Virginity **************

[highonyou]

i think its terrible drilling it into girls heads that they will suffer for losing their virginity before marriage.

 

anyone else outraged by the 16 year old executed for "crimes against chastity"

 

the world is messed up!!!

[miserableme]

Yes, I think it's outragous. I think it's fine to jusify being a virgin but it doesn't make those who aren't any less of a person.

 

Sex is natural. If it weren't we wouldn't be here. It was here long before marriage was.

 

The world is a messed up place.

[mystik]

Wow. I think people are putting WAYYY too much thought into this.

I am waiting till marriage because it is what God wants.

Plus, if the relationship ends, I will hurt a hell of a lot more because THAT is the person I gave myself to. The only person who deserves that is my husband.

 

What about for those who do not believe in God? I'm not saying that I don't, but I think it's really quite unfair to judge those who are not waiting for marriage. I do not believe that sex should be a careless, loveless act. I however, also do not believe that those who have sex before marriage should be judged or deemed as inferior to those who do wait. I am pro-choice and can respect the beliefs and decisions of either sides of this 'debate.'

 

I know you said earlier to ignore the fact that people do get divorced..but, you can't do that. You cannot just choose to ignore a very fair and true argument: that people get divorced. There are no guarantees in life. Relationships end but so do marriages. Some make it, some don't. I'm not trying to start a fight here or anything, and I can truly see where you are coming from, but I think it is a bit naive to believe that everyone needs a walk down the aisle and a piece of paper to "prove" that they will be together forever.

 

For those of you who have had sex and don't regret it at all. How sure are you that the person you end up spending your life with will not be at all hurt or feel less excitement than if you hadn't had sex with someone else.

\

 

I am not sure at all...nor is it a concern of mine. Do you know why? Because the person I plan on spending the rest of my life with, will be the type of person who loves me unconditionally, regardless of whether I am a virgin or not. And I can say the same for me, I will love my future husband the same whether he is a virgin or not. If my future husband can't accept that, then he is NOT the man for me.

 

I am a 28 year old virgin and hope to marry a virgin, but don't expect to. I will be immensely excited if the person I marry is a virgin, but like I said I don't expect to. People have much more to offer than just their virginity, but it is a very beautiful and wonderful thing to offer.

 

I agree that someone's virginity is and can be a beautiful and wonderful thing to offer. I gave it up to someone who I thought was very special. We are not together anymore and he will certainly never be my husband. I gave it to someone I wanted to, and that is the only thing that matters to me. I respected my decision at the time and have no regrets whatsoever. My next partner will get to experience something new with me too. Sex is never the same with a new partner - I cannot believe that it is. Sex is more than just the physical act of pleasure, but can be an intense emotional bond as well.

 

There are some people whose first sexual experiences are regrettable for them, or with those they do not love. Does that make them lesser people? Not at all. It is all a matter of choice and really, what's done, is done. Why make people feel bad about something that they cannot change? The only thing they can do is learn from it and just move on.

 

Also, do you feel like having sex now will hurt or help your chances at remaining faithful when you get married? Please be honest.

 

I think it has absolutely NOTHING to do with remaining faithful when you get married. There is no research or stats done that indicate a causal effect between pre-marital sex and infidelity in marriage. Just because one has had sex before marriage does NOT mean that they will go on a sexual rampage with people other than their spouses!! Are you trying to say that if people have had sex with someone other than their spouse, that he or she will feel more comfortable CONTINUING to have sex with someone other than their spouse? Really, these two things have nothing to do with one another.

 

Remember that at least over 70% of people aren't virgins by the time they are 25 and of those that are most probably have some other sexual history so I don't think anyone is weird or terrible if they aren't virgins, but I still think we should try to be responsible and keep our future spouses feelings in mind when we make our choices in life.

 

Also, what effects has having sex in your current relationships had on the relationship. Please try to be honest. This is a very sensitive topic and many people have been regrettably hurt on boths sides by the stigmatizisms in society of virgins and non virginis, but hopefully I can get some honest responses.

 

I am not sure what kind of effects you are talking about...but after my ex and I had sex (after waiting quite a while to)...we were closer than ever. We had pretty much the same relationship, except ..what we did at night was a bit different . I obviously cared for him a lot more, and was putting more faith in our relationship because of it... but I don't really believe that sex is going to completely change a relationship. It might make it stronger I guess, but it's not like some big meteor hitting the earth kind of big deal. I suppose that my beliefs are the result of a changing society where pre-marital sex is widely accepted..but there is nothing really wrong with that is there?

