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Everything posted by MollyElise

  1. The tree nymph is beautiful! What medium is that in?
  2. What is this about glass beads? Do you have any articles on it.... pot usually looks prety unprocessed and I can't imagine breaking up glass beads or smoking them and not knowing it was glass, I mean, it wouldn't even smoke.... I'm confused ](*,) I know they say the strains that are around more have a lot more THC in them, but I don't know about chemicals being added or glass beads put on them.
  3. happytown - first off I would meditate on yourself, would you want to be your friend? would you want to date you? would you want to hire you? Ok - if you can say yes, I would like to be my friend, Im a damn good friend then think about that and it may be bring some release of this negativity. if you say, no, I wouldn't want to be my friend, I'm X X X and I wouldn't want to be friends who was like that.... well then at least you have a concrete place to start from to start working to become the person you want to be. Fpr me the easiest way to get over negative thoughts/emotions is to be upfront and open about them, the truth is, nobody is perfect and people will respect your honesty and openess; for me freely saying what I felt, whether good or bad has allowed me to release alot of negative energy. I remember a girl who was a bit younger than me, had as much education, even looked similair, yet she was making twice what I was and had just bought a brand new Mercedes. Now mind you I'm not typically a very materiallistic person, but I couldn't help it, seeing this woman who had taken the same "stuff" I did and was able to make more and have very nice things made me jealous, instead of keeping that inside me like a dark secret I said it, I told her, "your car is really nice... I'm a bit green with envy" and well ya know what, as screwed up as it is, thats why she really got the car, she wanted people to be jealous of her, envy her, so by telling her this, I fed her desires and released my demon, at the end of it, I had lost some respect for her and she had gained some respect for me and I had gained respect for me, but if I had just kept that piece of envy in me and not released it, it would've shown but it would've come off to her as being catty and I would be annoyed and still envious. I think being as open and accepting as you can of life and reflecting that by being open to other people and assume they will accept you, if they don't then that's their problem and you can still go on feeling happy as pie is a really good way to find happiness. I've put alot of thought into this, in school when asked "what do you want to be when you grow up" I always answered "happy" which got some funny looks sometimes.. but the way I see people set these expectations that if I am X or once I have X I will be happy... they then set upon reaching that goal and then don't understand why they aren't happy once they reach it... where as I chose to focus on being happy (not to say that there aren't challenges and hard times) but with a goal of being happy there are alot of options and it alllows for flexibility in your life. For some people this may not work... but thankfully I have a very strong work ethic and am not happy if I am not busy. Thankfully I have found many great career and social opportunities to fulfill my desire for happiness. Have you read any of the Dahli Lama's books? 'The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living' is a fabulous book and has helped me find more happiness in my life. Good Luck!
  4. My hubby and I like playing board games, we write songs together, cooking together can be alot of fun with the right couple, taking a walk (especially in the woods where there is stuff to explore) is a lot of fun. What about some type of home or furniture improvement project, say recover the couch or paint a room nicely, I know you're not in a very urban environment, but we like to go to flea markets, garage sales etc. Good luck!
  5. I would say that if you are making decisions to fulfill this obsession that bring negative consequences to your life then you have a problem. Example: You don't want to leave him in the morning so you stay until he leaves, making you 30 minutes late to work, your manager says something about your tardiness, yet you continue to do choose to stay with him in the mornings instead of leaving on time even though it is hurting your reputation at work. I mean... most of the time I wish I was with my S/O but I have a life to live too so I'm at work right now, Ill run errands later and soon enough I know I will be back in his arms... nothing to obsess over, just something to look forward to.
  6. I really have no idea what my natural cycle is because I have been on birth control for so long. I will look more into the IUD, thanks!
  7. Well from what I've read, it seems like there would be one week where we would have to use another form of birth control, pull-out, spermicide... problem I am foreseeing though is that during the week you ovulate is also the week you typically are the most sexually excited.
