Why do you hate your mother?

[SamiJayne]

My mum is horrible, if the devil wanted a wife he should look at her.

 

Took me for all the money I had, forced me to quit college to work so she could take my money. Making sure I could never afford to leave her.

 

Freaked out when she couldn't control who I dated anymore, Freaked out even more when Stephen (my partner) couldn't and wouldn't be controled by her either. Then freaked out even more, and got abusive when she found out I was pregnant.

 

I was 5 weeks pregnant, we only just found the pregnancy was viable. Due to a period, and a lot of pains/cramps they asumned I was miscarrying. Yet I didn't. I told my mum at 5 weeks.. and she said "You've known for 5 weeks and didn't tell me...." Er... I didn't know until that week...

"I knew from the day of conception" she says...Bit of bull there in my opinion.

 

Said my partner was going to cheat, and leave me. That I'd never keep a man, that I'd achieve nothing. Pushed me around, hit me while pregnant. Told people lies about my partner cheating... and told them the things she'd bought for my daughter (while I was pregnant) I threw back in her face oO Which was crazy as I had at the time hoped it would bring us closer...

 

Well I gave up in the end. Had to leave my job, my home, my life to move 230 miles away. As my mum was putting my baby at risk, and I was becoming very depressed. I moved in with my partner and his parents. I went in to premature labour a few weeks after moving. Sophie died 3 hours after birth. And her first words were "it's because I'm so selfish that she died". Then a few days later told me "I'm hurting as much as you"

 

Then started screaming at me in the middle of a resturant, in front of my god mother and my partners family. (My daughter had only died on the tuesday this was thursday of that week) Accusing me of not letting her see my daughter... When in the town that the hospital was that my daughter died... it had two hospitals, but one morgue guy.. so he had to split his shifts. On the day that she wanted to go.. he was at the other hospital. So even I couldn't see my daughter.

 

She accused me of not contacting her.. Even though she had all my details, and I had none of hers.

 

Left to go back home, and never spoke to me again.

 

Can't say I'm distraught. Horrible to say but if a double decker bus hit her, I'd not be sad.

[dragon lady]

SamiJayne, that is sick. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

[JMuler]

Im angry at my mother for "being too tired to raise another child" Now that girl is out of control and never disciplined. I dont even consider her my sister.

[ginger007]

I'm angry at my mother for exposing me to the ugliness in life by having chosen to continue her relationship with the ugliest person I have ever met, my father.

 

Same here, my mother actually told me when I was about 14/15 she would like a divorce but would never do it because of what people would think about it. Forget that my father would beat me up every chance he could get for no reason at all, call me a dog, a who** and tell me I could leave them whenever (at 15). I was to afraid to ever look at him or talk to him since the age of 14, I simply stopped talking to him and tried to hide as much as I could. I should be angry at him, but although it's all in the past now, I think you need to care for someone to be angry at them, emotional ties with him as a father are completely severed, and my mom is the only privileged to have my anger (although hidden and intermittent).

 

She never stood up for me, which in retrospect is the most heartbreaking thing to me, everyone would think she was a great mother, well she is great with little kids but had no idea how to deal with someone older than 10, she's also a teacher and would not advance to teach older kids, it's like she never wanted to 'grow'.

 

 

I remember once there was this kid who was interested in me back in 7th grade, I didn't like the comments he would make to me and I wanted to tell my mother to see if she could do something so I could get this kid off me...well as I started to tell her and after mumbling about two words she just kept saying 'no'...'no' and shaking her head, she didn't let me talk, she didn't hear what I had to say, I wanted her help and she just made me feel inappropriate, great for a 12 yr old!!!!

 

I think the result of all this is that I don't really care about becoming a mother, I am great with kids and teenagers and am somewhat invested in youth rights but I am disgusted somewhat by the idea of motherhood, maybe if I could get far away enough from her I would think about having a baby.

[Ruede]

[Edit]: No sooner do I type my post than I feel guilty...

[darkblue]

I used to dislike my mother for making me be a father to my brother when my father died. Now I realise that she just needed help and I suppose my eyes are now open to the fact that she was, in all honesty, human.

 

I dislike her for forcing me to leave home at 15 and stopping me see my brother for a year. I dislike her for acting like she says what she means but really she says what she wants people to think she means. I dislike her for her blatant disregard for my mental health problems in my teenage years. I dislike her for using her upbringing for her lack of compassion. I dislike the way she makes me feel at fault for her own failings as a mother. I dislike her for making me feel guilty over my father's death. I dislike her for turning my older brother against me. I dislike her for feeding my younger brother with spiteful lies about me to make him talk to me less. I dislike her for moving to Spain with my brother. I dislike her for every birthday and Christmas that she hasn't spoken to me. I dislike her for not being able to tell me that she's proud of what I've acheived in life. I dislike her for never being able to meet her expectations. I dislike her for pestering me about my chosen career path and how it differs to that of what she wanted me to do. I dislike her for hating every woman I've ever been with.

