is there ever a reason to excuse cheating?

[SeaBisquit]

ok, my bf got really drunk and cheated on me. he claims he had too much to drink and that he would have never done what he did if he hadn't drank so much. would any of you forgive your bf/gf for cheating?

[RayKay]

So what happens now the next time he "drinks too much"?

 

No, I would not forgive it even if they were drunk....if they can't keep commitments when they drink, they should of not gotten so drunk in the first place.....but that's just me.

[lilgothicdevil5533]

no...do not forgive him...there is no excuse! i have been through the exact same thing...u deserve much better

[kellbell]

Nope, there is no excuse for cheating whatsoever. Booze or no booze. People need to be held accountable for his/her actions.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

I have to agree with the others. Getting drunk is not an excuse. If they have little to no control over themselves when drunk, they shouldn't be drinking.

 

Also.. I have to call BS here. Seriously to get so drunk as to lose control of your own actions most guys have a harder time... getting the equipment working if you know what I mean. So it's possible that he wasn't as drunk (ie he still had control) as he'd like you to believe.

 

So yeah, I wouldn't forgive him on two levels. One he cheated on you, and two it's likely (not certain mind you) that he's lying to you about losing control of himself.

[NJRon]

Is there ever an excuse? No. Is it ever acceptable, that's for you to decide in your relationship. As for forgiveness, that's what you give yourself and has nothing to do with him.

[NJRon]

By the way, i agree with Lonely on that count. If a guy is so drunk that they really had no control over the situation, then I have a hard time believing they would be able to perform.

[Iceman26]

No. If he had been committed, he never would have put himself in the position where that could have happened in the first place.

[Scout]

ok, my bf got really drunk and cheated on me. he claims he had too much to drink and that he would have never done what he did if he hadn't drank so much. would any of you forgive your bf/gf for cheating?

 

I would never "excuse" cheating, but it might be possible to forgive. When I was 18, a boyfriend of mine was so inebriated at a party he actually left the room and cheated on me while I was right there in the same house. I was horrified. Friends took me home and I cried the whole way there. I didn't talk to him for weeks, and he frantically tried to get in touch with me the whole time. Amazingly, I forgave him eventually and we got back together. (I ended up breaking up with him months later.)

 

Looking back, that was an irresponsible period of my life, and the lives of my friends. My boyfriend was a good guy at heart, but partied too much, and I think we all let that particular lifestyle dominate our youth, sadly. It seemed like "everyone was doing it" but the fact is lots of people didn't - and managed to have a great time without being under the influence of anything.

 

Anyway, if someone did that to me now, under those kind of circumstances, I'd probably forgive them but still terminate the relationship, simply because I would be afraid their lack of self control would inevitably surface again.

[SeaBisquit]

i know one time that i got pretty drunk and slept with this guy that i didn't even know or like... i KNOW i would have NEVER had slept with him if i hadn't drank so much.

 

i think drinking impairs my judgement alot.. and i have cheated when drunk and felt horribly guilty when i sobered up.

[Dako]

I think cheating can sometimes be forgiven, but not for just being drunk.

[Day_Walker]

People like to rationalize cheating different ways what it really comes down to is the persons options, if they feel like they have no other choice then they forgive or if they feel that they have invested too much into something to let it go then they forgive. It seems like you want to forgive him and it also seems that you have a history of cheating bfs

[BellaDonna]

I don't think cheating should ever be "excused", maybe forgiven though- ONCE.

 

Sometimes people do really stupid things. The way you can tell if they are truly sorry and have learned from it is by whether or not they do it again. But giving them another chance after something like this is giving them a chance to hurt you again too.

 

Regardless, no matter what you decide- you need to urge him to go get tested for STD's. His behavior has introduced a whole new element of risk into his life.

 

I looked at some of your other posts. Is this one of the BF's you were not faithful to? If so, did he forgive you?

 

 

 

You may want to take a long hard look at your relationship. Maybe both of you are not ready to be committed at this time in your lives.

