Girlfriend wants to get pregnant!

[glegend]

These will not work sorry to burst your bubble. But if the carseat is more than 2 years old you can not be sure its up to current safety standards. You will need a new carseat and possibly a stroller.

 

 

The stroller for sure wil do. Its practially new, its only used for a short while. And now its been sitting in my sister's closet. As for the car seat its possible that it is not up to current safety standard. But if the car seat is out if date then there would be no choice but to get a new one.

[justpaisley]

Forula: $10/can

Diapers: $30/bag

Medicine: price fluxuates

Doctor live in Ontario free healthcare

Clothes: $10-$60

Shoes: $10-$50 (50 for nike addidas puma timberland)

Car seat: Have it from when my sister was born 10 years ago

Stroller: Have it from when my sister was born 10 years ago

 

Formula is much more, and you have to buy around 5 cans a month at the point at which your child is eating the most. Diapers are a little less, and you'll have to buy an unholy amount of those.

 

Clothes are much, much more, and you have to buy a ton of them. After you get through the initial wave of newborn clothes that your friends and family will buy your child, it's all up to you. Kids go through clothes so insanely fast that your child won't even wear a lot of the stuff you buy him or her.

 

Are you really going to buy $50 Nikes for a child, when you make $8.50 an hour? Working nearly 6 hours - more, including taxes - for one pair of shoes for your kid? How often are you going to do that? Again, they grow out of them really quickly. Saying that you'll buy name brand shoes for a child really demonstrates your irrationality here. I looked at some Adidas in the store for my son the other day because they were really cute, and although my husband makes roughly 5 times what you make, I wouldn't buy them because they were $15 and I couldn't see buying shoes for $15 that my child will wear once.

 

The difference between you and me there is that I did have the freedom to buy those shoes, and could have done it without breaking my budget, but I'm too stingy to do so. Don't you want to wait to have a child until you have the financial freedom for your girlfriend (or wife) to buy a pair of shoes just because she thinks they're cute?

 

Your sister's car seat and stroller won't work now, because safety standards change rapidly. Also, the plastic and working mechanisms break down, especially if those items have been in storage for presumably 5+ years. Don't forget the crib, and the 10 or so other extremely expensive items you didn't acknowledge that I mentioned. Will you be prepared if your child is born with special needs?

 

How much longer do you want to live with your parents? Assuming you use every cent of your income to pay for this child and your girlfriend's needs until she can work again, you, your girlfriend, and your child will have to live with your parents for a good long time. Do you want that? Have you asked your parents if they will support your girlfriend while she's recovering from having the baby? Who will watch your child when your girlfriend decides to go to work or take some college courses?

 

I think it's fantastic, by the way, that you ARE thinking this through instead of just jumping into fatherhood. It shows that you will make a great father one day. I'm not asking you to answer the crazy barrage of questions I've thrown at you, just consider them. Call around to a few day cares in your area, ask how much it costs. If they seem like a lot, ask your parents and her parents if they will watch your child. If you are too embarrassed to ask your parents this question, you are simply not ready for a baby. Having a baby is meant to be a joyous occasion, something you are extremely happy and proud about, not something you sneak around.

 

I don't necessarily think that a girl requires counciling just because she would like to have a baby.

 

There's a difference between wanting to have a baby one day and taking strides to have a baby when you're not physically, emotionally, or financially ready. I've wanted to have a baby since I was 8, but I waited until I was as ready as possible to do so. If I had really tried to have a baby when I was 17, there would have been clearly something missing in my life that would have needed to be explored professionally.

[InaneCathode]

I think paisley80 wins the thread

[Hope75]

It's pretty impractical to expect your parents to support you and your gf and a baby while you live in their attic. You may be paying to gas your truck but as long as you live under their roof- eat their food, use their heat and hot water to shower and keep warm, their electricity to light your room, you are being supported by them, and you are not supporting yourself. And who would expect you to? You are still in high school!

 

How selfish is it to expect your mother to take that on?

 

And your dad's health insurance will NOT cover your gf's or baby's expenses.

