turqoise

glad you`re still there...i had feared the worst. thats great you found a medication thats working, as well as someone who comes by and checks on you twice a week! i think depression is like breaking a leg - if its still sore then you dont tell someone that the pain`s going to go away because all that matters is what you`re feeling right now. yeah, i think you have every right to feel what you want to feel, but its great that you sound like your thoughts are getting a bit more balanced than before - that helps. how did you go with the PS and protein and things? did you give them a go? anyway, i only drop by here occasionally now as i found a site called myanxiety, which also has a sistersite called depressiontribe. really glad to hear from you. big hugs!

hey, haven`t heard from you in a little while; how are you??

totally understand. it`s like you feel alone yourself eh. me, im feeling alone AND lonely right now being in the house by myself. it`s a pretty horrible desolate kind of feeling. Hey, I`m glad you`re chilling out not doing much. That`s definitely the right way to go. You even got a bit of sleep; awesome. Just take things at your own pace; you`re not obligated to do anything. Plus it`s great that you got referred to someone, and that you at least have another 2 weeks off. Don`t stress about work at all, or anything for that matter if you can help it - if it`s any consolation I stopped working completely (I was relief teaching) adn haven`t worked for 6 months now. As for ending it all, don`t. I`m glad you`re saying how you feel though. It`s really serious (apparently the doc understood that that you`re feeling like this; it`s pretty much the pit of where depression takes you - basically it has depleted so much energy that you can`t do anything physically, or mentally or emotionally. So yeah, know that this is the illness doing its worst. So even if you`re feeling so low, don`t do it. Engage your brain with something - DVDs like the movies I told you about, checking out funny stuff on the net.

hey no problem. i`m glad you`re writing out what has happened. wow, i`m not exactly sure I understand, i might ask you later about some of what you wrote. don`t worry about feeling sorry for yourself - a breakup can be a HUGELY devastating thing (that`s what triggered mine too -i was suicidal for about 4 months) that that`s definitely warranted! trying to remember that others are worse off is only going to make you feel like you`re more of a loser which you don`t need. if your mum`s telling you others are worse off, I would ignore it. she probably means well, and if you weren`t ill it would be the right thing to say, but as it is it`s that last thing you need to hear . you`re allowed to wallow in your sadness and depression, full-on, as long as you don`t commit suicide! ..and as long as you listen to me! (nah, just kidding!) thanks for answering about my question about sleep - wow that sounds chronic...poor thing! I understand the whole runaway thinking before bed - you just can`t control it eh. You know I got through it by falling asleep in hte lounge watching movies. Specifically, and only the ones by the guy that did `Spirited Away` and `Howl`s Moving Castle` because they engage your mind but don`t stimulate it the wrong way. There are few other movies that achieve exactly that. I watched them for about a month, back to back about 5 times every evening, until I fell asleep. It was way way better than lying in bed with thoughts spinning through. As for the supplements, no problem. It`s really good to hear what you`re thinking relative to what I`ve been posting, and hope you`ll keep telling me. I just know once you get them you`ll feel so much relief so quickly, I really wish those feelings of fatigue and no-energy or enthusiasm could show just a tiny gap so you can go get them and ease these horrible feelings you`re in right now. Just because I`ve been there too and I really hate to see you suffering so much. It really is very serious, despite the fact you might try to play it down. But I totally understand your unenthusiasm- in my case I couldn`t even get on the computer so my dad looked it all up and he went and bought them, and fed them to me. It`s great you`re already taking multivitamins - but the two that are the immediate mood boosters are phosphitydilserine and the soy protein powder. Just so you know, your doctor won`t know about these (as i said a japanese guy devleoped this himself with doctors` help, and it`s not like it`s a published study or anything), but they can be taken with medication, and are designed to especially help especially in the period until the meds kick in. Yeah, if you`re going to the doctor tomorrow that`s already an awesome effort, so i think that`s really good! I hope she`ll refer you to a psychiatrist or two at least... How is your thinking? What are you doing during hte day usually? lots of big hugs~

