Members Sound Off - Should females have equal representation in proposing marriage?

[DN]

Not that long ago it was not in the natural order of things for women to be independent, self-sufficient and able to vote.

 

Not that long ago it was in the natural order of things for a woman to promise to obey her husband when taking her wedding vows.

 

In human relationships the only constant is change. Mostly change to the 'natural order of things'.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I am not old fashioned at all....Women have come such a long way , but I think there is STILL a place for men to be men and women to be women.

Women's RIGHTS have come a long way, women have been doing alot for this world just as long as men have, we've been right next to the guys the whole time, except we were asked to take a step back so the men could be seen.

[Daddy Bear]

we are living in an interesting transitional period regarding the institution of marriage.

[orgasmictofu]

Thought I would quip in here and please keep in mind I haven't read all the responses here.

 

A man making the proposal, in my opinion, is NOT the nature of things as something mentioned, rather, it is a TRADITION. Traditions change. Even within the same generation.

 

People, as far as I've seen, are becoming more and more liberal in their views and traditions. Do I have a problem with the ladies proposing marriage? Absolutely not. Would I propose marriage? Eh, probably not. That being said, I would like to have a say in the proposal, as in, before it is made.

 

I took a look at the survey results. Most people are fine with the idea, some ladies would even propose in theory. How many ladies have actually proposed that took the survey? One. Only one. So it's great to dream about it, but when it comes down to it, it still doesn't seem all that socially acceptable.

 

I think it comes down to the couple. Me and my boyfriend are both quite liberal and not so traditional. If we were to ever get married, I won't be the one "proposing", but we will talk about it before there's ever a ring (or rings) exchanged. A couple who is more set on tradition might prefer it if the guy proposes. That's fine too.

[SwtMary]

I have also not read all of the comments but I am going to add my 2 cents. I voted that it would be ok for a woman to propose but I personally wouldn't do it. I am old fashioned and still think the man should be "head of the household" and so forth.

[annie24]

I think it comes down to the couple. Me and my boyfriend are both quite liberal and not so traditional. If we were to ever get married, I won't be the one "proposing", but we will talk about it before there's ever a ring (or rings) exchanged. A couple who is more set on tradition might prefer it if the guy proposes. That's fine too.

 

I think that this is the way that most couples are. they will discuss things in advance, make sure that they are on the same page. I don't think a lot of guys want to propose unless they're pretty sure she'll say yes.

 

Most guys I know are pretty nervous when it comes to proposing. I know one guy who was totally nervous when it came to proposing to his gf who is totally head over heels in love with him! I didn't think he had anything to be nervous about!

[Scout]

Hmmm...you guys are giving some really interesting - and very well thought out - feedback.

 

I don't have a set opinion. To me, it seems that whatever the state of women's equality is these days, overall, marriage happens when the man is ready to be married. I mean, how many websites are out there about "her cold feet?" (I'm referencing the website link removed)

 

So, even if it's "ok" for us to propose, I bet you chances are we're going to hear "NO" waaaaaaaay more often than the man hears it when he proposes.

 

thereforeeee, maybe we should be getting to the bottom of this issue - why more men are reluctant to get married than women. I know that millions of men get married every day, but the pervading reality is we live in a world where it's considered a "coup" for women if they get married, and a "submittal" when men do.

 

And I honestly don't understand why.

[annie24]

Interesting thought scout! I was flipping through link removed yesterday and reading a few pages of books they have online.

 

from "why men marry [witches]" by sherry argov: (word edited for other word that rhymes with it)

 

Imagine a world in which roles were reversed and men cooked for women, picked up socks, and couldn't wait to get married. pretend you had a boyfriend who owned a hope chest with 6 lavender bow ties inside that he wanted his groomsmen to wear at his wedding. picture him getting choked up everytime you strolled past a baby gap. and that he greeted you at the door wearing silk boxers and cowboy boots, so he could do a pole dance for you. then add a few ultimatums: "where's my ring? why won't you marry me?" Chances are, you would assume the guy wasn't firing on all cylinders and then you'd start planning your escape. "it's not you, it's me, I'm too busy with work, I love you but I'm not in love with you." then you'd blow out the door.

 

I thought that this was an interesting paragraph, and helps me see things from the other point of view....

[Scout]

LOL, that was hilarious just envisioning my own boyfriend doing such things!

[annie24]

a hope chest with 6 pairs of lavender converse sneakers!

[Tigris]

I've proposed 3 times in total. To my first husband in 1986. To my second husband in 1991. And in October over the phone last year and then properly on bended knee with a diamond engagement ring in February to the most wonderful woman in the world!

[yeawutever]

Tigris for that you had to travel to another state, most don't accept gay marriages, only one does.

[monkey1]

I've proposed 3 times in total. To my first husband in 1986. To my second husband in 1991. And in October over the phone last year and then properly on bended knee with a diamond engagement ring in February to the most wonderful woman in the world!

 

Kudos, Tigris!

 

Yeah, I was just thinking about that. If you were in a gay relationship, specifically lesbian and both people wanted to be together and get married, I'd imagine one of the women has to propose!

