Why do you hate your mother?

[lilly604]

i for one wish i did not detest my mother with a passion yet the reality is that i simply do. there are many reasons for this. maniacal rage verbal abuse manipulation, she has alway come first in her life , tothe extent i am the only one masochistic enough to give her the time of day. one by one she has cut out every member of her family and one of the smart ones actually cut her off first. but that is my sibling who is even more egotistical and eccentric than she is. long story short i have issues i need to deal with and i would prefer to live without this huge burden of resentment and disgust.

[isisastaria]

My mother did tell me that she was going to leave me when I was little. She worked all day, came home around 10 pm and only stayed home on sundays. I despise her for driving me a half hour at 15 years old to a much older guy's house to stay the night. I WAS RAPED BY HIM. I HATE her for emotional abuse, self-centeredness, only allowing herself the pain from the death of my father, saying horrible things about me to my family that weren't even true, and treating me as an outcast after my son was born (teenage pregnancy).

Whew! Felt Good....

[isisastaria]

My son just recently told me I made him mad when I got angry with him. We had a healing moment. I just didn't realize he was that sensitive. Maybe it's time we all let it out with our parents. Go on! Go tell em'!!! I hugged my baby and cried...!!!!!!!

[lilly604]

i wish that i had no moments that icannot share about my mother and the childhood she subjected me to but througout the years she has become increasingly paranoid and i am so whipped i feel im betraying her by even expressing my disbieleif in how much i truly hate her. yes there is a fine line between love and hate i suppose, but why. i love my husband whom iv been with for years and the only thing that has ever come between us in a signifigant way is my obsession with my crazy old mammy. put it this way he thinks she s waaaay out there to but it's not his mammy.

[lilly604]

i truly think perhaps i am very resentful ,one of the qualities besides self pity i truly refuse to tolerate so thereforeeee i must purge myself of this hatred for mom or hate myself as much as i hate her. how pathetic is that. well at least i finally admit that i detest the old bag and i'm quite sure even though she's in possesion of a high i.q. she has or is going to get alzheimers disese. then she'll just be that much more of a burden since i'm the only one in my family she will talk to. listen to me i'm so depressing, i have a great sense of humor, just a wee bit down and trying to cope.

[Aleadragonhawk]

If I stop and really think about it, the reason that I'm angry with my mother is that she would never listen. My mother never had a good life, so she tended to stumble through with blinders on and pretend that everything was going wonderfully. When I was little she'd talk about how great everything was going to be, and because she was my mom, I believed her. Time and time again I was disappointed, and it started to feel like she was deliberately lying to me. If I ever tried to talk to her about anything, she was so set in her forced-positive viewpoint that it felt like banging my head against a brick wall. Her habitual ignorance made me want to scream, shout, and just..hurt someone. I could never understand why she didn't want to know the truth, and being somewhat obsessed with what was right, we never got along.

More than that, why I really hate my mother is because she never protected me. She was self-centered. She only looked at herself. She married a string of men who either hated me or wanted to have sex with me, including my own father. She let my step-brother sexually and physically abuse me for three years. She let me undergo serious abuse at school, including physical abuse. I hate my mother for never accepting the fact that I am not christian. I hate her for never standing up for me when I was mistreated in school for not being christian. I hate her for the way she calls me and goes on and on about the next thing in her life that is going to be great and never shows any interest in my life. I hate her for not caring about me. I hate her for not being a mother. I hate her for not being a parent. I hate her for hurting me, for kicking me out of my home, for pretending she's a saint and acting like a * * * * *. I...didn't realize until now how much she's hurt me..

[Brooke657]

I'm angry with my mom because she has vicodin addiction she refuses to acknowledge or deal with. She also drove away my dad when in my opinion he was the best thing to ever happen to her.

[the empty drawer]

So some sort of fundamental basic anger against my mother, eh? Well then...

 

I am angry at my mother because she always introduced me as the "other daughter" before telling someone my name.

 

Even writing that ticks me off, because it may sound small but its really not. I was the "other daughter" because she already had her girl, I was merely a step that needed to be passed before she could have her boy. She never wanted me and neither did my father. Bad enough I had to know this, but everytime I was introduced to someone it was fresh salt in the wound.

[glegend]

Never really encouraged me, showed not much interest in me, when I was crying she preferred to let me cry it out (which now has been proven that it causes child damage)m ,ade me bathe my sister, never really help w/homework, always "yeah" to things when I ask her to do things 4 me, used to actually hit me every now and then as a form of punishment and various other things the list could go on & on.

[glegend]

and my mom has never said she is proud of me

[lilly604]

i just have to face the fact that my mother is a sick old lady and will never change so i will just try to avoid her as much as humanly possible until one or the other of us passes away. this decision brings me a tiny bit of peace of mind.

[Guymandude97]

WOw this thread is so relevant to me...........I too am so angry at my mother for so many things but have never felt like I was allowed to feel this way.

