Top Ten Relationship Wreckers by Dr. Allison Conner

[melrich]

Top 10 Relationship Wreckers See if you or your partner display any of these potential relationship wreckers,

 

1. Neglecting Your Partner (ignoring, workaholism, addictions) A primary function of a relationship is to provide companionship and to meet each other’s needs. When other activities, interests or preoccupations interfere with our availability, we can wind up short-changing our partner. This can be thought of as absenteeism or being MIA. Taking an inventory and making adjustments in how we spend our time is the first step in correcting this problem. Treat your partner as the important person they are by spending enough quality time together to satisfy each of your requirements in this area and to maintain your connection.

 

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[kellbell]

Wonderful post melrich! I think this will be very useful for those whom are having difficulties in his/her present relationship or use this as wisdom for a future relationship. Thank you very much for putting this together and posting it.

[Momene]

Agree. There must be many people who have at least some elements of this in their relationships.

[itsallgrand]

Yes, thank you melrich. I'm printing this one out. It's simple but spot-on.

Good reminders in it.

[nottoogreen]

Thank you melrich. Your list is straight forward and easy to read. I put a link to this thread into my sig.

 

And the old link is here - A great wrecker: link removed

[canonman]

Great list.

 

My last break-up was due to #3 on her part. That's a tough one to overcome. I wanted to abstain, she didn't, and found it somewhere else with someone else. Hurts like hell still.

 

Next time, I want to be in a relationship where we agree on certain values.

 

thanks again.

[Lily04]

Good list. I agree with the points... also can't remember if it's included on the list, but another reason is the feeling that you're not ready to be in a relationship... i.e. you haev other priorities that need to be addressed before you can commit yourself (whether work/school-related, or an old relationship you haven't yet gotten over.) This has partly been the reason why I haven't been in a relationship in a while... I didn't feel like I was ready to commit. Another reason is because I didn't find the right person in any case to commit to.. but even if I did, I felt that I had to sort out some things for myself & had too much stuff going on to think about another person in my life at the same time.

[BellaDonna]

Great post Melrich! You just about covered it ALL.

 

 

BellaDonna

[annie24]

great post!!!! Thanks!

[Day_Walker]

I dont think ive seen a relationship where one of those elements was not present.

[asianlkp22]

Yes, true....those are good points....but all relationships are not perfect.....I believe 90% of all relationship has at least one of those. It's just how it is and how you deal with it.

[Holiday]

Very insightful!

 

I know of a woman who complains incessantly of her partner to her domineering mother and sisters, friends, and colleagues. Her husband has been stung many times by the informees and my sympathy goes to him because the martyr is blind to the damage she has caused to the relationship and rarely accepts it when this very point is brought to her attention. When in the presense of her friends and family, my boyfriend and I make a point to stand a bit closer to her husband physically and intellectually to at least communicate skepticism about the stories told and disdain for the group attack.

[Iceman26]

I dont think ive seen a relationship where one of those elements was not present.

 

Me neither.

[yeawutever]

Oh yea, think I read that post before and I gotta agree among the most top of the relationship wreckers on the list are # 1, 3, and 4.

[Scout]

Great post. In all honesty, I see #10 as being a potential issue with my boyfriend. He goes way beyond, above the board, etc. to give, give, give. Not just in our relationship, but in his job and his friendships.

 

However, the first relationship to feel the inevitable burn-out is usually the romantic one! And I don't want my boyfriend to view our relationship as one of the sources of his burn-out. Not that he does, but it could entirely go this way. Any suggestions on how to get someone prone to #10 to put the focus on themselves a bit more? I realize my problem is the opposite of what many experience, lol.

[Relationship Coach]

Great post MelRich! I've seen this before and I'm so glad you posted it! This is a great tool to save relationships as well as recognize where one may be headed!

 

RC

[Holiday]

Any suggestions on how to get someone prone to #10 to put the focus on themselves a bit more?

 

I think it's cool that you at least recognize this and that you are cognizant of the risks. You could ask him what would make him happy, what he would like to accomplish, etc and have him make a list and do things to help him achieve those goals. Just asking the question is huge.

 

I've asked my boyfriend to train for a marathon with me since it means alot to me and I typically do plenty for him. He's doing that, and it makes us both feel really good about the mutual support we provide.

[Scout]

That's a great idea, seriously. Thanks for suggesting it! Little does he know, tonight is "Make A List" night, lol.

[fantasia2004]

I think this a great post for all types of relationships.

 

I read this and thought to myself how silly and arrogant I have been to myself and to others!

 

I pray that I am able to change my ways and look and accept others for who they are instead of what I want them to be.

 

Finally after holding in hostility and refusing to speak up for myself, I realized that I am worth being treated fairly and with respect. Question is, is it ever too late to change your ways?

 

I feel so guilty now.

[Momene]

The meek shall inherit the earth, if that's alright with you.

 

I'm a no 10, too!

[Entomon]

I'm guilty of 4, 5 and 6 while I believe in my mind's eye he's guilty of 1, 2, 3 and 9 which would explain why our relationship ended.

[Scout]

What is your age gap, Sheyda? My bf is eight years younger than me. And he's got some of #10!

[thegirl_00]

Oh wow. This post was a huge wake up call for me.

 

Thanx, this has helped me a lot.

[friscodj]

Now don't everybody go rush home and dump their partners just yet...

 

I think every relationship out there at different times based on people's moods, situations, etc. experiences or has experienced to some degree of one or more of those traits in some way...

 

While very profound and scientifically sound, I'd take all that with a grain of salt and keep it in perspective...

 

My guess is the scientists running that study looked at failed relationships and found the commonalities described here. That doesn't mean healthy relationships aren't void of one or more of those situations at different times under different cirucmstances. We're only human...

 

So my piece to add here is try to keep this in perspective before you all give your partner the boot!

[yeawutever]

numbers 1, 3 and 4, would be dealbreaker right away for me!!!!!!!!!!