 

For those who believe differently than I, I really am not trying to argue here and say that you are wrong. I also believe that sex should be a loving and sacred thing. I can also really see where you are coming from, and can understand your beliefs. However, I simply disagree with the fact that sex was meant for you and one other person only in your whole entire life. If I have sex with say, three people who I love and respected in my whole life, then...I guess I was meant to.

[mystik]

but "what if"s and "maybe"s are wasted thoughts and dont change anything.

 

I completely agree. What's done is done, and the only thing you can do with regrets, is learn from them!

[alr31]

I am religious, and wanted to wait until I was married to have sex. I was so certain of this. And I never once had a problem controlling myself... until I met one particular guy... who I ended up getting into a serious relationship with. It was the real thing... and I honestly thought I would marry him. I told him all along that I wanted to wait until I was married.. he said that of course it would be hard for him, but he could respect my wishes. But one night.. things just got really heated.. and one thing led to another.. and I had sex with him. At first, it made me sick to think about. I had caved on an issue that meant so much to me... but it did help a tiny bit to think that I would probably marry this guy. We've continued to have sex since that night.. and things have been great, although I still feel guilt deep down. Well.. just a few days ago, my boyfriend told me he wanted to take a break for about a month.. and then see where things go after that. He's not sure he feels the same about me anymore, but I still feel like he's the one. This has hurt me so much.. and I'm regretting so much that I had sex with him. I feel like I gave him everything I had.. and now he doesn't even know if he feels the same?!? I know regret does not solve anything.. but the only thing that made me feel better about caving was the fact that this guy was the one. And now.. he's not even sure he wants to continue our relationship.

[mystik]

I think there are two different types of regret we are talking about here. For some, the regret is not waiting until marriage.

 

For others, it is the regret of having sex with a particular person or during a particular time that they wish they hadn't....they don't regret that they hadn't waited until marriage, but just that specific time.

 

I guess because I had never intended to wait until marriage but only for a good guy and a good time, that is why I don't regret it. I am really sorry that you (alr31) are where you are now...you wanted to wait until marriage, and you thought you were going to marry this guy. I am really sorry you're going through this pain, guilt and regret.... I do hope it gets better for you...just know that no matter what happens, you will get through this...and come out a better and stronger person. Good luck.

[iwantyoutowantme]

im 16 and a virgin! im glad i am ive had chances to, but im too young. i know im not ready for sex yet. im not waiting until marriage, im a christian but i also believe in doing things you feel is right, if you think the time is right. i think for myself, i dont believe sex is limited to a certain age. obviously i dont mean a 7 year old should have sex!!lol

 

see what im getting at here??

[hopeiseverything]

Just a big up too all da Virgins in da house!

 

Keep it up yall, you doing yourselves proud! Always keep true to yourself - and NEVER compromise your sacred beliefs.

 

And if the unthinkable happens, and you are left wounded and betrayed, know that you will become stronger because that is the only place that you can take your soul.

 

Just wanted to say that!

[charley]

Partners should never use their experience, or lack of experience, to make the other person feel bad. That would be a terrible thing to do.

 

People should be considerate of each other, especially of their partner.

 

Virginity, or not being a virgin, can be a very sensitive subject.

 

I think no one should be looked down on for being experienced. Also, no one should be looked down on for being a virgin. Neither makes a person worth more or less. Our value is not determined by that.

 

I do think people should be in love first, but that's me. I don't want to try to force my opinion on anyone else. As for whatever has happened in the past, or not happened, it's in the past. It doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter.

[lovecrazy]

I lost my virginity when I was 14 kinda young yes...but I do regret with the person it was with...just because LOSER!!! ERR my bad

 

But honestly to me sex is a big part of a relationship, and some people put too much on the whole virginity aspect. i mean this is just my opinon

[Momene]

I think it's more about not having sex with anyone else when you're in a relationship than what you've done or haven't before the relationship started.

[virgo827]

god bless you all!! I wish I would have waited. Now I have a son. I wouldnt give my son up for the world, but life would be much easier if Id just waited.

[quietgrl]

I'm a 36 year old nonreligious virgin and I want to lose my virginity via Lt boyfriend or my husband.

[yeawutever]

Same here, I don't have a religion either, I just wanted save it out of choice and well to tell the truth, I bet I''l be nervous as heck when I get my first time doing it.

