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Everything posted by PittItaliano

  1. That is nicely written. I had a very good friend commit suicide over three years ago. I was only sixteen at the time and it was the hardest experience of my life. I hope that everyone who read it really took it to heart, because losing my friend to a gun in his own hand was the worst thing I've ever gone through and no one should have to deal with that kind of pain.
  2. You say that you feel as thought you are a growing burden on your family and the people around you. But I'm sure if you talked to your family you would find this is not the case. Trust me, there is always another option besides suicide. Three and 1/2 years ago I lost a very dear friend because of suicide. I sometimes wonder what went through his head before he killed himself, whether he thought no one would be there for him if he opened up. Hundreds of friends and family members showed up to his funeral, hundreds of people- crying, and wishing they could have done anything to prevent it. There is always another option. I know it may not seem that way when times are rough, but there is. It might not be an easy option, it might be something you are scared to do, like ask a friend for help... but it's still an option. Have you ever thought of getting any kind of counciling? If money for it is an issue, you could find a free clinic in your area, most offer some kind of counciling services. Just please, know that you are valued, know that you are loved, by more people that you probably realize. Life throws some really hard blows sometimes, but you can ask for help, whether professional, or from a friend... and someone will be there to help you through the tough patches.
  3. I would make sure that your girlfriend wouldn't be freaked out by you just pulling all these things out to use on her without her expecting it. (specially since it is your first time doing this.) She may have said she'd be comfortable being tied down and everything, but if you just spring it on her, she may feel akward about it.
  4. I would e-mail people to see if you could get to know them better via e-mail or IM. Don't stress yourself out too much though, yes you will be living with this person. You will also be meeting other people as you progress through classes and any extracurriculars you may be invovled in. You won't be in the room with this person every hour that you aren't in class. Also many schools will have a free room change period after the first couple of weeks of school. I was probably as worried as you about my roommate, but it honestly isn't as scary as you may think! Good luck!
  5. It sounds like you have learned your lesson and you will be careful next time (which is good!). There is a small chance that you could get pregnant due to the time of the month and that he didn't finish inside you. There is still always that chance though, so taking the Morning After pill was a good move. Don't be freaked out though, stress will only make it worse. Just know that you learned a lesson and you are now going to be responsible when it comes to sex!
  6. At this point, I would call him, you are the one that wants to break up with him, he should of been the one to call. He's upset and that is understandable. It sounds like you got what you wanted though, to break up.
  7. When I got tested for STD's I didn't have a pap smear. I had to get the blood test and urinate in a cup. (It just depends on where they send the samples to be tested as to what type of test they will give you.) It took about a week to get my results back, but again depending on where they send the tests to be tested it could vary. You can just walk into a clinic although they may ask you to make an appointment ahead of time. Good Luck and I'm glad you two are being safe.
  8. Welcome to eNotAlone Christy. I hope we can offer you as much support as you need through this period in your life. I have never been in an abusive relationship with a man, but I have been verbally abused for many years of my life by a family member. I understand what it feels like to be put down enough times that you start to believe that what you hearing is true. I believe that you have made a the right choice and I am happy that you had that strength to go that far on your own. Remember that we here at eNotAlone are going to be here every single step of the way. I'm so glad you found this website.
  9. I seriously hope she was kidding because that doesn't sound very right to me. I have never said that to my boyfriend. I can't imagine his reaction if i did! I would talk to her about it. Any kind of intimacy between the two of you should be mutual and should not have to be any kind of a trade off.
  10. It does seem pretty harmless, but I can see why you could have your reservations. An ex is an ex right? I agree with annie24, maybe invite her over to your place that night, or maybe see if you can stay with her without her being offending or feeling like you don't trust her. 8 months really isn't that long and it was 10 whole years ago, I'm sure nothing would happen.
  11. I think you are 16 and it was a short relationship and you should waste your time with taking a break for a couple weeks. Go find someone new, or be single, it's fun too!
  12. I am giving you advice as a girl who has been in a commited relationship for almost 2 years and as the person in the relationship with depression. Depression runs in my moms side of the family. My grandmother has it, my mom is on medications for it, we're pretty sure my great-grandmother had it, but at the time it just wasn't recognized. My good high school friend commited suicide and at the same time my mother started getting more verbally and physically abusive. This is kinda what jumpstarted depression for me. You alone cannot help your boyfriend, you can be there for him, and support him, but you cannot drag him out of his depression. From the sound of it he isn't in any kind of therapy, am I right? If he isn't, you should really talk to him about getting professional help for himself, you could go with him for the first time so he doesn't feel alone. I just strongly advise getting him help. You might also want to look into some type of therapy for yourself. Obviously his depression is having it's toll on you, and you need to have some type of outlet for your own problems. If you had an outside person to talk to, and get what's on your own mind out, it might help this relationship. Just know that depression is a disease. It's a chemical imbalance, it's not something that most people can get dragged out of. And seeking help does not make one weak. Good Luck, I hope everything gets sorted out in your relationship
  13. Okay, that whole 60% of marriages end in divorce thing is not a very good statistic just so you know. Plus many divorces are the same people getting divorced over and over again (i.e. my cousin who is on her third husband and my mom's best friend who is on her fifth). I look at all my friends and their families and almost all of them have perents who are still together and almost all have parents who have been married for 25 years or more. Only two of my friends total have parents who are divorced. TWO! You can't really trust statistics, because you have to look to see where these people are getting the information for the statistic from. I also have to ask why you have this forum? Are you trying to justify your reasoning to yourself? Because it seems to me you aren't really asking for much advice and you are set in what you want, as you said you are looking out for yourself. It just seems like you are the only person that you are looking out for.