[threepandas]

I could write a book!

 

I dont like my mother, at all, I dont talk to her, and I honestly do not care. Growing up she just filled me up with fears, thinking everybody was laughing at me and that I was ugly. Then she became a church lady and forgot about me, I would come home and it'd be empty with no food.

She always complaint about my father to me, when I was little (like if i had something to do with it)

 

Conclusion

 

All my little trust issues, body issues, personality issues. I owe to my mother.

I have always been scared of having my own kids, cuz I am afraid they would feel like I do.

 

I am never going to tell her I dont like her, that'd be hard on her, because she lives in denial.

[sanadee]

well, i agree hate is a strong word.

 

But i in honesty and not fond of my parents and i think i have a legitimate reason not to do so.

 

i am not angry, but i think if they are unhappy with me, they are largely responsible. and this is not being overly blaming, i know blaming others willy nilly is not healthy. but i doubt they have much rational/logical reason not to assume responsibility for not meeting their expectations of me.

[sandy cheeks]

I am angry at my mom for leaving me and my brother with an abusive man (my father) and starting a new family.

 

I am currently going through a divorce and I KNOW I could never give up custody of my child, let alone leave him with his father if I knew he was/would be abused. How the hell could she do that?

 

Don't get me wrong... I understand the "why"; my father was an alcoholic who yelled at and hit her constantly, she met and fell in love with someone else who treated her right, my father threatened to hide us away (my brother and I) if she tried to get custody, he threatened to kill himself, and harm us if she tried to get custody. But, I don't understand the "how"??? Maybe she was only doing what she judged the best thing for us at the time? Maybe she was too weak and broken down by years of marriage to such a horrible person to be able to stand up and fight for us? I will never understand how she could leave us like that...

[sandy cheeks]

all these posts by people who hate their mothers for NOT leaving a bad relationship. I'm angry because mine didn't take me with.

 

geuss it could be worse.

[Circe]

I'm angry at mum for being so weak and passive when I was a young child, in the face of my dad's unreasonable and out of control temper tantrums. She should not have stood for it.

 

I'm also angry at mum for not being a responsible parent (e.g. I ate zero vegetables or fruit growing up) because she was afraid that if she was, I wouldn't like her anymore.

 

I'm finally angry at mum for making me feel so unattractive for so much of my life because my skin was too dark for her.

 

But.. while she has her faults.. and I have mine.. I still love her to bits and she is one of my top two favourite people in the world. (And, I have told her that I've felt mad at her for these things)

[remnant]

i grew up juggling being terrified of my mom and being a naturally out-going, curious guy. i wet the bed until 6th grade, attempted suicide the first time in 3rd grade by od'ing on pills. my mom told me, "i love you, i just don't like you" and as i got bigger, i got angrier. i was also gay and in denial. she said many times that she always had a friendship with my older sister, but 'i never let her in'. from the earliest age, i remember hearing "when i had you, my uterus fell out! i didn't get fat until i had you!" (her body was weakened from childhood polio, and already having one child, i was the last she'd ever have.) she wasn't affectionate, and i remember her telling me that i was the one who wasn't affectionate as a baby; she thought i was autistic. i think she already knew her baby boy was homosexual and couldn't reconcile that with her religious beliefs. i was kicked out at 16 after the fights got progressively worse, and spent the next 20 years basically trying to kill myself. my mom died 6 years ago, and i was rocked by the anger that now we would never have the chance to have any kind of good relationship, that all i was left with are the angry memories. i also felt the very real sense of freedom, that now i could try and if i failed, try again. i've been sober (and that deserves the fingers-gesture-quotey-thing= i drink red wine like water and hit the pipe still) since and had a job for five years, a relationship, paying bills, eating and sleeping on a regular basis. but the relationship i had with my mom haunts me, and here's the thing- she was a wonderful person to everyone else, so many people, that i don't feel like i can talk about it to my sister or dad or anyone in the family. and trying to make sense of the randomness, i've looked online to read other people's exp, and i just wish mothers were really aware of the effect of their love, or lack thereof, on children. especially seeing that love displayed to others but deliberately witheld to one or some. and not just holding back love, but lashing with hurtful, hateful intent.

[CemDJ]

First of all, I don't hate my mother. She gave birth to me, and she raised me. No matter how hard life can be, I essentially owe it all to her and I am grateful for that. However, I can resent a few actions or decisions she made which have had a large impact on me.