[BBHFutureAllAmerican]

i'm out partying a lot and i'm not happy about it the next day but when the moment strikes it just goes so if that makes me a bad person i'm sorry but i really do respect ladies who want their virginity until marriage that's totally cool

[Prezkot]

I'm a 21-yr-old virgin... part of it is due to circumstances in my life that are beyond my control now, and unlike some guys I know, I don't go around fishing for any girl (often of really low morals, for use of clean words) who would have sex with me.

 

The other reason, a belief I'm kind of proud of, is this: If all protection somehow fails and you suffer a serious STD or you get the girl pregnant, are you willing to own up to it? I really don't want to have to put my future kids through parental drama like my parents did to me if I can help it. Nothing is ever certain, but as long as I'm in a place in my life or with a girl that I can own up to actions, all systems can go.

 

No Maury Povich shows for me, thank you.

[valiantv]

I think I disagree with most people on this thread! I'm a male, mid-20s BTW

 

I think the very concept of virginity only exists because we have a word for it. I mean if the word "Virgin" didn't exist, then no one would care about virginity. Let me leave aside religion for a moment.

 

OK for women I can understand. There's the breaking of the Hymen and by all accounts there's a lot of pain involved with the first time. In that case, it's totally understandable that you would want to be with someone special, someone you are totally comfortable with. In that case, you are kind of giving something up when you give up your "virginity". Your body has changed slightly, you feel different. For that reason alone - the biology alone - I can understand why a female might attach a certain significance her own virginity (not why others should attach significance to hers).

 

But males? How can you have a male virgin? Men are the exact same afterwards as they were before! OK they're a little more mature (Well some are anyway. Maybe!). You can have a man who has never had sex, just like you can have a man who has never driven a car, or a man who has never kissed a girl or a man who has never done a skydive or something.

 

Secondly, people say they are "saving it" for someone special. Again, I can totally understand one wanting only to have sex with someone special. But saving it?

 

This implies the ridiculous notion that you can "lose it" and that once you do lose it, you are a different person, you are no longer special, tainted goods in fact. The girl who "lost it" to a total loser at 14 or 16 or whatever, and realises she would have preferred to "save it" for someone special, will always have at the back of her mind that she has lost something she can never get back and is regretting it for years and when she does meet someone special, it won't be as special because she technically no longer "has it", which is bulls**t. IMHO - first time wasn't special this time is. Simple as that.

 

I am waiting till marriage because it is what God wants.

 

Back to this...

 

I don't think we have any way of knowing what God wants (if He is even there), because He won't come down and tell us... We can't even agree amongst ourselves what He wants and if we did we'd still probably be wrong.

 

In any case I am no fan of religion as it imposes all sorts of nonsensical constraints and traditions which people have to end up following because they think God wants it. Furthermore, people are punished or looked down upon for not following these rules - the extreme being Ailec1987's example in the middle east which is dispicable - don't care what culture your from!

But lots more too - Magdelene homes as recent as the 60s, Nuns taking children away from single mothers, witch-burning, (I'm sorry to say in most cases is it is the women who are being oppressed.) the idea that sex is wrong or a necessary evil for procreation, or bans on contraception.

 

But I just don't like this idea that virginity has a sort of moral or religious significance, and that you can lose part of yourself by having sex (other than of course the biological impact to women), or that you can be in fear of "giving it away" to the wrong person. I also don't like the notion that it can bring dishonour or shame to someone (esp. women) or their families.

 

I can understand that someone might only want to have sex with someone special, but the world would be a better place if this was done because it's what the person themselves wanted, not because of some religious or moral basis, or because of a stigma which might be associated with them. And I don't get how you can have a male virgin. (Even though I am one myself by the definition supplied).

[arrrrffff]

Not me. Although, it happened 2 years into a relationship. We both discussed it and agreed to it 100%. I wanted to share it with someone I loved and had a future with.

 

So it really depends on when you 2 are ready. I knew we loved each other, and had a future together. Sex is wonderful when you 2 know each other, are comfortable together, and love each other. However, I didn't have a set date (ie. marriage) for sex.

[herewegoagain]

Well for me, at my age (male, upper 30's), I'm glad I'm not a virgin because the odds of finding a woman who is a virgin close to my age is VERY VERY SLIM TO NONE. I wouldn't be able to accept it if I was a virgin and my gf or wife has been with 16 guys. I wouldn't be able to handle it. It's just one of my "issues."

[quietgrl]

Well for me, at my age (male, upper 30's), I'm glad I'm not a virgin because the odds of finding a woman who is a virgin close to my age is VERY VERY SLIM TO NONE. I wouldn't be able to accept it if I was a virgin and my gf or wife has been with 16 guys. I wouldn't be able to handle it. It's just one of my "issues."