  8. Hello I have taken hormonal birth control for over 10 years, I have been wanting to get off of it for the past year. Due to a variety of reasons I went off my pill this month. Well, first off I like it alot, I am way hornier and in general I like not taking that pill every single day. Problem is, I don't want to get pregnant yet, mind you, it would not be the end of the world, I have a wonderful husband and we both have good jobs, but we both prefer to wait 3-5 more years. I don't want to get an IUD b/c my cooch is kind of picky as it is and I don't feel comfortable having a piece of plastic installed in me, especially in such a delicate area. So I've been considering doing a combination of natural birth control planning, by tracking my cycle and using an ovulation predictor combined with education on the subject. I grew up in a Catholic community and was taught the "rhythym method" by a teacher that had like 7 kids, but I think there is a way to do it where you can practically prevent pregnancy. Any one have any input, stories, experiences? Thank you
  9. Budman, well my kinks don't really involve handcuffs or BDS&M but we've been talking more and been more open. I told him about a fantasy I had and he shared a similair one, when I brought up acting it out he got kind of weirded out though. We're also at a weird sexual place chemically speaking, I have been on birth control for over ten years and stopped taking it this month for a variety of reasons well I like how I feel not on it, I have a much higher sex drive than I did while on hormones, I feel like a teenage boy, could go after it 4 times a day! On the flip side my husband is on Paxil and is really noticing how much it affects his sex drive (he didn't take his pills for 3 days over last weekend and his sex drive greatly increased when the effects of the pill wore off, which makes us wonder if a lower dosage would work better). We did get a bit into the heat of the moment last night though... I'm going to get Plan B today. So there's a whole nother thing, I don't want to get back on birth control, but I don't want to have a baby yet... and I don't want to use condoms; I have looked into doing a combination of calendar tracking, rhythym and maybe some ovulation tests to figure out my cycle and plan accordingly. Maybe I'll start another thread about that. Thanks for your post!
  10. I think also I'm fighting with myself b/c I've never voiced these things to anyone and am not sure about how I feel about it being inocrporated in my real life. So there is a general fear of putting this out into the world (other than stuck in my lil head) and a fear of him being disgusted/upset; which from previous discussions is understandable. We both need to work on being more open about this.
  11. joiseygirl - I totally understand noseyness and am typically very open but unfortunately do not feel comfortable giving what would be an accurate answer.
  12. Ok, I am fairly satisfied with my sex life with my husband, but my fantasies are not nearly as mild as what we currently have. I've never been in a place where I trust someone enough to explore some of my fantasies in real life. I trust my husband in many ways but I feel very uncomfortable talking with him about my fantasies, they aren't normal run of the mill fantasies they are taboo and sometimes even illegal thoughts. I've tried to bring it up once or twice but he freaks out like a kid and says gross eww stuff like that (this was with one of the more mild fantasies); now here is the frustrating thing I KNOW he has some sexual depravity in him too, one night when drunk he told me a couple things (one of which aligns well with some of my fantasies) but neither of us has had the guts to talk about it again... so lil to no progress there. I feel like I am just really beginning to explore my fantasy land and I want to share this with him and learn about his as well, even if it ends up being unenjoyable for one or both of us, I want to try to try it! Does anyone have any experience with something like this? I'm a pretty free and open person but when I think about telling someone my sexual fantasies I feel like a 10 year old talking about periods. How do I open up about this and what can I do to make this fun for both me and my hubby. Thank you!
  13. North- ok... I think my relationship with my DH is very good and we have strong communication between us, I don't regularily view porn (though I have nothing against it). So... what does this say, when I masturbate about 50% of the time I am fantasizing of someone other than my husband (50% or so he is involved... though other ppl might be as well). I don't think that is a sign that we are unhappy (we are both satisfied with our sex lives). Do you think that all of a persons sexual thoughts be about their SO or it is proof that their is a problem in the relationship? As far as the friends example... when you promise to marry someone you typically are making a promise to be monogamous. I wonder how many divorces there would be if monogamy meant not even thinking sexually about another person, ever. It is all about the openess of the relationship, it is definitely something that needs to be discussed prior to becoming serious, or even when you first meet; because 90%+ of all single men will think that looking at porn occasionally is 100% acceptable, that is going to seriuosly impact your available dating pool.