sounds to me like you have depression, and maybe social anxiety too (it`s a chemical imbalance which you can`t change just by willing it, so seeing a doctor, or even better - a psychiatrist who can diagnose you better). i have these and what you`re thinking sounds really similar to me. check this link out; self-test for depression: link removed info and test on anxiety (often occurs together with depression): link removed info and test on adrenal fatigue (often mistaken for/occurs along with depression): link removed

to be honest when you didn't come back for a long while after starting this thread and i feared the worst...i`m glad you`re still around; and i haven`t even met you i guess it`s because your story sounds so much like mine. and YES, totally, in answer to your question! for me, what helped me realize that it would hurt someone, was visualizing what would happen in the hours, days etc after i did it, and my family. in terms of support i can see why you`re hanging on a thread. i totally understand too, how you say your mum thinks you just have to harden up. my parents were the same, and they didn't believe me when i mentioned suicide, telling me i wasn't the only one in the world with problems etc etc. my mum thought i was just lazy and a drama queen. But my dad finally took me to see a doctor after he happened to see a medical program about depression, which explained that it was an actual illness of the brain. im glad you`re going back to see the doc on Friday, though if you don`t think she knows much about depression then i would ask her to recommend a psychiatrist who you can see (not a psychologist). They are apparently better first points of call to diagnose mental illnesses and how bad it really is. They, unlike psychologists, can also prescribe you medication. The other thing you could do is get some supplements, which is what i did (these are listed on a treatment plan which was on a website made by a recovering sufferer of depression, in conjunction with several doctors, after research and experimenting on himself. It is a free site, and is getting tremendous feedback from everyone who has tried it. It`s in Japanese though.) But yeah, if you want to try it, it`s highly likely it can relieve you of how you`re feeling right now(until your meds kick in - as they`ll take about 3 weeks). I tried it out of desperation, and it helped tremendously, and really quickly - like within 30 minutes of taking it I felt a lot better. You can get these from a health shop - maybe call ahead and check if they have them all first. Ask if they have the SOLGAR brand for 2-4 (because that`s what i use, and every herbalist has told me they`re a solid brand, and if they sell them in nz i`m sure they`ll sell them in your country). 1. soy protein powder -take 3 times a day as per instructions (in milk/water) 2. phosphatydilserine -take 3 times a day, plus any time you feel down. 3. omega 3 -take 3 times a day 4. multivitamin complex -take 3 times a day 5. eat carbs and veges if you can each meal. They are all ingredients to make neurotransmitters and the associated systems. They are all natural. It`s a bit expensive, but if you compare that with feeling better quickly, then it`s worth it. These got my thoughts to chill out and stopped going in the suicidal direction all the time, and they continue to help me now. You might be thinking it`s too much hassle, but if you can just manage to buy them, then it`s really easy from there. So yeah, if you can, please try it too. (If you do, or anyone else reading this post does, please let me know so I can post up the info that goes with this, as there are some other tips and recommendations. These are the bare essentials I`ve posted here.) But yeah, the main thing is, please don`t commit suicide. If you get that feeling coming on, don`t wait until it`s overbearing - call a lifeline while you`re still feeling like you can handle it. it`s a bit embarrassing but like i said, they can`t see who you are; they know what to talk about so you don`t need to worry, it`s not like having a conversation with a regular person. Plus, you know you said you can`t sleep, what do you do at night?

hey, don`t know what country you`re in but i found these sites. this site gives a list of hotlines in the usa you can call if you need someone to talk to in an emergency- maybe if you start thinking suicidal thoughts again it will help: link removed and this one gives you ones for the uk: link removed if you`re in another country you can google it; most countries seem to have a hotline you can call - and they`re there exactly to help people like you...you seem like the person who might not want to call lines like this, but they`re not going to know who you are or judge you in any way, so please give them a try too.