 

My partner and I own a home and he makes roughly 8 times what you make and we could not afford a baby right now- not to mention it is nice to have things in a certain order- as in, marriage, getting a home, a stable well paying career and then having babies. If you love this girl enough to make a baby with her- why not marry her first? Wait a few years and propose and do it right.

 

You are not ready.

[RileyRedleg05]

Horse = beaten and dead

 

Recommendation...if glegend still doesn't get it....by all means...let me know how great life is in 9months.

 

Otherwise, we're talking to a brick wall here fellas!

[PittItaliano]

I agree with RileyRedleg...

 

glegend... if you don't get it by now, then have a nice life with your girlfriend and that kid. Only you and your girlfriend can decide in the end. We can only tell you in so many ways that this is NOT a good idea at ALL.

[glegend]

Horse = beaten and dead

 

Recommendation...if glegend still doesn't get it....by all means...let me know how great life is in 9months.

 

Otherwise, we're talking to a brick wall here fellas!

 

I get it, im not stupid at all. Im just trying to get as much advice as I can so I can make my decision. I also want to find out other people opinoins and the pro's and con's. Now there is nothing wrong with that is there?

[southerngirl]

So far I havent seen anyone telling you that at 17, in highschool you should conceive a child on purpose.

 

I think we have all said in various ways that it is best for you to wait at least a few more years.

 

 

I am still curious of your answer to a valid question that has been asked a few times on this thread.

 

What makes you want to have a baby right now? What makes your girlfriend say she wants one right now.

 

Theres nothing wrong with wanting a baby, its all about timing though.

[melrich]

I get it, im not stupid at all. Im just trying to get as much advice as I can so I can make my decision. I also want to find out other people opinoins and the pro's and con's. Now there is nothing wrong with that is there?

 

It is great that you are seeking information about what it means to have a baby. I think though you can now see through the 50 or so responses you have here that virtually no one is going to tell you that this is a good idea considering your ages, finances and stages of your life and your relationship.

 

To be honest, all the tallk about finances and costs is a bit ridiculous because you would make do at that level. It would be a struggle but you would make do.

 

You'd also make do as parents simply because once you have a baby, you just have to find the time, you have no choice. So you (and your partner) would do that. People do find a way to cope.

 

What you won't be able to cope with is the resentment you feel for your lost freedom and youth, nor will you recover from the stresses it puts on your relationship. It is your lost self that will be your problem because that requires a level of maturity to cope with.

 

At the end of the day, no sane person on this site is going to give you the advice that this is a good idea considering where you guys are at at the moment.

 

So I think you do need to make your decision in that light and providing whatever weight you want to provide to the opinions you have received here.

[glegend]

I am still curious of your answer to a valid question that has been asked a few times on this thread.

What makes you want to have a baby right now? What makes your girlfriend say she wants one right now.

 

Sorry I havn't been able to respond to that question my appologies, I had to step out with my girlfriend to take my sister to the library and I just walked in. "What make my girlfriend want a baby right now" she feels that she and I are ready. "What makes me want a baby right now" well I like kids. I love my girlfriend to death and I wouldnt mind expressing our love to each other by having a baby, since she feels she is ready to be a mother.

[rocio]

I get it, im not stupid at all. Im just trying to get as much advice as I can so I can make my decision. I also want to find out other people opinoins and the pro's and con's. Now there is nothing wrong with that is there?

 

We don't think you are stupid at all. You seem mature for your age (you've had a 5 year relationship. That's more than most 25 year-olds can say). You also did the right thing to seek advice before moving ahead with this. We just think that you can be a much more proud and effective dad once you've established your independence a little more. Good luck with your decision and keep us posted.

[jengh]

Sorry I havn't been able to respond to that question my appologies, I had to step out with my girlfriend to take my sister to the library and I just walked in. "What make my girlfriend want a baby right now" she feels that she and I are ready. "What makes me want a baby right now" well I like kids. I love my girlfriend to death and I wouldnt mind expressing our love to each other by having a baby, since she feels she is ready to be a mother.

 

There is a huge difference between liking kids and having a kid. Almost everyone likes kids if they only have to be around them for an hour or so. They get to do the fun part: play with them, talk to them... not change diapers constantly, get 2 hours of sleep a night, etc.

As Melrich said, you are going to have a lot of resentment toward that child, may possibly even blame him/her for your problems.