  14. North - I can undrstand some of where you are coming from, but at the same time I fundamentally disagree. I don't think it would be beneficial to a fair relationship if you told your partner you need to 100% stop watching porn or I'm leaving you. What if you enjoy reality TV and your SO thought that reality TV was the downfall of our civilization and did nothing but waste brain power and they told you, quit watching reality TV or I cannot be with you? I can understand at an early dating stage maybe if that difference was noted then you say, ok well this won't work; but lets be honest, you're on date #3 with a person you are really liking alot; you tell him/her "I really don't like porn/reality tv and don't want to be involved with anyone who watches it" well the other person is into you and and the moment, so they say "well I've looked at it from time to time but I agree with you, its degrading".... and that's probably the truth, but lets just imagine someone said something like that to you about reality tv and a year later they come over and you have Survivor on... well you were just waiting and bored and it was right there so you were vegging on it, imagine them getting upset and saying that's the last time or we're over! Pornography has alot of emotions attached to a persons view of sex, religion, themselves, family, it is a hot button especially b/c these types of issues aren't usually discussed. In fact the reality of the above example is you wouldn't bring up the fact that you hate porn until you found out your SO was into it b/c you would be too embarrassed to bring it up at the beginning of the relationship and IF you did bring it up and they were into it, they would most likely lie in order to not lose your respect. I personally would never want to burden my SO with the responsibility of that he can never watch porn or it will bring my wrath; if he finds it acceptable for himself then who am I to judge? Marriage is not about judging or controlling; in fact it's about the opposite of that, enjoying spending time and building a life with this person who is not you. In order to get there you have to find a mate who you respect, trust and admire for who they are; then even if they do something that YOU would not chose to do, as long as it doesn't affect you, you should have enough trust and respect to allow them to follow their own path. You are not here to make sure he is holy enough, good enough, rich enough, etc. in fact you are not here to make sure he is anything other than to make sure that he is someone you want to spend time with. If you find a partner that you respect then you need to trust him and his descisions and enjoy living with your lives intertwined. There may be times when one of you needs help to live up to the life that you both want and that's when you are there to help and vice versa. If you were in a relationship like this and he enjoyed watching porn, and you told him that it made you self-conscious or made you objectify sex and thereforeeee enjoy it less I am confident that he would chose to not subject you to whatever it is that makes you feel less than good. *as a sidenote I have nothing against reality tv or porn, reality tv is a variable that could be interchanged with many, many alternatives and depending on a persons ideas/values, I recently dealt with a situation where that variable was World of Warcraft which thankfully me and hubby have worked through.
  15. I think that of course the person who is bothered by it has a right to ask their partner to stop and their partner has the right to tell them to go to where the sun don't shine. But I doubt the outcome would be what they truly desire; first off, their partner is going to feel controlled so they will either stop totally (which I doubt) but then most likely become somewhat resentful of the fact that they can't look at porn if they want to; or they are going to start doing it in secret bringing a whole nother bag of issues to the table. If I was in this fictional person's situation, partner views porn but I don't like it just b/c I don't like it, I would try and talk to my partner about how it makes me feel... something like, because I know you look at porn I feel less sexy to you b/c I know I don't look like the porn stars that get you so excited. This could open up discussion lines that will lead to an amicable agreeement depending on the couple.
  16. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. All I can say is, know that you will get through this successfully. How deceitful and low of him, it's hard enough when someone just sticks around b/c they are afraid to leave, but to progress the relationship so much in the past two years when he knew he was falling out of love with you? I hope he doesn't want rights to y'alls child, I would not want someone who can be so dishonest as a role model for my child. Good luck hun, {{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}
  17. When we disagree about something he just closes up and fights dirty, it can be a tiny thing and he'll just leave or get really upset, when I just wanted to talk about it, the fact that he does that turns it into a fight. lol, a fight where we are both like I don't want to fight, this is stupid to fight! We usually just give each other space then and get over it. He gets upset when I and complain about my day, has nothing to do with him, but he takes it personally. lol... and then he gets rude and upset and I react and well, read the paragraph above.
  18. I say keep trucking until you don't want to anymore. Why does it matter? I mean really, put as much into it as you want, you'll find out sooner or later if it will be long term.
  19. I think sitting back and hoping for the best is what you are doing now, and it doesn't seem to be making you happy. I think you need to tell him that you think that you both moved too fast and that you should get your own place (or move in w/ a roomy) and that he should talk w/ his cousin about moving in. Warning - he will most likely beg you to stay and tell you how he will change etc. that is b/c he doesnt' want to lose what he's got. Keep your feet firm and let him know, that though you care about him this current situation just isn't working for you and you need to back out of it. Good luck!
