Why do you hate your mother?

[doyathink]

LOL!! Doyouthink- you've only been my mother for ten mintues and i'm already feeling guilty

 

hahaaa, did I ruin your thread??? Sorry!

[Boughtandpaidfor]

I never would hold onto anger towards my parents. There's no parenting handbook. There's no set way to do it. There's no money handed to parents to provide for their children either. Parenting is probably one of the most difficult and exhausting parts of life. My parents didn't make all the right mistakes but they made the best choices in what was available to them and us. I look up to my parents for doing as well as they did with what they had to work with and am very proud of them.

 

Thats how I think too. But I'm miserable a lot of the time and angry and I dont really know why- so thought I'd try something else for the evening.

 

But I dont think my parents did the best they could. I think they could have been more mindful- I think there were times when they didnt try hard enough. When they hated me for governing their life- even though I hadnt asked to be born.

 

I'm not sure I can excuse that- and if I do, then when I'm a parent I'll probably do the same thing

[Boughtandpaidfor]

hahaaa, did I ruin your thread??? Sorry!

 

NOt at all- I feel happier now than I have done in a couple of weeks.

 

Thankyou everyone!

[Dako]

I don't hate my mother now, but it took years to forgive her for telling an embarrassing story about me when I as in the 5th grade.

She told it on national television.

[Boughtandpaidfor]

I challenge all of you to take your posts and figure out how to work through that anger. Holding onto anger is unhealthy and can keep you at a standstill in life.

 

That's the plan!!! I guessed we might all have some similar themes but I was having trouble thinking about it on my own.

 

It is very difficult to stay actively angry at your parents for long enough- especially on your own. Before it all gets bottled up again.

 

For me anyway

[Boughtandpaidfor]

My mom, bless her heart, really tried and I think did a good job...But her passive nature repulses the hell out of me.

 

same as that!!! She was just so unhappy all the time- but forever caving in and doing things that made her miserable- and it made everyone really aggressive towards her- so I didnt know to feel angry or sorry for her. I hated it.

[doyathink]

It is good to get it all out and to get it off your chest. I don't really believe all of you hate your mothers for some of this, rather you are really upset and mad at her for the decisions she made. some women should NOT be parents!

 

If fact, I approached my mother with a few 'pent up' emotions I had...she apologized! I finally could just let it go...felt very good! she has done some really ridiculous things in the past that hindered our relationship...

[BrokenWingedFaery]

I hate my mother for being physically and emotionally abusive my whole life.

 

I hate my mother for never saying "good job", and instead saying "you're never good enough"/"you're not half as good at this as I was/am"

 

I hate my mother for making me break up with the only non-abusive boy I ever went out with and making me keep seeing the guy who was rich-even though he hurt me.

 

I hate my mother for calling me a * * * * when she figured out that I was being molested. That above all else.

 

I hate my mother for screaming at my bedroom door "You never loved your father!" a week after he died because I couldn't cry at the funeral.

 

I hate my mother for blaming everything on me-and then pulling the pity party trick.

 

I hate my mother for acting like she's always been the perfect parent.

[TheRedQueen]

I challenge all of you to take your posts and figure out how to work through that anger. Holding onto anger is unhealthy and can keep you at a standstill in life.

Yup, I have and still do, by keeping journals, drawing, painting, writing poetry. I like to take that anger and ugliness and create something beautiful.

[TheRedQueen]

It makes all that suffering worthy of my experience.

[SarahRose]

This thread provides good reason to not ever have any children as chances are they will grow up and hate you.

[dogheadma]

I love my mother very much. She has some issues with drinking, control, and exercising poor judgement but nobody's perfect. She is a great lady who loves her children very much and they her.

[shes2smart]

Eh, to "hate" her would mean I'd have to expend emotional energy on her and it's really not worth the effort.

 

I cut both my parents out of my life about 7 years ago. That little stunt where they accused me of breaking into their house and stealing some of their things so I could sell them to make money for my Satanic cult was the last straw.

 

(For the record, no, I didn't break in, I didn't steal anything, I'm not a Satanist, and I wouldn't have a clue where or how to exchange stolen items for cash....and all this was crystal clear to the nice officer I had to have a chat with when they filed the police report.)

 

That incident was really just the cherry on top of big ol' pile of lifelong weirdness with the parental units. I'm much happier without them being an active part of my life. If anything, what I feel for them is pity.

[coollady1957]

I love my mother like crazy. She and my dad have both been there for me during the roughest , and most difficult times of my life. I have never been ridiculed or judged by either of them for he life choices and decisions I have made.

 

My mom is one of the most kind and compassionate ladies that I know. She will cry with me, laugh with me, joke with me,,,, whatever I need she gives completely of herself. She is gem and definitely a one in a million type mom.

[TheRedQueen]

This thread provides good reason to not ever have any children as chances are they will grow up and hate you.

I disagree with this sentiment, WHOLE HEARTEDLY!!!