mmmm. you poor thing; you`ve definitely got a huge lot going on there; that`s definitely too much for a person to handle, especially by themselves. Thank you for replying! I don`t know how much of a consolation this is, but i totally completely understand exactly what you`re saying (except maybe the not eating part - with me it was the opposite!) if you`re thinking about suicide all the time it means you`re really very depressed. Seriously, suicide is a selfish path to take, so please please promise me not to do it. this kind of depression, which sounds pretty much like what I have, is due to a chemical imbalance in your brain right now. That`s why you can`t concentrate - and you might not be able to remember things, or think as fast as before, but you`re always stuck in your thoughts, which might tend to tunnel. Not being able to sleep or eat are definite signs, plus you might find you`re having difficulty just doing stuff - lifting things, talking or even just sitting. I think it`s really awesome that you managed to go to the doctor, and took time off work - that must have taken so much effort, but you did the right thing!! well done!! - and I`m glad that he gave you the medications. I think they take about 3 weeks to kick in eh. What did your doctor say about your depression? have you talked to anyone who has been able to understand where you`re at right now adn is able to help you out in some way, or no? lots of big huge hugs***

how about you tell us about things you`ve done to be kind to yourself so far?

you know what, it sounds like the kind of thing i would do if i were sort of getting over someone. I hope it`s not the case with you guys; i`m just offering one point of view here... when i tend to start getting *** over little things that didn`t matter before, it means that the incompatibility i was ingoring before is coming up to the surface...i used to get annoyed at one ex for tiny things he did, and ended up doing it all the time because he would always take it. it was different to if i did really love him, because then i would have only gotten **** at things taht really mattered to me, and even then i would have made an effort to talk to him about it to fix it. it may be the same in your case, especially if she`s not into sex any more. the thing is that you say she`s really jealous of you, and that`s another thing that`s consistant with my experience. it was funny, when i was in a relationship where i really liked them, but not loved them, then i would end up getting annoyed at them all the time, but then i would get if they showed even the smallest bit of disinterest in me, and would cling even more onto them. I think it was some kind of emotional attachment taht i was taking out on them, and i didn`t realise i was doing it at the time; i was even totally upset and cried for about two weeks when he dumped me - even though at the bottom of my heart i knew that i would have never married him or anything and he wasn`t the right one for me. i have heard that this happens to people who don`t have much self-confidence - a `get who you can` sort or syndrome. again, i hope that this isn`t the case with you guys, but if it is, then despite the fact that you love her, you might have to rethink you`re relationship for someone who will have all the things she has as well as the other things that she can`T give you, because she might be finding the same thing - that you are not able to give her everything that she needs... lots of hugs

here`s a nice video - lots of hugs for everyone

awesome. if you feel happy inside, that`s totally the right decision! good luck!

glad you seem to be working through it, lots of hugs!

hi guys, I thought the people who like this kind of ideology might like this music. They are my favorite. These guys are a jawaiian group, so you may only just pick up the English,but their vibe is really contagious!