 

 

x I resent how when I was a small child she was so overbearing and protective of me that I became a very naive, insecure and scared pre-teen. This meant I had lots of difficulty establishing friendships at a new school in a new country, something which to this day is still an issue.

 

x I DON'T resent that she left my father and I when I was 14, but I DO resent how she lied to me about where she was sleeping and whether or not she was in a relationship.

 

x I resent that the way she treated me cause me such emotional stress that two years of my memory have been completely blocked from my memory.

 

x I resent how she blames my father for everything wrong in her life (he's by no means perfect, but he's not the demon she makes him out to be)

 

x I resent how she stays with a man who emotionally abuses the both of us despite her better judgement because she won't admit to making a mistake

 

x I resent that she got engaged at my birthday dinner

 

x I resent she only told me about the engagement a week later, over the phone when she was in Finland.

 

x I resent that I have to change who I am when I'm around her husband to prevent him from have another fit of rage that could last weeks.

 

x I DON'T resent that she has covered for me on quite a few things (cutting class, etc) but I DO resent that she keeps bring this up in arguments, years later

 

x I resent that the first thing she told me after I finished a very high level education at 17 was that I " * * * * ed up"

 

x I resent that in the past 3/4 years the only times we speak we are either crying or screming at each other

 

x I resent that she intereferes in my relationship an attempts to convince me to end it

 

x I resent that she has always told me to study in a foreign country and now that I'm moving she can't cope

 

x I resent that she resents my good relationship with my father

 

 

Wow...long list. I know, nothing terrible has happened to me and I certainly don't have as much right to feel bad about what happened to me as other people do, but this is something that has affected me.

I hope I haven't caused any offense to anybody.

[savignon]

I am proud and happy to say that after a great deal of time and healing....

I DO NOT HATE MY MOTHER

*applause*

[trezz]

camDJ you have the right to your own feelings, no offence is taken by caring strangers. enjoy the freemdom of ena to express feelings you cant share with people you know.

[brokenpogostick]

I'm angry with my mother for always putting worthless men before my brother and I. For her negligence toward us, toward my children. She is a flake and a druggie. I haven't spoken to her in a year, before that it was more like 3 years. I could care less if she's alive or dead. She serves no good purpose to me or my children.

[ay0_x]

I'm angry at my mother because she's lazy and she never does anything for herself. She likes to indulge in other peoples' pain. She has crazy mood swings. She makes me the sole reason for her happiness/unhappiness & doesn't realize that I'm only a child.

[imsuperman]

I don't hate my mom, but I'm pissed at her right now. We went to the store to pick out gifts for my little cousins in Florida. I got something that came to 1.04 at the self-checkout. I only got a dollar out. Naturally, my mom comes in to save the day, taking out the four cents in change. But the thing gets jammed, like it does every f-ing time, and so I tell her after two attempts that I'll just pay a five so we can get out of here. She raises her voice at me as she goes to get a worker there and I just walked out the front door. Oh, by the way there was an attractive woman who smiled at me when entering the line RIGHT BEHIND US THE WHOLE TIME.

 

This is why living at home sucks. Now I'm unemployed too.

 

Mom, doing her best to keep me away from pretty girls since 1986.

[Celadon]

Don't hate my mom but why does she try to control everything? It's just weird behavior. She acts as though the other four thinking, intelligent adults in our family are incapable of communicating or accomplishing anything without her telling us step by step what to do.

 

It's a embarrassment, really. She is driven by an irrational fear that is, honestly, quite a downer.

 

Thankfully, I don't need her to be anything other than she is. I've got other people in my life who model healthy emotional selves.

[SasamiKikyou]

My mother still hurts me because slowly over the years in my childhood she would tell me to keep all the hurt and the pain in and never tell anybody or reach out for help after her and my dad would get in a fight.

 

I'm hurting because she would pick out every little flaw and exploit it loudly around the house. I was never allowed to leave the house and day and night I would hear mom and dad screaming as I spent most my childhood crying in my room because this hurt was too much to bear, they brought up some personal subjects and they could never agree on anything. I couldn't share my issues with them.

 

I'm still hurt because she had an affair with my 4th grade teacher and now I would love nothing more than to kill that man with my own hands.

 

I'm still hurt because she would degrade me and scream at me for me coming to her about my sexuality. She was a die-hard christian, and she forced me to go to church where the people there are morbidly religious and everyone picked on me for being only half-asian. (it was an asian church)

 

I'm still hurt because at age 12 my mother dumped her childhood memories on me. She was an abused child and that was too much for me too bare. I was her councler, and she didn't do anything for me in return, only give me scars.

 

I'm still hurt because I don't have a mother I can rely on because she can't handle what emotional problems I have at all. She'll see my scars and flip out, she can't be a mom, and she doesn't want to. She just pushes me and my brother away when we fight.

