Why do you hate your mother?

[gobbledegook]

I don't hate my mother, we actually get along quite well most of the time.

 

It's with my dad that the problems lie.

 

I hate my dad.

 

I hate him for never being there.

I hate him for never believing in me.

I hate him for his temper.

I hate him for yelling at me.

I hate him for never being satisfied.

I hate him for always making fun of me.

I hate him for the years of verbal abuse that he put me through.

I hate him for what he put my mother through.

I hate him for what he's done to my brother.

I hate him for making my family so separate.

I hate him for never allowing my family to separate.

I hate him for trying to make me do what I don't want to.

I hate him for causing my anger problem that I have to deal with everyday.

I hate him for showing me how to hurt others, and never that it was wrong.

I hate him for never even trying to be a role model.

I hate him for being lazy.

I hate him for putting down my dreams.

I hate him for never talking to me.

I hate him for ignoring me.

I hate him for lying to me.

I hate him for never showing me that that was wrong.

I hate him for making me never be able to trust anyone.

I hate him for making me so insecure.

I hate him for making me doubt myself.

I hate him for making me think I can never be good enough.

I hate him for making me think everything is my fault

I hate him for making me sorry for everything, even if it isn't my fault.

 

I hate my dad.

 

I honestly have never talked to him. Never in my life have I really goe to him to talk. Never been given the oppurtunity.

 

And now I just don't want to.

 

It's too painful of a relationship. I don't want to fix it. I don't even want to try. It's bad enough that I have to deal with the effects of his temper. Everyday I have to work to keep my temper under control. I hate him for that. It's keeping me from everything that I love. My girlfriend's parents won't let me see her because of it, even though I would never hurt her.

 

My, my, a psychiatrist would have a field day with this...

 

 

[Night Pumpkin]

I think that some people put too high of an expectation on thier parents. They expect thier parents to be these great role models which really few could actually be. Parents are like anyone else. Some are selfish, some are grumpy, some are unfair, some are lazy, some are corrupt, some are good, some are dumb. You can't expect your parents to be anything more than that.

[piggypooh]

I think that some people put too high of an expectation on thier parents. They expect thier parents to be these great role models which really few could actually be. Parents are like anyone else. Some are selfish, some are grumpy, some are unfair, some are lazy, some are corrupt, some are good, some are dumb. You can't expect your parents to be anything more than that.

 

 

Parents brought us into this world so they SHOULD be roll models and live up to our expectations. If a person is ubale to live up to the expectations of parenthood then they shouldn't be parents.

 

I never asked to be here. I'm here cos its my parents fault, and I wish I wasn't.

[spinstermanquee]

Once I reached the age of majority, I realized the anger towards my parents I was carrying around was way-too-heavy-baggage to continue on with, ](*,) and I got myself into therapy. I could only blame the parents until I became an adult, and then it was MY responsibility to deal with the fallout.

 

Love and respect to those who are here, and putting their feelings out in the open, even if it sounds hateful and makes others uncomfortable. It's still a step toward freeing oneself from the tyranny of parental- and self-hate...

[WhyDoYouCare]

Why I Hate My Mother

 

I hate my Mother for never playing with me when I was little.

I hate my Mother for never teaching me how to eat right and feeding me sugar to shut me up.

I hate my Mother for bribing me as much as she did.

I hate my Mother for always telling me that my Dad came first and I was second.

I hate my Mother for screening my friends and banning me from the harmless ones.

I hate my Mother for telling me I was chubby.

I hate my Mother for making me deep clean her room every Saturday.

I hate my Mother for giving me so many chores.

I hate my Mother for the face she made when she was angry.

I hate my Mother for making me open and shut the door 200 times when I forgot to shut it.

I hate my Mother for forcing me to practice the piano an hour a day.

I hate my Mother for taking away my privileges all the time.

I hate my Mother for threating me.

I hate my Mother for challenging me to commit suicide.

