Scout Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 you forgot to put abuse in the poll. I don't really see the other reasons as "valid" in all circumstances (although they may be valid in some) but abuse, is always a valid reason for divorce. See Post #10 for the reason why abuse was excluded. Link to comment
helpme2 Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 See Post #10 for the reason why abuse was excluded. oh, okay, seem to have missed that, thanks! I think that "growing in different directions" and "sexual incompatibility" (sp?) are things that could most times be worked through, however infedelity is a deal breaker for most. Link to comment
Scout Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 oh, okay, seem to have missed that, thanks! Yeah, many people have pointed it out so I'm going to add a note about that at the top. It's the first "Members Sound Off" poll, what can i say, lol. Link to comment
helpme2 Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Curious, does anyone think its possible for a couple to "grow back together" once they've drifted apart? I don't actually believe in "drifting apart", marriage is hard work, and it's usually when one of you (or both of you) give up on the relationship that you "drift apart" I don't see it has this thing that happens to you, but more a thing you let happen because you aren't doing anything to stop it. I think a lot of people don't "grow back together" because they don't work at doing so. Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I think a lot of people don't "grow back together" because they don't work at doing so. It really is all about effort and desire to put forth effort... Link to comment
helpme2 Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 It really is all about effort and desire to put forth effort... exactly Link to comment
shes2smart Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 It really is all about effort and desire to put forth effort... Hence the reason M Scott Peck maintained the opposite of "love" wasn't "hate"...but "laziness" Link to comment
Dako Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I used to agree, but as shes2smart mentioned, things change when you're experiencing it firsthand. To me, marriage has no appeal. Link to comment
brando Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I am curious, how many people who voted thus far have been married and or divorced ?? Link to comment
doyathink Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 What if we think all three are the 'most valid' reasons! And can we add a few like, you wear your hair too short, you can't keep a rythem anymore! Link to comment
RayKay Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 And where is the "I love you but am not IN love with you" option - kidding, kidding, before everyone tries to rip my virtual throat.... I admit, I still have not voted! Sorry Link to comment
brando Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 yeah how about i just wanted to see what it was like to be married...sorry its not doing it for me... i want a divorce. Link to comment
Meow18 Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I actually have not been married. I voted for drifting apart, although I think the other reasons are valid reasons. But in my experience, every couple I have known to get a divorce has been because they just "forgot" about the relationship. But when people get married, there is so much to deal with. And sometimes they choose to have a baby. It's probably easy to forget that you still need to spend time with your husband when you have so much going on. So I think a lot of times, people don't realize they have been neglecting their relationship until it's too late and then they feel there's no use in working on it. I do think that once you drift apart, you can grow back together. I think it's just about the effort. You have to find the reason you fell in love in the first place. Also, another good reason that isn't listed is substance abuse. My dad's cousin got divorced because her husband was an alcoholic and wouldn't quit for anything.. and wouldn't get help. She just didn't want to deal with it anymore.. Link to comment
Tylin Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I used to agree, but as shes2smart mentioned, things change when you're experiencing it firsthand. If I'd been asked the question before I was married, I probably would have said that abuse or infidelity were the only reasons to divorce. Experience has definitely changed my perspective. Link to comment
shes2smart Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I am curious, how many people who voted thus far have been married and or divorced ?? Married (4 years next month) - only marriage I've been involved in. I voted "infidelity" (and I was the first one to vote at all ) But infidelity is (and was) a deal-breaker for me in any long-term, agreed-to-be-monogamous relationship. I left my last bf because he was screwing around....I met my husband a couple months later. Link to comment
brando Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I am looking to see how those who werent married are voting compared to those who were. I guess i feel failed marriages change perceptions. I know it changed mine. Im not looking to judge anyone by asking my question, so i hope no one feels that is why i am asking. Link to comment
Scout Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 I am looking to see how those who werent married are voting compared to those who were. I guess i feel failed marriages change perceptions. I know it changed mine. Im not looking to judge anyone by asking my question, so i hope no one feels that is why i am asking. No, it's a good question. And I wish there was a capability in the poll tool for me to have put an additional "Are you married/Divorced/Never been married" button somewhere to get the percentages back. But there isn't, sorry. Link to comment
Dako Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 In my case, ending a marriage changed my perceptions too. It's like having your molecules rearranged. Link to comment
helpme2 Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 married, will be 6 years this year. this is my first marriage (or should I say only LOL) I don't really know that there is a "deal breaker" for me other than abuse, however I can't really say that because I think something it's true for all people which is why I said that I had a hard time voting because what may be a deal breaker for some isn't for others, and so forth. I finally decided to vote as if the question was asking me personally instead of asking my opinion generally because really I can't answer what generally would be a "valid" reason without invalidating someone's feelings. does that make any sense? Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 i've been married more than once. infidelity can be forgiven, sexual incompatibility can be worked around... but growing apart and still staying together? that's like slow suffocation to me. Link to comment
ElektraHere Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 No I have never been married. I voted for infidelity.I don't think that is something I could get passed. I do feel that alot of people get married to get married. Like some women want the wedding, the parties, etc. I know I want to be married. I have thought of what my wedding would be since gosh forever. I know that I won't settle for anyone to marry. My parents are rare they have been married for 36 years. I know at times they didn't really like each other but then they had a strong foundation on which to lean on during those times. Plus they were friends well are friends. Marriages are rushed or people think "that thing that he does with his fork bugs me but I will change him." That is the problem you can't change a person. What you see is what you will get. Hopefully maturity will happen but not the little quirks and such they are around for the long haul. Just my unmarried 2 cents... Link to comment
doyathink Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 yeah how about i just wanted to see what it was like to be married...sorry its not doing it for me... i want a divorce. OMG.....I'm rolling on the floor now! AAaaahhh. This one works for me, I'm keeping it! Sound off---- Link to comment
yeawutever Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 infidelity can be forgiven, sexual incompatibility can be worked around... but growing apart and still staying together? that's like slow suffocation to me. Not to me, I wouldn't stand the idea that I have been replace by another woman or man (LOL), dealbreaker for sure!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What's the point of continuing if I wouldn't be able to look at him straight in his eyes like before, it would be like I'm with a different person. Link to comment
Scout Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 Just my unmarried 2 cents... LOL, that's cute, E. I'm unmarried, too, and I chose "Growing apart." Out of the three choices, that one seemed the most "valid" to me personally, because I feel in a marriage, both partners need to be going in at least the same general direction on several fundamental areas. Or else, yes, you're basically in a prison sentence with a stranger, and a stranger you don't like much, at that. But that was my answer given the choices. Here in the thread I can also state...people should not marry someone they aren't very sure doesn't share the most important goals, hold the same commitments, etc. I agree, Elektra, many people get married for the wrong reasons, and then they act surprised when they learn how fundamentally different their partner is from them. Link to comment
theantibarbie23 Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 infidelity or abuse would send me packing. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now