Why do you hate your mother?

[Hopelives]

I should add:

 

He hates me because:

 

I rarely cooked at home preferring instead to use the limited time between my jobs to take him to an 1.5 dinner instead where I could devote me time and attention TO and FOR him.

 

I rarely cleaned the house preferring instead to get a house keeper so that I could play games online and in person with HIM.

 

He hated the dogs that barked, the one that protected me, and hated that I loved them.

 

He hated that our home was secluded and large, and was very different from other kids around.

 

He hated that I bought him GAP, AE, Lucky Brand, Ralph, and university clothes.

 

He hated that when was failing high school that I encouraged him to attend the University through extension, fully aware of his IQ (it's over 140) and hoping that the University might challenge him.

 

He hated that when other kids picked on him, I went directly to the kids' parents and school to complain.

 

He hated that when he misbehaved, he got time outs.

 

He hated me for the times I was overseas and playing online games with him at 3 AM MY time and not actually home with him.

 

He hated me for the 2x I took a vacation by myself, for myself (both after he hissed about me about Italy).

 

He hated me for telling kids whom he played with once, that were unwelcome back here; the same kids who called me a m....f.... for not allowing them to start a fire in my backyard forest

 

He hates me for teaching him right from wrong.

 

He hates me for teaching him to care, to give, to cherish.

 

Everything, that is, but me.

[SasamiKikyou]

It's actually nice to see the mother's part of the story.

 

You seem like a reasonable mother though, level headed, caring, and passionate about your son.

 

Not like what the other mothers like this thead act like.

[Hopelives]

Not always level-headed but I am passionate, loving, and caring.

 

Thank you. He turned 18 today without me.

[Anna.]

My mother let me be morbidly obese as a preteen and teenager out of laziness. And then provided me knowingly with money to do very hard drugs from 16 on. Sure, I lost the weight on the drugs, but after I had severe anxiety and low self-esteem, oh yeah and a sickening druggie lifestyle! She has confessed that she gave me the money to anger my father b/c he cheated on her.

 

But she still has the nerve to fuss at me for wasting money and failing the first year of college. I moved away and they paid for EVERYTHING and she was still providing me with money I used for drugs to piss off my dad.

 

And now she wonders why I'm still in college at 25 AND told me I was going to have to take responsibility for most of it including being morbidly obese by about 11 or 12.

[Hopelives]

My mother let me be morbidly obese as a preteen and teenager ...

 

And now she wonders why I'm still in college at 25 AND told me I was going to have to take responsibility for most of it

These are the stories that make me sad. I'm so sorry your mother treats you like this.

[DocDave]

i don't have the patience to read through 26 pages of misery from everyone.

 

but the stories certainly do resonate. i really do hate my mother for being passive, fat, ugly, selfish, immature, dependent, lazy, good for nothing, ignorant/racist. i'm not a female, and was never molested or raped, or exposed to drugs like some of the women here, but my face, body and mind still bear scars of abuse and neglect from my monster of a father. my mother was never strong enough to protect me and i hate her for her weakness. now she depends on me and my sister to live out her days, and she lives in a fantasy world that she is a good mother, and that we love her, when we all we do is pity her.

 

I am 32 years-old and am a licensed physician. i have a great future, but the misery of childhood continues to haunt me whenever my mother comes to stay with my family. how do you forget being an 8 or 9 year-old child intentionally running into oncoming traffic, because life at home was so horrific that death was by far a better option?

[BriarRose]

For never being there for me as a kid, and for being mean to me later in life even when I was in chemo. She never wanted a child - that's not my fault.

[samantha20]

sorry, but I just love my mum. She's always done her best for me and the only person I truly trust. I could never say that I hate her.

[Kareem]

I hate my mother for being lazy, selfish, ignorant, intolerant, rude, mean, rude, low self-esteem....

 

I want to leave her. never see her face. but unfortunately i rely on financial support... so once I'm done she'll never see my face again.

 

Some times i get soooo angry i want to punch her square in the face.. but i control my anger.... as much as i can. if anything i yell..

 

She stresses me out so much.

 

Shes never been there for me like you would see other mother be. for their children. protecting them from their father n what not when getting introuble. she would always snitch and want the worst . so in return i hope for the worst.