[Luck of the Irish]

I'm very traditional. When I was 18 I proposed. At the time I only made $18,000 a year working full time and paying rent and bills on my own. All I could afford was a 1/2 carrot 3 stone princess cut diamond ring. It was 700 dollars. It took me a year to pay it off, but it means more to me than the most exquisite ring in the world. Now it's laying on my coffee table.

[WildChild]

I proposed to my now ex-husband. We both knew that unless I did it would never happen LOL Obviously it would be nice to be proposed to, however I didn't see anything wrong in it. There were people who thought it was wrong, but when you love someone what difference does it make is my thought. I do have to say, because I do have some tradition left in me, next time around I would like to be proposed to LOL

[BillyJean714]

I TOTALLY agree with you Poco!

 

Funny. Seems like most guys are so thrilled about being proposed to (in theory), but once it actually happens, it's not like they're ecstatic to get married. They're just happy with the fact that a woman's bold enough to finally doing all the chasing. Doesn't mean that they're turned on by them.

 

I knew a girl, who finished med-school and proposed to her bf of 9 years, figuring that it was the "right" time. She got down on her knees, bought the ring, proposed in front of her friends. What happened in the end? Her bf gets all turned off, accepted the proposal out of guilt..kinda strung her along. He liked the fact that she had the balls to propose, but I guess to him, she just seemed too aggressive and not quite as much of a turn on to him for some reason. I guess it's because she was an easy catch to him, not someone who he'd want to chase and win over. Sad.

[MollyElise]

Well I think that the dynamics of relationships are really changing, especially with alot of couples deciding to live together first. I kind of proposed to my now husband.... we had been dating for a little over a month and were sitting in my car and he told me, "I want to have your babies!" lol and my answer was well "you have to marry me first!" and he said, okay lets do it. From then on it would come up from time to time, one of us would ask, do you want to marry me? From time to time that question would spring into a more serious discussion where we would discuss the details of how we would like for it to be.

 

We ended up eloping a month ago (after 6 months of dating), we both have simple white gold wedding bands that we bought with our combined income (we moved accross the country and in with each other after 3 months of dating).

 

It's funny as it seems odd to alot of people that we chose to get married like this (and everyone kind of assumes that we did it b/c Im pregnant, which I am NOT and have had to tell some ppl multiple times) for us any other way would have been odd.

 

I think having someone propose to you (regardless of the sex) without direct prior discussion and then expecting an immediate answer is haphazard. I love surprises, but I would be overwhelmed and unable to think clearly to make a rational decision if someone put me in this position.

[Relationship Coach]

It seems like most are comfortable with the idea of a woman proposing but see it more as an acceptable option rather acting on it. I personally think it is great being that I am all for equality in life in general. I think when a woman asks a man, there would be fewer no's as opposed to a man asking!

 

RC

[novaseeker]

I am not old fashioned at all....Women have come such a long way , but I think there is STILL a place for men to be men and women to be women. I believe proposing marriage is one of those traditions that shouldn't be screwed with. Why should it? It's seemed to work this long, why rock the boat now? I personally feel like if I NEED to resort to asking a man to marry me..then he most likely doesn't want to anyway. It's not the natural "order" of things.

 

With respect, this strikes me as a "thanks for feminism, mom, for getting me x/y/z rights, but I'll go for traditionalism when I want to."

 

Feminism was about equality between men and women. It is regressive to speak of "gender roles" and the "natural order" of things. People use those arguments to force women into submissive roles (also the "natural order" based on brute strength), to stay home and raise families and to do all sorts of other things that are in the "natural order".

[Dako]

Well put, Novaseeker!

 

When I hear of traditional family values, or that a long history of some behavioral norm proves the need for it, I cringe.

Lots of traditional things are disgusting.

[brando]

Change is good and needed.

[Daddy Bear]

To me, it seems that whatever the state of women's equality is these days, overall, marriage happens when the man is ready to be married. I mean, how many websites are out there about "her cold feet?" (I'm referencing the website link removed)

for whatever it's worth, there are 35,900 Google hits for the phrase "runaway groom" and 1.2 million for "runaway bride". not sure if that means anything, but it's a heck of a disparity.

[CarnelianButterfly]

for whatever it's worth, there are 35,900 Google hits for the phrase "runaway groom" and 1.2 million for "runaway bride". not sure if that means anything, but it's a heck of a disparity.

Well you've got such a pretty dress on, why not run off and show it to the world. I mean really, tuxes are a dime a dozen, no one really goes to see a tux.

[Daddy Bear]

Well you've got such a pretty dress on, why not run off and show it to the world. I mean really, tuxes are a dime a dozen, no one really goes to see a tux.

did anybody here see "In & Out" with Joan Cusack? there's a funny scene where she's standing on the side of the road in her wedding gown after she finds out her fiance is gay:

 

EMILY: Is everybody gay?!

 

Is this The Twilight Zone?!

 

Ohh! Oh, hey!

 

Oh! Oh, hi!

 

Hi! Will you marry me?

 

I have the dress,

the plane tickets!

 

I'm packed!

 

Stop!

 

Stop! Please!

 

Stop! You have to stop!

 

It's an emergency!

 

I need a heterosexual, CODE RED!

[Dako]

Loved that scene.

For something to be funny it needs a core of truth.