 

First of all, it discredits the pain and suffering of childhood abuse survivors, by superfluously stating "oh don't have children cause *they* will grow up hating you" as if it is somehow the child's fault and reason for such hatred. As if the child is responsible and thereforeeee to blame.

 

Secondly, it takes side with prospective parents advising them not to have children, because by doing so *they* would be setting themselves up for becoming potential victims of their children's hate. Absolutely ridiculous!

 

NOBODY CHOOSES TO BE BORN, and to decide to bring an innocent creature into this chaotic world is a decision made solely by its mother, and or the child's parents. Due to this fact a parent is responsible for his/her child, this vulnerable innocent child, until that child grows up into an adult, period.

 

Perhaps I am reading it wrong, perhaps I am particularly sensitive to this topic, but I for one am offended.

[BrokenWingedFaery]

I second those thoughts, TRQ.

[helpme2]

I am angry at my mother for not taking care of me, for being selfish, for letting the parade of men come through our house not only to abuse her, but to abuse me, I am angry that when I came to tell her what was going on that she said "don't you ever want me to be happy?" I am angry that everytime one of the losers left her she would put the weight on me "you are the only reason I don't kill myself" and then attempted suicide 14 times. I am angry that she is still doing this.

 

wow. I feel better, thanks.

[doyathink]

I feel so sorry for all of you in pain because you had irresponsible mothers! My heart aches for each and everyone of you. You should be able to have fond memories of your mothers, not loathing.....

[TheRedQueen]

I feel so sorry for all of you in pain because you had irresponsible mothers! My heart aches for each and everyone of you. You should be able to have fond memories of your mothers, not loathing.....

You are so sweet, smart and kind DYT, though I am an atheist, God bless you!

I happen to love my mother more than life itself despite her imperfections and her past wrong doings, because I know deep down she has always had the best intentions.

[TheRedQueen]

Now in regards to my father, that's a whole other can of worms....

[sonjam]

I'm angry at my mom for sending me and my brother to a boarding school when I was just 7 years old. I grew up without a father, and my bro and my mom was my only support and security. As a grownup and a mother now, I know she did it for the best, wanting a steady environment, and good schooling for us, but at the time all I felt was rejection, and they took my brother away to another dorm (they split the boys and girls) so I was lost and alone. I cried every day, we got to see each other for half an hour each day, and we spent it by the payphone, calling my mom and begging her to come and get us.

 

I grew up, and forgave my mom (as an adult) but I was carrying that feeling of abandonment with me (the child in me never forget) and only recently after seeing a hypnotherapist, was I able to identify this big anger in me, and deal with it. It shaped a big part of the person I became.

 

She missed us too, and could not stand to leave us there anymore after about 2 months and fetch us to come home, but it was lifechanging for me. I have a terrible fear of abandonment because of it.

[Jane0815]

Interesting. As kids we were never allowed to fight with or show opposition to our mother. I despised her for that - she would punish us herself, then tell our father when he got home. I started avoiding her when I was pretty young. At some point after moving out I noticed how she manipulated things to turn our father against us, without looking bad herself. She would seriously tell him things, explain situations, to make it look like we were being disrespectful to him, and then he'd flip out and give us hades.

 

She also did a lot to turn us against our father. I was 11 when she took me outside and gave me the weirdest talk about it being my fault that she was so unhappy in her marriage, b/c when she saw me fighting with my father she saw that I had a lot of points, and she didn't want to be reminded of that, so I should stop fighting with him or it would destroy their marriage.

 

I don't know =why= her soul is a vacuum held at O degr. K. Generally that comes from childhood trauma or something, no? In any case, I married someone who not only met her standards of "ideal man" (unlike my father), AND has the same emotional frigidity, cruelty, sadism.

 

Hate, nah. I'm frustrated that she still expects me to give, that she only sees me as some kind of money-spouting clown who's lovable when I get my hair halfway presentable.

[Boughtandpaidfor]

I feel so sorry for all of you in pain because you had irresponsible mothers! My heart aches for each and everyone of you. You should be able to have fond memories of your mothers, not loathing.....

 

 

The point I'm trying to get out of this is that even though I do love my mother very very much, there's also a lot of anger that I've been pretending isn't there, because she did so much selfless stuff for me, and how can you be angry at someone like that?

 

But you have to be, or it will consume you and come out in lots fo different places. It's important to be aware of anger.

 

I certainly dont hat my mother entirely. Anger helps resolve. If I didnt care I couldnt be angry. People I dont care about cant hurt me.

[tackypersona]

i am angry at my mother for being ignorant, nagging, do things that annoy me, boring, and stuff

[FoxLocke]

Allow me to preface by stating that I have a wonderful mother that loves me unconditionally...I know it, and I love her so much.

 

However, I do resent the fact that my mom has always let others walk all over her and hurt me in the process...

 

Yes, I do love my mom. But she wasn't absolutely perfect and I am dealing with the ramifications of that.

 

Like it or not traumatic childhoods are a real thing. People who hate their parents are expressing valid emotions. It may not be the nicest thing to say but all the world is not nice and pretty.