huh, interesting! thanks for the encouragement too, I will keep you updated. heehe, karvala, I`m not going to argue; you`re obviously a strongly evidence-oriented person! I appreciate what you wrote about neurotransmitters etc - OK I gave very simplified examples or it would`ve turned into a book, but I understand what you`re on about I did find what you wrote about the mismatch in pumps and receptors interesting though - that`s the first time I have heard of that. I have read as much as I can about my physical condition as is accessible, and would be keen to read about this further. As for SSRIs etc affecting the levels of serotonin etc, and the outdatedness of the serotonin uptake theory, that`s interesting; I wonder if New Zealand is slow. I agree that with your health you want to be especially careful how you go about fixing it. There are old wives` tales which don`T do anything, and there are century-old cures that work. Science works by building strings of Hows, and deducing Why, so I think it provides a good indicator of which is which. However, the big drawback (which is so often overlooked) is that it is only ever progressive to the point that it has gotten to (eg. CFCs, asbestos), which is often not the whole way. So even evidence is not truth, and has to be taken with caution. This example sort of illustrates my view: it has been known for centuries, probably via watching people and experience etc (ie. not scientific evidence, but experiential) that laughter is good for health. Studies came up with scientific evidence of this fact only in the last 3 decades (less, I think); now we know specifically why and how it`s good, but it doesn`t change the fact that it has been good all along. So regarding depression at least, I think science is still taking baby steps, albeit fast ones. Like cancer maybe. So while I do appreciate and heed scientific findings and explanations found thus far, I don`t know if I would necessarily put my trust in it over more methods which have actually cured people. Yes, there are less controlled studies or hard scientific evidence in this area, and I`m sure there are people who haven`t healed this way, but there are visibly more and more people (thanks to blogs and internet) who have been cured following a specific natural treatment, without side effects, steadily and naturally - they themselves are living (if not scientific) evidence. But yeah, I`m all for neuroscience and it discovering more in its own terms, definitely. It would be great to understand what goes on in that obscure grey mass.

hi, i`m sorry to hear about your relationship. To me, it seems that maybe your boyfriend didn`t have the knowhow to cope with you being under all that pressure, maybe due to communication problems on his part, and a bit of selfishness?? So I agree with Bestrongbehappy. I had a relationship with a sensitive guy, and I still love him so much, but he couldn`t support me and avoided talking about how he felt, which led to him being hurt without me realising what the problem was. He asked for time alone to figure out his feelings, and that being around me would bring up feelings of hurt and interrupt trying to heal. But me, feeling quite alarmed and guilty, I spent more time with him adn did nice things - and the rift just got bigger. So he`s asking for space, maybe now is the time to give it to him. Even if he`s thinking `all or nothing` right now, I wouldn`t be surprised if that changes. If you`re living together, maybe even consider one person temporarily living elsewhere? Also, I (tentatively...) wonder if right now you are acting more out of guilt and a bit of emotional dependence - I mean, it`s perfectly understandable, but if you really love him then after listening to him and understand his needs from his point of view right now, you should be able to let him do what he says he needs to do? I don`t think he was able to do this wholeheartedly for you when you needed it most...so maybe you could take that time off to think about where you stand in his eyes too. And yeah, if that`s not really something you want to consider, maybe a relationship counselor is the next port of call - at least then, at the very least a third party can actually see what was/is happening objectively.

Good one for trying; that just makes it one step easier next time! As for this lady, i hope you guys can still be friends (at least for now). I have a few guy friends who I find are really great to just call up or talk to, and I like it that I can be myself around them without the pressure of romance. A little platonic care can mean a whole lot to a girl!

hmm, I wonder if that has something to do with where your intuition comes from?

thanks butterfly cloud... I guess it`s just that I seem to have spent so many years of my life not knowing where to go next, I think I haven`t been in touch with my intuition, or maybe don`t respect my own opinion enough that I end up letting others tell me what`s bet for me then end up realising it`s not really me. I want to get out of this cycle, but then I can`t get over the fear of acting on my own intuition! I really get this feeling that staying in this comfort zone where i don`t challenge myself, is actually something that I do need to do something about before the universe can even help... I really like what you wrote about your theory of life, BTW. I have heard of a simpler version (I think it`s a Tibetan saying?) - that we can`t complain about our parents because we choose them ourselves before we`re born. It`s certainly a helpful way of looking at things. hey oddnet, I felt the same way, which is why my beliefs are religionless and eclectic but spiritual. Um, I`m sure someone will provide a more concrete answer than mine, but I also wondered this before, and upon checking it out on wikipedia I found that the `new-age` beliefs- which basically encompass all lthe beliefs that aren`t old religions or philosophies, and have come to be more recently (I think in the 60s-ish??? not sure about this)- mainly have their origins in pre-christian pagan/shamanistic beliefs. So they tend to be the ones that focus on nature, universe, energy, seasons, animals, symbols etc. When they re-emerged, it was in the West, and so you had no medicine-man or shaman, and so they were adapted to a Western paradigm a bit, which is why they are called New-Age, and not exactly the same as the pagan stuff. The ones that include chanelling with other beings, contacting spirits etc - there are many indigenous religions that believe in protective spirits, nature spirits, and the ability to communicate with them, so again, the origins are in pagan beliefs....though I`m not sure if some of the more way-out ones originate there. Then you have the Eastern stuff especially from India and China, which are more like philosophies rather than `religion` or `New-Age`, as they are just ideas of great people. Some, like Buddhism have become a bit complex - some schools are pretty much a religion, other schools are not. Beliefs like Taoism, Confucious etc, are like the Eastern equivalent of Socrates or Plato except that unlike the Greeks, they focus heavily on how people can live life.