I hate my Mother for making me stand in the corner for hours when I was in my early teens.

I hate my Mother for telling people I was a "problem child."

I hate my Mother for grounding me when I wasn't doing well in school.

I hate my Mother for forcing me to do home school in jr. high.

I hate my Mother for looking perfect at church.

I hate my Mother for becoming addicted to pain killers.

I hate my Mother for replacing me with my sister.

I hate my Mother for fighting with my Dad in front of me.

I hate my Mother for putting me in the middle.

I hate my Mother for calling me a "built in babysitter".

I hate my Mother for being selfish.

I hate my Mother for going into rehab on Christmas Day.

I hate my Mother for making me to go AA meeting to support her.

I hate my Mother for never driving me to school when I was late.

I hate my Mother for always sleeping in.

I hate my Mother for never taking me shopping.

I hate my Mother for accusing me of lying.

I hate my Mother for making me believe I had a chemical imbalance.

I hate my Mother for telling the therapist I needed more medication.

I hate my Mother for throwing me into a group home for no reason.

I hate my Mother for trying to get me to hit her.

I hate my Mother for taking me to a police station and lying about me hitting her arm.

I hate my Mother for being a huge hypocrite.

I hate my Mother for giving me a stupid curfew and grounding me a week for every minute I was late.

I hate my Mother for never letting me have sleep overs.

I hate my Mother for yelling.

I hate my Mother for treating me as a slave.

I hate my Mother for forcing me to "confess to our bishop" because I was an "evil child".

I hate my Mother for never supporting me in my singing.

I hate my Mother for never giving me opportunities because she needed her nails done.

I hate my Mother for becoming anorexic and dressing like a hussy.

I hate my Mother for leaving my father.

I hate my Mother for leaving me with my father.

I hate my Mother for not fighting for custody of me.

I hate my Mother for dating a week after she left my Dad.

I hate my Mother for putting on her online profile that she had 2 kids when she has 3.

I hate my Mother for re-marrying.

I hate my Mother for not inviting me.

I hate my Mother for getting married because she believed he had money at the time.

I hate my Mother for making promises she could never keep.

I hate my Mother for getting my hopes up everyday.

I hate my Mother for holding things over my head.

I hate my Mother for always wanting control.

I hate my Mother for attempting suicide and putting herself in the hospital for a week.

I hate my Mother for not being successful.

I hate my Mother for being so drugged up that she doesn't remember me rushing to her side.

I hate my Mother for the way she treated me when she was released.

I hate my Mother for the horrible relationship advice she'd give me.

I hate my Mother for always wanting me to break up with my finace.

I hate my Mother for promising to pay for my wedding.

I hate my Mother for not following through and disowning me 5 months before my wedding day.

I hate my Mother for accusing me of words that were never said.

I hate my Mother for making my extended family believe I am horrible and making then disown me too.

I hate my Mother for teaming up with my Dad and not letting me see my brother and sister.

I hate my Mother for sending me threatening text messages.

I hate my Mother for making me have to change my phone number.

I hate my Mother for stealing my car while I was at work.

I hate my Mother for coming into my work to tell me I didn't have a way home because she took my car.

I hate my Mother for dumping my clothes and items all over the road.

 

I hate my Mother for becoming the person she has always hated.

I hate my Mother for being a liar, a cheat, a lazy, selfish, horrible Mother.

 

Man I could go on and on and on...

[Thessalonia]

Wow oh wow! I can relate,am praying for you dear. No one should go thru that much pain,

[Alone in this world]

I love my mother.

[Pseudolover13]

i hate my mother because no matter what i do it's never good enough for her. No matter how hard i try she always finds something wrong with me. I hate how she picks at everything. How she tells me i'm fat and that i need to work out more when i work out 3 times a week. I hate the way she never knows when to stop when she picks at something. She keeps going on even after i get the point.