 

Yes it's not easy being a virgin over 30.

[yeawutever]

True, we would tend to give it up to someone special, not a random stranger passing by. Just don't see what difference does it really make losing it in long term relation v.s in marriage, it's still the same basic components on both relations. Mother off course went by the tradition, I just don't see how can you be 2-3 years dating without any type of physical contact (ok so you may not have intercourse, but at least some physical contact). By the 2 or beginning of 3rd year I would have gotten tired/bored of just kissing/making-out.

 

Then I don't see how can the other oral sex not count as sex. Isn't a sexual where you actually get aroused by perfoming any type of sexual act. Technically by the defintion, since there was no intercourse (penetration), then the other things don't count, I'm virgin. Though that word would sound best as "a person that has never performed sexual acts, pure, never been touched in sexual ways". B/c doesn't it sound weird, you're a virgin but you had outercourse and oral sex, while in another way you're really not.

[quietgrl]

This is my virgin motto.

 

I have a very strong belief that no man is sticking his penis in my vagina unless i get a commitment from him period(LT BF or husband).Me, i value my body and my kitty kat(meow) and my kitty kat is no motel 6 or a rental. kitty kat is an investment plan with mortgage payment(hello) . I think any person who has these belief or understand these belief won't have a problem casual dating or courting the opposite sex for a long time .The boundaries are strongly set and there is no misunderstanding.We're going to have a very strong verbal intimacy relationship first and if there is a commitment. We will have intercourse

 

Some Virgin need to realize a relationship takes time to grow and develop and bringing outercourse or/and intercourse into a relationship too soon could lead to issue.Most times virgins don't really know the people they're fooling around with in their lives.Some virgins get excited because they're seeing a penis or vagina for the first time.They're sucking and licking all over the place but i bet if we took away outercourse.Do you really know this person?Can you talk to this person without outercourse or intercourse.

 

I've seen 2 virgins date their spouses for 2 year without outercourse before getting married.A virgin can date the opposite sex without outercourse being involved.It's rare but it can be done.It just depends on what's important in a relationship sex or verbal intimacy.

 

Another topic a virgin who practice outercourse is just a virgin with experiences.There are some nonvirgins who don't practice oral or anal sex.Does this mean these nonvirgin are less then some nonvirgin who do have oral,anal and vaginal sex?

 

I just wish we could see a balance on the way adult virgins are portray online and offline.I feel the virgin portral is one sided.

[turqoise]

valianty, bravo for the unconventional opinion. You made me reconsider what my beliefs are. I wanted to save it till marriage, and lasted until I was 22. WEnt and did it with someone who I shouldn`t have and itmakes me sad. Your post makes me consider whether (apart from the biology) it is something that you can reset with each partner and if I can think of it as:

 

You can have a man who has never had sex, just like you can have a man who has never driven a car, or a man who has never kissed a girl or a man who has never done a skydive or something.

 

I think as a girl or a guy, the first experience IS special, just like a first kiss. It may be because of social/religious emphasis on it, and guys don`t go through physical change. But it`s the most intimate thing you can do with someone (plus the fact it`s an act that creates life), and I think maybe the emphasis on virginity stems from the attempt to emphasise the beauty and gravity of the act.

[laboheme]

I'm 20, and also a virgin...But it has more to do with my tendency to think too much than it does with any kind of religious belief. I would never go on the Pill (the idea of pumping hormones into my body every day does not sit well with me), and I don't have much trust in condoms (although yes, I know the statistics), so I'm constantly aware of the risk that's involved. I'm not planning to wait until marriage (unless my partner is, of course), but instead I'm waiting until I'm at a place in life where I'd be able to handle a "surprise." If I had had sex with my ex and gotten pregnant, our lives would be ruined, because both of us are in college...and I wouldn't get an abortion because I wouldn't want to damage my chances of having kids later on in life. I'd much rather wait until I am able to get a good job at least, so that if a "surprise" does occur, I can handle it.

 

Of course, there's also the issue of it being "special." Now that I'm no longer together with my ex, I'm very glad that we didn't have sex, because then he'd have another special experience attached to his memory, and that's the last thing I need right now! I think being the first kiss, first love, and first long-term relationship is plenty. I'm certain that some previous posters will agree with this, but I want there to be a part of me that only one person knows -- and it's much easier to "save" my virginity than it is to carefully guard stories of my childhood or avoid sharing my dreams for the future until I know that he's the only person who'll know them. Just my two cents though.

[Momene]

My dad says condoms don't work.