oh wow, i`m glad that you found it as helpful as I did! It`s a complete revelation when everything just seems to click, eh. I thought i had glandular fever, then iron deficiency...not even the doctors thought there was anything wrong with me, and now it`s thanks to depression that I finally know what`s wrong with me! Be warned, apparently there aren`t too many doctors that recognise this as a proper illness yet. I went to several naturopaths who did, but had a hard time finding a good one who had cured people of it.

I think the apparent contradiction arises when you assume that we have this thing called Time. If you think of there being no such thing as Time, but only this moment right now, then destiny and law of attraction become the same things don`t they?? Then, it`s easy, you just live each moment. heehe, thank you! If you don`t mind me throwing a related question in too...? I am struggling with life purpose right now. I honestly can`t figure out what I want to do, though I think I`ve had the courage to step away from something that I don`t want to do. Shestoosmart, you talked about focussing on something you want and the Universe helps you in your endeavour- well for me I can`t just choose something, it has to come from my heart or from my intuition, and I`m very worried that I`m never going to find somthing. Even financially, I think I have contradicting ideas about the kind of lifestyle I would aspire to and the kind that would make me really happy - I get the feeling htat this state of indecisiveness isn`t helping me....any advice???

Hey everyone, thanks for responding so tolerantly to my ranting. 1. anne24, thanks you`ve put things into a more objective light - you`re right it wouldn`t be worth spending even more energy on this guy. I`ll just leave it. As for the healing side of things, yeah, I do understand all that you`ve pointed out too. After checking out lots of info over the months, (for me, at least) a natural approach monitered carefully outweighs a conventional approach: CONVENTIONAL -medication eg SRRIs + therapy -takes 3 weeks to kick in -must take for 3 months min -may take several tries to get right -some people are cured, others get side-effects NATURAL -supplements, diet,lifestyle ex,meditation,therapy -takes 30 mins to kick in -must take for 3 months min -lifestyle+diet analysis should show what underlying cause must be treated for each individual -hardly any side effects or addiction. both recommend therapy to prevent reoccurrence, ideally once the depression is brought to a reasonably good level (otherwise it can have the opposite effect). The easiest example i can think of to illustrate the differences is, 8hat with a conventional approach, SRRIs help depression by intervening neurotransmitter signals in the frontal cortex of the brain. There`s not enough seratonin (I think that`s the right one) in the brain to carry messages when someone`s depressed, and teh SRRI blocks the little seratonin there is from escaping and recycles these to get the signals transmitting again. But the amount of seratonin still remains lower than the average person, (though this builds up over time) and you still don`t know what caused the lowering levels in the first place. I have read many cases of people who try 1-5 different medications, some have gotten better, others have continued to struggle for years, still others have gotten worse. Side effects include addiction, nausea, insomnia etc. From a naturopathic view, it`s the seratonin levels that need to be increased. Your body isn`t producing enough, so you look at what you`re not eating/exercising enough of to produce it, or what stress that may be decreasing the amount of seratonin. You do this by looking at the symptoms of the body and figure out which body systems aren`t functioning right, then follow a diet/supplement/exercise treatment plan to bring these back to normal. Once the systems are functioning normally, then any exhausted organs can recover and can produce teh normal amounts of serotonin again. No side effects unless you`re allergic to a substance, plus some supplements can overload organs if taken in excess. Which is why they say you need a naturopath to keep an eye on you and adjust the dosage as you get better. 2.syrix, well actually, yes, I have looked into shamans too. 3. After calling many more naturopaths, it seems that they have their areas of expertise - some in cancer, others in nutrition etc. I found one and met up with her today, and I was quite impressed. Not only did she have a ton of knowledge, but she listened carefully to all my symptoms and history, then explained in detail what I was lacking, what I should continue taking, what I needed, and strict adjustments I needed to make to my diet. It turns out my depression is rooted in adrenal fatigue after all, and that I just have to control my blood-sugar levels, and sugar intake diligently if I want to stop feeling tired and anxious. So, well this has just turned into quite a rambly email...and the reading value isn`t even that great because I`m no medical practitioner so I can`t stand 100% by what I`ve described...in fact there are so many different kinds of depression, and people respond differntly so take it for what you will. Today`s naturopath told me that my mood should stabilise and I should have more energy within the week, so I`ll keep you posted.

