Guymandude97

Day 31: starting to feel like I might actually be interested in someone else one day lol. Still a long way off dating. There's so much else in my life that's in a state of change and in disarray right now that adds to this turbulent time

Nearly at 30 days..... just feeling really empty, and sad. Not pining so much, but trying to see the bigger picture and how everything could happen like it did. Listening to a lot of sad songs. I love her, but the love I'm feeling is now a caring, unselfish love.... I really want her to be ok and to be happy, with or without me. And of course I want the same for me. I hope I'll be able to talk to her. One thing I've noticed on this forum, is that there are some people who offer encouragement and understanding. Then there are some who just bluntly say "there's no point in contacting her, or trying to reach out. It's over. Get over it" ... whether that's true or not, that advice isnt helpful. I have enough friends around me who will tell me that kind of thing

It's about day 23 or 24.... I'm starting to lose count. I'm starting to realise things..... such as there was way too much drinking in our relationship. Lots of sex, right from the get go... but again tied into the drinking. We may have a friendship that can be saved, and renew and rebuild our relationship through commitment to quitting drinking and bringing God into our partnership.... at the end of 60 days we'll know

23 days tomorrow..... I'm glad I'm doing 60 days and not 30 because 30 would be nowhere near enough. The thing is.... I think we may be able to be friends.... and I'll know that to say to her if I want that after this period. The shock and the traumatic thoughts are still very painful..... The last few years of my life have been incredibly chaotic and she's been there with me through all of it...... we also nearly had a child together (she miscarried). That sort of connection you have with someone doesn't just go away. But after having no contact for awhile some of the deeper lessons and clarity about what happened and the bigger picture is starting to come in.... Damn I miss her though. How will ANYONE, ever, ever understand me or know me like she does, or I her? My security, my shelter, my love and my heart has been with her for the past three years.... I'm in agony. But the pain is not as bad as when we were trying to work things out, going around in circles and tearing shreds off each other and hurting each other..... and getting nowhere

The first few days are the hardest... I'm at day 18 and it's in waves now...... I miss my woman and my best friend. But the overwhelming feelings aren't as mind blowing.... moments of peace and clarity come in and I realise everything's going to be ok. Hang in there, it really is the most loving and kind way through this for yourself (most important) and your ex.

18 days...... There's times I'm ok, I feel like the right choices have been made and we're going to be ok. Today it's hard.... I miss her terribly, and all I can think about are the good times. I think about everything I could have done, should have done to save our relationship. I'm the one who ended it because the stress of the long distance was killing both of us, and I told her I wanted no contact when she told me she met someone else. There's a part of me that hopes, deeply, that there's still a chance. I love her more than anything, I know everything about her, her inner beauty, her heart, her flaws, and I know I caved in when things got tough. Long distance, money issues, day to day living. I've been reading "the meaning of marriage" by Timothy Keller.... this experience has led me to turn to God. I'm strong, she's strong.... but there's some situations that can only be overcome with God's help. I understand that now.... I want to tell her so much, to pour my heart out and let her know that yes I was weak and I let us down... and not for the first time... but I gave everything I could, and that she's in my prayers every day, every minute. I'm not using NC as a game.... I truly want us to heal and find the way back to our hearts and to love each other first as soul friends. And if she's truly going to be happier with someone else then that's what I want for her. I'm not looking to "get over her".... I'm looking to become a better man and for the first time in my life, love unselfishly. I also know that if we were to start contacting each other now and try to reconcile, I wouldn't be ready. So what I'm battling with is whether to contact her, or wait for the full 60 days. Yes, I've committed to 60 days. It's SO hard not to contact her right now, even just to know she's ok.

It's been about 12 days. I miss her like CRAZY. I know she's seeing someone else because she told me she was..... that's what initiated my need for no contact. I think about her every day and it's killing me. I keep wondering who she's seeing and how soon it was after we broke up.... even though I'm the one who left. I want to hold her and make everything alright and tell her I love her and say I'm sorry and that I never meant for anything to happen like it did..... our relationship was long distance for quite some time so I'm used to having intense feelings about her when we're not together. I'm SO close to messaging her to let her know I'm ok and to find out if she's ok. I know sticking this out may mean losing her ...... but a part of me knows this is the right way. Damn it's hard. I hope we can be in each others lives.