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He's broken my soul.


My bf left me 2 and a half months ago after a 2 year relationship because he said he was not happy anymore, wanted to focus on his career and does not want a girlfriend right now. We were fighting a lot and he was not a Christian and he really treated me badly. But for the most part he loved me and made me feel special at times. It was a good realtionship and my first love.


I begged him for two months to take me back and he became so rude to me, cursing and swearing and telling me that "I ruined his f****** life!" (his words). He changed so much, it was like changing from black to white. I dont know him at all anymore. It started hurting so much. So I decided to NC and I was going strong. I was finally moving on. I was healing beautifully...


Yet, then this happened:


I went to an annual South African music festival on Thursday called Aardklop meaning "the rhythm of the earth". We would camp at the same site as last year and go watch shows, have a laugh and sit around the campfire.


It was something I'd been looking forward to because it'd give me the chance to get away from all my pain and grief with my ex. I went with all my friends and the same group of friends as last year. The only difference was that HE wouldn't be there. I was in such a good mood when we left home, my nightmares had finally stopped, I was doing extremely extremely well with NC and finally showed some progress in my shrink sessions. Life was finally a bit more back to normal! And it was easier to just forget that he ever existed.


Now, this festival is mainly for people who speak Afrikaans, my mother tongue. It's like dutch. And my ex is English, he doesn't even understand the language and I took him with me last year so that he could learn more about my culture. (I paid for his entire trip, he never had much money...) By that time we'd been together for a year and a half. We really had a blast last year and I have fond memories, so I decided that i would go back this year, have a good time with my friends, and make awesome new memories without him.


We arrive there, I'm all excited and thrilled about getting away from it all. I call my friends that have been at the camping site for two days and they tell me that HE is there - at the same site, camping in EXACTLY the same spot as we did last year, with his new friend and new girlfriend!!!!!! They are all English and have no business at an Afrikaans festival! He knew I was going, he knew I'd be at that exact campsite and he knew it would hurt me beyond comprehension.


As I write this, tears stream down my face. The pain is indescribable. He would look to see if I was at my tent, then he would whisper in her ear and she would pinch his bum, then they'd both look at me again. And laugh.


HE left ME!! What was he trying to prove? I hadn't ever done anything to him to hate me this way. He made my trip a living hell and embarrased me in front of my friends. And to make it worse - she is absolutely beautiful. Thin, cool-looking, brunette, tanned, tattoo on her back (which I bet he loves, cuz he always wanted me to get one and I did not want to). Yet she smokes like a chimney and didnt bath the entire time they were there.


I encountered him face to face on the Friday morning and he said: "Hi! How are you!? Are you well? How are you??" And I looked at him and I said: "Hi. I'm doing well." and I walked away. And he said: "OK." As if I was rude to HIM? I just couldn't have a conversation with him. He looked so smug when he saw me, his expression said "I hope I'm hurting you".


And then the Friday night I got drunk and they had already left and I sent him a text asking what he was trying to prove, and he replied: "You are really pathetic."


Guys, I feel now like I did the first week after he dumped me. Apparently he is not with this girl, but he wanted to show me that he is. I knew she was in his life and when I saw her, I knew exaclty who she was, but i didnt care to know!


How will I deal with this pain? I can't eat or sleep and keep seeing them together in my head, his hand on her back, the tattoo.


And most baffling of all: WHY DID HE DO IT?? Why can't he just let me move on? I just wanted to heal!!!


I want to kill myself!

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The greatest revenge is to live your live to the fullest.

That is so true! It's always painful to see an ex doing better then you are!


I have no idea why anyone would do what he did!

Forget about him, just concerntrate on yourself, and all the fantastic things your going to do with your life!


By the way what is NC?

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YOU didn;t do ANYthing wrong at all. This guy is a complete waste of space, time and energy. For him to go out of his way to hurt you like this is beyond comprehension, and tells you EXACTLY the kind of person he is.


I know it's hard right now...but I would simply laugh at his actions..because if he had to go out of his way to hurt you, it means HE is not over this.

Knowing that should give you some satisfaction, even if it's a tiny bit.


I wouldn't contact him again....let him live with the fact HE left YOU..and now he can't live with that decision.


Hope you feel better.

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I know it's hard right now...but I would simply laugh at his actions..because if he had to go out of his way to hurt you, it means HE is not over this. Knowing that should give you some satisfaction, even if it's a tiny bit.


