Actually, I didn't know anything, the only thing I knew was that she had found his page on MySpace. Then, she said, "he was fine, I met him for coffee after visiting my other friend." I said, "yeah, right." That was last night, I didn't get to bed till almost 2 AM, and had to get up at 6 AM... She went to work at 7 AM, and hasn't gotten out yet... So, we haven't even talked about this yet.

 

I'm exhausted.

[Beec]

confused70, you need to take care of your kids and yourself, first and foremost. So do it. And you need to prepare your kids for their mother doing things, your kids already know. Maybe you admit you made mistakes to them. But also let them know you will try to do right,from now on.

 

Can I suggest you starting a thread asking for advice from kids who mothers cheated and left, and advice from spouses who went through stuff like you are. Maybe they can help you with your kids in this spot.

[lovecrazy]

WOW 4 threads...your wife has lost her mind...

 

She is trying to act like she is 21 again...adn hoenstly i am all for feeling young, but she has just gone stupid...I agree with Beec, you need to take care of your kids, and your first of all...Tell your wife until she gets counseling, and the correct help, and stops sleeping around with other guys she cant see the kids. If she honestly would consider "commiting suicide" in front of the middle daughter, What makes you think she wont hurt your kids? it sounds like she is quite capable of it.

 

This women seriously needs help...

 

Please keep us updated...and it sounds like you could use a vacation

[confused70]

***UPDATE****

 

Things haven't changed much. She's been discharged from the hospital for a few weeks. The day she got out I thought she'd want to see the kids.. As it turns out, she wanted to go home and get ready for work.. As it REALLY turns out, she wanted to go home and get ready to go out with somebody she met in the psychiatric ward. That person stayed every night at her house until he was readmitted where he has been since (going on week 3).

 

The guy at the beginning of the story that raped her has now contacted her and she told him where she lives so he can come over and visit. (?).

 

Two friday's ago, I finally had a date, and she texted me and called all night long telling me she hates me (and my date), she's going to drink and drive and will hopefully wind up in the hospital so I will feel bad. She told me she was done with me (blah, blah, blah).. It was so stressful for me that I haven't gone on a date since.

 

Since she's getting the help she needs, I've decided I will create a spreadsheet of all assets and all debts (our debts exceed our assets). I've calculated the child support. So, I think I will talk to her and show her the stuff and get her to agree to a settlement so we can just go finish this in court without having to get too nasty and involve too many people / lawyers..

 

Thoughts?

[Beec]

I think preparin for the settlement sounds good.

 

I think you need to have some resolve with regard to rebuilding your life. She should not be able to ruin a night for you, if you are on a date. Cut her avenues of doing that as much as possible..

 

Otherwise, she sounds unchanged. Nothing to comment on there.

[caro33]

Hi confused, I have been wondering how you are going, and am glad you posted.

 

Not so glad your wife is still up to this degree of misbehaviour, but I hope that each time this ridiculous, revolting stuff happens that it strengthens your resolve to do what you must.

 

I'm with Beec, she sounds unchanged. Yes, do whatever you can to break free, manage the finances, look after the kids, move on with your life. She will lose her power to hurt you and stress you out with time.

 

I have to say, I am disappointed that you seem to have so little support from mental health professionals in your area. She really sounds like she has had such a massive break with reality, and she still sounds like she is dangerous, if not to herself then to you or the children.

[confused70]

Hi confused, I have been wondering how you are going, and am glad you posted.

 

 

Yeah.. I was hoping to keep you updated, but I'm sure it wont be a surprise to learn that my mob and classes (and children) have suffered all year long and I am trying to rebuild... So, I had to take a few weeks off of here..

[caro33]

Yeah.. I was hoping to keep you updated, but I'm sure it wont be a surprise to learn that my mob and classes (and children) have suffered all year long and I am trying to rebuild... So, I had to take a few weeks off of here..

 

Of course! Take whatever time you need, we are always here and always interested to hear from you when you get the chance to post.

[confused70]

2006 SUCKS!!!

 

It is by far the worst year of my life. All of the other stuff in this post has occurred. I was digging in to force my way through the Holidays. The 14th is my oldest daughter's birthday, the 24th is my mom's birthday, and the 26th is the crazy wife's birthday. We always have dinner (with a group of about 20 or so) at my mom's house on the 24th.

 

This year it fell on Sunday and I'm a season ticket holder for the Detroit Lions (which is bad all by itself). I try to take my little brother (he's 27, and not little at about 6'5 / 330.. )..

 

Anyhow, my youngest two daughters had stayed the night over there saturday and I was to pick them up sunday and him and we were going to go to the game. The guy I buy the tickets with couldn't go, so I was trying to get those two tickets through ticketmaster to take my oldest daughter, Sunday morning. The phone rang and it was my little brother's wife a little hysterical saying she couldn't wake him up, please come right over.