 

I'm angry at her because she has no idea of my feelings, my problems, my work (I'm a musician), my life. I went through a period of severe depression in my teens, and I realise now this was mostly because issues relating to her. She talks about this time and says I was 'sick' and had endoginous (excuse spelling) depression, so she can safely see me as this troublesome problem and she can be the perfect mother in her mind. She just says, "you never told me about anything when you were younger", yet when I did she'd either get so upset herself and make it about her or she'd tell me to stop being silly.

 

She dotes on my older brother, anything that goes wrong he can call her and tell her all about it, but she talks about me like I am a vegetable with no feelings, no opinions and no problems.

 

If I ever got angry at her or tried to tell her that I wasnt happy with her, she'd get upset and argue vehemently to prove that I shouldn't be angry at her and that I was trying to make her feel bad. She didn't even care that I was upset.

 

She was never home when I got home from school becasue she worked as a principal at a girls catholic school and would leave at 7 in the morning and not get home until late at night. In her work and public life she was the model citizen, caring to the students at her school and would counsel them on all sorts of problems but I wasnt important enough to take an interest in. If she did pay me some attention, it would be to force me to cut my hair, or do my homework or do some chore.

 

SOmetimes I'd bring a friend over after school and she'd take them home becasue she said there had been 'no arrangement' . She ran our house like it was a school or a business.

 

I couldn't wait to grow up so I could get away from her. I blame her for so many things, so many emotional problems that I've had.

 

 

Wow, that felt good.....I'd write a lot more if had time.....may come back tomorrow

 

Thanks for starting this thread.......I'm going to check out that book by John Lee......

 

 

[Decado]

wow...i didnt realise soooo many people felt the same way as me. It's kinda weird. The thing is i dont know why i hate my mother. I mean i am/was angry at her for leaving me alone all the time, for always putting work ahead of me and not taking even one day off work a week to spend time with me.

I am/was angry with her becuase of all the hours of solitude i went through by being home alone most of the time. For all the horrible things i was able to see and access through the internet when i was younger.

for taking me out of my school and away from my best friend and my 1st crush when i was 9.

for all the times i cried when she wasnt there. For the way i now deal with my feelings coz i didnt have her to talk to.

 

alot of the stuff is out of her control and she doesnt deserve the hate i feel for her coz she's a nice person. And that's propbably the worst part of it coz i feel guilty for these feelings that i have tried to bury all these years.

 

It's annoying, i cant stand her presense. i cant take it when she touches me - i feel like ripping my skin off when she does. and i dont know how to get over it....I dont know how i can forgive her for all the stuff that she didnt know she was doing. and was out of her control.

 

I want to forgive her, i just dont know how....

[Decado]

for pretending to listen to me and pretending to care how my day was. for complaining that it feels like the house is empty when she comes home- i have ALWAYS come home to an empty house. for letting my dad back into my life. a dad who is too unfit to be any sort of role model.

for constantly nagging me, for asking me meaningless questions and then not bothering to listen when the answer is given. For failing to see my pain. For giving me this mask of a smile i use to hide my true feelings. For never bothering to read me a bed time story, she starting off with "once upon a time there was a king and a queen" and then gave up and said she couldnt think of anything. For never being there to help me with my homework, for never being there to tell me to do my homework. For trying to be a friend when i needed a mother. For putting my cousins above me. For never telling me 'no'. for putting me above herself and treating herself like dirt (and showing me to do the same with other people)- Do you wonder why i have become used to treating you like that? do you wonder why i cant talk to you? why my feelings are pent up? why i cant talk to anyone about my feelings?

for just walking out when i started to cry over my 1st crush. For these scars. for my gayness.

I am just soo angry. What can i do???!!!!!!!!!!!

[Helen67]

I wouldn't say I hate my mother, but I hate the things she has done. I, like She's2smart pity her (and my father), as they have managed to destroy a family.

 

Due to a blind willingness to side on a stupid situation with my manipulative sister, have lost the love and any traces of respect from my other sister, my brother and myself.

 

They are now suffering from their own ignorance, while me and my loving siblings enjoy our family relationship and friendship. And not one of us miss the contact with them.

 

Maybe this may sound vindictive, in the sense of enjoying their suffering. But it really isn't. We all have our own children, our own partners and our own lives. And without them in it, this has become a more happy and peaceful environment. When my mum does phone (maybe 4 times a year), I have nothing to say, I don't want to tell her anything about my life, to me now she has no right to know, she is a stranger to me now.

 

There are many many things from the past, this is by no means the single factor, this was just the icing on a very bitter cake.

[facade]

I just have to chime in on this, though my mother has been out of my life for quite some time as a result of it, but...I hate my mother because she sent me away to live elsewhere while staying with her husband who molested me and not believing me when I told her about it.

 

I wanted to use some "choice" words in this, but they're all too vulgar for this forum

[Decado]

sorry man.. compared to that, my quarrels with my mum seem trivial and unimportant. I actually wrote awhole different post to this one but realised it wouldnt do any good.

I feel for you.