[thread]

i hater her. i will always blame her (AND my father) for breaking up a second time. i know, human beings make mistakes- but im having problems with trust, and damn it- everykind of relationship! i just cant believe that anything lasts- i am constantly afraid that this good feeling will be over and something terrible will happen. THEY ARE TO BLAME. and when she is so nice and happy and wants to talk to me i hate her even more- i have her for being my mother and i hater herand my father. i just want to leave. but im financially dependent on them and that makes it to hard to live in the same houses (as they are divorced) with them. gee, i want to leave and have my own apartment, neverever hear of them again!

[sister8]

This thread sucks....My heart would be broken if I thought my kids hated me this much.....

[avman]

Not every parent is a good parent sister8. Much damage has been done to children at the hands of their parents and I see this thread as a way for those children to vent about what happened to them.

 

Hopefully reading about the results of poor parenting will encourage some people to modify their behavior before it is too late to make a difference.

[tmp0620]

I'm angry at my mother for not changing the things in her life that make her miserable as well as the same exact reasons as the OP.

[sister8]

Not every parent is a good parent sister8. Much damage has been done to children at the hands of their parents and I see this thread as a way for those children to vent about what happened to them.

I know that....If I think you're a crappy parent I would probably the first person to tell you....But somethings are not intentional and that parent may have thought it was the right decision.....if they gave you instructions and you still screw it up....thats one thing....I could see how you would be angry.....but if your doing the best you can....

I do not think that everybody should be a parent by any stretch of the imagination....its not an easy job and some people should never attempt it.....But some are trying their best...they try to their best of their knowledge and ability....

[JadedStar]

I can honestly say i do not hate my mother nor am I angry with her.

 

I was for a long time. But when I became an adult over time she really expressed remorse for some of the things she did when I was growing up that i struggled with. And I forgave her.

 

Today she is a recluse and rarely leaves her house. I dont see her often but we speak often in email.

 

I have no ill will or angst regarding my mother at all today. She was a young mother who tried her best but made her lion's share of mistakes. I am sure my kids think I have made my share to but they know I love them.

 

I stopped blaming mom for any of my problems a long time ago. It is rather liberating I must say once a person can do that.

 

I "met" a girl on another forum who loved to complain about her mother. She'd love this thread. LOL

[JadedStar]

Not every parent is a good parent sister8. Much damage has been done to children at the hands of their parents and I see this thread as a way for those children to vent about what happened to them.

 

Hopefully reading about the results of poor parenting will encourage some people to modify their behavior before it is too late to make a difference.

 

I just hope it DOES cause people to look at and modify their own behavior vs venting aobut their own mom but not changing the way they rear their own kids.

 

I have met people who complain so much about their parents and allow it to cripple them instead of looking forward and learning from the mistakes their parents made.

 

thats all i'm sain.

[melvin5ft2]

I don't hate my mother. I have at times in the past. I understand now that my mother has one or maybe several personality disorders stemming from abuse incidents when she was a child. I have tried to use this information to be more tolerant of my mother. However, the verbal abuse I continue to suffer from her is getting old. Things will go along sort of ok for awhile and then she will just cut me right to the bone with something. The nature of my mothers "condition" eliminate the ability to talk out any of this as her personality disorder doesn't allow her to accept the idea that she has ever done anything wrong or has ever been at fault about anything - these things are viewed as a major "attack" to her and she will defend herself to the death. My issue now is trying to figure out how to cut off communication with her for good. I have tried to do it in the past and have for short periods of time. There is a part of me that takes after my father (the martyr) who feels it is wrong for me to cut off communication entirely with her. However, I have a child of my own to raise and my own self esteem issues that I have had to try to work through and these incidents with my mother cut me off at the knees every time. I already don't speak with the rest of my family - there are many issues with my family and my father whom I loved dearly passed away several years ago. I think if my husband were a more sympathetic or empathetic person in general, it would be easier for me to cut off communication with my mother altogether. Sometimes I just feel awfully alone out here...

[katydid615]

i am mad at my mother.

but more so afraid of her i guess.