 

I thought little of it, it's always hard waking him up. But, I gathered my things and drove over anyways. As I turned the corner, I saw the Fire Truck and Ambulance, my heart sank. I ran up the stairs to find a now blue-shaded brother in his bed with sticks in his mouth. My sister-in-law told me that he stopped breathing right after she called me. She had put my two little ones in their car to keep them out of the way and hopefully from being traumatized.

 

The five of them carried my brother down the stairs and into the ambulance. They left to take him to the hospital. I took the little ones and left to drop them off at my wifes house so I could go back to the hospital. On the way I called my mom's house 20 times until she answered to tell her to get up to the hospital.

 

I pulled into ER and sat in the car for a minute. He looked so bad, I didn't want to go in to find out. I parked next to my mom's car and went in. They let me go see him. They got his pulse back and he was on a ventilator but had incredibly low blood pressure. He was in critical, but stable condition. The lab results came back. He had low blood sugar. They thought he may have choked due to Apnea, but they couldn't figure the blood sugar.

 

After a few hours, they moved him to Intensive Care. He coded almost immediately. They worked on him for a long time. We were so loud (crying) they moved us to the nurse's locker room. The doctor told us they would try to give him an IV of TPA (blood clot remover) as a "last hope". (Maybe it's a blood clot.)

 

They did and his pulse came back! The doctor came back to tell us that the TPA drug is so rough that only 6% of patients live after using it. Additionally, his heart had not been beating for 45 minutes, major organs have probably closed down not to mention potential brain damage. The doctor also told us if he coded again, they couldnt do anything else because the risk of using it outweighed the potential for good.

 

He coded again. He died. at the age of 27. my best friend. I pretty much raised him.

 

My mom and sister-in-law work in that hospital. My sister-in-law's sister works at a physician where my brother went to. The physician assistant came in and talked to us for a bit. He told us that he had told the physician he thought Kumadin would be in order. All I knew about that was that it was a blood thinner. When I went home and looked it up, I realized it was specifically to reduce the likelihood of clots. Obviously that bothers me.

 

With all of this other stuff going on, I haven't spent much time with my brother at all this year. In fact, I feel I've really neglected him. If I couldn't talk I'd try to call him back, but sometimes I would forget. In talking to people he has really made his rounds in the last two weeks. I wonder if he knew something was up.

 

He had told me Thursday (or Friday) night that he needed a really big favor, but that he was going to ask mom first. I told him to go ahead and ask mom, and see what she sees and then come back to me. I wish, really wish I had found out what the favor was.

 

As destroyed as I was earlier, I'm just obliterated, now.

 

I'm thankful, very thankful my daughters got to the spend the last 12 hours with him. They're young, I wish they were older so they would remember him.

[confused70]

Am ready for a straight jacket.

[Beec]

confused70,

 

I'm very sorry to read about your brother.

 

Hang in there. Take care of yourself, and your kids.

[confused70]

Ok.. I've been seeing a psychologist... (and a psychiatrist... and a therapist..) Anyhow, I finally heard something that makes sense. I've been torn up over this and confused for a year now. The psychologist told me that human love is a composite of caring, trust, and respect. While I probably have care for her, I may not trust or respect her and this would confuse me (because the emotion is a composition). Does this make sense to anyone else?

[Beec]

Absolutely. I think that turst and respect are in some ways one in the same. If you do not trust someone, you are unlikely to respect them, and vice versa.

 

But you can care for someone that you don't trust and for whom you have little respect. I think you can see that all over this forum in people and how they respond to some of the oens for which they care. I've seen people discuss being with cheaters and staying with them, being with addicts and abusers, and all sorts, but still there. The psychologist made a lot of sense in this comment.

 

Imagine a person who has children that turn out to be dishonest crooks, who evens teal from their parents. The parents may neither trust or respect the children, but they still care.

[confused70]

Ok, I finally filed for divorce last week. Of course, she is devastated and says she doesn't know how she can possibly live. I feel very bad for her. I know how she feels because that's how I felt when she started all of this insanity. She says she's better now and wants to move back home. I'm pretty confident that's a bad idea. Thoughts?

[Beec]

If she is going to move back home, the one thing you will need to be able to do is trust that the insanity is over. She is going to have to prove that over time. So letting her right back in should not be an option.

 

When relationships go south, they need to be rebuilt. You don't just jump in at the point where things went bad. You must back up and get thigns right that have already been gotten right. the more things went wrong, the closer you go to the beginning.

 

If you want to date her a bit, you can try, but she should not move back in until you can really trust her to be the woman you want in your life.