I would also write a few words "too vulgar for this forum" coz that guy is the biggest douche in the world...(unfortunately there are too many around)

[willow2900]

I am angry at my mother for being fake. She's such a strong person and I hate seeing how fake she is with her husband (not my Dad.)

 

I hate that she married him - he's a weasel.

 

I hate that she never calls me. Or tries to make contact. I did an experiment last year to see how long it would go before she attempted to make contact with me - 7 months.

 

I hate that she had 2 affairs while with my dad. I hate that the last one was our minister. I hate that she perpetuated Christian values and beliefs all the while f------- our minister.

 

I hate that right now, I don't even know her. And I hate, that right now, she has no idea of the person I am. And I hate that that might never change. Not unless I do something to change it. But I hate that it is me that has to do it - she's my mum! She should care!

[piggypooh]

I'm annoyed by my mother because she created a very closed family relationship where both me and my sister were scared to ask for ANYTHING cos we were led to believe the answer would always be "NO". When it came to advice and help leter in life, me and my sister would just clam up and not ask our parents for ANYTHING cos we were brought up to believe that "Ask and you won't get", not just for material things but for love, help, advice. when i stared to date girls, mama just laugh at me and say I wasn't good looking. Also, my mother is responsible for my anxiety disorder that I carry every day now, and as a result, I will never give her Grandchildren so haa haa haa to her.

[freedom lover]

Im angry at my mother because she has never been supporitve, shown affection, taught me social skills, and left me with so many emotioanl problems that I cant relate to people and have had to learn how to relate through being badly hurt by them. I have kids myself, and have an uncomfortable relationship with my 17 year old daughter. Its taken me a while not to take her attitude toward me personally. Its a great challenge to make an effort to try to be caring and show some interest in her schooling, her friends, and her well weing. she only really calls me when she needs some school assignment help, or when she needs a lift to get somewhere. Iknow this, but i am still available. We both feel uncomfortable around each other and i hope it does not always be that way, but i have shown her more care, respect and love than my own mother has ever done for me. I helped my mother when she was divorcing, and I have always been generous with my time, and money etc. The best thing i can do is stay right away from her, because she is not a mother, but a vampire. I would rather die than be anything like that.

[freedom lover]

gee, your life sounds miserable....hope u cheer up

[freedom lover]

Hey could we be friends?......we have so much in common! I tried to email you, A Somebody, but had no luck! Id love it so much if we could chat about all our emotional problems together...wed be soulmates i rekon ...lol ...u do sound like a person i know from the country who lost her mother some time ago.....she contacted a few psychics to see if her poor mum is ok,,,and they told her that she is good...and that her new boyfriend from america would never leave her...ok im rambling now....but would love to hear from ya. sorry im so paranoid....they are all watching .....

[RufusDawes]

I dislike my mother because she a lazy selfish idiot, but i do not hate her. She is just not very smart.

[Night Pumpkin]

Never in my life have I read a thread with so many people filled with hate towards thier mothers. I hope this thread only reflects the feelings of enotaloners and not children in general...

 

I think the problem is that our culture idealizes parents too much. The picture portrayed in the media is that parents are generally loving and supportive people, while in reality they are human beings who have a tendency to be selfish, abusive, and indifferent to thier children's real needs.

 

There is also so much taboo about talking about parental abuse that its a topic almost no one wants to discuss. Almost no one wants to believe that mothers who appear so nice and giving on the outside can be really abusive and destructive beings on the inside.

 

If we want to stop child abuse, we need to first change people's attitudes regarding parents. Parents are given absolute power in the home, and it is clear that absolute power corrupts. Parents shouldn't be given the title that they are in absolute control

 

Also, all parents to be should be forced to take parenting classes. It seems absurd that one needs to take several tests to get a driver's license, but one doesn't need any education to be a parent.

 

Another step to preventing child abuse is for the media to change its perception of child welfare services. Child welfare services usually unfairly get a bad name because the media unfairly slams them for isolated cases of mismanagement. The reality is that the child welfare system does work and is very good at helping families. If people realized that, it would be easier for social workers to intervene and help resolve issues of abuse in families.

 

Just some thoughts..

[Thessalonia]

I don't.Thought I did though. From childhood til early adulthood, I knew verbal and physical abuse, mental anguish and anxiety (would you believe jealousy) . and let's not forget molestation. Mostly what I remember are the beatings and the name calling(cursing) I kept asking myself 2 questions why? and what did I do? Left for another city,moved in with my fav aunt.Wonder of wonders, Did they both not have the same personality? Unreal. My aunt was the Queen of Liars,Deceit,hypocrisy, undermining, mean conniving. However to my face it was different.)I was told by members of our church that it was jealousy. Still can't figure that one out. She(mom) whipped me so badly and for so long once that he (dad) had to stop her. Most of the time, he wimped out and let her run things.She was and is a very strong willed controlling person. So much of a wimp that he couldn't keep his hands off of me . Anyway its been years and I am only now beginning my freedom for real. (Tried counseling but it didn't seem to work.This time I have God in my life.Oh and I am still waiting for her to tell me who my real dad is. She won't touch it. Thank God I am not alone!