  20. I have dated men of most ethnicities and colors, but I have to say the ones who did not have a similair ethnic history to me were the men that I was the least attracted to but began dating because I liked them as a person, looking back, they should've just been friends. I find most healthy, youngish white men attractive, but I only find people of most other ethnicities attractive if they are in the top 95% of attractiveness. I do not think this makes me racist, I do not see a person of different ethnicity and think, oh their skin is this color they are *insert negative word* in any way shape or form, but for a person of a different ethnicity to catch my eye, they have to be very attractive. LOL - and I don't date very attractive people due to my looks and predjudices/esteems issues that I have.
  21. Mike - When I was young I lied alot and then one day I realized, ya know all this lying and keeping up with it is harder than it would be just to tell the truth! I know that when I lie, at the base of my motivation is fear and by dealing with that fear (which is hard) I can see the benefits and the negative consequences of being honest. I can't ever predict the consequences of a lie, which in and of itself creates a fear driven reason to NOT lie. I think you need to start being 100% honest with your wife, as far as historical lies, coming clean, start telling her some of them as part of this process. Be 100% open and communicative with her, don't feel pressured to tell her everything, right now, think about the lies, why you told them, internalize the thoughts first, then talk with her about them, I think this will also help you find out what it is you have feared so deeply to feel like you have to lie all the time. Have you seen link removed ? you might want to check it out, lots of good reading there.
  22. I think he is being controlling and manipulating. I think he used the same tactics to get you to agree to the situation which he is using to manipulate you. As much as you may think love exists in your relationship, I would guess it is a game to him.
  23. My best friend is in the the opposing situation, and as much as she originally wanted to be with her "baby daddy" after the last couple of years she wishes he was not in her life at all. One of the most frustrating things for her has been his compartmentalization of his life, he is now married with a step child yet he has done nothing to bring his daughter into their family. He comes to her house to visit his daughter or takes her out by himself, he claims that his wife discourages him spending time with his daugher, which I don't believe. Being a baby daddy can be very difficult, there are many gray areas and blurry lines, being with one, especially when none of the details or routines have settled in is very hard. I don't think that being with him through this transitional period will be very good for you, he should be devoting his time to his new child and trying to understand his relationship with baby-momma, having you in the mix makes all these issues more confusing. I think to be fair to yourself and to everyone else it might be best to bow out graciously, leave room for friendship but I think that expectations on your relationship will bring no joy during this period. Your BF needs the time and space to get this huge, life changing event under control.
  24. It all depends on the people involved and everything around them. What matters is finding someone who has similiar views to yourself on this and other relationship topics. My husband and I were married in June, I'm going home for Thanksgiving, he's staying here. Lots of reasons go into it, and some of my friends have balked at the idea, but it works for us. It's three weeks away now and I'm just starting to think about how much I will miss him!!!
  25. Southern Girl - well you had ADD as a child, you didn't take meds, and you seem to be an intelligent woman. Would you have wanted your mother to give you medications to make you more the way you "should" be (less dreamy). I do know that ADD exists and I believe that medication can help. BUT I also think it is heavily over diagnosed due to several factors. The pharmacy company's ... they sell more drugs they get more $ Parents ... their kid is driving them batty, give them drugs to calm them Doctors ... parents come in, please make my child better, he's off the wall Media ... which has sensationalized ADD & ADHD Food ... there is sugar in almost everything now, I truly think that High Fructose Corn Syrup is at the base of the ADD/ADHD issue as well as the Obesity issue in America Every person is different, some people NEED anti-deppresants to operate in a positive manner. On the other hand their are people like my best friend who is, quite frankly, in a really * * * *ty place in life right now and is depressed. Her parents are pushing her to get on anti-depressants, but she is like NO! those meds change your outlook and make everything seem better, which is what you need if you are chemically imbalanced, but her problem isn't her outlook, it's what she is looking at, she needs to change that, not her outlook. I think you should try some of the alternative therapies, like changing diet, setting up routines, and so on, I think by paying close attention over the next month or two to him, making some environmental changes, and researching the subject you will be able to make the best decision for your son.
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