What makes your girlfriend feel ready to be a mother?

[rocio]

There is a huge difference between liking kids and having a kid. Almost everyone likes kids if they only have to be around them for an hour or so. They get to do the fun part: play with them, talk to them... not change diapers constantly, get 2 hours of sleep a night, etc.

As Melrich said, you are going to have a lot of resentment toward that child, may possibly even blame him/her for your problems.

What makes your girlfriend feel ready to be a mother?

 

I don't like babies once bit, and I have one coming in 5 months. Gulp! But everyone tells me that it's different when it's your own.

[ImThatGirl]

I haven't once thought you are stupid. I know if you two choose to have a baby, the baby will be taken care of no matter what lengths you may go to.

 

I was 22 when I had my son. 22, in a relationship, engaged, but not married. I was okay with getting pregnant. I've never resented my son or my daughter.

 

However, I have wished several times that I would have been more prepared to provide a better life for my children. We've done well. We have a roof over our head (always,) food in the fridge (always,) enough clothes to get by (always + some hand me downs.)

 

We don't have as much security and financial stability as we should have. Or would have had I waited until I was older. I can't say I would have done it any different - but I am telling you the road will be long and rough.

 

There are many ways to express your love for one another that are much more feasible. Get engaged... Get married, right after school if you'd like. And start preparing for a family. This will give you two more time to enjoy each other without your family around and without huge responsibilities. A baby is so much work and takes ALL your time. I know that you would be dedicated and would do it without complaint. But there are much better ways to go about this.

[Hope75]

I'm curious too- what makes your girlfriend feel she is ready to be a parent when she is still living at home with her parents and being supported by them and still a child herself and still in highschool.

 

Does she want to have more in terms of life experience and stability to offer her child? Or does she want to struggle as a young parent who cannot support herself or the baby and put that burden on you, herself and both of your parents, who will end up taking a large portion of the financial responsibility anyway.

 

Do you honestly want to give up your freedom as a young person to devote your life at 17 to a baby?

 

Do you think at 17, you or she have alot in terms of world experience, knowledge, life experience and stability, both emotional and financial, to offer a baby?

 

What about college first, for either of you?

 

What about getting married first?

 

Having your own apartment and trying out living together, living on your own away from your parents, before you tie yourselves together forever with a baby?

 

Seeing if you can actually support yourselves?

 

Finishing high school first?

 

Are you expecting to live at your parent's house with this baby, should you have one?

 

Is that fair thing to assume that your parents should be supporting all of you?

 

Think about these questions and answer them honestly if you can.

[jengh]

What about getting married first?

 

Having your own apartment and trying out living together, living on your own away from your parents, before you tie yourselves together forever with a baby?

 

Seeing if you can actually support yourselves?

 

.

 

That is an excellent point. You don't know how the two of you will get along actually LIVING together. Spending a lot of time together is different from sharing everything together, sleeping together, etc. Many couples find that it's a lot different and harder than expected and that they just can't get along.

Definitely try to support yourselves first. If you have no problem, maybe then give it further consideration after a couple of years.

[justpaisley]

Sorry I havn't been able to respond to that question my appologies, I had to step out with my girlfriend to take my sister to the library and I just walked in. "What make my girlfriend want a baby right now" she feels that she and I are ready. "What makes me want a baby right now" well I like kids. I love my girlfriend to death and I wouldnt mind expressing our love to each other by having a baby, since she feels she is ready to be a mother.

 

By what markers does she consider herself ready? Wanting to have a baby does not equal readiness. Having an actual plan, knowing you can carry this out with as few problems as possible, being physically capable of a relatively complication-free birth - that's being ready.

 

Also, if you want to express your love to each other, get married. I'm not saying you're ready for that either, but at least you're not bringing another person into the world. Trust me, having a baby is not the way to express love. You will never feel less love for each other that at 4am when neither of you has slept and the baby's been screaming in your ear for 2 hours and you have no idea why. If you want to express your love for her, buy her a diamond necklace. (Don't say you can't afford it, babies are WAY more expensive.) Take her on a vacation. Say "I love you." Buy her a puppy. Don't put yourselves through the most tiring, taxing experience you could possibly manufacture just to show her you love her. Babies are not all cuddles and sunshine.

