amtjrtcet Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 She sounds very manipulative. Don't feel like you'd be neglecting her by cutting off contact. Trust me, she WILL find someone else to $upport her. I think you should cut off all communication with this person. How in the world can you even think "if she was my daughter" when you're sleeping with her?!? I think you need to see your psych again. If you wont talk to your wife you have to talk to someone. Professional help. Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 tommyboy - we all face decisions and make choices. Sometimes the decisions we make are implusive and selfish and sometimes they are made for the greater good. Are there things we could do to make better choices? Sure. What are those things? They're as different as the situation. You know the ins and outs of YOUR situation. If you know the end result you want, pick the path accordingly. If you are unsure of the ending you want, take some time to come up with the one you desire and create a path to obtain it. When there are others involved who will be affected by your decisions, well...this is where doing things for the greater good comes in. You make the decisions for yourself. You effect the consequences and results of those actions. Sometimes, you HAVE to act on a decision, but first you have to MAKE a decision. No one here can make it for you. Even if we advise you as to what we think you should do, it's still what WE think. You are the one who has to decide. Link to comment
tommyboy Posted October 12, 2006 Author Share Posted October 12, 2006 Yes this relationship has no future. She tells me she and her 2 Thai friends are going to Thailand on holiday and i think some idiot is going to foot the bill. The questions are (a) can she give me the love i really need when she looks in my eyes it is so hard not to think she cannot? (b) She talks of the guys that have all turned bad with her, bad relationships etc, jealous guys, she even told me one guy kidnapped her.. Does this indicate these guys go crazy when they find out what she does? Does this indicate her manipulation is so effective guys believe they are in love with her and then cannot handle it when she calls it quits. © If the guys were looking after her surely she wouldnt have called it quits. Any ideas dear friends, I really appreciate it. Sorry for my callousness. Link to comment
Dako Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 I'll skip the lectures on cheating, since you've defended it so vigorously. Let's just imagine you have a friend who's getting emotionally attached to a prostitute, and keeps paying for more although she won't kiss him, the sure sign she considers him merely a John. He's "addicted." What do you tell him? She has an endless stream of guys to play victim to, and use that rescue fantasy for ready cash. I agree with your use of the word, "idiot." Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 tommyboy - I don't mean to be rude - I really don't, but I have a feeling she could be attracting those kinds of guys BECAUSE of the profession she is in. Link to comment
Beec Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 I don't think anyone can convince you to be concerned with the consequences of what you are doing with resepct to your wife and family, although we may not know the exact consequences, there are bound to be some. No one is responsible for her or your happiness besides yourselves. You are not responsible to save her, and even if all she claims is true, when she is done with her school and gets decent job, you will be out of her life, as she won't want you to be in it. The simple answer is that if she is having sex with you for money in order to get to a better future, when that future comes, she will want you as part of her past, with no hope of you ever surfacing to embarrass her. And, when that happens, it won't feel good. Otherwise, you are just getting played for your money. I don't know how you got to where you are with your wife, but it need not stay at where it is. You'd be much better off stoking the fires at home. And, depsite having tried what you have done, there are more things you can try with your wife. Link to comment
tommyboy Posted October 12, 2006 Author Share Posted October 12, 2006 I feel so tired really your objectivity really brings it all into perspective. Sex cannot be just a sport for men it always becomes inectricably linked with love. They say for women sex and love can be separated. I think for us men from the age of the dinosaurs, we fought for mating with our women, we coveted them and held them like possessions. We are as Karl marx would say acquisitive beings and it is this acquisition that fuels change and the movement of history. Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 I feel so tired really your objectivity really brings it all into perspective. Sex cannot be just a sport for men it always becomes inectricably linked with love. They say for women sex and love can be separated. I think for us men from the age of the dinosaurs, we fought for mating with our women, we coveted them and held them like possessions. We are as Karl marx would say acquisitive beings and it is this acquisition that fuels change and the movement of history. hmmmmmm.......what exactly does that mean? A corner has been turned? A decision has been made? Or you just had an ephiphany? Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 You never did answer a damn thing about your kids. You're looking for attention. Pretty basic. And you're getting it here, and you're getting it in your drama-infused psuedo-lifestyle. Too bad really that some people can still be shocked by such a mundane, boring situation. yawn. Link to comment
tommyboy Posted October 12, 2006 Author Share Posted October 12, 2006 It means I understand everything now. Whether I act on it I will decide tomorrow. I will tell the girl I dont want to have sex, we can go out as friends and I will pay her. That way I can break away gently Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 well good for you Tommyboy. Way to make a decision and then make it a reality. Either way, you made a choice. You're half way there. Link to comment