I wouldn't contact him again....let him live with the fact HE left YOU..and now he can't live with that decision.


I absolutely agree with Lady Bugg. You should feel proud and pleased with yourself because you have shown yourself to be a classy person. What he did lacks class.

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oh my!!! what a jerk! I can't believe he showed up at that music festival on your campsite, with another girl!!!




forget him. now. definitely don't call him anymore or contact him, even if it is to "get answers." I think he's shown you he's not going to give you any and that he isn't going to be fair to you. blah. forget it.


you will find someone better.

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Hes well not worth it get rid of him, no contact makes the pain go away, hel realise what he has lost himself and hel regret it dont you worry about that.


Please just move on and i hope you are okay, i know the pain that you feel is so strong like your heart is literally on fire but dont worry it may not seem like it right now but with time itl all be good.



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Thank you everyone. I knew I could come here and just vent and get some great advice.


Don't want to sound soppy, but I just went to church and it was amazing and God heals. I feel better and I feel good knowing I'm turning my life around. He doesn't realise it, but he's chased me right into God's arms. I feel inspired by His love. It's almost as though God has complimented me by letting me go through this. He thinks I can handle it, He has faith in me.


The reason I think of killing myself is I suffer from severe depression, but some quiet time with God sorts me right out! Praise Him and thank you for your replies...


Now I just have to overcome the fear of seeing him somewhere again. Really don't want to!

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And most baffling of all: WHY DID HE DO IT?? Why can't he just let me move on? I just wanted to heal!!!


I want to kill myself!


First, please don't kill yourself. It would be a shame if someone like you is no longer walking this earth, yet your ex still is.


Second, you want to know what I think after reading your post? That your ex is an emotionally abusive sociopath. Seriously. This has got to be one of the most messed up things I've ever heard of an ex doing. Forget the piece of trash that was with him on the camping trip playing along with his ridiculous stunt, you know what they say: birds of a feather flock together.


And you and this guy do not strike me as two birds who belong to the same flock.


Do whatever it takes to get over him, but do not let him back in your life. He's a creep, plain and simple, and in your heart, I'm sure you know this.


Now, the last thing I want to address here is this: if he was capable of doing such a horrible thing after you two broke up, I suspect he was cruel to you in other ways in the past. Hon, you sound like a pretty good person. What were you doing with someone like him? What did you get from this relationship?


I ask these questions so that you can really come to an understanding of why you were with a guy like him in the first place - in the hopes that a) you don't get back with him or b) end up in another emotionally abusive relationship with someone else.

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I just heard that he went to a club last night with her and that it seems they are together. It was our favorite club, we have a lot of memories there and our favorite band played. I didn't even know they were playing.


I feel so hopeless today. I don't want him to be happy and move on so quickly. It hasn't even been three months. Everyone keeps telling me that I deserve better, but it doesn't take the feeling of emptiness and betrayal away.


Please, I need some advice!!

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I think now would be a great time for you to start thinking about all the new, wonderful, interesting things you've never done that you might like to. I would really suggest that you go places where you never went with him. I don't know if this guy is trying to run into you to hurt your feelings, or not, but the end result is the same -- he is hurting your feelings. The best thing I could say about him is that he's insensitive, and honestly, I could say alot worse.... so without animosity, do what you have to to protect yourself and get some distance from what was probably a difficult relationship. But never fear; having been in similar situations, I can tell you that if you rely on the Lord, He will guarantee your peace.

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well... it's cliche... but there are plenty of other fishies in the sea....


after all, 6 billion people on this planet, 3 billion men, surely there are some great guys out of that 3 billion that are wondering when they will meet a great girl like you.


forget your ex. he sounds awful and manipulative. he did you a favor. can you imagine this man being the father of your children? YIKES!


hang in there. post here. we just want the best for you.

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The fact that he came to your stomping grounds and brought someone else is an indication that he's not really over it. Otherwise, he would have no reason to go out of his way to hurt you. He sounds extremely immature and cruel. Honestly, you really are better off without him. It doesn't sound like he was a nice guy before you broke up with him. I think you were afraid to be alone.


Please don't torture yourself over this loser anymore. You will look back at this one day and realize he wasn't worth any of this. I promise.


Chin up and stay no contact. You were doing great with it.

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