[doityourself]

Im mad at my mother for bringing children into her world knowing it was unsafe, unhappy, and disfunctional

[sweetnov]

I am disappointed in my mother, althought its tough to say I hate her. I am disappointed that she is never there to celebrate my sucesses, although she chooses to be there for my older sister. I am diappointed that I had a very important event happen in my life this week and she chose not to go because she had "laundry" to do. I am disappointed that she does not want to attend my collage graduation (first one in my family) because she says she will be busy. I am disappointed that she is not there when I just want to talk to someone or ask her for advice. I am disappointed that she does not have the "time" to get to know my children. However she is always there for my sister's children. I am disappointed that she only calls me when she needs money. I am disappointed that my mom always puts her many boyfriends ahead of me since I was 7 years old. I am angry she let one of her boyfriends hurt me. I am angry that she still chooses not to believe me. I am hurt that she does not care how that continues to affect me. I am disappointed that my mother chooses to date and move in with men who are younger then my and I am 31 years old.(she is 65) I am hurt that she chooses not to love me. I am hurt that I continue to hold out hope only to be hurt once again. I am hurt that she abused me and scared me for the rest of my life and she claims it was not true. I want to let go of this relationship and I want to disown her for I am so tired of being hurt.

[Obegan]

I hate my mother :

calling me useless

always blaming me

making me flinch everytime she moves

physically and verbally abusing me

blaming me for my dad's divorce

treating me like a slave

 

I hate her for not letting me express or stand up for myself.

[Hermes]

I can't even imagine it.

 

Anyhow here's a book about all that

 

"Will I ever be Good Enough by Dr. Karyl McBride.

 

 

.

[stonerose]

A lot of these posts are old BUT the pain I keep uncovering is new.

I'm glad I can say here what I never said before.

 

I hate my mother. She was and always will be someone who puts me down, competes, and finds joy in any pain I have.

 

That alone wouldn't be enough reason to hate her. The real reason I hate her is because she seems to be inherently evil. My sister and I were sexually abused as children and I feel like she should not have had men babysitting us.

That is not enough to hate her but part of it because she denies it ever happened. There is no reaching her. I hate her because she broke my little sisters arm and when I look at my sisters kids, how young they are, how fragile and beautiful, I think how could you abuse someone so little. What deep rooted sickness not to mention cowardly behavior totake your anger out on a child. I watched my sisters get the crap beat out of them and there were numerous hospital visits. The hate for her comes up in me when she will complain to me about my sisters lives. Yes they are totally screwed up but where is the acknowledgement of her part in it. It just makes me sick to my stomach. There is so much more but I think constant hurt she caused turned to sheer and utter hatred when I saw her turn my nieces and nephews against me just because they loved me immensley. Now that they are older they are wiser and our relationship is good because they see what a nut job she is. Speaking of which...knowing she is a nut job alone would help me to forgive but it's deeper than that. It's like she KNOWS what she is doing when she causes me and others pain. She is college educated, has held a steady job, and is very smart so the only reason I can think of is she is part nut job and very very much EVIL. There is just this bitter jealousy and criticism of everything I do. There should be praise and I say this not out of arrogance but out of acknowedgement of what I've overcome...that I survived this hell graduated college, travel around the world, and have educated myself---there is not one word of well done from her now or ever and by now I don't expect it. Yet she will brag to her acquaintances just to make herself look good. I focus now on still healing being in my 40's. I felt so safe being alone that this was unfortunately my way of coping with the truama. I know my friends and clients value me more than I ever could myself so that let's me know and hope someday I can let someone get close enough to love me and have a relationship. The pain, the scars go deep. And I will close with saying people this is real. Call it what it is. HATE. Mothers actually do hate their children, mothers actually do kill there kids so to those who don't understand and if this is too much to handle, spare those who've been to hell and back your "truth" and disbelief by playing word games and religious propaganda. Abuse this deep kills a part of you and I've had to work very hard to resurrect the parts of my soul my mother sucked dry.

[petite]

I have not hatred for my mother. I realize people have different relationships with their parents, some good others bad, but I can't imagine hating my mother. She is the most amazing, loving caring woman on this plant and a gift in my life. I really hope that the people who have issues with their mothers can find a happy medium and at least have some sort of relationship. Life is too short to dislike a parent (I know some parents don't even deserve their kids and that is rather sad).