 

BellaDonna

[locolady]

no i walked away from the love of my life because he "had too much to drink" and cheated.......not ok. It was the hardest thing ive ever done and a year on im still miserable but what is the point of a relationship without respect and trust?

[coollady1957]

Nope, no way, no excuse whatsoever for cheating. It is unexcusable !! Drunk or Not. He is old enough, I am sure, to know better than to have allowed himself in a situation where he may have been weak by being drunk.

 

Maybe some people can forgive. It would be very hard in my opinion to trust some one again that has cheated before.

 

I have been through the scenario of a cheating , now EX BF, so I know what you are dealing with . I got the excuses that " oh I was drunk, or "I was "stoned" and not thinking correctly and made bad choice. " That is all a bunch of BS in my opinion. I also got the line from him that " he wouldn't ever do such a thing , if he wasn't under the influence". That was BS too, because I found it he did it when of clear mind as well.

 

Do you think you are going to forgive this guy and stay with him ? Just curious

[Beec]

I don't think anything excuses it. I don't think I would excuse it or seek to excuse it.

 

I think the lower inhibitions created by drinking can mitigate things a clight bit, but it's still wrong.

 

It's really your call to try to forgive or not. And don't think just syaing the words will make it so. You will not trust him for a long time. But it is your decision.

[saltwatergirl]

It's really your call to try to forgive or not. And don't think just syaing the words will make it so. You will not trust him for a long time. But it is your decision.

 

So True.

 

Salt

[coollady1957]

I just read the other thread of yours that BellaDonna brought up.

 

 

 

You have cheated several times yourself. I am just thinking too, that there is much to be corrected in your own thoughts about cheating? Is this the same guy that you cheated on earlier, and now he has cheated on your? Did he forgive you for cheating? , and do you think he cheated on you because of your past indiscretions?

[SeaBisquit]

it is easier to forgive than it is to forget. i believe he would not have done this if he was not drinking.

[RayKay]

it is easier to forgive than it is to forget. i believe he would not have done this if he was not drinking.

 

So what about next time he drinks?

 

My boyfriend and I have had times where we were apart, and drinking. And, we have never suddenly decided that we want to be with someone else!

 

I have to say, I think even if someone cheats when drunk, there is something there to it....it may lower inhibitions, but I believe it also brings out the true subconscious. If you aren't really committed in the first place, I think you are more likely to cheat when you are drunk. If you are committed in the heart and mind, being drunk does not change that.

[Beec]

If you have both cheated on each other, then there are lots of trust issues. Continuing this relationship will not be easy.

[SeaBisquit]

he does not know i cheated on him. i don't even think he ever suspects. i would be loyal and faithful if he was to me.

 

i always suspected that he cheated on me. because in all my past relationships i have been cheated on.

[Beec]

But you have both cheated on each other, and you suspected it all along. There is no trust here, and there is no one who is being trustworthy. You said you would not cheat on him if you thought he was faithful, but when you did not know, you did cheat. From what you say, that seems to be true, not sure.

 

But without trust what do you have? What reason in the world would I have to bind my fate to your, if I thought you would cheat on me? Without trust and being trustworthy, whatever you are pumping into the relationship is going down straight into the sewer. If there was something good, it will soon be sewage. Without trust, you have crap.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

It all boils down to this. Can you 100% trust him to never do this again and can you remain faithful to him now that you know he's cheated? You yourself said that you cheated because you thought he cheated, now you know for sure.

 

Personally, I think this is a destructive relationship. It might be time to let it go if neither of you can be faithful to each other.

 

Again, like I said, if a guy is so drunk that he can't control himself... He will also have a hard time getting it up too. thereforeeee I truly to believe that, yes he was drunk, but he knew what he was doing.

[tylercdurden2004]

By the way, i agree with Lonely on that count. If a guy is so drunk that they really had no control over the situation, then I have a hard time believing they would be able to perform.

 

No pun intended of course.

 

I have to say it depends on whether you accept cheating or not. Drinking is never an excuse for anything. If you do let this slide, you will essentially be saying its ok. Do you want to set that loose of a boundary?