 

It's also very, very easy to love kids when you can hand them back to their moms when you're done with them. I love my son more than I've ever loved anything in this world, but there are times where I'd just like to take a sick day. If someone would let me at this point, I could probably sleep for 2 days straight. It's awesome that you love kids, but it'll be a whole lot easier to love your own until you are really ready to have one.

[glegend]

At first I was going to get into a industrial design, I would have to go to the states for a good school, but then I realized automotive mechanics is the direction I want to go to. Basically because I am way better at automotive mechanics as opposed to Induzstrial Design so Im planning on getting into automotive as an apprentice. My girlfriend is planning to go to the local community college for Business Administration. High school is going to be completed no matter what. Maybe live at my parents house just for a bit (ie a few months). Marriage at first wouldnt be a bad idea if she would like to get married first then I'm up for it. Well its not fair to my parents to support my girlfriend and a baby, they wouldn't say no. They would help me out but they would make me wokr my butt off to be able to provide for my girlfriend ans baby. As for knowledge im pretty smart so is my girlfriend and when there is something we don't understand then wee seek advice. Life experience we don't really have much since we are only 17. Sstability both emotional and financial, financial might be rough at first. Emotional I would have to say 50/50.Everyone always wants to have more in terms of life experience and stability to offer their child.

 

It's like I have already given up your freedom as a young person because I babysit my 10 year old sister everyday after school. You know drive her to school in the morning pick up my girlfriend drive to school. Then after school go with my girlfriend to pick up my sister from school drive home to my place fix her a snack to eat and get my sister to do her homework. And of course me and/or my girlfriend help her on her school work, when she asks for help.

 

Having your own apartment and trying out living together, away from your parents, before you tie yourselves together forever with a baby would be very difficult because I would still be at my parents place for a few hours everyday because of my sister. Unless I were to take her to the apartment complex and have my parents pick her up from there.

Seeing if we can actually support yourselves, I rthink we would it might be hard at first but after I get into an apprenticeship then I would be making alot more money then what I am working at Best Buy 16-20 hours a week. By the time I were to finish the apprenticeship I would be making 80% of a fully licenced mechanic is making.

 

What makes her feel she is ready to be a parent when she is still living at home with her parents and being supported by them and still a child herself and still in highschool is likei staed before she feels her time is now. She has really taken a liking to my sister (who wouln't after being with me for 5 years) and she enjoys taking care of her with me. She is the one who actually make my sister an afternoon snack and helps her mostly with her homework , since my sister asks her for help more then me (it might be some girl thing that makes my sister feel more comfortable to talk to my girlfriend). She has also hit that stage where she feels she is ready to be a mother. To tell you the truth the first time that the topic of "us" having a baby came up on Thanksgiving Day (Remember I live in Toronto, Ontario, Canada) when all my little cousins were running around and they are aged 1-5, so we were playing with them. So something must of happened that day while we were playing with my little cousins which made her want to have a baby

[annie24]

yeah, babies are very expensive. if you want to show your gf love, take her to europe on a fabulous vacation. plus, that would be nice to do anyways. or buy her diamonds.

 

babies are super expensive. ESPECIALLY if you have a special needs child (ie, if the child is autistic, disabled, cerebral palsy, cystic fibrosis, etc....)

 

yeah, seriously, enjoy your youth right now. if your gf is really into babies, tell her to put her love to work. like open up a day-care center. she can make money while spending time with children, and then she will see if she is really ready for one or not.

 

look, we are not telling you never to have a baby. it's just that we've all been 17, and many of us do have children now, and we just don't want you taking a step that you aren't ready for. there is no harm in waiting 5 years to have a baby and when that time comes, you will be happy you waited. My cousin and her husband waited a few years to have a baby, and in that time, they traveled the world, took fabulous vacations to italy, romantic trips, etc.... and now they have a baby and are so happy, but it's just nice to be young and take a romantic gondola trip in Venice, without a screaming baby, if you know what I mean.