[jengh]

It's difficult for me. I do not hate my mother. When the good times are good, they're AMAZING and she's the greatest mother and it gives me hope for our future relationship. She's a confidant and wonderful... but then, it's like a switch flips and she can do a 180 on me in a matter of minutes and turn into a horrible, abusive monster, calling me every name under the sun and making me feel like a complete failure. Sometimes, I wonder if something's wrong or if she's just in denial because she'll come back an hour later, completely denying the things she said. (i.e., I'll be crying because of whatever insult she flung at me and an hour later she'll ask why I'm crying and when I explain, she looks dumbfounded claiming no such words were said)

[chessa]

I am angry with my mother because she always puts herself before everyone else, and she picked a favorite daughter before I was born. She isn't an alcoholic or anything like that. She doesn't even have friends anymore. All she does is talk about herself, whining and pitying. I come home and ask her how her day was, and she gets really depressed and starts telling me all the horrible things going on in her life. In the last five years, I don't think she's even asked me how I am or what's wrong. Mark you, she's usually what's wrong. If I so much as ask her to help me with something, she starts crying, saying she's had a hard enough day already. I cannot stand when people are overly pessimistic, and she's one of those people. I consider myself an optimist until she starts talking to me. She just makes me homicidal and suicidal at the same exact time.

 

Oh, and she doesn't plan on paying for any of my college fees. Turns out my dad isn't either, so I'm going to be in an AMAZING amount of debt when I get out.

 

And she talks to herself at 2 in the morning, which wakes me up no matter what I do.

[BriarRose]

I have not hatred for my mother. I realize people have different relationships with their parents, some good others bad, but I can't imagine hating my mother. She is the most amazing, loving caring woman on this plant and a gift in my life. I really hope that the people who have issues with their mothers can find a happy medium and at least have some sort of relationship. Life is too short to dislike a parent (I know some parents don't even deserve their kids and that is rather sad).

Unfortunately, that is not always possible. Relationships are complicated and not all children will be able to have relationships with their parents.

 

People who do not have a dysfunctional relationship with one or more parent will not be able to fully comprehend what it is like and how damaging it can be.

 

However, hatred is not the word I would ever use. I love my mother, but will never be able to have a healthy, normal relationship with her.

[maria11]

I resent my mother for putting my brothers first. For never kissing or hugging me. For ignoring me and never supporting me.

 

However, I do know now that she herself comes from an abusive family and her mother also did put her brother first. I just wish she would try to do things differently.

[Tezza]

I am more disappointed in my mother than hate her. She has just settled for what she has at the moment, i.e living in a crappy housing commission house, allowing my little sister to run wild with no boundaries and not being more stern with my brother with his career. To the point where all he did was stay at home for a full year after finishing high school and did not do ANYTHING, he attempted to get a job but pretty much gave up, he just ended up living off her for a full year then he decided that he needed to do something about it.

 

I just wish my mum would not rely on others so much, she allowed my dad to put her down and she just ended up relying on him for everything. I would have thought that when he died she would have grown a bit of a backbone and try to take control of her kids but she didn't, she just hooked up with another guy that just used her.

 

I can't stand it, that is why I don't see her. Everything about the situation with my family gets me really upset. I can't be who I want to be when I am around them. I prefer to not associate with any of them really. I have spent the holiday's on my own. I decided that it is better than spending the holidays being upset.

[violetzombie]

I do not hate my mother. I hated the fact that she had five children which meant that I had to look after my younger siblings and therefore not had a proper childhood. I hate that she never encourage me to go to university and never said that she was proud of me. The she treated my brother and my younger sisters more favourably than me. That just because I was the quietest did not mean that I didn't need love and attention too. I hate that she often played the victim and more than that I hate that I learned this from her. I hate that she let my father walk all over her. I hate that she never threw me a birthday party when all my sibling got one. I hate that she never recognised when I was upset. I hated the way she never stood up for me or was rarely on my side. I hate that she got cancer and that she expected me to have something to say that would make her feel better when there was nothing in the world that could. I especially hate that she died because despite all this I loved her.

[darkblue]

That is extremely touching and seems pent up.

 

I hoped she knew how much you loved and her and I hope you eventually knew that her lack of attention wasn't necessarily spiteful.

 

Introverted children tend to feel overlooked because their 'innerness' [sic] is seen as self-contentedness. It doesn't mean she loved you less.

[burgundi]

I'm tired of always feeling like i was never important to my mom and sick of her always picking men over her children. I don't trust her because all she does is allow men to be disrespectful to her kids! I will never ever be this way to my daughter because she always will come first not some jerk off as$hole! I hate women who think they must have a man!](*,)

[inlove32]

I am angry at my mother for being an alcoholic, for being racist, and for not seeming to care about my life whatsoever.

[inlove32]

This honestly brought me to tears.