 

I'm still hurt because now it seems as if nothing happened since she got her own place. She acts all fine, but I can never bring up all the topics that still haunt me to this day, it's the reason I have all these issues and I'm sick of it.

[Allyo]

I hate that I was always last in my class to get picked up from the after-school day-care at the private elementary school that my mom sent me to. I felt so rejected when all the other moms showed up early. To top it off, she worked at my dad's business and had the freedom to come and leave as she pleased. My dad's business was less than 10 minutes driving distance from the school. Maybe it sounds crazy, but that marked me as a child, lol. One day I decided it would be fun to walk home with my other friend who lived close by my house. That didn't go over well, and I'm convinced that she purposely began to show up later as a way of punishing me.

 

I also hate her abrasive personality. She is extremely stubborn and always right. She complains constantly about things she doesn't like about herself or the world, but it annoys me that she is completely passive and doesn't change anything or see the potential in herself for change. She never encouraged me. She has critiqued my every passion and desire in life. I hate her for never feeling loved as a child.

 

My dad on the other hand thought everything would be cured by just giving me money, even when I didn't want it.

 

I actively try to be my mom's opposite. I'm sure she has reasons for being the way she is. But sometimes it is really hard for me to respect her. I may not be the perfect mom one day, but I will at least always make my child feel loved.

[Moontiger]

Im angry at my mom for being overly dramatic at the most innapropriate times.

[Lovelace]

Because she had children out of a selfish motivation to have people to take care of her, and for continuing to treat her children as if they were the adults, and their purpose was to take care of her wants, needs and tender, tender emotions. (She's borderline).

 

For telling me early on that my grandmother wanted her to give me up as a baby, and that she was down with it until the very last minute.

 

For threatening me with putting me up for adoption because I had an argument with my younger sister. She made me pack a paper bag with a few clothes, made me say 'goodbye forever' to my family, and drove me...to the grocery store. She totally thought it was hilarious. "You should have seen your face."

 

For feeling like she has to be sexually competitive with her daughters. And for treating us in a way that clearly demonstrates that she believes a girl's worth is entirely wrapped up in her physical attractiveness.

 

For dating terrible, jail-worthy men, marrying them, and ignoring all of the signs of abuse simply becuase she was getting the attention she always wanted.

 

For getting pregnant just to spite me (seriously). For calling me curse words when I was too young to understand what they meant. For stealing my identity so that when she stopped paying bills, my butt was in the sling for them. For stealing money out of my checking account for cigarettes and treats. For saying nasty things about every overweight person we passed. For being a raging racist. For in general, being lazy and acting entitled. For being and endless pit of drama. For discouraging my dreams. For grossly invading my privacy over and over. For making fun of me, loudly, to anyone that will hear and play-acting as the sweet, doting mother to anyone who doesn't know any better.

 

That was kind of cathartic.

[Seraphim]

I love my mother with all my heart.

[Hopelives]

My son hates me.

 

Hates that when he was 5 and after doing a karate chop kick to a vending machine at a children's museum while playing, I told him we were leaving and going home AND that he needed to apologize to the staff at the museum for being naughty.

 

Hates that in 5th grade when the kids were told "ONLY PRODUCTS FOUND IN THE WOODS" could be used for their projects, and I took that literally, other kids came in with JoAnn Fabric store made items; he got a "A" but felt humiliated.

 

Hates that in 8th grade, I took him out of school for 3 weeks to go to Italy for the Olympic Winter games; on the flight home, he hissed at me saying, "It is your fault that I'm going to fail 8th grade now" despite that he had all his homework with him, had just been to several gold medal events in Cesana, Bardoneccia, and Torino itself.

 

Hates that in 9th grade I paid for his private schooling, and in his RECENT words, "wasting money we could have spent doing other things" and despite the fact that the kids at his former school used to punch him in the face and I would haul their parents into the principal's office for an explanation.

 

Hates that the same year I took him to Duke and UNC to visit the basketball coaches because at that time he had the probability to play Div 1 hoops for either of those schools and I was hoping to give him a chance to experience WHAT HE SAID, was his dream. I then took him to NYC to see plays on Broadway, Yankees baseball, and museums.

 

Hates that after watching him fail in school for 3 years, I forced him into counseling to find out what WE could do differently.

 

Hates that I gave up a full executive career to chase med school for my own dream and my own passion.

 

So in his life, I gave him the world. Literally. Italy, Hawaii, FL, TX, AZ, Mexico, Cayman Islands, CA, NYC, NC... and now, he hates me.

 

I read the stories of the drug addicted, self-indulgent mothers on this site and hope you find peace within yourselves because drugs wreak havoc on the minds of those who partake.

 

I've never done drugs, never drank, never abused my son. He hates me too.