[jengh]

So you'll have to take care of both a baby AND your sister? And I'm confused. You stated you'd only be living at your parents' a few months before getting your own place, but later in the post said you couldn't move out because you have to watch your sister? Taking care of your sister a few hours a day is so much different. she's 10 (i think you said?) so much more independent than an infant, which requires attention/care pretty much 24/7...

[glegend]

So you'll have to take care of both a baby AND your sister? And I'm confused. You stated you'd only be living at your parents' a few months before getting your own place, but later in the post said you couldn't move out because you have to watch your sister? Taking care of your sister a few hours a day is so much different. she's 10 (i think you said?) so much more independent than an infant, which requires attention/care pretty much 24/7...

 

Basically yeah I would have to take care of a baby and my sister for a few hours afterschool. Yes I did start off saying I'd live at my parents house for a few months then get my place. But I would end up at my parents house everyday regardless due to me having to pick up my sister and bring her home. Yes my sister is 10 years old so yeah she is moe independent then what a baby is.

[rocio]

So what have you decided, if anything? Have you discussed the topic with your girlfriend lately, and if so - what was her reaction?

[Hope75]

Helping a 10 year old with her homework, giving her a ride to school and fixing her a snack is alot less responsibility than a newborn who is your own. It can't even be compared.

 

So you think you could support yourselves and live together in your own apt but haven't actually done it. You will not know until you have actually done it, and done it for at least 6 months or more.

 

How are you planning on paying for college when one of you won't be working because you will need to watch the baby?

 

So, it's unfair to expect your parents to support you, your gf and a baby- does that mean you understand the complete impracticality of the idea? And that you would not do that to your parents?

 

So your gf 'likes kids' and 'fixes your sister an afternoon snack', that does not mean she is ready to be a mother. She has no college education, has not even finished high school, no means to support herself, has never lived on her own, no skills of how to live on her own, care for a baby, and hardly enough life experience at 17 to care for herself let alone a dependant infant. Her reasoning is based on a whim and a fantasy, (oh, your nieces and nephews are cute, let's have a baby) and not on good common sense, maturity, preparation and knowledge.

 

Sure, I wanted a baby at 17 too. But at nearly 31 with my own home and just 6 weeks away from a second college degree and well paying career, with a stable partner for 4 years, living together and unmarried, I know well enough that it is not yet time for a baby for us. And this would not even effect my poor parents or his the way you will be affecting yours if you do through with this illogical reasoning. I love my partner very much, and we are in a far better position to be having children at this point than you two are, but we know that there are other ways to express love for each other than to create a baby. Making a baby is not just about love. It's about maturity, responsibility, self sufficiency, stablility, and so many other things that the two of you have not reached yet. That even I have not reached yet.

 

Here's an idea: If you think having a baby at 17 with your gf is such a smart idea, why not bring it up to your parents and hers and talk about it with them? After all, you'd be living in your parents' house, so they should have a say on whether or not they want this to happen, and they would be supporting you all, and helping with this baby, so why not talk to them? And don't forget your gf's parents, since they will be forced to help as well.

 

What do you think? Why not talk to them and get back to us about it with what they say?

[rocio]

 

Here's an idea: If you think having a baby at 17 with your gf is such a smart idea, why not bring it up to your parents and hers and talk about it with them? After all, you'd be living in your parents' house, so they should have a say on whether or not they want this to happen, and they would be supporting you all, and helping with this baby, so why not talk to them? And don't forget your gf's parents, since they will be forced to help as well.

 

What do you think? Why not talk to them and get back to us about it with what they say?

 

I was also curious to know if you'd discussed this with your parents yet?

[xmrth]

This is such a situation where we all know someone may make a bad life choice-- we don't want you to slip through our fingers and make that bad choice when we can help you before you do anything drastic!

 

I mean, one thing is, a baby would fill a HUGE part of your lives, and that may even be a "gap" right now. What about friends and activities? Do you have enough of those things? Maybe it's filling a gap that you want to have a baby so badly-- maybe if you had more of other things you'd not have such a strong desire for something so BIG.

 

There's plenty of parents your ages, but 99% of them aren't by choice, I'm sure. But they love their child, and it's a wonderful thing in their life. And people even regret it, and have those feelings that they wish they didn't get pregnant so soon.

 

You're both so young! There's so many other things to want and to have together that you have more control over.