  14. Isn't real love about loving another more than yourself? That's what I thought anyway. I think you need to tell her that you love yourself more than her, she may not know. She obviously cares for you more than you realize if she wants to marry you. Maybe a break up would be the best option in the end
  15. I think you generalize a lot in this post on go by stereotypes in society. In my relationship I am ALWAYS in the mood and my boyfriend is normally the one that is "too tired". When I am actually tired and don't want to have sex he thinks something is wrong. I can't even remember the last time that my boyfriend has initiated sex because I'm always the one to do so. I don't think anything needs to be "done" to get a "reward" of sex. Sex is something to be shared. My boyfriend doesn't need to buy me gifts or do anything special just to get sex. Personally, I don't think my boyfriend needs to hold the door open, but he does. I just think it's kind of polite. I agree with you on your 5th point though. I have only slapped my boyfriend once, and let's just say it was over an issue that was break up worthy. I don't think it is acceptable at all, and I apologized after the fact. Also, if a guy just wants to "accept" something it is his own choice. From my experience it's a mix. Sometimes you get guys who can be your friend after a break up, sometimes guys just accept it but don't want to really see you, and then you get the guys who can be totally jerks after a break-up. My ex- sexually harassed me for months after we broke-up. I think you need to not look at stereotypes so much. It depends on the people and the situation.
  16. To me, it sounds like you don't truly love this woman you are with right now. Everything you have mentioned has been very superficial. I can understand wanting to protect your finaces but they are all you talk about. If you would rather grow old with your money than grow old with another person then that's what you deserve. Personally I would find that very lonely, money isn't the only thing that matters. I agree with jimthzz. It seems like you didn't really show her that you care enough before presenting her with the prenup idea. I would be offended if my boyfriend said he didn't want to get married because of finaces and THEN approached me with a prenup. It sounds kinda like you went up to her and said that's the only way you'd marry her, with the prenup. I don't blame her for wanting to leave your relationship to be honest. Maybe you should rethink your priorities.
  17. annie, I live in a college dorm and I do the same thing! My roommate and I always have the fan going and it is sitting by the door. It's nice especially on the weekends when all the drunk people come back in the wee hours on the morning and the fan covers all the noise in the hallway
  18. I am so glad to hear some good news about Dani! Keep hanging in there Ian, I hope you are getting more sleep. Give a bug hug to Dani from all of us, and another one to the little guy!
  19. Let me go against the flow with my advice... I think it depends as to how long the relationship was as to what is and isn't an acceptable way to break up with someone. If you have only been in the relationship for a short period of time I think a phone call, IM, or e-mail is acceptable. If it's a more serious relationship I think you need to talk in person. Although you said he never listened to you and you couldn't have a conversation about it without him getting defensive. I also had the misfortune of being with a guy who won't listen to reason. It was a somewhat abusive relationship in which I was treated with no respect. (I have to add that the relationship did not start that way.) When I tried to tell the guy that I was upset, he told me to stop talking or starting yelling and getting defensive. If he didn't listen to you, you had a very good reason to break up with him via e-mail. Don't listen to other people that are tearing you apart and saying it's cowardly and selfish or whatever else. You obviously had your reasons for doing this and it was obviously a relationship that needed to end.
  20. vermillion, I agree with you that it is not in all cases. I was just comparing her daughter to one of my best friends. My best friend was constantly yelling at her parents. She said things to her mother that I would have gotten killed for saying. So, it is a possiblity, not every teen on drugs is withdrawn and constantly at a "friends house". I do agree that you shouldn't take the TV, Computer, or phone totally away. When my parents did that it always had an opposite effect on me. Instead of feeling like I deserved my punishment, most of the time I just got angry with my parents.
  21. I'm so sorry to hear this Ian, I too have been following Dani's pregnancy on this site. It was hard to miss she's been so excited! Again, I'm praying for her... and my thoughts are with you and your son.
  22. I know you say "you know it's not drugs" and "it's just the age"... but none of my friends acted that way towards their parents in high school except for one. Let's call her Jan. Jan started drug and alcohol problem in high school and her parents thought "well our daughter couldn't be into things like that". Just because you think she isn't, and you've talked to your daughter doesn't mean it isn't a possiblity. Take it from someone who is closer to her age, it's always the people you would never think about. In my high school most of the upper class kids who were popular were actually the ones using. I would just get her drug tested to be sure. You could also try counciling. Have you talked to the school at all to see if she is having a problem with anyone in particular, that could also be contributing. I don't know what else to tell you, but good luck.
  23. Ian, I'm sorry that things for Dani are still looking down. She is very lucky to have you in her life though, staying next to her through all of this. We are still all praying for you, Dani, and your families. Congrats on Ian Kyle coming home though!
  24. I agree with RileyRedleg... glegend... if you don't get it by now, then have a nice life with your girlfriend and that kid. Only you and your girlfriend can decide in the end. We can only tell you in so many ways that this is NOT a good idea at ALL.
  25. jsudz, Don't worry about it. When it happens it happens. If you try to push it then it's more than likely going to end up akward and not what you were expecting to get out of it. The way I figured out that I was ready was that I stopped thinking about it so much. I stopped worrying about whether it was going to be right or good or special enough. I just stopped thinking about it and when it did actually cross my mind I was a lot more comfortable with the idea. Just don't worry about it. When you are ready you'll know, and you won't have to ask other people questions about it. I also agree with Southerngirl though, you need to talk to your girlfriend about the important things first. You both need to know what you are getting into.
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