 

she does not encourage creativity.

she searches for what ive done worng rather than recognizing the good. always.

she plays the victim all the time. guilt trip is a daily routine.

she has no idea whats going on in my life. we're almost strangers.

ive seen her give my older sister a bloody nose before, and then some.

 

 

 

and youre right, it's all pent up inside.

 

all of that is true and sounds so aweful, but i cant say my mother is an aweful person, i have no idea why i cant say it.

as much as i am mad at her or afraid of her i still kiss her on the cheek good night and say "love you".

 

sad.

[Night Pumpkin]

I am curious...

 

For all you people who hate your moms. What are you going to do tomorrow for mothers day ?

[JadedStar]

I used to hate my mother. Then I grew up and realized she had the same issues as others, no one is perfect. I totally FORGAVE her for all of the past that was very very heated. She was verbally and physically abusive. But hey, she got pregnant at 16. It was not planned. She had no way to get an abortion. Just because someone gets pregnant and has a baby does NOT mean they are prepared for it.

 

And since tomorrow is mother's day i am going to celebrate the love I have for her and no hate.

 

Hey, we ALL make mistakes as mothers. ALL OF US who ever had a child. My mother probably made more than most. She was 16 when she had me. I went thru a lot. But she atoned for it, i forgave her.

 

And life is too short for hate.

 

I bet all of you who are angry at your mothers, if she died tomorrow, no matter how angry you are at her, even if she was a rotten btch of a mother, if she died tomorrow you might feel guilt over discussing what you hate about her specifically on a thread. Or maybe you won't.

 

Sorry to be a buzz kill. Just wnated to give a shout out to all the moms. And even more so since tomorrow is MOther's Day.

 

Mom's are people too. And yeah, they make a LOT of mistakes. Some a heck of a lot more than others.

 

If you are over 21 years of age, you are now in full control of your life. Instead of hating mom, learn from her mistakes....all is not lost. Learn from it and vow to try to do a bit better with your own kids, if you choose to have them or already do.

 

There is this saying that I coined. When you are under 25 and screwed up, you can blame your parents. When you are over 25 and screwed up, you can blame yourself. No one had the perfect life and at some point we have to be accountable for ourselves.

[JadedStar]

Not every parent is a good parent sister8. Much damage has been done to children at the hands of their parents and I see this thread as a way for those children to vent about what happened to them.

 

Hopefully reading about the results of poor parenting will encourage some people to modify their behavior before it is too late to make a difference.

 

 

But it is hard to learn from the mistakes if you are carrying so much resentment. Isn't it better to forgive and look forward? Once you become an adult you can choose to just move on with life and if that mother who gave you life was horrible to you, remove her from your life. There is no rule to stick around and take verbal torment. Just forgive and move on. So many adult children still go back to their parents homes and keep on taking the crap. YOu do have the choice to move forward and just remove them from your life if they are that terrible.

 

It's funny how people expect that just because a person gets pregnant, that they know what to do with that baby. So many women have babies are are barely even far from being a baby themselves. And they were probably the victim or really horrible parenting themselves, so they had NO examples in which to model themselves after.

[JadedStar]

I think that some people put too high of an expectation on thier parents. They expect thier parents to be these great role models which really few could actually be. Parents are like anyone else. Some are selfish, some are grumpy, some are unfair, some are lazy, some are corrupt, some are good, some are dumb. You can't expect your parents to be anything more than that.

 

 

Spot on night pumpkin!

 

And no offense, but some parents didn't even have a very high IQ and were the victims of seriously horrific households themselves. Yet we hold these people to such a high standard if they have children. they are just people. They are not always heroes. Night Pumpkin i really believe in your philosophy. We DO hold parents to this high standard YET just about ANYONE can have a child. Just because you have a uterus or a high sperm count does not mean you know what to do with the yield.