I agree with what the guys have said so far. But here`s one girl`s point of view.... Personally, I find I click with a certain personality, and if a guy has it then I feel comfortable enough to just go up and talk about anything with him, as a friend. Usually if I like a guy before I like him as a friend, I`ll find excuses to go up to him but get lost for words really easily and he`ll have to hold up the conversation. It depends on body language a lot, but just from what you`ve said, if that was me it sounds more like the former. But I`m only one girl, and either way, she likes you at some level, so I think you should definitely be friendly back (as in a `i feel like going out for lunch - do you want to come?`kind of way)

Hey, that`s awesome that you replied. when you post here, i find that it`s a good place to get your thoughts out and gage it against what other people think. I agree with what the others have said, plus here`s what happened when I went to the doctor for depression. It took me a long time before I decided to go to the doctor (9 months - the constant suicidal thoughts began to scare me, and I realised I couldn`t handle it myself, and it wouldn`t go away if I just tried to harden up.) I told him that I thought I had depression because I was having suicidal thoughts and couldn`t work or hardly do anything for the last 3 months. All the doctor did was ask me what I think caused it, when it started, what my eating and sleeping was like, gave me a depression questionnaire to try, then told me that I had severe depression and that he could prescribe me medications and that I could look at therapy. It was pretty straightforward. He gave me a couple of numbers to psychologists, and to a lifeline, talked me through the medication options and how it worked. it was like any other diagnosis - I was in there for about 20 minutes and got charged $60. So yeah, not detained or anything! I admit it was a pretty unnerving experience waiting to go to the doctor - in between making the appointment and actually talking with him. I had an overwhelming urge to just go away. But yeah, if you are going to a doctor, I would ask to see someone who specialised or had tons of experience in depression - it`s especially important because some doctors definitely know more than others about it.

Yeah, I`ve seen a mainstream doctor. He told me it was either medication or therapy. I investigated both and wasn`t impressed - medication is still very unreliable in this area as depression itself isn`t completely understood, and therapy only works if you can find a great therapist, and get the timing right. If those two conditions aren`t fulfilled there are many examples of people who have found themselves feeling much worse (including me). The truth is, nutrition is a powerful healing option. It`s just that many doctors, therapists and alternative therapists don`t know about the depression and its related conditions well enough to be able to offer that as an option. So yeah, unless there are nutritionists who understand the biology of illnesses, the next best chance (where I live, anyway) is a naturopath. It`s just a matter of finding one that is actually a proper one. As for suing, it`s more that I`d like to give him the message that it`s not OK to dupe people and take advantage of the fact that they`re ill. It`s just so unethical - it makes me so mad thinking about how many others he`ll swindle money from the same way...