rose2summer Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 Well, she is manipulating you by making you feel she is a victim and a prey to men. You then feel the need to take on a protective role and pay her, whilst she uses you for your finances, and drops you when she finds a man who can offer more money. In the end, who gets hurt, not her, but you and your wife. I bet that you aren't her only client right now, and she wants you to feel that way, so she can make sure to keep you as a monetary possession. Link to comment
tommyboy Posted October 12, 2006 Author Share Posted October 12, 2006 yes you are right its painful though, worse than a lashing with a cat of nine tales. What amazes me is how far we fall into this whirlwind and how our minds go with it Link to comment
rose2summer Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 Please lets refrain from attacks here. Thank you for your cooperation Link to comment
tommyboy Posted October 12, 2006 Author Share Posted October 12, 2006 ok respect, thnx, time to go meet my mate Good advice love you all Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 respeck to you too bra Link to comment
Shadows Light Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 GOOD FOR YOU TOMMYBOY... I like the screen name though.. boy. Look.. I tried... I read 1/2 way through this thread and thought.. What is your point??? What it he question? what is he vent? Do you want me to clap you on the back and say.. "adda boy" like your friends do for having a "HOT" date? Why??? does that do something for you??? I'm not going to do that... I care about.. "." much. You arn't asking a question, posing an issue.... being threatened, coerced or appear to be in any kind of pain. You found your answer to your "depression" and marital problems in the woman who is practicing what appears to be the worlds oldest profession. so what do you want ... a cookie???? The ramifications of your actions are obvious. You haven't just fallen off the turnip tractor. If you are happy... GREAT. If your wife is happy... Wonderful. If your the object of your addiction is happy... AWESOME. I call that a WIN WIN situation. Would I date you.... ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND??? Would I be your friend... HEII NO. Would I respect you if you were in my circle of friends... lol. I don't think so. You lack self respect, and self-esteem. Two qualities that I find SEXY in other people. Do you care what I think??? ohhh about "." much. Link to comment
Dako Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 Life in perfect balance. He loves his hooker. She loves his money. Link to comment
Shadows Light Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 Sure its a balance... I agree.. I don't see what the problem is. I don't have to agree with his lifestyle... as long as his lifestyle doesn't impinge on mine. His freedom begins and ends where mine does. so... if he gets something out of paying for it for whatever reason.... good for him. If his wife doesn't mind... great. Everyone gets what they want out of the deal. hmmmmm..... I guess we can start the argument of "mandatory testing and licencing of call girls" as they do in other countries to control the spread of disease. THAT... is a concern. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 My first flame on enotalone! And I actually thought it wasn't one. Baptism. Dako, I think those three lines there would make a nice wall hanging at the...*can't say it, probably would be considered a flame* Anyways, it made me chuckle. Link to comment
Beec Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 hmmmmm..... I guess we can start the argument of "mandatory testing and licencing of call girls" as they do in other countries to control the spread of disease. THAT... is a concern. Well, not to get off topic, but I am all for that, and not because I would use their services. Someone is going to use their services, someone will make sure such services are available, nothing is going to stop it. However, licensing and regulring things may allow for a system that eliminates, or at least minimizes, enslavement by the pimps, which occurs. Link to comment
Dako Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 I've never been a client, but for you ladies who may not be famliiar with hookers, they can be incredible actors. They can really mess with a guy's head. She holds the power at the retail level. Link to comment
Mun Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 ..... I will tell the girl I dont want to have sex, we can go out as friends and I will pay her. That .... I'll bet that as long as you are paying you will get friendship, sex or whatever you want from her. You should hope you're money does not run out soon. Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 I've never been a client, but for you ladies who may not be famliiar with hookers, they can be incredible actors. They can really mess with a guy's head. She holds the power at the retail level. Well...I'm not a prostitute per se....I get the less obvious title of "housewife." Ta-may-toe, Ta-Mah-toe right?? :splat: Link to comment
chai714 Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 While it's easy to be critical of TommyBoy's actions, it's more difficult to get inside of his head and see the situation as he sees it. Here we have a man who met a woman, (it does not matter where because his feelings are the same as if he had met her in a church) started to develop feelings for her and has developed an emotional bond with her. Whether or not she reciprocates these feelings don't affect him - he likes her anyways. She gives him something that he values highly and it makes him feel good - it gives him an emotional high. It's very similar to a boy who meets a girl and develops a crush on her. We all know that when we develop feelings for someone and especially strong ones, almost all logic goes out the window. Humans operate on emotions most of the time and not logic - this is human nature. I'm not saying it's right to cheat, but trying to understand how he feels the way he does and why he feels this way. Link to comment
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