[JadedStar]

Parents brought us into this world so they SHOULD be roll models and live up to our expectations. If a person is ubale to live up to the expectations of parenthood then they shouldn't be parents.

 

I never asked to be here. I'm here cos its my parents fault, and I wish I wasn't.

 

Welcome to the real world PiggyPooh. Your parents didn't ask to be born either.

[Hazelnut56]

You are my idol:

 

 

 

 

And you too:

 

 

 

AH,

 

I don´t know and I don´t care if it makes me evil, but I used to feel exactly the same way when I was a teenager. I would fantasize about a "parent free" existence. I won´t enter into details because I might sound like the bad seed or something. But I hear you.

 

 

 

Parents idealize themselves too. "I´m your rolemodel", "Everything you want to do... must be consulted with me first, cuz I´m the guru of life here", "Look at your father he is SO blah blah blah...", "When I was your age, I was a much better person..." Get real dudes. Stop shoving in my face your false notion of perfection. If I´m a screw up, you are no better then me. I didn´t choose to be born, why having me if I was gonna be such a pain? You are no martyr for supporting me all this time, it was your choice to reproduce remember?

 

Completely agree. Such a retard notion to asume that having the ability to breed gives you automatically the ability to educate a kid in a decent manner. Sheesh.

 

 

No offense but read your own signature. This is one of the most honest threads ever. Don´t you agree that "the truth shall set you free"? Well this is the truth, the awful raw truth. And for stating it "sucks" you might be *a bit* pissed off... Merely an observation.

 

What do you mean? Do you picture us sending them rotten fish or something? I did nothing, obviously.

[Hazelnut56]

Welcome to the real world PiggyPooh. Your parents didn't ask to be born either.

No they didn´t ask to be born, but they certainly chose to breed, didn´t they? Or that was also the fault of the randomness of life?

[Rosie007]

I challenge all of you to take your posts and figure out how to work through that anger. Holding onto anger is unhealthy and can keep you at a standstill in life.

 

I challenge you to let people have their feelings, including their anger -- no matter how uncomfortable it might make you feel. The only way to work through anger is to express it. And sharing anger online in a forum is a very safe / acceptable way to work through difficult feelings. That IS working through anger.

 

Most of the time people have buried their feelings of anger and betrayal so far down they don't even know when they should be angry.

 

As for me, a survivor of every abuse imaginable -- sexual, physical, psychological, emotional, verbal ... and let's not forget neglect -- I've worked long and hard in AA for 15.5 years and therapy for almost 20 years. Before I got sober, I couldn't express anger; if I got angry, I lost the power of speech and could only cry.

 

I am a champion of people having their anger, feeling the power of it, working through it, *and then* moving on.

 

There is great value in finding and owning one's anger, acknowledging the wrong done by others -- especially rotten parents, declaring enough is enough, and feeling all the feelings that were banished, buried, or otherwise denied.

 

I've learned to mother myself, because my own mother's capacity for love is quite narrow and self-centered. I know that she has her own demon's to deal with, and that she's been unable to give what she never received.

 

Here's a song by Sinead O'Connor, a fellow survivor of abuse, that has helped me through many dark hours:

 

This is to mother you

To comfort you and get you through

Through when your nights are lonely

Through when your dreams are only blue

This is to mother you

This is to be with you

To hold you and to kiss you too

For when you need me I will do

What your own mother didn't do

Which is to mother you

All the pain that you have known

All the violence in your soul

All the 'wrong' things you have done

I will take from you when I come

All mistakes made in distress

All your unhappiness

I will take away with my kiss, yes

I will give you tenderness

For child I am so glad I've found you

Although my arms have always been around you

Sweet bird although you did not see me

I saw you

And I'm here to mother you

To comfort you and get you through

Through when your nights are lonely

Through when your dreams are only blue

This is to mother you

 

 

To everyone here today who had the courage to be completely honest about how you feel and how you were betrayed, I salute you. And I wish you all the love in the world.

 

Love,

 

-Rosie